LOL - Rick Moranis: Another trip to the GOP's all-you-can-eat buffet

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By Rick Moranis:

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20120129/WIRE/120129491/1042/opinion?Title=Another-trip-to-the-GOP-s-all-you-can-eat-buffet

MITT ROMNEY: I loved it, Sherm. And so did my beautiful wife, our five sons and five daughters-in-law and our 165 grandkids and their spouses. You know, this is breakfast in America. And America is an All You Can Eat Buffet, or rather, should be. This president wants us all to eat gruel — the very same gruel. And he wants to take the Mama Belle's fine maple-sweetened turkey off my plate and give it to you. Now I'm happy to share it with you, Sherm, and as you saw on my tax returns I share a lot of my good fortune, which I'm not ashamed of, with the many less fortunate among us. And I'll continue to do that and more, which is why it's imperative that we keep charitable contributions deductible. But, Sherm, not every American can afford to participate in a full buffet. Now the speaker, I noticed, went up to the buffet the first time with a small plate, suggesting he might just participate in a more modest, less costly option of cold cereal and fruit.

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NEWT GINGRICH: I'm not going to address the factual untruths in the governor's appallingly false accusations. That's frankly a complete waste of my time. The governor might think himself a keen observer, but he has his history fundamentally incorrect. The fact is, and this can be seen as of tomorrow morning in the motel's digital confirmation, which will be posted on our campaign website, is that we prepaid the full buffet at the time of our advance booking (APPLAUSE) and unlike the governor, and out of respect and in deference to the overworked and underpaid undocumented alien dishwashers in the back (APPLAUSE), who are afraid under this president to register so that they can earn a decent wage and maybe someday participate openly and freely in what Ronald Reagan poignantly called the American Buffet, I decided to use only one plate for everything. (APPLAUSE) Now that may not appeal to an elitist, moderate from Massachusetts with his own “Epic of Gilgamesh” for a personal tax return

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RICK SANTORUM: Once again, I have a very different perspective. My wife and I have somewhere close to a dozen kids or so, and we can't afford to take the whole bunch of them to an All You Can Eat Buffet whenever we just feel like it. We're staying up the road at a campsite and cooking our own breakfast over an open fire, like most Americans do every single morning. Before the debate, I had a chance to talk to Midge over there, who works as a housemaid here at the Quality Country Inn, and she told me she's never been to the buffet either. Not only can she not afford it, but she works on Sundays. Well, that's simply not fair. As president, I would make sure that we had guaranteed buffet accessibility for every working American. And another thing: I think most Americans are offended when they see a buffet table that has both mother and child offered up together. Every life is uniquely precious. And to see eggs served on the same buffet with poultry is simply tragic and unacceptable.

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RON PAUL: Look, the problem isn't the buffet. The problem is the reason they have the buffet in the first place. If markets were allowed to stay open on the weekends, then restaurants would be able to get fresh deliveries every day and wouldn't have to liquidate their old inventories every Sunday under a disguise of being something special with a fancy name. Newt's right. That honeydew was horrible. But it's no surprise, because it's out of season and old and from South America. We need to get out of South America's business. These stupid displays of excess all just lead to bubbles. I'm a doctor. Look at the size of people who go to buffets.

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