I don't usually share stuff like this but...

[dajoki]

I have been living with a heavy heart for months and need to say something. Today would have been our 44th wedding anniversary but my beautiful wife was suddenly taken away from me three months ago and I am very sad and miss her very much. My children, grandchildren and friends are wonderful and are helping me everyday, but the pain of losing her is sometimes overwhelming, and today is one of those days. Anyway, thank you for letting me get that off my chest, it helps to talk about her every now and then.

[Cracklin Charlie]

1. Share your feelings...

We’re always here. And we always care.

So sorry for your loss.

[dajoki]

17. Thank you

[skylucy]

2. I'm so sorry dajoki. It definitely helps to talk about those whom we loved and lost.

Blessings and hugs to you.

[dajoki]

21. Yes it does...

and just knowing I have this support is making me feel better already. Thank you.

[a kennedy]

3. Am sooooooooooooooooooooo sorry dajoki.

?️

[hlthe2b]

4. I'm so very sorry, dajoki. Come here to talk about her anytime.

We'll listen.

[dajoki]

15. Thank you so much...

it's nice and comforting to know that I have support here, there are so many beautiful thoughts be posted and it is very helpful.❤️

[ornotna]

5. I hope you find peace in your heart

This year will be 40 for us and I would be destroyed if I were in your shoes.

[SYFROYH]

6. Peace and love to you and yours.

[50 Shades Of Blue]

7. I'm so sorry. I'm sending you a big hug!

[Raven]

8. Many people here know and feel your pain. Grief is a very lonely

thing, so come here as often as you need to.

[Lettuce Be]

9. Thank you for sharing this -- it is hard

My uncle recently passed and I think about my aunt every day. We care.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. My dear dajoki . . .

My heart goes out to you in this terrible time of loss.

Of course it helps to talk about her. She was a huge part of your life, of you.

And getting through the holidays must have been excruciating.

Be gentle with yourself; there is no timetable for grief.

We do have a Bereavement Group -- you might want to post there as well as here.

Here's the link: https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234

[dajoki]

23. Thank you for that, it is appreciated.❤️

[chillfactor]

11. After my husband died...

I was depressed for over a year. I truly understand what you are going through. I didn't start recovering until my dad convinced me to go back to school.

[Peacetrain]

12. So very sorry for your loss..

[LakeArenal]

13. So sad. But you wife would want you to be happy.

Honor her by living your best life possible.

Good luck.

[MerryHolidays]

70. Wonderful! And, if you can, do the things that would make her happy

For example, if she loved gardening and taking care of plants, make sure you take care of those.

That is how we live forever.

Take care and reach out to your many DU friends.

[Irish_Dem]

14. You are doing the right thing to connect to your support group.

The loss is recent and the first year is the roughest.
You made it through the holidays.

Give your broken heart some time to heal.
It is good to talk about her and your feelings.

Have you been able to get out and do some things?

[Wicked Blue]

16. I am so sorry for your loss

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[littlemissmartypants]

18. So sorry. ❤️

[electric_blue68]

19. Oh, how sad to hear! Very, VERY Understandable u feel like this ...

It's usually good to reach out.

You are very lucky to have family who are supporting you.


While not the same my very interesting, liberal, and highly creative mom who I deeply loved when she got to her early 80's, and bc she could still be (rare!) laid low by asthma...

I started to say to myself every once in a while when I worried about her that on the event of her death: "she wouldn't want me to be too sad for too long."


It was still devastating, but I managed not to go into a hole really of deep depression bc of this intermittent self talk which went on for about ?4-5 yrs before she died.


Everyone travels through grief in their own way, so take the time you need.

[dajoki]

28. ❤️

[electric_blue68]

30. Day because day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Deep, slow breaths, too.

I'm sure you know DU is part of your support system. 👍

[Eliot Rosewater]

20. Sorry for your loss. Someone here mentioned "support group" and I know from personal

experience that while friends and family are helpful, getting into a group of people that you have not met before, is VERY helpful.

I assume you can google groups for bereavement or spousal loss, and you will find something.





https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/online-grief-support-groups#A-quick-look-at-the-10-best-online-grief-support-groups


Might have some suggestions.

[Cha]

22. I'm so sorry, dajoki🤷‍♀️💕

[denbot]

24. Peace to you.

[Bettie]

25. I'm sorry

I can't even imagine how that would be.

[niyad]

26. Holding you in light and love. Your DU family is here for you. Lean as hard as

you need.

[dajoki]

91. I love being a part of this community...

I joined around 18 years ago and it has always been a place of lively discussion, good information and tremendous support. I hold it and all of it's members very dearly.

