Rules for using an iPhone (from a mother to her teenage son when he was given the iPhone)

[Are_grits_groceries]

Last edited Fri Jan 4, 2013, 06:54 AM - Edit history (1)

<snip>
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
<snip>
http://abcnews.go.com/US/massachusetts-mom-son-sign-18-point-agreement-iphone/story?id=18094401

We should all follow these in our daily life. Many apply whether you have a cellphone or not.

[NC_Nurse]

1. It's a good list. Too bad it's from Glenn Beck's site. Ugh.

Still good though...thanks.

[Are_grits_groceries]

3. I changed the link.

There were many sites where this was posted. I don't keep up with Beck.

[dvhughes]

2. Good Lord

I wish my wife could have seen this while I was trying to convince her to put some conditions upon giving her son an iPhone.
She thought I was being an curmudgeon. ("...It's what kids do now&quot
Now of course, all the kid does is walk around all day looking at his phone. And I mean all day.
He has no problem whipping it out and texting while someone is speaking to him or in the middle of any given task.

So now, rather than have had conditions put in place before giving him the device, any behavioral regulation placed is regarded as punitive.
I am just really glad that I banned them at the dinner table long ago. A small, prescient victory.

[TheMadMonk]

54. He'd do that only once. If I paid for it, I'd slap...

...it straight out of his hands, then nail it to his bedroom door.

Strikes me, if he's that bloody rude, phone is irrelevant, he deserves lots and lots of punitive in his life.

[dvhughes]

55. I am with you

and I have had to resist the temptation on many occasion.
However... I am stuck in the a strange place being the "step dad" and his real Dad who pays for the phone likes the arrangement because it keeps the kid out of his hair and occupied.
While his Mom coddles him and tries endlessly to "discuss" why it is rude. (It has been several months now of this approach, so far... no luck.)

The whole thing is just stupid and the practice could be ended tomorrow if it were up to me.
Unfortunately, I would face the wrath of not only the kid, but the two parents. (And maybe even a couple of Grandparents.)
So...I basically avoid reasons to talk to the boy because I am tired of being dismissed to a text.

And I hate to say it, my marriage is suffering because of it and may even end because of my wife's refusal to set boundaries.
She claims I am asking her to choose her kids or me.
But I am not.

[LynneSin]

4. If you are going to have this many fricking rules about an iphone then why buy one

Sorry but personally I think this is absolute bullshit. A brand new iphone with contract is about $200-$300 plus accessories. And you can't get an iphone without a data play so that's another $50-$75 a month depending on the plan.

Personally I think this mom is a dipshit. Sure she seems all moral and all but then she goes out and blows a wad of cash on an overpriced gadget where she doesn't want him to use a bunch of technology that comes with it.

A smart mom (which clearly this one isn't it because she'll be out about $1000 a year on the plan) would just gotten the kid some cheapy phone plan with a one-year contract and tell him IF he/she (the kid) uses it wisely then one day they make talk about such an expensive gadget and how the child will pay for it.

[wyldwolf]

6. yep, essentially if you can't embrace the technology, why pay for the technology?

[blueamy66]

9. We got our 2 iPhones for free...

Just sayin.....

[LynneSin]

20. How you managed that hooray

But in general Iphones are NOT cheap cellphones and the service plans are more expensive then most.

[blueamy66]

37. We signed a 2 yr contract

And my credit is not good.

[LynneSin]

39. the latest phone or past model

I know if i get another 4 again I could get a free one.

[blueamy66]

43. We got 4Ss

Not bad, for free.

[LynneSin]

45. yeah Apple starts to unload the previous model when the new one comes out

and honestly I think the 4s is better than the 5 but that's just my opinion. When I got my 4 it was right before the 4s was coming out and I picked this up for $69.

[dkf]

29. iPhones may be free but data isn't.

[blueamy66]

38. I was responding to the Op that stated that they were expensive.

Ous were free.

[dkf]

40. The expensive part of all cell phones is the service.

The phone companies subsidize the cost of the phone.

[LynneSin]

46. And if you don't have a service plan on the phone or the kid loses it - that's $600 to replace it

not worth it.

I keep my old Iphone 3 around. If I should lose my 4 I could always reactivate my 3

[customerserviceguy]

10. It's not that she doesn't want him using the technology

It's that she's really trying to actually parent this child about the likely misuse of it. Most parents just give their kid a smartphone as nothing more than a pacifier, to get the kid off of their backs rather than actually interact with him/her.

