So last night I told my oldest sister not to contact me anymore

[coeur_de_lion]

During the presidential campaign, we argued over whether the taxpayers pay for Obama's campaign stops. I explained back then that campaign finance laws dictate that an incumbent president reimburse the government for expenses of the campaign (including the use of Air Force One). That this doesn't just apply to Obama; it applied to GW Bush too. I also explained that Obama is the first incumbent president to forgo public financing, so he raised all of his campaign funds on his own. No involuntary taxpayer funds paid for Obama's campaign.

She blocked me on facebook.

Then last week my grand niece was born. Sister sent me an email telling me to check out her granddaughter's pics on facebook. I wrote back a one line email that I couldn't because she blocked me. Back and forth a few times, she came back with the same tired argument that the taxpayers paid for Obama's campaign expenses, vacations, and "boondoggles" whatever that means. That Obama was vacationing too much. And that she couldn't be bothered to unblock me on facebook because she is to busy, and I can check out the pics on her son's facebook.

So I linked her an article comparing presidential vacation days. As we all know * used more days than any president in recent history. I reiterated the campaign finance laws.

Tied into all of this is that she is getting married the week before I am, so I can't go to her wedding. She is angry at me for not clearing my wedding date with her. I explained that my wedding was going to be a private quiet destination wedding, with possibly a public reception on our 1st wedding anniversary. That it had been planned before she got engaged, and that I didn't need her permission set a date to get married. That all of my vacation days were used up for my honeymoon so no matter what I couldn't have attended her wedding anyway.

Then I pulled out the big guns. Keep in mind we are a very large Irish family with ferocious tempers, and I was losing mine fast. I've been fed up with her spouting Fox News crap for a few years now.

I told her that I couldn't think of a good reason she would hate the president so, that I was starting to wonder if she was racist. But since I don't want to believe that of my own sister, I choose to believe she merely likes to create drama. That I don't even know her anymore, I've recently lost respect for her because of this.

She certainly never used to be this type of person. Out of a large noisy Irish family she was always the most mellow, slow moving, apathetic of my siblings. Couldn't be stirred to argue.

Finally, I asked her to leave me off her facebook, and not to contact me anymore.

When I lose my temper it stays lost a long time. I'm not sure I'll speak to her again and it doesn't bother me at all.

Thoughts?

[shenmue]

1. That's too bad :(

I hope someday it gets better.

[fitman]

16. Please mend with your things up

with you sister..life is way too short to be angry and such...especially over politics..because be honest no matter what each of you do it does not mean a hill of beans..100 years from now liberals and conservatives will still be fighting.

I had a fight with my sister years ago and we have since got back together.

[dballance]

150. Why Should She Try to Mend Things With Her Sister?

They are sisters by birth and not choice. It's a choice to be a Republican and to believe all their lies. It's a choice for her sister to repeat them. If we don't start getting angry over politics then how will we change things?

You can't make the argument what people do is irrelevant. What the founding fathers did was not irrelevant. What the people in Seneca Falls, Selma and Stonewall did mattered. What the single individual Rosa Parks did mattered. All of what they did meant far more than a hill of beans.

[Katashi_itto]

193. I agree. I am estranged from my family I have no regrets. I plan on pissing on my fathers grave

Seems to be the only thing that ever shook him up, my attitude towards him, when I explained what I intended to do after he kicked off. It was the last time I ever spoke to him. A true piece of work he is. Not exactly the attitude to maintain for being Buddhist, but hey, I'm only human.

[ZombieHorde]

2. I'm sorry you are fighting with your sister over politics. nt

[TheBlackAdder]

9. +1 on that. nt

[Autumn]

3. I think that's a sad thing, I can understand the arguments over weddings and stuff like that

but to close a family member out of your life because of politics is terrible. Any President will be gone in 4 or 8 years, and certainly not worth losing a Sister over. You should just agree not to discuss politics. That's what I do, I have republican family members and we don't discuss that stuff.

[peacebird]

4. I hope your and the rest of your family remain close, and i hope one day your sister & you can

find the love you once had. It sounds like for now though you have made a decision that was hard, but needed. (Hugs)

I am fortunate in my older brother, he would do anything for me. And I for him. My husbands brother is (as they say) a horse of another color...... It pains me, as I come from a close family, but contact with his brother is so toxic that it threatened our marriage.
It has been years back, and now they have reconnected, but it is still a cautious, somewhat arm length relationship instead of the full bear hug family type.

[snooper2]

5. I all would say...

is if you have kids, suck it up for them...

I have been estranged from part of my family for a quite while. My daughter hasn't asked where the other "grandpa" is yet...

[Raine1967]

6. This sounds like more than politics.

Altho it does appear that it's a trigger.

You paragraph about the wedding reminds me a bit of the relationship I have with my sister. I wish I could say it doesn't bother me -- but it does.

I hope you can find a resolution, if you do, tell me how it happened?

[Warpy]

7. Well, you've surely heard of Irish Alzheimer's

That's when you forget everything but a grudge.

Likely big sister's conversion to right wing hate has something to do with the lout she is marrying.

