BREAKING NEWS: Fox News correspondent Doocy arrives at press briefing wearing cervical neck collar
A day after a hot mic caught President Joe Biden referring to him as a "stupid son of a bitch," Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy appeared in the White House Daily Briefing Room wearing a white cervical collar around his neck.
"I know, I know, my jarring physical appearance today might appear most upsetting to you, disturbing even," Doocy announced unprompted as several of his fellow journalists continued to jot down notes, unaffected. "But let it be known that I have voluntarily taken on these slings and arrows for all of you--all of us--my brothers and sisters in the vaunted Fourth Estate."
Several of Doocy's colleagues later questioned why he was wearing a medical neck brace given that he had merely been the subject of an off-hand verbal quip by the President, but were at a loss as to how to exactly breach the subject to the Fox correspondent at the time.
"No doubt, these harrowing events have been most difficult for me," Doocy continued. "They have been both emotionally and physically trying at times. Thankfully, my spirits remained buoyed by the people who have supported me throughout my career of journalistic excellence. My friends, my workmates, my wife--"
"Your father?" one of Doocy's colleagues added.
"Yes, my father, too," Doocy continued. "But merely as a means of moral support and moral support alone. My father has always been there to give the occasional 'Ay, attaboy,' or 'Go get 'em, Tiger,' but make no mistake about it, my position at this most prestigious media network is strictly a matter of my own hard work and achievement and nothing else."
Doocy went on to stress how his recent ordeal would not deter him as a "beacon of our cherished First Amendment press freedoms."
"You may be tempted to think I am alone in this situation," Doocy began. "That what has befallen me is something that is completely without precedent. But I tell you now, that is far from the truth! The scourge of persecution of journalists by tyrannical regimes is truly a worldwide conundrum! The free media declared as 'enemies of the people!' Reporters thrust into dank, dark prisons for attempting to reveal the truth! Journalists killed, either by means made to look as though an accident or straight out murder in broad daylight! Correspondents forced to endure barely audible mild profanities! Oh, how we have suffered--how we have all suffered so terribly, all one in the same!"
However, Doocy remained defiant throughout his impromptu briefing room address.
"I tell you now, though, we will never be silenced!" he proclaimed. "What I have so painfully endured I voluntarily accept in the name of the unvarnished truth for all to see and consume! For no matter what befalls us, they will never take our...Oh, by the way, has anyone else tried that new Thai place on G Street? They have this Dragon Roll that is just amaze-balls! Who else wants to come with when all this shit is done?"
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JEN PSAKI Press Briefing: 1/25
Oh wait .... 
Until I scrolled down and saw the photo.
Excellent! 
Response to Tommy Carcetti (Original post)
