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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsAsk Amy: Conservative husband mocks, criticizes liberal wife
By Amy Dickinson, Published: December 31
DEAR AMY: I would like your advice on how to handle a growing problem in my marriage. My husband has become increasingly conservative politically. He has moved away from formerly moderate views and is now very right wing.
A recent poll he took ranked him in the most conservative 9 percent of people in the country. I have been a lifelong Democrat and continue to support liberal viewpoints. This has resulted in some heated arguments between us.
My husband claims that if I dont agree with him its because Im not listening. He refuses to acknowledge any validity to my opinions. He criticizes and mocks any Democratic politician or supporter. In the heat of an argument, he has said that if I cant agree with him, we should just get divorced.
I even voted for Mitt Romney in November to avoid a fight, not because I supported him for president. How can I resolve this? Can Democrats and Republicans have a happy relationship? -- Democrat in Hiding
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http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/ask-amy-conservative-husband-mocks-criticizes-liberal-wife/2012/12/21/57096596-4af7-11e2-a6a6-aabac85e8036_singlePage.html
upaloopa
(11,417 posts)If he is that controlling I'd tell him to back off or move in with the dog!
JI7
(89,240 posts)southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)then when you check in you tell them and the person you want to help you has to sign in with you. But if I were with him I'd keep my mouth shut and vote for who I wanted to and I then would lie to him. But if it is as bad as she says I would tell her to say no more political talks in the house. Keep to it. If he continues get up and walk away and ignore him.
JI7
(89,240 posts)but maybe she has a problem with being dishonest even in cases like this where it's justified.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)throw in the towel if he is this controlling.
LibGranny
(711 posts)voting booth with her!
yardwork
(61,538 posts)In North Carolina, husbands and wives used to be able to go into the voting booth together. I don't know if this has been changed or not. I remember seeing it happen in the 1980s.
Even where it is not legal to go into the voting booth with a spouse, controlling spouses could insist on seeing their partner's ballots, or even fill out their partner's ballots and force their partner to sign. Based on the rest of the woman's letter, I'd say her husband made sure that she voted for Romney. She didn't have the opportunity to cast a secret ballot.
LibGranny
(711 posts)yardwork
(61,538 posts)I'd git.
dballance
(5,756 posts)or if they voted absentee it would be very easy for him to review her ballot. Not that it's proper at all of course.
RebelOne
(30,947 posts)He hates Obama and was shocked that she voted for him. He can thank me for that as I told her the pros and cons of voting for Obama or Romney.
yardwork
(61,538 posts)rightsideout
(978 posts)I'm still trying to figure out how that works. Must make for some interesting family debates but they get paid for their opinions.
JI7
(89,240 posts)so they avoid the issue of "idiot man controls the house" right wing crap.
the problem in this marriage is not the views as much as the guy having control issues. divorce would be good for her.
Mass
(27,315 posts)Warpy
(111,141 posts)but mine would have been DTMFA.
There is no future with a bully.
From the sounds of it, he's not far from beating her for her views.
TDale313
(7,820 posts)JI7
(89,240 posts)even the idiot himself didn't really have any views of his own.
cynatnite
(31,011 posts)They had a long and happy marriage. Politics wasn't high up on the list for them. They got along great.
Tempest
(14,591 posts)Dad was Archie Bunker (in every way and then some) and mom is a left leaning Republican.
They had their battles, but they stayed together until his death.
Phentex
(16,330 posts)she should find a good Dem and settle down.
gollygee
(22,336 posts)would be the day I called a lawyer. Holy cow.
Yes they can have a happy relationship, but both have to be respectful, and that isn't happening here.
Tikki
(14,549 posts)Maybe she just told him she voted for robme to try to keep the peace.
Her husband sounds like he might have depression.
Tikki
appleannie1
(5,062 posts)TheMadMonk
(6,187 posts)bluestate10
(10,942 posts)shanti
(21,675 posts)you didn't HAVE to vote for romney, or is your hubs in the voting booth with you???
Phentex
(16,330 posts)IF she really voted for Romney, then she was an idiot. If she didn't, she was an idiot for telling her husband she did. No one HAD to vote for Romney, lol.
bluestate10
(10,942 posts)he doesn't respect her.
HockeyMom
(14,337 posts)who has gotten more and more "conservative" in the 38 years we have been married. Right before the election, he started on me about voting for Obama. It takes a lot, but when I get angry, I REALLY get angry. I am an adult, and as such, have a right to vote for WHOEVER I so choose. Do I have that right as an AMERICAN CITIZEN? "Yes". Are you going to try and STOP me, which is ILLEGAL? "No". He just stood there staring at me for all his previous bravado.
He hasn't watched Faux since a month before the election, and has not said one single word about Obama and Democrats to me ever since my blow up, and Obama WON.
abelenkpe
(9,933 posts)Divorce would be my advice. Who wants to live with a bully?
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)He was a conservative and an atheist.
I had no problem with the atheism.
He told me that women don't know anything about politics, and vote for the best-looking guy. This was in the 80s when we were supposed to vote for Dan Quayle for VP because he was allegedly "cute".
That marriage didn't last long.
mainer
(12,018 posts)This is the kind of man who'll end up shooting you.
To take a page from Dan Savage.
Bucky
(53,947 posts)If he's that controlling and that angry, sooner or later he's going to punch you and insist you "made" him do it. If you weren't afraid, you wouldn't have voted for a candidate you hated. DTMFA: Dump that motherfucker already. Preferably before he makes the leap from emotional abuse into physical.
Edited to add: And for the love of pete, lady, don't tell him you're going to do it in advance. Let him come home to an empty house. The "My way or the highway" comment was meant to either cow you or give him a justification for hitting you. Bail out and bail out now.
Iris
(15,648 posts)I hope Amy told her to get the hell out asap.
UtahLib
(3,179 posts)Absolute control is the platform from which he will become more and more abusive. In my opinion, she should seek one on one advice from a professional before it's too late.