Since it's a big family, you can be content with getting messages from her second hand for the short term.

Long term, a birth or death will eventually throw you together and you can patch things up or confirm that you want nothing to do with each other.

Irish tempers are pure hell to cope with, I have one of those myself. It sounds like this one's been building up for some time and it will also take time to get over it, if either of you ever does.

[coeur_de_lion]

90. Here's to Irish tempers

[Aerows]

200. hello

I have one. It's a tough row to hoe. Just state in no uncertain terms that discussion of politics are off limits.

Talk about the kids, the dogs and the fence at the neighbor's house if you have to, just leave politics alone.

[etherealtruth]

8. Such an unfortunate situation

I love my siblings very much and can't fathom not speaking to them over politics.

Sad, very sad.

[CK_John]

10. True believers never change, just adapt. Try asking why she believes that

and it will probably put her on the spot because she probably doesn't know.

Or she is just a bigot and trying to hide it.

[Egalitarian Thug]

11. Life's too short to suffer stupid people. Some of the great myths of our dominant culture is that

family is the most important thing, that when the chips are down it is they that will help you get through, that the great unspokens (religion, politics, and money) are not worth losing your relatives over.

Well, a lifetime of experience as a serial monogamist has taught me that this is pretty much unadulterated BS. While these myths have proven true much of the time in my own family (except the money one, never get between a WASP and their bank account), I have had the opportunity to learn first-hand that in many (most?) other families none of this applies except when they are looking for help from you.

If your sister is as big a nut as you indicate, cut your losses and make your own family from those that have proven themselves reliable through actions and forget the rest.

[Awknid]

92. Unfortunately, I must agree with you, Egalitarian Thug.

My experience was complete trust and devotion to my family until I was shown that they never did have my best interest in mind. It all changed drastically in about ten years. So all of you who think your family will be there if you need them - better have a plan B just in case! Thing do change sometimes, weather you want them to or not. And it is not fun!

[coeur_de_lion]

103. I don't have to worry about this sister

She has never been there for me. She never would have been even if this rift never happened.

[sigmasix]

159. Teabagger brother and wife same way

I have a brother that is a tried and true fox "news" victim. He's such a right wing dogma oriented person that he claims I am faking having cancer over the last 10 years, 5 different chemotherapies and 4 major life threatening operations. My older brother and his right wing teabagger wife claim it's all a big lie to get attention and disability for me. I've invited him and his wife to speak with my oncologist about thier certainty of me faking serious intestinal cancer- My "brother" and his wife refuse to speak to any of the medical professionals that work with me at the cancer clinic or the surgeons that operated on me; they claim I bribed the oncologist to say I have cancer.
My "brother" and his wife are evil people. My wife and I told him and his wife that they are no longer considered part of our family until they appologize and make amends- they claim we are over-reacting; that it's just a difference of opinion and it shouldnt upset us. This is the problem with Right wing teabagger fox "news" fans; they think everything, including medical facts, are just opinions. The opinion that I would fake this sort of serious illness and pay a bribe to a medical professional to say I have cancer is one of the most offensive and degrading things a person can do to another, let alone a little brother. I miss him sometimes, but not enough to go back to be treated like the scum of the earth. Anyone that accuses a cancer fighter of faking it deserves to be recognized as a particularly nasty person and treated accordingly. My brother and his family are banned from my eventual funeral and any other important milestone in the life of the family my wife and I have created. Sometimes family members grow-up to be toxic and dangerous- the best thing to do is knock the dust from your sandals as you walk away from them.

[chillfactor]

114. same here...

after my parents died, everything that went wrong in my family was my fault......I became very tired of ugly, hateful phone calls and emails.....I finally moved out-of-state eight years ago and enjoy the quiet life I now have with friends......

[idwiyo]

111. +1. Family is who you chose, not who you have a misfortune (sometimes) to share DNA with.

[Honeycombe8]

12. I hate to hear that. My family is mainly rightwingnuts.

Rule #1....avoid politics with rightwingnuts. I tell them we will have to agree to disagree. They keep trying to draw me into a political discussion (on the phone...they're in another state). Sometimes I do, but we manage not to get too out of sorts. But I am careful to keep it short, and I NEVER bring it up.

I don't have to wonder about MY family. They ARE racist.

I hate to hear that you and your sister have cut off communications. I cut off communications with a prior sister in law, but she's not blood relative. Families get more important as I get older. I'm glad we've stayed in contact and managed to stay on speaking terms. The sharing of medical conditions, particularly genetic or hereditary, is important, as well as the shared memories, and in my case, the same sense of humor and same likes and dislikes of some things, because we were raised the same.

Still...sometimes it's unavoidable and a person just has to accept that that's a bad relationship and not healthy for you. I have done that for years at a time. You are your first consideration. There's no need to subject yourself to a mean, rude person just because she's a relative.

She probably won't change, though. Rightwingnuts...they're something else. Hatred forms a big part of who they are, IMO.