[Trueblue Texan]

27. Sending you peaceful and healing thoughts. nt

[snowybirdie]

29. Hugs

You have friends here.

[SallyHemmings]

31. It's ok to share

[Aristus]

32. ...

[spanone]

33. Married 47 years. The thought of what you've endured is frightening. Sorry for your loss.

[vlyons]

34. Sure tell us 1 or 2 things that were really great about her

As Joe Biden has told us about his experience of losing loved ones, the day will come when it will be easier to remember and talk about the lost loved ones, much easier than feeling the loss.

[dajoki]

92. She was always there for anyone...

who needed her. She was the best wife, mother and grandmother I could ever imagine. So many people have told me about the little things she did for them, it makes me happy to know that she so positively affected the lives of the very many around her.

[democrank]

35. Some days grief is like a gentle rain, other days it's like a raging storm at sea.

Deep love after all those years doesn’t just evaporate. Just know she’s all around you. She’s everywhere, just in a different form. I’m sending you a hug.

[area51]

36. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[pnwmom]

37. I am very sorry for your loss. Of course you are very sad, and missing her on your anniversary.

Three months is a short time to grieve a profound loss. Unfortunately, it's not possible to experience a great love without feeling a great loss at the end.

I am glad you have children, grandchildren, and friends around you.

When you're alone, let the waves of grief hit you, if you can. Over time, they won't peak quite so high, or last quite as long.

[malaise]

82. A very short time

One of my closest friends died last year. She and her hubby made it to 59 years and two weeks when she died last year. He didn’t know what to do with himself. His kids, grandso, siblings and the rest of us friends helped to ease the pain but let him grieve.
Only yesterday he called me and he is in a much better place now. His grandson and girlfriend came home for Christmas and lifted his spirits in ways we couldn’t imagine. They took him to a live reggae show and he took them and grandson’s close friends out to lunch. What he loved most about it is that they wanted to be with him.

He says he is planning to split his prized music collection with his son and grandson. Sure he misses his beloved, but he’s in a much better place a year and three months after her death.

[Tanuki]

38. I'm glad you have a loving network of family and friends. As others have said,

please know that your DU "chosen family" is also here for you at any hour of the day or night. Sending prayers for peace and healing after such a deep loss.
🌷🌻🌺

[MLAA]

39. I am so sorry. 💗. How did you two meet?

[Uncle Joe]

40. Thank you for sharing dajoki

[kairos12]

41. Peace and strength to you and family.

[essaynnc]

42. I am so sorry for your loss.

I cannot imagine loosing someone so close. treasure the good times that you had, look forward to better times after your heart grieves.

[FakeNoose]

43. I'm sure you have many, many happy memories of her and the both of you

Think of this time now - not as a loss, but as a temporary separation.

It's hard being without your beloved wife, but remember the happy times.
Look forward to seeing her again beyond the Rainbow Bridge.

DU has a support group for members who have lost a loved one and would like to participate in discussions.
Here's the link: https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234

[Celerity]

44. big hugz

[Augiedog]

45. Thinking of you at this moment

[Stinky The Clown]

46. "Heavy Heart" is among the most descriptive phrases I can imagine.

I wish you peace and comfort.

[3catwoman3]

47. 3 months is a very short time when trying to get used to a new reality.

What would you like us to know about her?

The number of responses you have received in just the hour since you put up your post are a testament to what a supportive community DU is, and it's good that you are availing yourself of this place.

[onecaliberal]

48. I am so very sorry.

Hugs

[dai13sy]

49. If you feel the need to talk about her

this is the place. There are no directions on how to go through this. It needs to be on your terms and you need to talk in order to heal. You need to go through to get through and we are here

[Joinfortmill]

50. So sorry for your loss.

Last edited Fri Jan 20, 2023, 10:44 PM - Edit history (1)

Have you heard of the British police series, New Tricks? It's a few years old. Check it out. Trust me, just watch it if you can. There's something in it for you. God bless.

[brer cat]

51. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Please post on DU any time to need to chat. There is always someone here to listen who cares.

[lostnfound]

52. I like to think of the pain as beauty, and as gratitude for someone special

If it really hurts, then you were incredibly blessed and should be grateful...

[mcar]

53. We're here for you

[sellitman]

54. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows of what you speak.

I hope the pain diminishes with time. They say it does. I'm not there yet either but I believe it.

Hugs.

[Lithos]

55. I am at a measly 29 years (27 of marriage)

And I already get a small portion of what you are saying.

I am genuinely sorry for your loss. Are you holding up ok?

My DM's are open - I'm here if you need to chat - not sure I will have the right words. Is there someone close to you with whom you are comfortable talking?