I share your feelings about the expense involved, but my hat's off to her about the rules. We're becoming a nation of zombies because of these things.

[theKed]

11. This is what you call

"over-parenting" though.
Teaching and talking to the child about the device is one thing, giving them a rulebook that stifles anything fun and creative to do with it? Not the right way.

[TheMadMonk]

56. Oh FFS. When I grew up, you booked phone time.

Mobility was a long cord on the handset and you called no-one after dinnertime except by prior arrangement.

We were expected to be in bed asleep by nine thirty/ten o'clock. And it was absolutely guaranteed that if we came to the breakfast table bleary eyed from lack of sleep, we'd do a day of hard labour.

Electronic devices (Pocket transistor radios in my time) in school were considered a major distraction and target for theft. First time I ever saw one in my primary school, the owner got 3 with "Fat Max" and was promised 6 with "Slim Jim" for a second offence. Even in senior high, devices like Walkmans were rarely seen.

If we broke our toys, we did without. If we left them lying around the yard, we lost them for a greater or lesser period. We NEVER left them in the drive, what would follow THAT did not bear thinking about.

Well, nice to know where you stand. Practicing common courtesty stifles creativity. Right.

Fun is in the eye of the beholder. I ended up eating gravel because of an obliviot blindly having texting fun as they stepped right in front of me on my bike. Next one gets a 26 inch road/trail straight between the butt cheeks.

[customerserviceguy]

68. If this kid can't prove he can handle the rules with a smartphone

Maybe she shouldn't give him the keys to her car. It's a test, let's see if he passes it.

She only gets to be his mother for a little while, she has the rest of her life after her job is done to be his "buddy".

[LynneSin]

19. But all those 18 rules basically take away the reason for having an Iphone

It's like telling a kid he can drive for 15 minutes a day to and from the corner grocery store and then buying him a $75k Porsche for what little time he's allowed to actually drive.

If I were a parent and my kid wanted a cellphone I might create some of the same rules that the mother created. But I would first start with a basic phone plan to see how things work out.

And the dumbest rule of all is not allowing the kid to take the phone to school. What if there is trouble at the school or the child get's kidnapped. That phone could save the child's life one day.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

26. Gee....how did so many of us manage to survive school

before cell phones were invented? Just asking.

[dkf]

31. Stay at home moms?

[Sekhmets Daughter]

36. I don't think so.

There were plenty of children with working moms, who didn't have cell phones and still managed to survive. That was true when I was a kid growing up in Brooklyn, NY in the 50s and 60s and plenty when my children were young.

I think the idea that children "need" cell phones in order to be safe is as silly a rationalization as "people need guns in order to remain safe"

[customerserviceguy]

69. He still gets quite bit of time to use it

She's trying to teach him that it shouldn't take over his life. As for the phone at school thing, perhaps a simple flip phone that takes and makes calls (without texting) is the best solution to that. You can buy them for dirt cheap at any variety store, even some supermarkets.

[LynneSin]

70. Guess what - you could get a much less expensive phone that has the same features

and let the kid show he can follow the rules.

This was just a mom showing that #1 - she can't teach her kid not to give into peer pressure and #2 - she's more than happy to just burn money away on overpriced items that will hardly ever be used to their full potential.

It's like giving someone a $100k Porche when all their driving is just about town for a few miles each day. Sure you can show people 'I have more money then I know what to do with it' but honestly, think of house much you'd save if you just bought a $20k Prius or even something much cheaper.

[customerserviceguy]

71. I do agree on the plan

She's piddling away a fair amount of change, but I do agree with her on establishing rules for her kid. She gets to be the parent at his age, and he's just going to have to deal with that. It'll probably make him a better person, if she extends her philosophy of cell phone use to the other areas of his life.

[LynneSin]

72. I kinda disagree with the concept the kid will grow up to be a better person

I went to school with this huge family - I think there were about 8 kids in the family. And the parents were known for the strict rules they put their kids under. Lot's of rules about how they dressed and how they were to behave and other areas of life.

At least 2 of the girls ended up getting pregnant before graduating and about 3 of them had issues with drugs.

Sometimes you put a grip so hard on your kids you just turn them away.

[ananda]

49. I pay $26 a month for my iPhone, no plan.

Consumer Cellular, AARP discount.