[LeftInTX]

13. Avoid discussing politics with her

My dad is one of those right wing nuts, who is a neocon. He tries to impose his view on me and I just ignore him. I don't think he even knows what my political views are anymore. We've been disagreeing since Vietnam. He went to Vietnam, when I was 10, and rubbed it in our faces when we protested as teenagers. He hates Democrats and I have no idea why anymore, nor do I want to know why. I just avoid politics if he brings it up.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

14. You're justified in disowning your sister. It's high time for zero-tolerance for right-wingnuttery.

Those people are idiots and refuse to live in the real world. They are dangerous with their stupidity. It's time to exile them to their fates. I don't care who they are. If they want to challenge reality, then do what you have to do, family or not. It's OVER!

And in case it isn't obvious to most of you by now, I hate right-wingers with the white-hot intensity of a plasma torch. And I'm very un-apologetic about it.

[LeftofObama]

19. Agree 100%!

I have a right wing aunt that I have absolutely no use for. I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with right wing nuttery. Either start acting like a normal sane human being or leave me the hell alone.

[coeur_de_lion]

27. Thank you!

That's how I feel.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

34. My brother was an idiot in a different way. He couldn't stay out of other peoples' houses

while they were away. And he spent some time in prison. He got out declaring he was changed and I told him that if he disappointed me or our mother and father and grandmother and the rest of the family one more time that I would never see or speak to him again. He swore up and down that he was ready to live a respectable life. NOT! Instead he committed even more grievous crimes and got himself 45 -Aggravated. He's been down since '97 and won't see his first shot at parole (and won't get it, nor second, nor third) until 2019. I haven't spoken to him since that day in court when I told him that it was never really nice knowing him and to forget I exist. My mother needed years of therapy because she swore it was her fault he wasn't raised properly. My grandmother was heartbroken. Very sad.

Life is short and I don't need my brother's crap in my life. The same goes for right-wing dumbasses, even if they're "blood".

[idwiyo]

109. I could never understand some of my friends who keep moaning about their various relatives

but never do anything about it, always using the same argument about "family" and "blood".
So friggin what? I share 98% of my DNA with a Mountain Gorillas and even though I am less closely related to them than to my relatives, I am sure as hell have more in common with the Gorillas.

I only have this one life to live, why should I spend in in a company of bigoted and racist arseholes is absolutely beyond me.

[davsand]

15. You are blood. Doesn't mean you can't disagree, nor does it mean you accept abuse.

Sounds odd, but you do not get to choose family. Sometimes, in the interest of the REST of the family you just suck it up and move on. I'd never presume to tell anyone how to live, but I will offer the observation that it can and does put added pressures on the rest of the family when two members are not speaking and are angry. You mention other siblings, and I'd encourage you to consider what positions they are gonna get put in if you and your sister are on bad terms.

Having SAID that, sometimes people are just SO toxic that you can't get past it, and maintaining contact with them only breeds more anger and more pain--for you and for everyone else.

ONLY you can decide where this relationship rests, and only you two can sort it out (if that's possible.)

Peace to you.



Laura

[ChisolmTrailDem]

29. I'm sorry, but "they're blood" is not an excuse for premeditated stupidity. And, with all due

respect, screw sucking it up. These idiots need to be called out, shunned, and exiled if needed. ZERO-tolerance! It's time for us to put an end to their bullshit no matter who the hell they are.

Sorry to sound so gruff, Laura, but I've reached the end of my patience with the idiocy and what it's doing for the future of my grandchildren and all of the children of this nation. Their lives and livelihoods and futures are being compromised by our tolerance of right-wing stupidity. We must stop it dead in its tracks - by whatever means necessary.

[Mnemosyne]

84. I agree. I lost 4 of 5 sisters because I am not a racist, bigoted asshole that watches Fux snooze.

I dared to insult Hannity and Colmes! I should be killed using a liberal hunting permit!

Seriously, my family is now people that actually give a damn about me and the world. No blood involved.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

85. My very closest family members are no blood relation to me at all. And that's just fine with me. eom

[coeur_de_lion]

93. + 100

There will be very few family members at my wedding. The few there will be the ones I like as well as love.

[Mnemosyne]

101. Same here. I call them my framily!

[dkf]

107. When you are old and need help you won't feel comfortable asking them.

The only ones you can count on to be there are family. And if your friends pass away, you can't count on their kids to be there for you.

[coeur_de_lion]

113. When I need help she wouldn't have been there for me anyway

She never was. Her daughter probably would. Her son is like her.

[Mnemosyne]

124. They wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire, I am a "liberal". They are spoiled, entitled brats with

no compassion at all. They bullied our dying mother, while she was dying, over her money/will. Seven weeks of absolute hell for her. Two weeks after our mother's death, one of them brazenly dared to bitch to me that she wasn't ending up a millionaire!

They told their kids that I am not their family and that I robbed my dying mother, which is what they actually did. And I should need any of these people why?

I have no use for such people and would live in my car before I asked them for a thing, and thanks to their greed, I may end up in my car in a few years. They think I deserve it for having a mental illness and being a liberal. You should have heard them after Katrina struck.

It would have been wonderful to have a family that cared, mine doesn't and that is my cruel reality. It hurts everyday that I lost my family for being compassionate and caring. I lost my family because, according to them, having a mental illness is a weakness and I didn't try hard enough to cure myself. And I lost them because I dared to call abuse abuse.