[RussBLib]

56. don't be afraid to try some therapy

Things have been so nuts since Covid, therapy is something I think we all can benefit from, especially in bereavement. You have to allow yourself to grieve. And talking with a therapist can be very helpful. I think someone upstream said there was a bereavement group on this site, which could also be very helpful. Talking about it is essential.

I worry about being in your shoes. Been married for 42 years and I would be pretty lost without her.

[blm]

57. ((daj))

[hamsterjill]

58. Wow! 44 years.

Must’ve been a special, special love. I can only imagine the pain of the loss.

I wish you peace and comfort. I wish for you to find your way forward and live the rest of your life with the love of your family and friends - knowing that she is watching over you and waiting patiently for you.

Hugs!

[UpInArms]

59. (((((((Hugs))))))

I am so sorry for your loss

[Hope22]

60. Love to you.

💗🙏💐💗

[pazzyanne]

61. Blessings on the great memories from the good times!

Take care of you and your family.

[evolves]

62. Sending love and support your way, dajoki.

Wishing you peace.

[highplainsdem]

63. I'm so sorry, dajoki.

We're here for you.

[BComplex]

64. I'm so sorry for your loss, dajoki.

I am crazy about my husband, and if I lost him, I don't know what I'd do. I can totally imagine what you're going through, and I'm so sorry for your pain.

[lucca18]

65. I am so very sorry Dajoki for the loss of your dear wife.

It is hard.
Please take one day at a time.
You have family that loves you.
Peace🙏❤️

[Wild blueberry]

66. Thank you for reaching out

This will always be your anniversary, and later it will bring you joy in the memories of you and your wife's love.
For now just take good care of yourself.
Please accept a hug.

[proud patriot]

67. wrapping you in love and light

[lindalou65]

68. So sorry for your loss

My heart goes out to you. I am glad you have a very supportive family to help you through. Take good care.

[flying_wahini]

69. I'm glad you are here with us. Big hugs to you. your grief means you loved her.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

71. I hear you. There's just no way you get used to losing

a loved one. Plain and simple. Like priest said here... It's just a different life. Not bad just different.

I am sad for you tho

[UTUSN]

72. Thank you for the depth of your feelings

[TygrBright]

73. Of course you need to share - to know that your pain matters to others, too. And it does.

Loss and grief make us human for each other.

I can't imagine how I will feel if/when this happens to me - which the odds are, it will. But knowing that others experience this pain, that it is part of their lives and that it can be shared and people will reach out and say, "How painful for you, your grief matters, please stay strong," links it to being human and part of a community.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing the empty spaces where love and presence used to be strong and vital.

Hold on, have courage. All those years of being together built something important within you. As the immediacy of the pain passes, it will be revealed. It can never replace the real presence of your dear wife, but it will be a lifeline to the part of her she left with you.

I'm so glad you're here with the DU community.

appreciatively,
Bright

[Nevilledog]

74. ...

[murielm99]

75. I am so sorry for your terrible loss.

I have been married 44 years. I don't know what I would do without him.

[Meowmee]

76. I am very sorry about your wife

The hardest thing is losing those we love so much.

[malaise]

77. Deepest sympathy

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

79. A silent hug.

[SheltieLover]

80. Deepest condolences.

We are always here to provide support.

Healing vibes on the way go you. 💓💓💓

[nightwing1240]

81. It takes time but does get better, dajoki

I was where you are, having lost my wife three years ago and yes it was rough. Still is at times but not a surprise after 37 years of marriage.

But I can tell you to hang in there. It does get better over time. Tears become smiles over wonderful memories you shared as a couple.

Best wishes

[dajoki]

90. Thank you so much...

that is exactly what I'm feeling now. When I think about her it makes me sad and I am looking forward to our memories bringing a smile to me.

[peacebuzzard]

83. ❤️I am so sorry for your painful loss.

there are no words; I understand the despair of loss and the immense sadness 😿
so sorry.((()))

[aocommunalpunch]

84. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

I’ve thought of how much my own partner means to me as well and the thought of losing her is numbing. DU is a place ultimate of care and love. Please have lots of both.

[twodogsbarking]

85. While I cannot ease your suffering I must say that you are fortunate

to have had someone that you loved and that loved you. Live your future the best you can.
You know she would have wanted that.

[Snoopy 7]

86. I have not lost my wife

But, I have lost my oldest Son, 14 years ago, even though there has been time I always cry for him. There will always be only one first child and mine is gone. So after 41 years of being with your loved one you must miss her as if you had lost your right arm. So if you must grieve we will listen and we will stand by you. God Bless you and your family.

