SIL update

[PA_jen]

So SIL in hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis. Hospital wants to know who would be medically responsible for making her decisions FIL washed his hands basically said call him when she is dead I'll take care of the funeral (my thoughts as I wasn't raised with that attitude I understand tough love but this is ) We had been given the impression that the hospital would set in motion the steps to get him declare incompetent and today they discharged her saying they find her completely competent. They sent her home knowing she was mis-handling her one medication and doesn't have it until her next refill which is 20 days away.

So I started working the phone trying to get guidance or help either getting Mom-in law a restraining order to protect her from SIL or SIL declare incompetent. I called area on aging reported the situation letting them know if Mom was living alone her trailer wouldn't be a complete mess it is. He just throws garbage on the floor and if she or anyone try to clean up she gets angry accuse people of stealing. I explained how SIL intimates Mom and how she can't even talk on the phone without demanding to know all details.

I told her someone is coming to investigate and told her tell him/her everything. How if SIL wasn't living with her you wouldn't be living in the mess and she wouldn't be scared.

SIL came home and now Mom wants me to tell them not to come.

I don't want them to say she can't take care of herself--she can. Once we (hubby and I get the place cleaned up she can keep up and we can help her but now I am worried I really screwed up.

[Srkdqltr]

1. I have no idea what you should do at this point. No matter what you do will look wrong to someone.

[marble falls]

2. Take your mother in. First hire a lawyer who deals with senors issues.

[PA_jen]

3. I have begged her several times but she owns the Trailer and is afraid SIL would

burn it down most likely by accident.

[Mariana]

4. Is she mentally competent? nt

[PA_jen]

7. Yes she is. It may only be a trailer but she worked hard to buy that place and

it doesn't make sense she has to give up HER house because of a daughter who yes is sick but who has no right to take something from her.

She lived there before SIL came. She offered SIL help and before SIL got sick she became a squatter basically took advantage of her Mother's kindness and you want to question her competence because she wants to protect what she owns and also try to keep from Losing another child before we can get said child into a safe place that can handle SIL needs.

Would you abandon your house so easily?

My MIL has a right to live a safe life in her home.

[Mariana]

9. Your MIL has chosen to allow her daughter to live there, yes? nt.

[marble falls]

5. Would it be better if SiL burns it down with mom inside it? You need to speak with an attorney ...

... to consider whether you need to step in if your mother isn't able to act in her own interest, before they get control of her and her assets with their own lawyer.

The situation sounds dire to me.

[PA_jen]

6. She is competent. Would you abandon your house and leave it to someone

Who could die in it because the hospital or state won't help the family help their loved one. Why should she give up a home she bought just so SIL can live there and possibly burn down the only asset my Mother in law has.

Yes the situation is dire but you are telling me that a competent woman should let her daughter destroy something she worked hard for. That to me sounds off.

[marble falls]

8. If I couldn't get SiL out of the trailer I'm afraid she'll burn if I go away? What's her to keep ..

... from burning it accidentally with me there? Yes, I would leave, I would seek legal services, and I'd be finding a way to get the SiL into more appropriate circumstances. She has to be on SS, and she has to qualify for housing and grocery.

I really have no place advising you past you asked for advice.

All I can fairly offer you is this: I've read what you posted about your situation and if I were you I'd be consulting with someone who could help me. Seriously, you've described possibilities up to arson.
Please speak to an attorney.

I'll follow this quietly from this point. It will be on my mind for a while.

[PA_jen]

11. I have. I tried several and the ones that have gotten back tell me talk to area in aging

And adult protection services. My mother in law is not incompetent. She is trying to protect her home and SIL until we get her somewhere to help her.

[Mariana]

10. I'm very sorry this is happening.

My brother is in the process of drinking himself to death. He's already been hospitalized for acute liver failure and ascites once (that we know about) because of it. After he went through detox, the doctors told my brother if he continues to drink, he'll most likely die within a year, or two at most. He continues to drink heavily.

The family have had to accept that there is absolutely nothing we can do to stop him from killing himself.

[PA_jen]

12. I am sorry about your brother. We are at that spot as well as just want it not to happen in mom's h

And if possible get SIL any help we can.