Man With Small Penis Worried Obama Will Take Away His Right To Overcompensate

[aggiesal]

It wasn’t long after the string of recent massacres that Eddie Johlen started to worry about himself. In fact, many Americans were feeling the same way. This fear for some is all-encompassing and for many it takes over their every thought.



You see, Eddie has a medical condition that requires the use of semi-automatic weapons with maximum capacity magazines that fire as fast as a finger can pull the trigger to inflict the most amount of damage possible. He needs this weapon to feel strong and secure and solid on his feet. He needs it to quench the thought of impending intrusions, uprisings of vampires, and the zombie apocalypse. He also needs it because he has an incredibly small penis and needs it to feel strong and worthy of a woman’s love.

Recently, President Obama has been looking at solutions to end high body-count massacres, and diminish other acts of gun violence. Eddie however feels that this is a direct attack against him and his medical condition. He told Free Wood Post, “That there president has no right to take away my right to show others that I can truly be a man by holding a piece of weaponry. It’s all I got. I need it. I have a doctor’s note and everything. My psychologist even told me that it helps with my paranoid personality disorder and delusions of grandeur. It’s a medical necessity. I thought the president cared about the health care of Americans, now this just proves he is a socialist commie marxist buddhist muslim hindu anti-American nazi. There’s a reason they call it a Bushmaster, because it helps you master getting bush. Without it, I’m just a man with a small willy.”

Even Bushmaster advertises that they offer their consumers a “man card” with every purchase. They have a partnership with the American Medical Association offering their services to those in need of overcompensation.

It’s apparent that Mr. Johlen will not give up his fight against his manhood. When told that he could still have a gun even if gun and ammunition reform were to pass as long as he showed he was mentally capable, passed a background check, and showed responsibility he replied, “It’s just not the same. If I can’t own the biggest and baddest out there I’m not going to be able to overcompensate to the best of my ability. I’d have to resort to just driving monster trucks with hanging balls off the back, and that’s just not good enough.”

http://www.freewoodpost.com/2013/01/16/man-with-small-penis-worried-obama-will-take-away-his-right-to-overcompensate/

*************************************************************************************
A friend sent me this, so I thought I share it!
Way too funny.

[Suich]

1. Oh, boy!

[longship]

2. Poifect!

Quote Mr. Johlen:

My Precioussss!

[freshwest]

3. LOL

[Ilsa]

4. That was funny, but I think they call it

"compensating", not "overcompensating."

[ceejdre82]

6. Thank you!!

[Canuckistanian]

7. Get well, Eddie

There's help available. You don't need to suffer any longer.

[amuse bouche]

8. I just love the title

So funny because there is so much truth in it

[Name Unpronounceable]

9. Funny

It sounds like an Onion article.

[valerief]

10. Ha! nt

[cynatnite]

11. Fucking brilliant! n/t

[BlancheSplanchnik]

12. totally snarfled all over my keyboard!

Shared on FB too!

[Demo_Chris]

13. If someone posted a similar type thing about women would that be as funny?

[CBGLuthier]

29. women are not usually that pathetic about how short their penises are.

If a woman has a problem with a small penis she can always go find one bigger.

I am sure those men on DU with small penises will be offended but such is life, you got to break a few penises if you want to make omelettes.

[HiPointDem]

30. they're equally pathetic about similar things.

[Bucky]

14. Ha ha. People who are crazy about guns have small penises. That's such a funny, original joke.

[cali]

15. yawn. more dull witted small penis dog shit.

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

16. I find this sexist... if someone were to suggest that

women tend to shoot smaller caliber firearms (.38 revolvers, .22 pocket/purse, derringers, 9mm, etc) and drive small cute cars to undercompensate for large gaping vaginas... that shit would cause WWIII here on DU. Given most of the comments on this thread ths far, I'd also say DU has quite the double standard. I'm pretty sure the average gun owner's dong is just that; average. Most men have average penises, that's just how statistics happens work out.

[cali]

18. you know, I was just thinking the same graphic thing.

it is sexist.

[zabet]

20. Yup

Sexist....pure and simple. Better ways to shame gun nuts than with gender/physical slurs. Suprising how many progressives support sexist posts like this.

