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Sat Jun 5, 2021, 06:34 PM

 

How to Rearrange Your Post-Pandemic 'Friendscape'

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/01/well/family/curate-friends.html

Any traumatic experience — like a breakup, health scare, death in the family or financial crisis — has a way of destabilizing social networks. We instinctively gravitate toward those who provide comfort and support and reflexively withdraw from those who drain and drag us down.

It was no different at the height of the pandemic, except that the risk of infection meant we had to be more intentional, and maybe even a little calculating, about who we allowed in our orbit. For many, the pruning process was illuminating, if not a little liberating. Covid-19 provided an excuse to shed unsatisfying and unfulfilling relationships, while giving people the time and space to strengthen bonds with those they truly cared about.

Indeed, depressed friends make it more likely you’ll be depressed, obese friends make it more likely you’ll become obese, and friends who smoke or drink a lot make it more likely you’ll do the same. The reverse is also true: You will be more studious, kind and enterprising if you consort with studious, kind and enterprising people. That is not to say that you should abandon friends when they are having a hard time. But it’s a good idea to be mindful of who you are spending the majority of your time with — whether on- or off-line — because your friends’ prevailing moods, values and behaviors are likely to become your own.

What are the hallmarks of good foreground friends? Foremost, they make you feel better about the world and about yourself. They are there for you, listen to you and, while they may not always agree with you, they get you. There’s a sense of mutuality and reciprocity in terms of helping and engagement. And crucially, you fundamentally enjoy being with them, just as they enjoy being with you.

Interesting piece that raised some eyebrows by recommending to distance oneself from your depressed and obese friends. that Twitter bait aside they is a lot to recommend in terms of looking at one's friendships and avoiding people that seem to bring you down rather than lift you up or whose lifestyle choices are a bad influence on where you want to be and become.
After all we have our family to visit with a few times a year if we really need exposure to that sort of thing.

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Reply How to Rearrange Your Post-Pandemic 'Friendscape' (Original post)
cinematicdiversions Jun 2021 OP
kcr Jun 2021 #1
mahina Jun 2021 #3
smirkymonkey Jun 2021 #6
electric_blue68 Jun 2021 #2
mahina Jun 2021 #4
WhiskeyGrinder Jun 2021 #5

Response to cinematicdiversions (Original post)

Sat Jun 5, 2021, 08:17 PM

1. Horrible article

Indeed, depressed friends make it more likely you’ll be depressed, obese friends make it more likely you’ll become obese, and friends who smoke or drink a lot make it more likely you’ll do the same. The reverse is also true: You will be more studious, kind and enterprising if you consort with studious, kind and enterprising people.


The opposite of obese and depressed isn't studious and kind. It isn't one or the other. Obesity and depression aren't contagious. People who would abandon a friend because they're depressed and/ or obese aren't a friend. They're an asshole. The whole article reads like it was written by a person who only sees relationships as transactional. The pandemic isn't even over. People still need to heal. An article like this is the last thing anyone needed. Shame on the NYT for publishing this dreck.

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Response to kcr (Reply #1)

Mon Jun 7, 2021, 02:04 PM

3. I can't say it but he said it better.

Ugh

Thank you

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Response to kcr (Reply #1)

Mon Jun 7, 2021, 03:15 PM

6. +1000

 

Ugh!

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Response to cinematicdiversions (Original post)

Mon Jun 7, 2021, 01:32 PM

2. Yeah, wow, that's NASTY! 👎 Shame on you NYT.

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Response to electric_blue68 (Reply #2)

Mon Jun 7, 2021, 02:04 PM

4. +2

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Response to cinematicdiversions (Original post)

Mon Jun 7, 2021, 02:10 PM

5. What a sad and ugly article.

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