It works great. I turn data off and only use Wi-fi, which is free.

[adigal]

64. Agree 100%, plus my eyes were glazing over from all the rules!

In my classroom, I have a few rules: be respectful to each other and me, don't talk when someone else is talking, and stay in your seat until the bell rings. That just about covers any situation. When you give a kid 100 rules, they just resent you and ignore them.

[wyldwolf]

5. Overall, good. Disagree with some of them

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

I disagree. I often see pictures my sisters-in-laws (who are 20 years younger than me) took in high school and college of their friends, parties, events, casual times, etc. and wish I'd had an easily accessible compact camera back in my day. Hell, I wish my parents and grandparents did!

I'm still friends with my first love from 9th grade. I realized recently we don't have any pictures together.

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

Good in theory, but every generation has 'their music' whether the last generation likes the stuff or not. I feel this is a nice way of telling kids 'your music sucks! Here, listen to the music I listened to back in the day (classic) or something new but not that shit you and your friends listen to."

And I actually think kids today to listen to a wider range of music than they did when I was a 'kid.'

But the points on being responsible, of not texting things you wouldn't say in person, are great.

[TheMadMonk]

60. Scientific study has actually determined that modern music...

...truly does suck.

There are fewer words, the melodies simplistic and repetetive, what complexity there is, is mostly added electronically in post production, and meaning is almost non-existent once you get past the invitations to sex and bragging about same.

[wyldwolf]

67. A study may have revealed those points about music...

... Saying those things 'suck' is still subjective. 50s music was immensely repetitive. And what did the study use in its definition of 'pop' music? One Spanish genre or the entire spectrum of popular music the world over? It doesn't say. Sounds like a bunch of grumpy old men waving a research paper and yelling 'see, your music sucks now get off my lawn you crazy kids!'

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

7. God damn... why not just give the kid a 1995 Motorola Flip Phone. Jeez.

Why not jut give the kid some $20 pay as you go phone. No internet. No texting. No media consumption. Dail-in, dial-out and voicemail.

I would venture to say that any parent that has to physically enumerate this many such rules is either a nazi micro-manager of a parent or has a little juvenile delinquent for a kid. Either way, poor parenting (possibly despite their best intentions).

[originalpckelly]

8. Kids need to at least have one rule for their parents:

Do you want me to take care of you when you get old? Then don't treat me like shit when I'm young.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

28. Seeing that the trend is parents still supporting their grown children,

that seems a rather empty proviso. Of course, she could have simply refused to buy the kid a cell phone....

[MineralMan]

24. Now, there's an excellent idea. That would work very well.

[RandiFan1290]

12. meh

More hokey email spam for morans to pass around to each other to help them feel like good parents

[SidDithers]

13. Dumbass mother. Why give the teen an iPhone at all...nt

Sid

[Berlum]

14. Sid

[JoePhilly]

15. Did she just suggest that the kid ..... Talk to a STRANGER??????

And told the kid not to take the phone to school???

No way. I want my kids to be able to reach me from wherever they are.

[Codeine]

16. Save shit like this for a weekly Bible study group email. nt

[Ikonoklast]

50. That "Mom" sounds like an authoritarian passive-aggressive pain in the arse.

Lots of "Thall Shall Nots" in that bullshit chain e-mail.

[REP]

58. And for other people who love terrible grammar along with 8 billion rules.

[Brickbat]

17. Micromanage much?

I find it odd that this person is being hailed as some kind of genius parent.

[trumad]

18. Rule for the cell phone in the trumad house.

To my 3 teenage kids.

Here's your new iPhone--- enjoy.

That was 4 years ago.

So far so good.

[Brickbat]

21. Thinking about this more -- if your teenager doesn't know these "rules" by the time he's a teenager,

maybe he shouldn't have an iPhone yet. Jesus.

[jeff47]

22. First, why bother with a smart phone if you're going to have these rules?

Just use a cheap dumb phone.

Second, if you actually want to enforce these rules, use the cell company to do so. Family plans include a great deal of control over what the phones in that plan can do. For example, don't want your kid calling or texting overnight? Use the web site to disable that on the kid's phone during overnight hours on school nights. Then you don't have to deal with forgetting...by you or "conveniently" by the kid.

[Arkana]

23. This sounds a little uptight to me. I understand some of the stuff about

"No porn" and and replacing it if it breaks, but jesus christ--handing over the phone every night? No pictures? No videos? Don't bring it to school? Mom needs to realize this isn't 1955 and she doesn't live in Mayberry anymore. Embrace technology.

