Cynthia Nixon (Sex & the City) says being gay is a choice

[Neue Regel]

http://news.yahoo.com/actress-claim-gay-choice-riles-activists-201717513.html

The actress best known for portraying fiery lawyer Miranda Hobbes on "Sex and the City" is up to her perfectly arched eyebrows in controversy since The New York Times Magazine published a profile in which she was quoted as saying that for her, being gay was a conscious choice. Nixon is engaged to a woman with whom she has been in a relationship for eight years. Before that, she spent 15 years and had two children with a man.

"I understand that for many people it's not, but for me it's a choice, and you don't get to define my gayness for me," Nixon said while recounting some of the flak gay rights activists previously had given her for treading in similar territory. "A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it's a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn't matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not."

Among the activists most horrified by Nixon's comments was Truth Wins Out founder Wayne Besen, whose organization monitors and tries to debunk programs that claim to cure people of same-sex attractions with therapy. Besen said he found the actress' analysis irresponsible and flippant, despite her ample caveats.

"Cynthia did not put adequate thought into the ramifications of her words, and it is going to be used when some kid comes out and their parents force them into some ex-gay camp while she's off drinking cocktails at fancy parties," Besen said. "When people say it's a choice, they are green-lighting an enormous amount of abuse because if it's a choice, people will try to influence and guide young people to what they perceive as the right choice."


More at the link

[XemaSab]

1. Also:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002223176

[Neue Regel]

2. Oh, sorry....I didn't realize it had already been discussed

[XemaSab]

10. It's all good

[Quantess]

3. Honestly it sounds like she is bisexual, and always has been.

Heteros don't do so well at "choosing" to have a gay relationship/encounter, if they didn't have it in them already.

[liberalhistorian]

51. No kidding. I will never believe

that being gay or bisexual is a "choice". I've never known any gay, lesbian or bi person who made that "choice". And, though I certainly love and appreciate my fellow women, as a hetero I have never been the slightest bit romantically or sexually attracted to women and can't imagine being so, not even at my very drunkest. I simply cannot imagine making such a "choice", just as those who are gay cannot imagine the "choice" of being hetero. I like to ask those who hate gays and believe it's a conscious "choice" when, specifically, they "decided" to be hetero. When did they "choose" to be hetero (I won't use the term "straight" because that implies that there's something "wrong" or "crooked" with being gay). That usually shuts them right up.

[Quantess]

53. I'm hetero but I once ended up in a threesome.

It wasn't terrible or yucky, just very boring. Unsexy. Not something I ever want to do again.

[arely staircase]

4. spoken like a true (and slightly confused) bi-sexual woman. nt

[Veruca Salt]

48. +1

[icymist]

5. quote: "let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not" WTF?

She is clearly bisexual and therefore can 'choose' who she wants for a partner.

[Neue Regel]

7. She's afraid if she says she is bisexual then people won't like her

from the article:

"I don't pull out the "bisexual" word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals," she said. "But I do completely feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and in lust with those men. And then I met (her fiancé) Christine and I fell in love and lust with her. I am completely the same person and I was not walking around in some kind of fog. I just responded to the people in front of me the way I truly felt."



To her, being liked is apparently more important than being honest

[The Genealogist]

13. I don't like that idea, either

Of course, I can understand to a point where she is coming from. I have heard so many gay men and lesbians talk nasty about bisexual people. And then, bisexuals get trashed by a lot of heterosexuals to boot.

[Heddi]

17. I'm bisexual

MANY Straight women think I'm icky (I've been told, by straight women I know..not ALL for god's sake...but many...that they find bisexuality/lesbianism "Gross". "Ew, why do you want to be all up in something that smells like THAT?" My response: well, most importantly if your vagina smells like anything other than a vagina, then you have an infection and need to be checked out. Secondly, a little soap and water go a long way. Thirdly, let's talk about smegma, shall we?)

SOME lesbians that I know (not all...some) have told me I'm confused

the gay men I know don't give a shit

It's even trickier when you're a bisexual woman (me) married! to a straight man (Mr. Heddi), in an open relationship and "dating" other couples. Try bringing that up at the water cooler at work...not happening.

[arely staircase]

14. i didn't see that part; yeah, she's a sister.

to tell the truth i find this denial more common among bi-sexual men who claim to be straight. a bi-woman claiming to be a lesbian, not so much. but maybe i haven't been to as many rodeos as i think. lol

[Donald Ian Rankin]

42. Or, alternatively, she doesn't think the word accurately describes her.

And she ought to know, and there's no possible way you can.

[mmonk]

6. It may be a relationship choice to her

but I wouldn't say that is the case with most people. Most people are attracted to who they are attracted to and don't feel that same attraction in an opposite way. I agree with those that think she may be bisexual because it fits what she says.