[coeur_de_lion]

129. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that

Mine are not quite that bad. But given the right set of circumstances I'm sure they could be.

[Mnemosyne]

136. I am 5 - 15 years older than them, it was my mother's second marriage. I am still in shock at how

cruel and vicious they were. I was always there when they or their children needed me, always. Now I am nothing to them.

I am glad your's aren't that bad, and hopefully never will become that way. It hurts to have a cruel sister and I don't blame you for cutting it off. Reconcile if you can someday, but do not allow her to hurt you ever again.

How much abuse are we supposed to take for the sake of 'blood'? I had a high tolerance, but when it finally wore out and I dared stand up to them, that was it.

[Ikonoklast]

183. Bullshit. I have friends that ask me to lend them a hand, before they would ask their family.

And, knowing their families, I happily give it.

What makes you think a family member that has shit on another who has been in need for thirty years, would suddenly want to help? Or any of their children, raised to be selfish racist bigots?

Family passes away, too.

What a steamer.

[davsand]

89. On a political level I totally get what you are saying. On a personal level I disagree.

I'm like you--I am TOTALLY over a lot of the conservative douchebaggery. I have an NRA loving teabagger brother that leaves me hiding a lot of his Facebook stuff pretty regularly. Holidays sometimes are a real nailbighter in my family, believe me!



What I also understand fully is that we lost my dad a few years ago, leaving my 83 year old mom alone and dependent on my brother and I in a lot of ways. When he and I are at loggerheads, it puts a strain on my mom that she just doesn't need. Two years ago when she had a quad bypass, my brother and I were forced to work together in her best interests. Had we not been able to do that she would have suffered a lot more than necessary, and I'm not sure I would have been able to stand myself had we done that to her because we ARE so vastly different in our opinions and attitudes.

I continue to do what I feel needful politically, and so does he. We make it a point NOT to talk about this stuff around her, and we make every effort to be at least civil with each other when we are all together. It isn't always easy, but it is what we came to when she needed us.

Bless you for fighting the good fight. We ALL need to, but sometimes, IMO, it just isn't the time.

Peace to you!



Laura

[keroro gunsou]

172. blood may well be

thicker than water, but it's also a hell of a lot more toxic.

i'm the lone liberal in a family of republicans. some are sane, old school eisenhower republicans, the rest... are not. fortunately, i've not heard the "but we're family" mewling... and i don't know how i'd react to it to be honest. my family knows my politics mostly, and given my irish temper and ability to verbally take a machete to them, they wisely do not engage me or say anything stupid while i'm around. i do them the same courtesy.

it's a crappy situation to be in, being forced to chose between insane relatives you've known your entire life, and not being angry and wanting the impact their craniums and spinal columns.... best thing for it is to avoid it entirely.

[mokawanis]

17. That's a tough situation

I've been in the same type of situation and only recently re-established contact with my brother after not speaking to him for a year. I think i was right to cut off contact with him, because he was acting like a world-class asshole, but I'm glad we eventually found a way to overcome our differences (next week we're going on a 8-day hiking trip together).

I guess my advice would be to give it some time, and then see if you two can find a way to start talking again. Even limited contact is better than no contact at all when it comes to family. Hope things improve for you.

[hfojvt]

18. public financing is NOT involuntary

people can choose whether or not to contribute that $3

[coeur_de_lion]

23. Thanks for the info n/t

[Freddie]

20. Let things cool off, but don't cut off contact

As others have said, life is short.
My Grandma was the middle of 3 sisters. In the late 50s her sisters decided they weren't speaking to each other and she was basically forced to take sides with the younger one. This went on for 20, 30 years; all of them died and it was never resolved. Blood is thicker than petty squabbles and even politics!

[coeur_de_lion]

24. Contact already cut off, too late

I don't regret it, I feel free.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

30. You did the right thing. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you. The idiocy must end. eom

[easttexaslefty]

82. If it feels right to you, it is right.

[murray hill farm]

179. Yes! You did the right thing.

Being related to someone does not mean that you are chained to them for life...and it doesn't even if they are close relatives. If you would not make the personal choice to have the person as your friend if they were not related, there is no reason at all to include them in your life just because they are related to you.

[truebluegreen]

21. I understand completely.

I've written my sister out of my life because of politics.

No matter the ties of blood--she is my only living relative from my immediate family--I can't think of a single thing she would ever say that would be of interest to me.

She is a dedicated Faux News watcher; a bigot against people of color, any color; a rabid born-again, self-righteous Evangelical and a surrendered wife (her husband, far dumber but equally self-righteous, makes all her decisions for her)(did I mention that he is an ass?). She is totally lacking in empathy, or "Christian" charity. She's a proponent of the We-Built-That mindset, even though the family used to be on welfare and hubby finally made it through college on the government dime (perhaps having 4 children before you have, like, a job is a bad idea). Her lip literally curls when anyone mentions other faiths, beliefs or political viewpoints. She's a global-warming denier as she watches the climate change around her (she lives in Montana where drought and warm winters are decimating the local ecosystem in an all-too-obvious fashion).

