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Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:11 PM

H2Omen's DU Exclusive !!!!

(Warning: The following letter from Willard Romney was received at the editor’s office of the Glass Onion this morning. I am publishing it here on the Democratic Underground as an exclusive, even before our legal staff can authenticate it. The last such exclusive that I posted caused discomfort among a few folks that reached almost to the level that led Mitt Romney to write this very letter in the wee morning hours of his sleepless night. So be mighty careful: do not read this while operating intoxicated machinery. Hide the children. And use every opportunity possible to make Mitt Romney the butt of cruel jokes for the next two weeks. I am H2O Man, and I approve of the following message.)





Dear Patriotic Voter:

Last night, you watched me confront Barack Obama in our third presidential debate. Be assured that while I was bravely defending our nation from the dangerous foreign agenda that Obama has subjected America to, I was thinking of you and your family. I was reminded of how the trees on your lawn had grown to the perfect height. It occurred to me that you could cut those trees down, split them up, and sell them as firewood for a small fund-raiser. Won’t you help me cut Mr. Obama down?

In the hours since the debate ended, our campaign -- yours’ and mine -- has been extremely busy. I agree with you that Mr. Obama’s constant attacking not only me, but everything the country stands for, was disgraceful. Even Senator John McCain has expressed outrage on this un-American activity.

Thus, our campaign has decided on two Emergency Actions we must take. The first is to challenge Mr. Obama to a fourth debate. We believe that it should be conducted in the format of the seventh-grade book report. Under these ideal, patriotic circumstances, the American public could benefit enormously from a shallow presentation based solely upon style of delivery.

I am willing to let my challenger select the site of this debate. Mr. Obama can pick between Brigham Young University, BYU-Idaho, BYU-Hawaii, and the LDS Business School. In fact, I will allow him to select the moderator: two of my junior high school teachers are still alive.

Second, our attorneys are preparing an emergency filing for the Supreme Court. I have ordered this action, because Barack Obama is now four years closer to acquiring a nuclear weapon, than he was when he took office. We cannot afford to allow the enemies of our nation to attack us. Hence, I have contributed my favorite quote from President Ronald Reagan:

“The streets of our country are in turmoil. The universities are filled with students rebelling and rioting. Communists are seeking to destroy our country. Russia is threatening us with her might, and the Republic is in danger. Yes - danger from within and without. We need law and order! Without it our nation cannot survive.”

Based upon the potential wide-spread voter fraud and the threat of rioting, our campaign is asking the Supreme Court to take bold and patriotic action. Based upon the 2000 case 531 U.S. 98, the Supreme Court can overrule a presidential election after it happens. We believe that they must take this a bold step forward, and rule that I am the winner even before Election Day. A pur curiam decision would allow them to bravely and collectively issue an anonymous decision.

These are the two patriotic steps that we are undertaking on behalf of our campaign. You can also take two steps to prevent your Job Creator from having to fire you and your family members. First, we need your generous financial contributions to help us offset the forces of Hollywood, teachers’ unions, and Muslims seeking to destroy our country. Ask your parents for help with this, or take out a second mortgage.

Second, because I know that you were as offended as I by Mr. Osama’s “bayonets and horses” gaff last night, please call Congress. Demand that they immediately impeach Mr. Obama for his cavalier failure to provide the 7th Cavalry with the proper weapons needed to defend our shores from foreign attack at the Little Big Horn on June 25th and 26th, 1876. This was perhaps the most disgraceful failure of any democrat president to protect our interests, and the entire Obama administration remains suspiciously quiet.

Was, as UN Ambassador Rice has claimed, this simply a case of people protesting the movie “Dances With Wolves”? Or was it a terrorist attack upon all that we hold sacred? I am prepared to address this disgraceful inaction on Mr. Obama’s part tonight, on Fox News. I’ll report, and you’ll decide to contribute to our campaign.

Yours in Faith,

Mitt Romney

33 replies, 3905 views

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Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 33 replies Author Time Post
Reply H2Omen's DU Exclusive !!!! (Original post)
H2O Man Oct 2012 OP
porphyrian Oct 2012 #1
H2O Man Oct 2012 #4
porphyrian Oct 2012 #5
H2O Man Oct 2012 #26
porphyrian Oct 2012 #32
riderinthestorm Oct 2012 #2
H2O Man Oct 2012 #3
madrchsod Oct 2012 #6
H2O Man Oct 2012 #9
madrchsod Oct 2012 #25
nadinbrzezinski Oct 2012 #7
H2O Man Oct 2012 #14
WilliamPitt Oct 2012 #8
H2O Man Oct 2012 #15
Uncle Joe Oct 2012 #10
H2O Man Oct 2012 #16
Jazzgirl Oct 2012 #11
H2O Man Oct 2012 #18
Lone_Star_Dem Oct 2012 #12
H2O Man Oct 2012 #19
malaise Oct 2012 #13
H2O Man Oct 2012 #22
G_j Oct 2012 #17
H2O Man Oct 2012 #23
12AngryBorneoWildmen Oct 2012 #20
H2O Man Oct 2012 #27
rationalcalgarian Oct 2012 #21
H2O Man Oct 2012 #29
Whovian Oct 2012 #24
H2O Man Oct 2012 #30
spanone Oct 2012 #28
H2O Man Oct 2012 #31
spanone Oct 2012 #33

Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:16 PM

1. Steeds for the Garryowen! n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #1)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:20 PM

4. That was a

very satisfying debate last night!

