Your Mission, Fox News: A Column Saying Newt's Three Marriages Will Make Him A Better President

[Bolo Boffin]

Dr. Keith Ablow chose to accept it.

1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.
2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married.
3 ) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible.

Conclusion: When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.

You may not wish to click through for the rest of this veritable goatse of an political analysis piece. I won't blame you a bit. But you just had to know it was there.

OK, one more quote:

So, as far as I can tell, judging from the psychological data, we have only one real risk to America from his marital history if Newt Gingrich were to become president: We would need to worry that another nation, perhaps a little younger than ours, would be so taken by Mr. Gingrich that it would seduce him into marrying it and becoming its president. And I think that is exceedingly unlikely.

Serious? Or did the good doctor lose a bet one drunken weekend?

[Jackpine Radical]

1. I wonder if he moonlights writing for the Onion.

[Bolo Boffin]

2. I think he's serious.

We are definitely in the no man's land of Poe's Law here.

[Jackpine Radical]

5. I still suspect that he writes for the Onion, but doesn't realize

that it's a satirical publication.

Poe's Law indeed.

[sulphurdunn]

3. Comic Psychiatry?

I never knew. It was great! Does Dr. Ablow do standup too?

[Autumn]

4. A mind is a terrible thing to waste

and this person's mind is completely fucking wasted.

[spanone]

6. not the first 'doctor' to show his ass for a buck and fame

[drm604]

7. Well then...

How can anyone take Fox seriously anymore?

If this wasn't on foxnews.com and wasn't written by someone described as "a psychiatrist and member of the Fox News Medical A-Team", I'd think this was a brilliant piece of satire.

[appleannie1]

8. Sounds like the good doctor has been dipping in the drug cabinet.

[KansDem]

9. They did this with George W...

Studid shit = "non-intellectual: one of us"
F*ckwad = "common man: one of us"
Asshole = "likes to give nicknames: one of us"

They can do the same with Newt...

[tanyev]

10. Larry King has been married 7 times,

he could be the bestest president ever!

[Johonny]

11. Reagan only had 2, 3 makes him even more Reagan than Reagan

[Tsiyu]

12. People who grow up with narcissists as parent(s) often

choose to enable narcissists when they are grown up.

The fact that three women signed up to diaper and coddle a sociopathic, narcissistic blowhard says more about the women's mental health than about Newtie's fitness to govern a nation.

Those who hired aBlow to write this drek don't remember that:

A) Newt doesn't tolerate anyone else's "sins." Since Newt relies heavily on the Sunday Morning Sermon of Morality and Righteousness, his words of doom for sinners will fall off like lead weights any time he speaks them. How can he talk about discipline, fidelity, honesty, the "sanctity of marriage" or any other genitalia-related topic without making the independents want to be sick?

And this:

B) Only the backwash love this crap. Rightwing radio is hyping cheating on your wife as an acceptable thing if you have lots of cash. It's hip to lie and to get some on the side. Just don't forget to say Merry Christmas. But here again, only a small number of elitists get the joke.

You just have to wonder how many shots aBlow tossed back before he sat down to earn whatever they paid him for this juicy tidbit of propaganda from Crazyland.

[ThoughtCriminal]

13. It's simple. Fox now needs to convince it's viewers

that we have always been at war with Oceanania. They know their target base will buy whatever they are told.

And Fox knows it can always buy an expert who will say anything.

[hayrow1]

14. At 91 it is finally time for Mickey Rooney to step forward and lead the country.

[randome]

15. Think of all the treaties he could divorce!

We would have a young, fresh tomorrow every year or so!