I can't think of a single topic of conversation where we could have a civilized discussion, let alone find some common ground. I try to ask myself "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" and can't ever get a net positive response. Add to that some deep personal betrayals and it is more than enough.

My life is too short, and she is out of it.

[RedCappedBandit]

22. Family, friends that you can't choose...

No reason to suffer such ignorance.

Personally, I do have a few conservative friends/acquaintances. I make it clear that I am not the least bit interested in their political opinions. If they can't respect that, I can't respect them and will move on.

[avebury]

25. Life is too short to suffer fools gladly.

Family is not limited to biological relatives. Family can be made up of those who you choose to have in your life.

You have to make your own decisions about how to live your life. We live in a point in time where there is so much that is out of our control and little we can do to change things. I know that I have gotten to the point where I have no problem with cutting anybody out of my life is they are too much of a drain.

[liberal_at_heart]

26. I'm sorry. That is really sad.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

33. It is sad. And sadly necessary. Yes, over politics because it is politics that determines

our future, our livelihoods and our children and grandchildren's morality, education, mental health; their futures; the future of air quality; their future ability to make a living; their ability to survive. I could go on and on about why right-wingnuttery must No. Longer. Be. Tolerated!

[liberal_at_heart]

41. I can't do that

My father is evangelical Christian. I strongly disagree with his politics and there are times we get in heated debates, but I love him. I would never cut him out of my life. He is a very generous person and drops whatever he is doing to help anybody at anytime.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

55. Luckily I don't have to deal with whether or not to disown a family member because,

with the exception of one - my cousin, none of the right-wing idiots in my family challenges me politically. They know better. They know I'm going to attack them like a wolverine having a bad day if they so much as try it. I'll make them look so stupid so fast. Oh, and that cousin (aged 56) has been instructed by his father, my uncle, to never again mention the name Obama in my presense. If he does, he must take his monthly government welfare check off my uncle's land. And my uncle is a conservative.

[former9thward]

28. Your sister's opinions aside ...

You wrote: I also explained that Obama is the first incumbent president to forgo public financing, so he raised all of his campaign funds on his own. No involuntary taxpayer funds paid for Obama's campaign.

You seem proud of the fact we have gotten rid of public financing of campaigns. That is a step back not a step forward.

[coeur_de_lion]

66. Don't put words in my mouth

I was arguing a point with my sister and I pointed out a fact. It's still a fact.

[former9thward]

72. Words in your mouth?

I cut and paste from your OP.

[coeur_de_lion]

121. this is where you put words in my mouth

You seem proud of the fact . . . . .

I never said anything like that, and that is not what this thread is about. This thread is about my sister and I, and how I feel about our relationship, and what happened last night.

Quit hijacking and trying to stir up trouble. Are you sure you are not my sister?

[former9thward]

122. Sorry not me. Wrong sex organs.

[Dawgs]

31. Good for you. n/t

[onpatrol98]

32. That's too bad....

No President, political party, etc is worth more than my family to me.

I like the President. But, to my knowledge, he hasn't discontinued any relationships on my behalf, either.

You could both end up liking the next President. Who knows? Who cares? Life's too short. But, it sounds like you guys already had a strange relationship. And, that's too bad. I hope you can work it out. Presidents come and go...and sometimes husbands do to. Sometimes a sister is a nice person to have around.

I listen to Fox crap, MSNBC crap, CNN crap, work crap, etc. I try not to be dragged into debates, regardless. Otherwise, everyone hates me by the end of the conversation. So, I try to talk about the stuff I REALLY care about, their kids, my kids, our collective health, and on anything else that we can AGREE on.

When they get into politics, I try to tune them out, IF I disagree. Most of us agree, so its seldom a problem. Where we disagree, I have a mental mute button. It works wonders.

[cherokeeprogressive]

35. Good for you! Who needs family and/or friends? They're WAAAY overrated...

I am of course being facetious. Anyone who cares so deeply about Barack Obama that they'd disown family OR friend over disagreements regarding him deserves neither. I've never had a disagreement over politics that lasted more than a few minutes, and certainly am not so close to disowning family and friends that their dislike of the President would drive me over that cliff.

"When I lose my temper it stays lost a long time." That's too bad.

Those are my thoughts.

[Generic Brad]

40. In my case it was the wingnuts who did the disowning

Best thing that ever happened to me. It liberated me. I don't need to be accused of being a moneychanger and a baby killer at every family function because I work in banking and I support Democrats, nor does my foreign born permanent resident wife deserve to be constantly lectured to about not belonging here because she is stealing American jobs none of them are qualified to do.

Twenty plus years of that crap is more than enough for any reasonable person to take. And, yes, the importance of family simply for the sake of saying you belong to one is waaay overrated. Once people become intentionally toxic we have every right to cut them out of our lives.

[cherokeeprogressive]

50. Being called moneychanger and a baby killer aren't the same as unquestioning support of politicians.

Everyone has their own circumstance I guess. A response down thread by pipi_k brought home my thoughts about such trivial stuff:

I lost my Favorite Uncle, my Mom's younger Brother on Dec 29th which ironically is my Dad's birthday. At his memorial, his Brother Sonny, also a younger Brother of my Mom, stood up and said a few words.

