Ted Cruz Calls Obamacare a Democratic Plot to Keep People Alive So They Can Vote

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Outraged by the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision to preserve Barack Obama’s signature legislative achievement, Senator Ted Cruz called the Affordable Care Act “a thinly veiled Democratic plot to keep people alive so they can vote.”

“A long time ago, Democrats figured out that live people were far more likely to vote than dead ones,” Cruz charged. “Make no mistake: the Affordable Care Act is a calculated scheme to increase the number of live people.”

He went on, “Democrats will stop at nothing to get people to vote. They will get them ballots. They will get them bottled water. And, yes, if necessary, they will keep them from dying of a preëxisting condition. It disgusts me.”

Cruz added that, unlike Democrats, Republicans have “no intention whatsoever of keeping people alive,” and pointed to Texas’s new “constitutional carry” gun law as a shining example.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/ted-cruz-calls-obamacare-a-democratic-plot-to-keep-people-alive-so-they-can-vote



Photograph by Anna Moneymaker / Getty

[SledDriver]

1. Cannot tell if satire

[Rhiannon12866]

4. Borowitz is satire

But he's so good because he comes so close to the truth.

[Escurumbele]

9. I would say that he is not far from the truth, at all.

[TheBlackAdder]

32. This isn't.

.

It shows just what kind of a hump he really is.

.

[madashelltoo]

2. This creature is pathetic!

Go fishing or whatever it is you do, Ted!

[Escurumbele]

10. This is satire, "The Borowitz Report" is satire, Ted Cruz may have thought about it, maybe

but he never said those things. Borowitz is just so good that although it is satire, he always comes very close to the truth, he seems to have a knack for knowing how republicans think.

I think Cruz's hobby is to look at himself in a mirror, I have a feeling he doesn't do any sports, not even fishing.

[malaise]

3. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Just the truth - satire or not

[sheshe2]

5. When satire becomes truth.

[Hekate]

23. Posters have got to start putting "satire" in the subject line!

We get way too many people failing to get the joke.

[Rural_Progressive]

35. I completely agree, I brought this post up because it was easy to believe he had really said this

[SheltieLover]

6. Surprised it is Borowitz!

[colorado_ufo]

7. Eddie Munster . . .

the later years.

How could anyone take this guy seriously?

[Escurumbele]

11. Its satire...

Read responses above yours. Borowitz is just a genius.

[colorado_ufo]

27. Sorry I wasn't more clear!

Yes, it is satire - love Borowitz and get his column in my email daily. I was just referring to the (very unappealing) picture of Cruz: I could imagine a digital progression of the Munster kid far into the future!

[Traildogbob]

18. Eddie???

He is grandpa. Spitting image.,

[FakeNoose]

8. Why yes ... that is the evil plot, in a nutshell

[lastlib]

30. Nefarious! Dastardly! Depraved! Will these evil Democrats stop at nothing?

to give average people decent lives and democracy??

[Escurumbele]

12. A recommendation for all of those who believed the story as true...

Always check the stories, the sources as well. Doing that you would have realized that The Borowitz Report is satire, it is not true Ted Cruz said those things.

I know, I understand, being the story about Ted Cruz it is very credible he would say stuff like that, but not this time.

Borowitz is just an incredibly funny genius.

[MissMillie]

13. Borowitz is just too good! (n/t)

.

[mysteryowl]

14. Got me for a moment there, it was so real.

[ananda]

15. LOL

It does hit home.

[Leith]

16. Until I saw "Borowitz"

I thought it was real.

It's a good one, very good.

[flibbitygiblets]

17. No wonder Republicans have such a hard time with facts

They're such a freaking parody of themselves, it's even hard for critical thinkers to tell truth from fiction sometimes.

[GeoWilliam750]

19. Borowitz check.....

[Snackshack]

20. I hate this.

Even though the title of the post is clearly FUBAR I still have to open it just to make sure it is satire….phuck!!!!!!!

[Duppers]

21. 😂

[niyad]

22. had to check.

[betsuni]

24. Heh. I'm sure Cruz has said something like this in private, only it's a plot to keep the

*wrong* people alive so they can vote.

[smirkymonkey]

25. I knew this was going to be Borowitz, but for a second there the OP title had me

going.

Part of his genius is walking the fine line between reality and satire. It is absurd, but almost believable because of how insane the GOP has become.

[Rhiannon12866]

26. That's the thing, even when I know it's Borowitz, I have to think for a minute

Since so many of his columns are so close to the truth...

[smb]

28. Judging From The ACTUAL Vote-Fraud Cases That Have Come To Light...

...the GQP has the dead vote locked up, so no wonder Cancun Cruz is concerned.

[steventh]

29. Please include "Borowitz" in the title when applicable.

Thank you.

[Martin Eden]

31. The Borowitz Report is Funny Because

It is essentially true.

[patphil]

33. A masterpiece of political satire!

And close enough to the truth to fool a lot of people here.
Hint: borowitz-report in the link.

Always check the link for things like the onion, or borowitz.
But then I could imagine Ted Cruz actually saying something like this.

[Blue Owl]

34. The satirical slime trail continues!

[Maraya1969]

36. I am asking a favor. I don't like Borowitz or the Onion and I would really appreciate

if you labeled your OP that they were the authors. I end up clicking and then have to just leave because I never read it and I feel as if I have been tricked.

[USALiberal]

37. I agree!

[reACTIONary]

39. Maybe just post it to the lounge. Nt

[USALiberal]

38. Title should list parody! Nt

[IronLionZion]

40. It appears to be working

as the GOP tells their supporters complete falsehoods to keep them from living through a pandemic.

[Ferrets are Cool]

41. Since 2016, it's so hard to tell anymore