[cpwm17]

8. If it's a choice for her she's bisexual

That is the answer to everyone who claims it's a choice - that person must be bisexual. For everyone else it's not a choice.

[Ruby the Liberal]

9. Sounds to me like she's bi-sexual.

[xchrom]

11. She is an admitted bi. But really doesn't like the term.

Supposed flak from straights & the gay community has her fleeing from bi & 'using' choice.

Pretty fucked up.

[teddy51]

12. I think the reallity is, you can pretend to not be GLBT but that is exactlly what

it is. A pretence. I actually asked a close friend of mine about choosing to be gay or not and he said that he could pretend to not be, but that is what it would be, a pretence.

[provis99]

15. the Kinsey Reports proved sexuality was a continuum, not an either\or thing.

so we need to stop this shit that a person is either completely a heterosexual, or competely a homosexual, as it is evident there is an entire gamut of people left out by the heterosexual and homosexual people with a control and power agenda.

[randome]

29. You are so right. Things are never as black and white as we want them to be, are they?

[Cracklin Charlie]

16. What difference does it make?

I have never understood this argument. Why shouldn't it be a choice? Just because that choice is different, doesn't make it wrong. The parents who think they could forever force their children to do anything would probably still send them to re-education camps.

I just think the dichotomy between choice and born that way clouds the issue, and ends any discussion of what's at the bottom line...the pursuit of happiness. This is probably harder for me to understand, as I tend to operate from a liberal viewpoint.

[rbnyc]

18. I agree.

It's not okay to be gay because it's not a choice. It's okay to be gay because it's okay to be gay.

[pnwmom]

19. Exactly. Whether it's perceived as a choice, a partial choice, or entirely

not a choice, shouldn't matter.

"It's okay to be gay because it's okay to be gay."

[Viking12]

36. +1

[yardwork]

31. I agree. I'm a lesbian.

I understand why so many people are averse to the word "choice," but I feel that that is letting the right-wing bigots define the field. The bigots shout that being gay is a choice and that therefore we should be ashamed to make this choice. That is completely false on every level. In fact, it's projection. It's the haters who are choosing to hate.

[sibelian]

21. The pursuit of HAPPINESS?

It's got nothing to do with the pursuit of happiness. It's about being honest with yourself and the world around you - if you're gay, you're gay. People don't "become" gay for "reasons".

Thank you for thinking I ought to be able to pursue happiness, but that's not really the issue here.

[stockholmer]

52. so well put, people need to stop pandering to bigots who try to take legitimacy away from 'choice'

[sibelian]

20. So she's a sex tourist, is she?

She wanted to try out some same sex fun to expand her sense of choiceyness? "Me, me, me, I'm ALLOWED to be gay because of the colossal importance of me and my say in myself"?

Well, I'm gay, Cynthia, and I wish you you weren't. Please go and find some other minority to play in.

[Quantess]

22. Entertainers aren't always the smartest or well educated or well informed people.

I wish we as a society would stop placing so much esteem in what they say. Researchers and scientists study and analyze and verify and re-verify topics, and yet we listen to some hair-brained celebrity's gut-instinct instead.

(Hey by the way that goes for politicians, too!)

[Proud Liberal Dem]

28. Excellent response!

[yardwork]

32. So we let the dumb ones define our terms?

It won't help us win more rights. That's been proven by the utter fail of "just don't call it marriage" as a strategy for obtaining equal rights. The bigots aren't protecting the word marriage. They're enshrining marriage between a man and a woman as the only relationship that is protected and privileged. The idea that we could win equal rights if we let them have the word marriage was a complete take-in, as many of us recognized.

It's the same with the "choice" issue. We can retreat and retreat, letting the bigots and haters have the privilege of defining terms and deciding how we will identify, but that accommodation won't win us rights. It will simply empower the haters.

I choose to define myself in my own terms. The haters don't get to decide that for me.

[stevenleser]

38. Exactly. F__k letting Right wing bigots control how we use language and describe each other nt

[yardwork]

50. I respect and appreciate that you have dropped the "choice" term at the request of LGBTQ folks.

There is far from agreement on this and myriad other issues among folks who define ourselves as LGBTQ and a host of other identities. That's true of most minority groups, I guess.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

27. I've always believed that

Last edited Sat Jan 28, 2012, 12:17 PM - Edit history (1)

People choose behavior (to do or not to do something), NOT orientation (who somebody is attracted to). However, that being said, whether or not being GLBTQ is a "choice" or not should not really even be a consideration. Our constitution is supposed to protect all kinds of personal choices and private behaviors assuming they do not impinge on the freedom/well-being of other people. After all, practicing a certain kind of religion is a "choice" that is fully protected by law. Why should private consensual sexual behavior be subject to different consideration- even if it is "chosen"?