My Uncle Don was a Vietnam Vet who suffered from PTSD and alcoholism. He actually lived under an overpass in Orange County, CA for a while. None of us knew where he was or where to find him. He surfaced again in the early '90s and went back home to his estranged Wife and Daughters. He fell off the wagon many times but never lost his family's support and in the end was sober for about the last 5 years of his life, but I digress...

Sonny didn't have much to do with the family after coming home from the Army. He was stationed in Seoul and came home with a Korean Wife. She thought and still thinks we're low class. Don't ask me why. She also thought my Uncle Don was weak, and refused to allow contact between the two even though they lived 15 miles apart, fished at the same lakes, hunted in the same hills, and even knew some of the same people. Don went to the VA Hospital on Christmas Day for a stomach ache he couldn't shake and died 4 days later. Sonny didn't make it to the hospital before he passed.

So there's my Uncle Sonny, standing in front of us with both hands on the podium as if he needed physical support. When he got to the point of saying he wished they'd had more contact over the last 20 years or so he completely broke down and started talking to Don's picture rather than us and talking about how they stood back to back as young boys when one or the other got into it with the other local kids. It was one of the saddest moments of my life.

I think I must have hugged my only Sister (only sibling actually) 50 times after that and before the day was over, and each time we knew what the other was thinking: Nothing will keep me away from you and I'm comfortable in the knowledge that you're always going to be there for me.

[Generic Brad]

91. First off - sorry for your loss

I understand your feelings. I am glad you have a family worth fighting for.

As for me - my mother demanded that I quit my job, divorce my wife, neglect my daughter, join the GOP (because they claimed Democrats were all baby killers), and return to her church. Too high a price to pay. And the rest of my birth family spewed incessant racial taunts at my wife and daughter.

You may think that the relationship with my mother and siblings is worth preserving. I do not.

[cherokeeprogressive]

174. I see your point. n/t

[tavalon]

153. You didn't notice that this is a lifelong pattern with her sister?

Politics was the straw but that camel's back has been breaking most of her life.

[dsc]

36. My brother was a practicing alcoholic for several years

Between the time my mother died and the birthday before my dad died I had neither seen, talked too, nor knew where my brother lived. That was a period of about 7 years. My brother is now a shell of his former self, he has horrible anxiety, and has been diagnosed with early onset dementia. Neither of us can have that time back. I offer that for your consideration.

[pipi_k]

38. I'm so sorry to hear that...

My younger brother died two years ago at the age of 40 from alcoholism.

We didn't have a bad relationship, but I never got around to seeing him as often as I would have wanted to.

I feel guilty that maybe he didn't know how much I loved him.

I'll never see him again.


I hope you and your brother can find some sort of relationship for whatever time he has left.

[dsc]

39. we have been trying

I drove him up to our dad's funeral and we keep in touch via phone, facebook, etc.

[pipi_k]

53. Glad to hear it...

That's all you can do sometimes, is try...

[pipi_k]

37. My thoughts...

I had stopped communicating with two of my younger sisters at various points.

One sister, because she was complicit in her husband's child molestation crimes against my daughter over 30 years ago.

The other because her husband was/still is a coke addict who did some extremely inappropriate things in front of my daughter (although she was an adult at the time).

Since then I have forgiven both of them and we are at least on speaking terms.

The first sister is a Fundy Christian with "Conservative" leanings. The second, I don't even know if she knows who is president of the US.

Would I refuse to talk to family because of politics?

No. There are worse things than disagreeing on politics.

I would be grateful if politics were the only issues I had with my family.

[coeur_de_lion]

68. I'm sure at some point we'll talk

Maybe at a funeral or another wedding. For now I want some peace.

[pipi_k]

176. I hope

for both your sakes that the next event isn't the funeral of either one of you...when it would be too late for making amends to each other.

[coeur_de_lion]

185. I hope so too

But we are not close and haven't been for 16-17 years.

If she dies I'll feel so sad for her children and grandchild. But for myself, since she has considered me unimportant for so long I won't be losing much.

Right now all I am losing is someone who delights in aggravating me, does her best to stir up trouble for me, and who spreads lies about the President.

I need to lose that okay? I am about to get married and this should only be a happy time in my life. I don't need her.

[Sissyk]

42. Sorry that you are having

family problems about politics. In my life, a few things are more important than politics, chief among them my family.

Hope you can work it out before it's too late. I know I'd never never discuss a single political thing if I could have my baby brother back even for just one year.

[Leslie Valley]

43. I'm not sure I'll speak to her again and it doesn't bother me at all.

Thoughts?

That's one long ass post about something that doesn't bother you.

That's what I think.

[KittyWampus]

45. Very perceptive, Leslie. And holding onto anger solves nothing but eats away

at our insides.

[pipi_k]

56. I think many people believe

that forgiveness means condoning whatever it was that the other person did.

It's not.

It's about letting go of anger and resentment that could make US sick in the end.