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Response to H2O Man (Reply #4)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:25 PM

5. Agreed! At least, until the talking heads started the spin. n/t

 

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Response to porphyrian (Reply #5)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 09:41 PM

26. The majority of

the talking heads that I've seen seem to be in agreement that President Obama won the debate. But more than a few seem to have taken issue with Obama's spanking a defenseless Mitt.

While I have little or no use for polls, it also seems that the general public recognized Barack Obama as being presidential, and Willard as being plastic.

(Just came back from a five candidate debate in the town of Sidney, NY. My nephew is among the candidates for Town Board in the community made infamous by the Tea Party attempt to force a tiny Sufi settlement to destroy its perfectly legal cemetery. My nephew did outstanding; as his political mentor, I was mighty proud of him. To top it off, one of the three rabid Tea Partiers -- a leader in the cemetery controversy -- came up to one of my Sufi friends and I after the debate. He told the gentleman that he "hoped there were no hard feelings." Then, for whatever reason, he said to me, "Hey, you know that Hurricane guy? Tell him that I used to think he was guilty, and should have been executed. But now I know he was innocent. I want him to know that." Yikes!)

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Response to H2O Man (Reply #26)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 10:24 PM

32. Good on you and son! And wow...would the Hurricane even know who the Tea Party guy is?

 

I guess you're the designated messenger. Some people.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:17 PM

2. You forgot to include Mitt's stunning grasp of geography. Why Syria is Iran's pipeline to the water!

 

Or something like that....

Great post! K&R and just what I needed this morning.

Honestly I felt almost depressed last night. Obama did very well but I knew the media would spin Rmoney's performance as being just as good. Thanks for the smile!

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Response to riderinthestorm (Reply #2)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:20 PM

3. He had the

right planet.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:33 PM

6. somewhere in his two dimensional brain he actually thinks like that...

nice job of pointing this out!....

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Response to madrchsod (Reply #6)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:56 PM

9. His thinking is

so exactly like this that I am convinced he actually wrote the letter. His pre-formed performance last night, filled with contortions that ABC's Wide World of Sports called "the agaony of defeat," seems to support this.

Plus, I honestly can't remember if I was in any way involved. I have a mild case of Romnesia per this area.

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Response to H2O Man (Reply #9)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 04:39 PM

25. i use romnesia cause i`m old

amazing what you can get away with when ya have romnesia

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:38 PM

7. My dear waterman, you owe me a keyboard!

 

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Response to nadinbrzezinski (Reply #7)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:20 PM

14. Uh-oh!

I should have included that risk in my disclaimer!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 12:40 PM

8. 531 U.S. 98

 

Every time I see that, God steps on a baby koala bear.

Besides that, epic LOL.



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Response to WilliamPitt (Reply #8)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:32 PM

15. 531 U.S. 98

Mitt's last hope.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:01 PM

10. Well done.



Thanks for the thread, H2O Man.

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Response to Uncle Joe (Reply #10)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:32 PM

16. Thank you!

Much appreciated.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:09 PM

11. You owe me a new monitor at work! Actually.....two!!

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Response to Jazzgirl (Reply #11)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 02:09 PM

18. If possible,

switch key boards with some unsuspecting republican, if there is one at your work-place.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:12 PM

12. Loved it!

You're a very talented writer, H2O man!

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Response to Lone_Star_Dem (Reply #12)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 02:11 PM

19. Thanks!

I think the OP is an accurate interpretation of the Romney message.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:17 PM

13. Delish

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Response to malaise (Reply #13)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 04:11 PM

22. Thanks!

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 01:52 PM

17. wow

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Response to G_j (Reply #17)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 04:12 PM

23. Yep.

Hard to believe ..... dang near too hard. (Why do I do these things?)

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 02:19 PM

20. Good job on the fake Hitler quote, too.

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Response to 12AngryBorneoWildmen (Reply #20)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 09:41 PM

27. Thanks.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 02:48 PM

21. Really?

"Second, because I know that you were as offended as I by Mr. Osama’s “bayonets and horses” gaff last night, please call Congress."

Mr. Osama?

A desperate tactic that went out of style in the right wing echo chamber a couple of years ago, isn't it? Is this the Republicans' idea of "subliminal advertising"? Did they think no one would notice?

What is wrong with these people?????


(or have I just been had?)

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Response to rationalcalgarian (Reply #21)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 09:43 PM

29. While it is possible

-- perhaps even probable -- that the OP was a tongue-in-cheek attempt at sick humor, I believe that it is accurate in its description of Willard's thought processes.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 04:16 PM

24. Very nice. Thanks for the grins, I need as many as I can get.

 

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Response to Whovian (Reply #24)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 09:44 PM

30. Grins are good.

I think that all of us should be happy after last night's debate.

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Response to H2O Man (Original post)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 09:43 PM

28. k&r...

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Response to spanone (Reply #28)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 09:45 PM

31. Thanks!

Much appreciated.

I really, really enjoyed last night's debate.

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Response to H2O Man (Reply #31)

Tue Oct 23, 2012, 10:30 PM

33. i did too. i believe it exposed mitt romney to many people.

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