[MineralMan]

25. My 15-year-old nephew

has some sort of desirable model of Android phone. I pay no attention to such things. Anyhow, his grandmother bought it for him after he whined for days about how his old android phone was all full of apps and running really slowly, etc. It cost $500.

So, now, a couple of months later, the nephew is whining about his new phone. It seems that it has slowed down and not all the apps work so well any more, etc. I pick the kid up after school every day, so he was directing his whining to me. I quietly suggested that he dump about half of his apps, delete most of the music files, and not use the phone so much as a substitute for a life.

His answer was that he'd probably just drop it and break it, so his grandmother would buy him a new one. I explained, even more quietly, that I would make very certain that his grandmother did not do that and that he should take excellent care of his $500 cell phone. Then I showed him my ancient Nokia flip phone that I converted to a Verizon pay as you go phone. I explained that I had another one just like that, and that it would be his next phone if he intentionally breaks the one his grandmother gave him. He seems to have gotten the point.

[Occulus]

27. Backup. Factory reset. Problem solved.

No, really. Problem solved.

[MineralMan]

30. I don't care, and that wasn't my point.

I know how to reset his phone. My wife has one just like it that she uses for work. The point is that he assigns no value to the device, because his grandmother just bought it for him when he whined about his old one.

I'm trying to teach him the value of things and the need to take care of them. I personally don't use a smart phone. I have no reason to. If I need a portable device, I have a tablet that works nicely. I don't work on the phone. I use my phone in case of emergencies or in case my wife needs to reach me.

This is not about technology. It is about value and comprehension. My nephew does not understand value, and comprehends nothing. I'm working on that. If it takes handing him an old flip phone to replace the Galaxy IIIs he is carrying, I will do that. I've already explained to my MiL about his comment about just dropping it to get her to buy him a new one. She will not buy him a new one. She was pissed to hear about that.

[Occulus]

34. You should use a different example, then,

because that $500 phone will depreciate to less than half its value in less than half a year. It's an inescapable truth; my $600 phone now sells for less than $100 on craigslist, and I got it 11 months ago. A year from now I probably won't be able to sell it for more than the price of a decent lunch.

It's hard to teach anyone about how valuable a thing is when it really isn't valuable halfway through the "lesson".

[MineralMan]

35. I'll give your advice about my relationship with my nephew

all the consideration it deserves.

[TheMadMonk]

62. The value is in what *I* pay for it at the time I pay it.

Not what it could be pawned for six month later when you get bored, or get a hard on for the next shiny shiny.

You came to me with that attitude, you'd get a 3210 with ORIGINAL battery glued in place for your troubles. If I could find the one that turned of in your pocket whenever you mashed the keypad, you'd get that.

[Occulus]

65. Is that supposed to impress me or something?

It only makes me think you deserve your own kids' mistrust. With bells on.

[TheMadMonk]

66. Don't care if it impresses you or not.

My point is, if I pay for it, it's value right up to the day *I* choose to dispose of it, is what I paid for it.

IF you don't or won't respect value/another's effort, you deserve nothing of value.

[Jennicut]

32. My daughters got Ipods for Christmas.

My husband and my mother in law bought them. They are only 7 and 8. They play games on them. I am thinking about making a little list for them of rules. I am more worried about them using them so much that they stop interacting. They need a break so I am thinking of setting up rules for time usage allowed. They are not allowed at their school to begin with so that takes care of that. And homework has to be done first. If it was up to me I might have waited a few years.

[SidDithers]

33. That's a good idea. There's iPod / computer time, there's homework time, and there's family time...

Our schools allow the iPods and phones at school. Our kids go to a French Immersion school, and they've got the Larousse English/French Dictionary, the French/French Dictionary, and the Bescherelle apps on their iPods. That's 3 fewer books that they have to lug back and forth to school.

Sid

[MrSlayer]

41. I really hate this kind of crap.

If you're just going to be a fucking dick about it, don't buy the thing. This smacks of authoritarian, fundy propaganda like those right wing chain emails. I doubt anyone actually did this.

[Xithras]

42. I have my own list of rules for my kids.

I have my own list, which my kids have learned is strictly enforced. All of my kids, including my daughter in college, abide by these. My position is simple...if you don't want the rules, pay for the phone yourself. If I'm paying, you can at least follow these common courtesies.

