GOP Launches New Legislative Effort To Control Women's Pancreases

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Buoyed by their success in restricting female reproductive rights, the GOP reportedly launched a new legislative effort Monday to control women’s pancreases.

“Every day, women are using pancreatic enzymes to break down food without any consideration for the sanctity of these innocent carbohydrates, proteins, and fats,” said Jim Jordan (R-OH), announcing a new spate of bills that severely limit the types of procedures women can undergo on the digestive organ while also cutting funding for gastroenterologists and endocrinologists across the country.

“We spend all this time worrying about women’s rights, but what about the mass slaughter of glycogens that’s taking place throughout our nation? Are the undigested not worthy of protection as well?”

At press time, the Republican Party had unveiled a new law that would require women to watch a video of a pancreas creating glucose before they’d be allowed to undergo a pancreaticoduodenectomy.

https://www.theonion.com/gop-launches-new-legislative-effort-to-control-women-s-1847141621

[Goonch]

1. ;-{)

[niyad]

5. Ughhhhhhh. You should WARN people!

[smirkymonkey]

6. Ewwww!

[stillcool]

2. now that was fun...

rarely read anything these days that puts a smile on my face. Feels good, thanks!

[Maraya1969]

3. Come on! This is not funny. I don't like having tricks played on me and I appreciated

that you would stop.

[smirkymonkey]

7. Did you honestly think this was serious when you read the title?

People need to lighten up a bit. I honestly don't get why people get so offended by satire. It baffles me.

[ret5hd]

9. Offended they are so easily tricked?

[Maraya1969]

10. I don't pay that much attention. But I'd like to know I am clicking on something

useful and not someone trying to trick me.

[smirkymonkey]

13. I think it was just meant to be funny and to highlight exactly how ridiculous the

republicans are. I don't think anyone was trying to trick you. It was making fun of them, not you.

The whole point was to get a laugh at the expense of the right-wingers, not to fool Democrats.

[Maraya1969]

16. The thing is I usually do not find satire funny. And to me it is a waste of my time

to click on a link that is taking me to something that is fake. When I post OPs I try to explain what the OP is about so people can judge before they click whether or not they want to spend their time doing so. I think that is just being respectful.

[speaknow]

14. It was a joke, but not funny because

it shows how dangerous they can be, and
besides they like the boys!

[niyad]

4. It is emblematic of the hatred that the gqp has for women that I actually had to check

the link.

Note to The Onion; don't give them any ideas.

[Takket]

8. i think this is satire... maybe... ???

[Maraya1969]

11. Yes it's satire.

[abqtommy]

12. The Onion does rule while the rest just drool.

[SergeStorms]

15. I knew it had to be either....

Borowitz or the Onion. When I didn't see Borowitz on the header, I knew it was the Onion. 🤣

[LetMyPeopleVote]

17. I love good satire