[yardwork]

33. Exactly.

[Bucky]

30. Dumb headline to OP. She said SHE chose to be gay. If she self-identifies as gay, so be it.

She didn't say being gay is a choice. She said she chose it. People get to be what they want to be. This is hardly a controversy.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

34. I think that what the OP is saying (OP correct me if wrong)

is that saying that she "chose" to be gay just gives more ammo to people whom keep pushing "gay conversion" therapies out of their misguided belief that sexual orientation is malleable and that changing one's sexual orientation to heterosexuality is desirable/necessary. I'm sure that Ms. Nixon did not mean for it to be harmful nor to have that effect. But remember, some people don't do nuance nor understand things like we do.

[Neue Regel]

39. Yes, that was the jist of my comment

Having someone so high profile tell the New York Times magazine has the potential to set back gains made by the GLBT community by years, if not decades. I think her comments were irresponsible at best.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

44. Yeah

I agree with many previous posters that Ms. Nixon sounds more like she is bisexual (closer to the middle of the Kinsey scale) rather than gay (closer to that end of the Kinsey scale), which does seem to give one some degree of "choice" and flexibility in terms of romantic/sexual partners and behavior at any given time but most people simply don't understand enough about human sexuality and all of its nuances to fully understand what she is saying/suggesting by her comments. Most people are probably going to zero in on the "choice" aspect of her comments and come away thinking maybe it really is a *choice*.

Of course, it's quite possible that this could wind up being one of those "teachable" moments too. .

[stevenleser]

35. Cynthia Nixon is a treasure. She should not be castigated because of a desire to appease bigots.

I met her several years ago at a political event. I sat down next to her and we talked for a good half hour. She didnt know me from Adam and was very warm and gracious. She was the same way with anyone else who wanted to approach and talk to her.

The point is not to try to appease bigots who are trying to claim that orientation is a choice. The point is to push for complete acceptance and equality. Cynthia Nixon has every right to express her point of view and her sexuality without being attacked from the right or left.

[Donald Ian Rankin]

37. What she said is quite right; what the headliner wrote is not.

For some people, their sexuality is a choice; for others, it isn't.

What Nixon actually said is "I understand that for many people it's not, but for me it's a choice".

What the headliner wrote is "Cynthia Nixon (Sex & the City) says being gay is a choice".


I do think that she has a strong point about people being desperate to deny that sexuality is a choice *for some people*, in the face of all the evidence, for political reasons - their appears to be a lot of that in this thread, sadly. I'm particularly contemptuous of the people trying to deny that she's gay.

[Neue Regel]

40. I liken her comment to someone saying...

"For me, being black is a choice."

That statement is obviously ridiculous and would be rejected out of hand by everyone, but Nixon's falsehood is allowed to gain traction and will be used as ammo against the GLBT community by the haters.

[Donald Ian Rankin]

41. Do you have one single shred of evidence for that?

Faced between choosing to believe her about what's going on in her head, and choosing to believe you, why on earth would I believe you?

Especially when, alongside the testimonies of a great many people who say that for them sexuality is/was not a choice, I also have a non-trivial number of others who say that for them it is/was?

Why do you, and why should I, believe that all those people are mistaken or lying?

[slackmaster]

43. Being a highly-paid professional doesn't necessarily mean you aren't ignorant about some things

[Donald Ian Rankin]

47. What makes you think she's ignorant?

Do you have any evidence that she's wrong about the contents of her own head?

[Politicub]

45. Sounds like a couple of my friends who were LUGS

Lesbian until graduation.

It seems that women sometimes have a more fluid sexuality.

I could care less about what Cynthia Nixon thinks, though. All this is good for is a right wing talking point.

[HughBeaumont]

49. I think the issue is not so much her right to say "it's a choice" . . .

. . . but rather the irresponsibility of saying it.

That's all well and good for an actress with gobs of money and freedom to publicly say "for ME, it's a choice". Cynthia Nixon isn't being oppressed or suppressed in any way, shape or form.

Does the same standard hold true for a gay teen with intolerant parents in Oklahoma, Alabama, Mississippi, rural Ohio or Montana? Often times, they can't just move to a gay-friendlier area if they want to come out from under their parent's thumb. They have nowhere to go. They don't have a voice. Sometimes, it doesn't "get better". Who speaks for them while their parents are under the impression that they CAN be "cured"? Even in adulthood, these problems with parents, relatives and colleagues still exist. Multiply this by thousands upon thousands, and you'll see why it's an issue with some.

At the same time people attest that the bigots cannot and do not get to define what "gayness" is, let's not discount the reality of the anti-gay movement's ubiquitousness that, whether you like it or not, WILL and IS ALREADY defining that. They have money, power, the churches, more than a few congresspersons and Senators, presidential candidates, their own networks, etc. They read something like this and, whether you think it's stupid or not, it DOES give them a case.