#1: If Mom or Dad calls, you answer. The primary reason we pay for your phone is to get a hold of you. If the phone isn't useful for that, there's no point in us paying for it.

#2: No using your cellphone while driving, biking, or skateboarding. This is one of only two acceptable exceptions to rule #1.

#3: No using your phone in class at school, or in places where your school prohibits them. That includes texting...if your teacher is giving a lecture and your phone vibrates, wait until the lecture is over to even LOOK at the text. Doing otherwise is just rude. Your parents both teach, and know how infuriating it can be to have a class discussion interrupted by a smartphone. This is the other exception to rule #1.

#4: No phones at the dinner table. Period.

#5: No talking/texting/IM'ing/facebooking/whatevering while you're talking to a real person. That's not just rude, it's insulting. Especially if that person is me.

#6: I always have the password.

#7: No sexting. Ever. For my teenagers: You're minors, which makes sexting a felony. For my adult: Sexting is stupid and can haunt you for years. I won't subsidize stupidity.

#8: If I want to review your texts, photos, or anything else on the phone, you will hand it over without argument. I promise not to do so without your knowledge, and will only do so if I have reason to believe that something untoward is going on (and will tell you what that reason is), but if I DO have a reason, I get to review it without a fight (ed: I've excepted my college-age daughter from this one).

#9: I will replace your phone once every 24 months. Even if you lose it after 3 or break it after 6. Take care of it.

#10: Don't be obnoxious. If I find out you're using it in movie theaters, restaurants, or other places where phone use is unacceptable, we'll have to reconsider whether you're mature enough to have one yet. I won't subsidize rudeness.

#11: If you piss me off, I have the right to take your phone away at any time without warning as punishment. I'm dad. It's within my purview. The social implications of losing your primary form of social connectivity are your problem. Consider that the next time you think about doing something stupid.

[mcar]

47. These are my basic rules too

Especially #11. DS is heading to driving age and is now traveling around with friends who drive so we're doing a lot of talking about cell phones and cars.

Still, this is a kid whose friends tease him because he uses proper grammar in his texts

[white_wolf]

48. This woman sounds like an idiot.

As others have said why not just pay a cheap flip phone and be done with it. It really does sound like some fundie chain letter or something.

[Warren DeMontague]

51. 19. You must acknowledge that THE GRATEFUL DEAD is the greatest band in the history of bands.

My phone, my rules dammit.

[7wo7rees]

52. Some will get addicted, some won't.

[billbailey19448jj]

53. The mother's rules are way too authoritarian, to be honest

I mean why even bother giving the kid such an expensive device in the first place, if the son can't even use about 90% of the features that are on it? Kinda defeats the whole purpose.

[uppityperson]

61. Are you Bill Bailey the musician? Welcome to DU.

[REP]

57. "I am LENDING it to you" or "I am MAKING A LOAN of it to you"

Important to teach kids how to speak their own damn language, too (I realize this is from a right wing nutbaggery site).

[RedCappedBandit]

59. Way too contrlling.

[dvhughes]

63. Why not just get him a flip phone???? Think.

I see a lot of criticism of this "authoritarian" Mom who is such a douchebag for handing down a set of rules with her iPhone gift and she could have just been a responsible parent and given him a flip phone.
Then there are some who even bitched about the fact that she has the audacity to call it a gift when, as stated in the first rule, she owns the phone, so then it is not a gift and she should not be so duplicitous in her semantics.

Please.

First off.
Flip phone? Really? The kid would prefer a three-pack of tube socks over a flip phone.
The iphone is a status symbol. You get that, right? And the Mom wanted to give the kid something to make him feel good amongst his peers. She's a monster!

The second thing I noticed that is lost on some of these replies is this:
Having a paid for, smart phone is a privilege, not a right.

Any parent has the right to set rules for use of privileges. Regardless of how anyone else feels about them. Just as you do.
I can be confident that in the future this kid won't be texting while visiting Grandma or hit by a bus while looking at his phone.

Then there are some of you that just sound like this:

[link:

|

[cali]

73. sorry, these parents are sick

[LWolf]

74. I like those rules.

But then, I spend all day every work day with large groups of adolescents, and I see how addicted they can get. I've dealt with the fallout of cyber-bullying and impulsive use of technology that, once out there, can't be taken back.