Thinking of Dad (and others whose sacrifice was kept quiet)

[cab67]

My Dad served in the Navy in the early 1960's. He'd started college on a hockey scholarship, but evidently wasn't ready for college yet, so he enlisted.

It wasn't until I was in my teens that he acknowledged he'd served in Vietnam. It was around the time the Vietnam Memorial was dedicated in DC, and there were marches in most US cities; he desperately wanted to join the march in nearby New York City, but couldn't, and it tore him up.

Here's the thing, though - I know almost nothing about his experience. He took nearly all of it to his grave. I only know that he was with a team sent in to do surveillance work, and he was the only one to come out alive. And the names of those who didn't are not on the Wall in DC.

He'd grown up fluent in French - his family is all from Quebec. Pretty much all communications between Hanoi and Moscow were in French, which is probably why he was sent there in the first place, even though he was originally trained in underwater demolitions.

I don't know how many people he was with. He was evidently captured, but was never listed as a POW, probably because this happened before the Gulf of Tonkin incident. That he was tortured was betrayed by his inability to hold his middle three fingers up as most people do to indicate the number 3; he had to hold up his last three fingers, as though he as signalling "OK."

He came out of it with a drinking problem, but he also came away with an internal strength I'll never understand. He gave up drinking completely when his diabetes was diagnosed. He faced amputations following from diabetes, and later a terminal cancer diagnosis, with a far more even resolve than any human should be able to muster. I have to think he took the good and the bad out of that experience.

Later, I came to learn about the Vietnam War. I struggled with the disparity between war whose cause was not entirely just and my father's participation in it. I learned that one can honor the service of one who wore the uniform without necessarily agreeing with the cause - a lesson I took to heart when protesting the Iraq War.

There are the heroes we know about, and the heroes we don't.

[Chainfire]

1. Many war wounds are unseen by others

I had a high school teacher who was a Battle of the Bulge vet. The man was brilliant, but very broken. He was the best teacher I ever had, but he was also a hopeless alcoholic after school. His injures from the war were not visible on the outside, but he had been gravely wounded. He died young, 30 years after the war ended, but he was a battle causality as much as if he had been machine gunned.

[stopdiggin]

2. thanks. a heartfelt entry. (also interesting!)

A lot of these guys "protected" everybody else around them -- for the rest of their lives. If you care about someone -- you don't dump nightmarish and evil sh*t on them. Period.

A lot of cops -- and people that deal with 'stuff' have similar perspective. You want 'your' kid to grow up -- without any cares or shadows -- at all if you can manage it. And your wife isn't going to look at you in quite the same way -- if she really knows ... But, that same protective instinct -- as understandable (and perhaps right?) as it might be -- wears things down .... It's just another, unseen, cost ....

And, yeah -- the (endless) disparity -- between 'good people' -- 'just cause' -- the vile evils of war ----

I really appreciated your post. Thanks for sharing.

[cab67]

6. He's been gone for 8 years now.

Mom a couple of years after that.

At this point, I’d like to know more about his experience, if for no other reason than to understand the events that made him who he was. I’ve thought about submitting a FOIA request, but I’m not sure how to do it.

I would never have pushed him for the details when he was alive.

I appreciate your kind remarks.

[catrose]

3. After such stories, I think of Tony Hillerman, who wrote the Leaphorn-Chee Navajo mysteries.

He wasn't Navajo, but they declared him a Friend of the Navajo.

His interest in writing about a culture not his own arose from his return from WWII, when the returning military were expected to slot in where they'd left off and continue what for everyone else was life as usual. Without claiming trauma or damage or even knowing how to articulate what he needed, he observed the returning Navajo military. They went through their nation's healing ceremony for returning warriors, the Enemy Way, which recognized that they had endured horrors, maybe acted against their values, for the sake of their community. To return to community life, they needed to be healed, and it was the duty and honor of the nation to provide that healing.

I wish all warriors of any age and culture had been provided with as much understanding. My father lost a career that he never talked about, except to say that he's sure the alternate one he chose was better. I think he was trying to convince himself.

Blessings/good vibes to him and your father today.

[stopdiggin]

4. another insightful (and valuable) post -(nt)-

[catrose]

5. Thank you! I want to add to and support the good.

[Hekate]

7. RIP to your Dad, and may you find the answers you seek