[coeur_de_lion]

49. It doesn't bother me that I won't see her

It bothers me that my peace of mind is disturbed by the argument. It bothers me that my sister is a bigot.

It bothers me that she's turned my nephew into a bigot.

I don't like bigots and it disturbs me intensely to have them in my own family.

[KittyWampus]

44. Holding Grudges is very VERY bad for your health. Let it go. Don't ignore the reality but LET IT GO.

That is my strongest suggestion.

After you LET THE ANGER GO, then figure out what you want to do with your sister.

You are going to have to be the adult in the situation.

Maybe you can let her know communications should be limited to discussing children, family and health.

[coeur_de_lion]

46. I will let it go but I can't talk to her

I'll forgive her even, for my own sake. But I won't talk to her again. I don't like her much.

[Beaverhausen]

67. Can you just agree to not talk politics?

My parents are rabid republicans but we have enough to talk about that we can leave politics aside. We are family after all. Election time is especially hard but we get through it.

[coeur_de_lion]

69. It's not just the politics really

I don't like her much. But the politics is the last straw. Bigotry is the last straw.

[coeur_de_lion]

98. No she won't stop with that hatred

And I won't stop telling the truth.

[BellaLuna]

47. Do you get along otherwise?

If it's pretty much politics - come to a truce to never mention it again. If she can't and it upsets you that much - then you did the right thing.

I have a life long friend who was sending me the wacko stuff and I asked him not to as we're not going to change each others minds. He complied and never brought up politics again and we still have plenty to enjoy in life with each other.

[coeur_de_lion]

54. I've tolerated her for a long time because of her children

She can be nice sometimes. But she's caused a lot of problems on visits to my home. She invited herself the weekend after I returned from Ireland when I needed to rest. She didn't check with me, just booked her flight. She got drunk and disrupted a family gathering after my grandmother's funeral. She's ignorant. She worships at the altar of O'Reilly and Hannity. She tries to invent family feuds where none exist. In December she was telling anyone who would listen that my youngest sister and I had a feud going. All this because of a quick verbal exchange during a crisis that was quickly forgotten.

The kids are grown now. One is a lovely girl, a democrat, who was the first to admit that her mother is racist. My nephew (who just had the baby) is as ignorant as his mother. I love them all mind you, but that doesn't mean I'll tolerate lying about Obama and bigoted behavior. Or the attitude that only her needs count.

My nephew knows better now than to start with me. My sister doesn't.

[BellaLuna]

61. She's beyond just the 'agree to disagree' thing then

Move on.. life is too short to be constantly wound up about someone who is so hard to deal with.

[pnwmom]

162. You should Facebook friend your sister's children.

That way you'd be able to see pictures of the great-niece without going through her.

And your nieces and nephews probably need someone like you in their lives.

[coeur_de_lion]

163. My niece & nephew

Were my facebook friends way before my sister was.

[raccoon]

184. I wonder if she's an active alcoholic? nt

[coeur_de_lion]

186. could be

I am not close enough to her to know for sure.

[Divernan]

48. I''ve never found any good coming from relationships w/toxic persons.

People do not necessarily start out as toxic. But people do change over time, leaving you in a long-term relationship - be it friend or relative, that is poisonous. Toxic people derail you, incapacitate you. They steal your credibility and your joy.

While we may not purposefully align or partner with toxic people, we do that when we passively accept or participate in their behavior. When we don't remove ourselves from the situation or confront the behavior, we endorse it by default. (This can be one of those "it's not what you say or do; it's what you don't say or do" scenarios.)

There are basically two groups of people in the world. In the first group are people who encourage and believe in you. They add something to you. When you leave their presence you feel better. You are more confident, more prepared, and equipped. These people export hope!

The second group I call vampire people, because they suck the life out of everything and everyone they touch! You can almost hear the giant vacuum fire up when they walk into a room. These people are absolutely miserable, and they thrive on having an audience for their misery.

I think you made the right choice. I have one toxic sister-in-law. I never initiate any contact with her but if I find myself in her company, I am civil. That's the approach the whole extended family, including her own children and daughters-in-law take with her.

Enough of all that discussion! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Have a wonderful honeymoon!

[ChisolmTrailDem]

51. For those of you with the sentiment that we shouldn't let politics get between blood relations...

Really? So what do we do? Tolerate the right-wing rejection of reality and accept their efforts to poison our lives and the lives of our children and grandchildren? Are we to forgive them their idiocy and stupidity, much of which is willfull based on their hatred of Obama (and any Democrat past and present) and Liberals, just because of some proximate genetic relation?

Weak! If I'm coming from a position of truth and morality and logic and some dumbass family member rejects my views in favor of their made-up bullshit and their rejection of social responsibility and their abject stupidity and then hates me because I dare not to accept their insanity, then my life is to too goddamned short to be bothered with them and I don't have to tolerate their idiocy. Get the fuck away from me and stay away from me!

And, YES! politics is one of the only best reasons for such a split. It is politics that affects/controls our fates and the fates of our children and grandchildren. Supporting right-wingnut politics is, by default, supporting the dismantling of our future and the future of our children and grandchildren. And that is a crime that as far as I am concerned is punishable by complete and utter rejection of them as an ideology and as individuals. No matter who the fuck they are.

