Randos are spamming Judge Cannon with applications to be America's Next Top Special Master

[Nevilledog]

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Liz Dye
@5DollarFeminist
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Randos are spamming Judge Cannon with applications to be America's Next Top Special Master, as @ZoeTillman pointed out, and ... OMG, you guys.
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11:59 AM · Sep 9, 2022

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Zoe Tillman
@ZoeTillman
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Okay so people are submitting unsolicited pitches to serve as the special master in the Mar-a-Lago case and they're being docketed now. Some are bringing a lot of confidence!

"I'm only a retired businessman with an amateur's interest in history, politics, and the law but..."

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Okay so people are submitting unsolicited pitches to serve as the special master in the Mar-a-Lago case and they're being docketed now. Some are bringing a lot of confidence!

"I'm only a retired businessman with an amateur's interest in history, politics, and the law but..."

"I do have a connection to your 'Southern District of Florida' as both of my parents are buried there"

"I am a retired person since age 39 who is currently a hobbyist in the film and music industry..."

Goals!

(I'm not sharing these docs at the moment because they include personal info about private citizens and people may not have realized their letters would be docketed)

Generally, this is not at all how this process works. We're waiting on a joint filing from Trump/DOJ to see who they propose for the job and whether they can agree on a name. The judge does have wide discretion to choose whomever she wants to serve as a special master

One of the pitches comes from someone who actually appears to be a lawyer with special master experience who acknowledges, "I know this is a long shot"
• • •

[IcyPeas]

1. here are some applicants

[Hermit-The-Prog]

2. Imma apply: I have a bucket of tar, 2 ducks, and a propane heater.

[crickets]

3. Genius! However, I propose a slight amendment to your equipment.

Let the poor duckies go, and you can have the stuffing from a few MyPillow(tm) pillows instead. The judge will love that. Plus it'll be just as messy and smelly, promise!

[Hermit-The-Prog]

4. Excellent! That mypillow doofus probably needs a "Special Master", too.