[Lasher]

87. Try to focus on the good times you were lucky to share together.

It might help with the sadness.

[OldBaldy1701E]

88. You feel free to talk about her as much as you wish.

Stories of love are never a bad thing. I can relate to your pain and I wish I had something to lift your spirits. Just know that you have family (of a sort) here and we wish love and support to you.

[BlueSky3]

89. My experience with loss

of family is that it takes me about three years to take a deep breath and go on.

I don’t know how it is for others, but I’d say be patient with yourself and give yourself time. So many people find some relief in travel during times of intense grief. When my father-in-law died, my mother-in-law traveled for a year, off and on.

I wish you peace.

[babylonsister]

93. dajoki, thank you

for sharing. I am with you and know how tough that can be to do. My deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved wife.

[bluestarone]

94. So sorry!

This group of GREAT people are here to stand by your side! Please feel free to release your pain here. I have 100% faith this group will be here for you everyday forward!

[pandr32]

95. I am so sorry for your loss.

This community is a caring one so you should never resist sharing your struggle. I have seen many posts from community members who are hurting with supportive responses and I am glad to be here.
It is good you have family and friends supporting you as well.

[Evolve Dammit]

96. Very sorry to hear of your enormous loss. Glad you have a lot of support. Keep the memories alive

[Richluu]

97. I totally understand and send love

My husband died a week before Christmas. So I really understand! We are still getting over the shock of our loss.

46 years for us. We treasure that time together, don't we? I'm starting to occasionally have good memories of him, and I hope you are too.

Yesterday I went for a 3 mile walk through the pines around a lake. And I work 2 days a week at church. These are calming and nourishing times. Look for those for yourself.

I also feel an extra push to take care of myself because I don't want my kids to suffer another loss. They need me to stay around for years to come.

Blessings!

[diva77]

98. So very sorry, dajoki

I like this little ditty by Henry Scott Holland: How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

[calimary]

99. Thank you for posting this. Both for yourself and for us.

Your grief brings us all just that much more solidly together here in this little online refuge.

And it will help you to keep this thread and reread it whenever you feel the need - for sympathy, empathy, or a reminder that you don’t grieve alone.

Gotta say, when my mom died awhile back and I posted about it, the support that resulted meant more than I can even try to express. She was the last to go of our four parents. Quite the rite of passage for me, that was.

(((((HUGS)))))

[Ilsa]

100. I'm a recent widow. I really feel for you.

We were married 29 years, and I was really looking forward to hitting the 30 mark. But 29 was it. And he died on the 29th. There's another 29 in the story, but coincidences just happen.

[TigressDem]

101. Thank you for sharing your loss with us. If we can lift a tiny bit of your burden, it make US better

To be able to recognize and acknowledge another person's deep grief is a sign of an evolved human.

It reminds us that with the CRAZY that is OUT THERE that some people who lived great lives although gone from planet Earth still live on in the hearts of those that love them.

Just watched the movie, "A Man Called Otto" and told my Hubby, if I go first, you reach out and let the people in your life love and help you. Don't be a grumpy puss.

SO, if you wouldn't mind...

Here are some beautiful flowers to honor your beautiful wife.






Because she lives in your memories and brings you joy for all the years of "good times and hard times" that you both soldiered through... forget me nots.


My deepest sympathy,

Tigress

[TuxedoKat]

102. I'm so sorry

for the loss of your beloved wife. I'm glad you have loving family and friends to support you. I hope you have some among them who will talk about her with you. I think it helps greatly. HUGS.

[usaf-vet]

103. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I think those of us who have been married for years FEAR the.....

.... loss of a loved mate. In our case, we have been married for 52 years. We have our squabbles but they don't last long.

Take care.

[dem4decades]

104. I hope there's some light in your day today, stay strong.

[dajoki]

105. The overwhelming care and support...

from all of you is heartwarming and greatly appreciated. There is no way I could possibly express how much you all mean to me, but please know that I love you and your comments and thoughts are amazing and very helpful.

[GoneOffShore]

106. So very sorry for your loss.

[DFW]

107. You go right ahead!!

I have been with my wife for 48½ years now (40½ of them married), and I would be a TOTAL wreck if I were to lose her.

Feel free to express anything you want to about her and your life together. I know I would be looking for some kind of solace, were I to find myself in your shoes. My wife has beaten cancer twice, so it's not like I haven't come close. She's just a very skillful player of "Beat The Reaper." We all lose eventually.

[BlueLucy]

108. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I don't know what I can say. There is probably nothing I can say. I lost my husband a year ago 1/17/22. This last week has been really painful. I know your pain. It's the most horrific pain you will ever feel in your whole life. I'm really very sorry.