[Bake]

46. There are "liberal" idiots just like there are conservative idiots.

I would posit that if they're making such sexist comments, they're not really liberal or progressive.

I find it annoying and hypocritical.

Bake

[zabet]

67. I agree. nt

[OregonBlue]

54. I agree that it's sexist but I couldn't help but laugh. I know it's wrong but hey.

[HiPointDem]

21. +1

[lumberjack_jeff]

37. +1 n/t

[yardwork]

43. That's correct. None of the feminists who ask DUers not to use sexist language are applauding this.

It's unfortunate that people complain about sexism by blaming others who are equally unhappy about sexism, instead of directly challenging the posters of sexism.

A more efficient approach would be to respond to the OP by asking them to self-delete the sexist post, not passively-aggressively blame this on feminists, who had nothing to do with this OP.

[dairydog91]

23. "Compensation" armchair psychology usually comes across as bunk.

Usually, it's as simple as being very selective who is "analyzed" for signs of compensation. One could claim that any flashy, aggressive, or non-mainstream action by any man is a form of compensation. However, partisan logic is applied to determine which items to apply the small penis theory to. Hence, you won't see many posters on DU claiming that owning a Prius or a Tesla Volt is a form of male compensation.

As for the sexism, I agree there. Holy hell, if someone posted a comment suggesting that women who owned a particular item had huge vaginas and that having a huge vagina makes a woman unworthy of love or sexual attention, people would be screaming bloody murder.

[Bonobo]

25. I got lambasted for saying that very same thing last month.

People seemed to feel it was misogyny to refer to vaginas in the way you just did, but I think your point is exactly right.

[RandiFan1290]

33. Here's my hidden post

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=2124244

In a thread about ‘tiny penises’

[Squinch]

32. I understand that many of my DU friends find this kind of thing offensive, and therefore I don't

engage in jokes about guns and penis size.

BUT the fact is that there are many men out there who DO use guns to prove something about their manhood. Not all of them, of course, but many. Guns are an area where men do this. Women really don't. I am sure there are things we do that we think prove our femininity, but I can't come up with any corelate to men and guns.

Even Bushmaster recognizes this and awards that "real man" card to their purchasers. I find THAT offensive. Much more than jokes that take that attitude to its logical conclusion. Advertisements for guns center around men's men going on missions and proving their dominance. They all imply that guns are for the man's man and if you don't get that, you aren't a man's man.

If I were a man those ads and that attitude are where I would direct most of my outrage over misandry. It is the gun companies and the gun owners themselves who are suggesting that guns make one "more of a man."

Edited: downthread the "man cards" are pictured. Notice how it says that the purchase of the gun saves the man from "complete humiliation." I would really think that would be a LOT more offensive to men than a joke that plays off on that ridiculous attitude.

[phleshdef]

40. Women have a history of being oppressed in this country. Men don't.

The oppressed get a free pass, the oppressors don't. That's the way this culture works and I'm just fine with that.

[phleshdef]

59. Federal Railroad Administration?

Frankfurt International Airport?
Florida Reading Association?
Furry Rectums Anonymous?

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

62. it's the antithesis of 'MRA' nt

[phleshdef]

66. Magnetic Resonance Angiogram?

Marketing Research Association?
Microcredit Regulatory Authority?
Mutant Registration Act?

[closeupready]

49. It's a dated method of rhetorical castration,

whose logic hinges on long-discredited Freudian bullshit, in which the only two motives in life are sex and death, and assumptions about human nature which derive from those alleged natural instincts/drives/whatever.

I'm not sure if I find it offensive, so much as I find it predictable among older feminists and rural, uneducated ones, and thus, I can't be bothered to check in, most of the time.

It's a kind of argument that's been done, over and over. Not exactly what I'd call bold or provocative, lol.

This particular one was a bit over-the-top, and since you so bravely pointed out the low-down man-hating sexism here, I applaud you, and wanted to add my own thoughts. Cheers.

[sendero]

17. This is silly...

... there is no way to "overcompensate" for a small penis and the only ways to "compensate" don't involve material things.

[malaise]

19. Freaking perfect

Rec

[99Forever]

24. Nerve...

... meet struck.

