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Sat Aug 28, 2021, 06:16 PM

DeSantis Locks Down Florida After Spread Of Covid Vaccination Gets Out Of Hand

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Urging residents to stay in their homes and away from medical facilities, Governor Ron DeSantis locked down Florida Friday after the spread of Covid vaccinations got out of hand.

“With inoculation numbers skyrocketing across the Sunshine State, I have been forced the take the extreme measure of locking Florida down to combat the vaccine spread,” said DeSantis, explaining that until CDC data shows a sustained drop in the vaccination rate, all pharmacies and clinics would be mandated to close.

“I cannot stress enough the importance of wearing bicep coverings to protect yourself from Covid vaccines. Because if gone unchecked, the Moderna and Pfizer vaccine variants could end up saving the lives of thousands of Floridians. So, please be on your guard.”

At press time, DeSantis was encouraged by new evidence confirming that Florida’s life expectancy was steadily dropping.

https://www.theonion.com/desantis-locks-down-florida-after-spread-of-covid-vacci-1847572019

It's the Onion, folks...

16 replies, 3431 views

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Arrow 16 replies Author Time Post
Reply DeSantis Locks Down Florida After Spread Of Covid Vaccination Gets Out Of Hand (Original post)
Zorro Aug 2021 OP
hlthe2b Aug 2021 #1
mucifer Aug 2021 #2
Mad_Machine76 Aug 2021 #8
Grokenstein Aug 2021 #12
Deuxcents Aug 2021 #3
leftieNanner Aug 2021 #4
Deuxcents Aug 2021 #13
Sanity Claws Aug 2021 #5
ProfessorGAC Aug 2021 #6
stillcool Aug 2021 #7
Shermann Aug 2021 #9
IronLionZion Aug 2021 #10
cstanleytech Aug 2021 #11
LetMyPeopleVote Aug 2021 #14
krispos42 Aug 2021 #15
uponit7771 Aug 2021 #16

Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 06:17 PM

1. The onion knows how to strike a nerve, that's for sure....

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 06:20 PM

2. This is what my friend believes. She believes the vaccines caused the variant. To me this isn't

humor.

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Response to mucifer (Reply #2)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 08:08 PM

8. Where did THAT idea come from?!

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Response to Mad_Machine76 (Reply #8)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 09:15 PM

12. Vladimir shakes head. "Is mystery," he sighs.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 06:31 PM

3. Not funny

Weekly Covid update on my iPhone.. “ 151,760 new cases and 1727 more deaths. . SW Florida numbers” just this week. Just here in SW part of the state. This is just beyond madness.

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Response to Deuxcents (Reply #3)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 06:54 PM

4. 1,727 deaths in one week??

And that's not the whole state?

OMG. Terrible.

We're struggling here in Southern Oregon too. Six new deaths yesterday. And that's a lot for our county.

Stay well, Deuxcents.

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Response to leftieNanner (Reply #4)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 10:59 PM

13. No...

It was 151,000 new Covid cases.. not deaths. OMG.. I’m sorry if I’ve been misunderstood. Things are bad enough w/o this misinformation

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 06:57 PM

5. Bicep coverings --The Onion wins again.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 07:20 PM

6. While Funny, It's Not...

...grounded in real numbers.
There's no real change in slope of the line for vaxxes in Florida.
In the last 30 days, 1.3 million shots have been given, with 800,000 of those being 2nd doses, so adding to the fully vaxxed.
Over the first 8 or so months, the smoothed out average was around 1.52 million per month.
In the height of this massive outbreak, those still unvaxxed aren't exactly overwhelming supply.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 07:26 PM

7. I knew immediately

sad.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 08:51 PM

9. So a reasonable headline is the new absurdity

What a sad state of affairs.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 09:02 PM

10. Florida needs to build a wall

until conservatives learn that a mask is kind of like a wall for your face to keep out those who want to kill you.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 09:14 PM

11. DeSantis would first have to care about the people of Florida more than his career in politics

and we all know that is not going to actually ever happen.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Sat Aug 28, 2021, 11:26 PM

14. I love good satire

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Mon Aug 30, 2021, 08:20 AM

15. This is satire... at the moment.

Which is scary...

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Mon Aug 30, 2021, 08:29 AM

16. LOL !!! this would happen too

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