Don't Tell Your Daughter Not To Go Out-Tell You Son To Behave Properly

[kpete]

"I was raised as a particular kind of Christian and purity until marriage was very important. When I was 14 I went through a brief period of rebellion. During this time I met a guy named Tim. Tim was 24 and pretty much loser of the losers. But I was flattered by his attention at a bonfire and agreed to go with him for a ride the next day.

He picked me up from school and drove out into the desert near where we lived. We were joking and laughing and I didn't feel anything was wrong. Then he stopped the car. He pulled out a gun and leaned over in front of me aiming the gun out of the open window. He shot at a bird sitting in a tree. Then he pointed the gun at me and told me that if I didn't do exactly what he said he'd kill my sister. Not me—my little 11 year old sister. I did what he said and the next while is a bit of a blur. He did choke me at one point until I nearly passed out. I was 14 and a virgin. I had never even kissed anyone prior to this.

I was convinced that I was as guilty as he was due to the religious teachings of my childhood. We had been told that if you didn't fight back when being raped then you were guilty of fornication. I did not tell a soul about this event until I was 20. I told my mother who told me not to tell anyone because ‘what man would want me after that.’ She also said it would hurt my brother and my father too much if I told them. So I kept this inside for about 10 more years.

When I did finally tell a male friend what had happened he simply held me in his arms and cried with me. He was just a friend who cared so much and he encouraged me to get counseling. After years of effort I can talk about what happened and even recently posted publicly to my Facebook about what happened to me because the secrecy of rape is horrible. It makes you feel like you have done something wrong. But I did nothing wrong - I was young, impossibly young and in need of attention. The blame rests 100% with Tim. He robbed my innocence but he cannot rob who I am.

................

Women around the world offered powerful memories of fear, stigma and overcoming the past. Here are their stories, and if you have one to share, please submit it here:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/01/06/daily-beast-readers-share-their-stories-of-rape-and-sexual-assault.html

[Brickbat]

1. I have a daughter and a son, and I talk to each of them separately as well as in front of the

other sibling about gender roles, expectations, being human and doing the right thing.

[Buzz Clik]

3. Good plan.

[riverbendviewgal]

2. scary sad stories

K & R

[southernyankeebelle]

4. Well I use to tell my son to respect a young woman. If she says no she means no.

But I also told the young girls I worked with be careful and don't put yourself in a position that can get you at a disadvantage. I have told both my son and nieces and the young people I work with always be aware of your surroundings. Also drive yourself and make sure you don't drink. Always be in control because sometimes the people you choose as friends may not be your friend. You see trouble you are able to leave. I tell them to tell their friends you aren't happy what is going on and you are leaving and if you want to go this is the time to go or you will leave them. Make sure you have plenty of people to hear you tell them. Then they can't say you didn't warn them.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

5. I had only daughters. We gave them them options including self defense skills

and a open and safe environment at home. It has stood them in good stead. They never had that kind of problem.

In high school the issue for one was other girls. It was ugly in the short and long term, but she emerged unscathed.

[Tien1985]

6. k&r nt

[rhett o rick]

7. Good advice. nm

[Sirveri]

8. Is the problem my son, or is it everyone elses son?

[mykpart]

9. Ironic that most Republicans are against

the notion of "blame the victim" until it comes to rape. Then it's HER fault.