[geckosfeet]

26. I love trashing trashy posts.

Click.

[DCofVA]

27. Great article! Really funny.

The small penis is just an analogy.

[JoePhilly]

28. If it wasn't true, they wouldn't be giving out Man cards, with each purchase.

[Earth_First]

34. How is this relevant?

This proves nothing other than sexist is sexist.

[JoePhilly]

36. Its part of the marketing campaign ... and I'd assume they know their market.

Guys who feel more manly thanks to the type of "manly" weapons they own.

[EarthWindFire]

31. is this not

sexism?

[In_The_Wind]

35. ~ K ~

[IMG][/IMG]

[Dpm12]

38. WTF?

I never thought I would read something like that. Pretty good though

[dawg]

39. Because men with small penises should be humiliated and ashamed of that.

It's the ultimate insult to throw at these gun owners, isn't it?

[yardwork]

48. Exactly. It's the same as saying "that's so gay" about something stupid.

[HappyMe]

42. Oh goody! Sexist bullshit!

It wasn't funny the first 100 times. Still not funny.
Grow up.

[closeupready]

50. "Grow up" - likely, the poster is over 60.

That's the kind of rhetoric many 70's-era feminists used, and also there's the Freudian logic that no young, educated person uses anymore.

[aggiesal]

55. 51

[closeupready]

57. Why did you feel the need to resort to this type of humor?

All it does is divide the community here.

If gender-based separatism is what you support, then I'd suggest another board for that purpose.

[aggiesal]

58. Because it is HUMOR!

We can't laugh at ourselves once in a while?

I originally thought it was an article from "The Onion"

Stop taking things so seriously. Please!
Just laugh and see the humor in it.

[closeupready]

60. Well, ok, whatever.

Still, there is no connection between dick size and support for the second amendment.

So, IMO, the joke falls flat.

But whatever, moving on.

[yardwork]

44. I'm strongly in favor of gun control but I don't think that this is the right approach.

There are people with small penises, and they endure a lot of taunting as it is. They don't need to be equated with gun nuts. In fact, I doubt that most of the people opposed to gun control have small penises. I don't think that the two things are related at all.

This OP is similar to OPs that mock Republicans by speculating that they are gay. In both instances we end up ridiculing people by equating them with something bad.

Let's make fun of gun nuts for being gun nuts.

[HappyMe]

47. Gun control is a serious issue.

We are on the brink of having important changes occur. To me, this kind of post cheapens the issue, and adds nothing of value to any discussion.

[aggiesal]

56. We need to lighten up.

We can't laugh at ourselves?

Read this!
It will change your mind about why the 2nd amendment was implemented.
http://truth-out.org/news/item/13890-the-second-amendment-was-ratified-to-preserve-slavery

And, it has nothing to do with protecting the citizens from the tyranny of the government,
but allowing the States to maintain a militia to preserve slavery.

[aggiesal]

63. You're probably right.

But I posted the Truth-Out.org story which the more serious article on the 2nd amendment,
and I got 2 responses. Absolutely no conversation. Even no response from you.

I post the story about the penis size, and I've received over 60 responses, including yours!

Analyze that!

[jpak]

45. It's twue! It's twue!

[closeupready]

51. You think this is funny, because you're old.

You probably watch Lawrence Welk and Donnie and Marie Show re-runs on Youtube.

AND you enjoy that as 'entertainment.'

[HockeyMom]

52. As the WIFE of a life NRA member

My only comment is:

[LindaCollins11]

53. LindaCollins11

Had to read this three times laughing too hard to take it all in. Wonderful!

[Algebra Palin]

61. the bushmaster

Is long and black...and it's called a bushmaster. Emphasis on bush.

[mysuzuki2]

64. I will be brutally honest here. I think the small penis/guns thing is a bit silly.

I have a rather small penis. About 5" at my best. I have never felt it necessary to compensate by owning and carrying firearmse no need to do so. I have no need to do so. I have a long, powerfull motorcycle, throbbing between my legs everytime I want to go for a ride. Woo-hoo!

[great white snark]

65. By "brutally honest" I didn't think it would mean the actual size of mr. winky.

TMI dude.