Zero. Fucking. Tolerance! Doesn't always have to be a heated break-up. It can be as quiet as you avoiding political discussions or just minding your own business and not going out of your way to be exposed to those idiots. You don't have to disown your father. But you can damn sure tell him that you won't participate in his stupidity and to kindly change the subject - or we're going to have bigger problems.

[liberal_at_heart]

59. I'm just not that kind of person

I have gotten in heated discussions with my evangelical father and we do tread lighter than we use to because it was destroying our relationship. But neither one of us wanted that. We do not avoid the topic all together. We still disagree, but we try to be more civil and calm. My daughter by the way is a liberal democrat, an atheist, and a bisexual. She is not afraid to disagree with her grandfather, but she stays civil and respectful. She loves her grandfather. I guess we all just love each other so much we want to be around each other and would rather be civil so that we can continue to be around each other.

[pipi_k]

63. Well there ya go...

Weak! If I'm coming from a position of truth and morality and logic and some dumbass family member rejects my views in favor of their made-up bullshit and their rejection of social responsibility and their abject stupidity and then hates me because I dare not to accept their insanity, then my life is to too goddamned short to be bothered with them

I'll bet they feel just as justified in believing they have the only real truth.

Isn't that the way it goes? Two sides. Each side believes it's got a hotline to truth, justice, morality, and the other side is just total idiots.

No matter what the issue is.

sorry, but insanity is an equal opportunity entity, not limited to RWers.

[liberal_at_heart]

64. yeah, I try to avoid thinking I KNOW anything.

Self righteousness is a pet peeve of mine.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

70. There is a distinct line between what I believe and what they believe. And that line

divides good and evil. I want two people who love each other, regardless of their gender, to be able to marry and live happily ever after. That is good. Right-wingers reject that as sin. That is evil. I want my taxes to go to good use by helping those who are less-fortunate. Right-wingers reject them as "takers". I want our nation's children to have a quality education; our population to have single-payer healthcare; our disasters to be mitigated. Right-winger greed would rather profit through privatization of the two former and for the latter only when it benefits their own districts.

I know I am on the side of truth, justice, morality and good and I know they are on the side of lies, greed, injustice, immoralilty, selfishness, and evil.

[coeur_de_lion]

74. That's it right there -- well said

If I'm coming from a position of truth and morality and logic and some dumbass family member rejects my views in favor of their made-up bullshit and their rejection of social responsibility and their abject stupidity and then hates me because I dare not to accept their insanity, then my life is to too goddamned short to be bothered with them and I don't have to tolerate their idiocy. Get the fuck away from me and stay away from me!

That's the thing, my sister makes shit up because really there is no rational argument against Obama. Her son, my nephew, and his wife do the same. I particularly loved their argument that they were all about to lose their jobs because of Obamacare. Really? And that Obama was going to take away their guns . . . .

I've had enough.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

78. Once it gets that stupid, it's not about Obama anymore. It's about reality and principle. eom

[coeur_de_lion]

88. or racism

[treestar]

52. Take a break from her

Eventually she'll come crawling back as she'll need you for something. Contributed as member of Irish family.

[Initech]

57. Bush spent an entire YEAR of his 8 years on vacation.

Fox bots have extremely short attention spans.

[coeur_de_lion]

134. He did.

But why should repubs let a little thing like the truth get in the way of their nutso arguments?

[Initech]

135. I heard a term for it the other day - "Obama Derangement Syndrome".

I think it needs to be included in the next DSM!

[coeur_de_lion]

140. LOL

[hollysmom]

58. there is only one way to survive this

My sister and I were very close but we had a disagreement about me once - she decided I was acting irrationally - I was on a weird mix of medication and was acting a bit weird, but got it fixed by seeing a doctor to change it but during that short time, she took my behavior as my fault and an insult to her. I tried to put it behind us but she kept bringing this up. I ended up have to see the doctor again because I could no longer control my blood pressure after a short talk with her, I would cry for hours after talking to her because she would make me feel so bad. I stopped talking to her - just would not take her calls, et al - told her I needed a break and would contact her wehn I felt better, well that made it worse to her and it just spiraled out of control. Now I missed her, but could not talk to her.

Finally wrote her that I would like to be back in touch if we never speak of this again. She agreed and with a few backslides which I quickly stopped, was have been able to have good times again. You just have to exorcise what ever you can't talk about and then go on with your life. It can be done if you actually like each other. Can't be done if you don't. My racist republican brother and I sort of have that rule, we slip now and then get back on track pretty fast because we love each other and he wants to stay in my will, ha ha - I am way older than him, so he probably will inherit from me, my sister is older and has health problems, so not so much.

edited because I read another reply, My sister is a lovely person, kind and generous, just feels she could run my life better than me, doesn't even do that to her children - and we were always very very close so much so that our cousins were always jealous.

[egduj]

60. Politics is a lot more important than family - you did the right thing.

[MrSlayer]

62. To cut off family for such ultimately meaningless reasons is sad.

One politician that doesn't give a shit about you taking more vacation time than another politician that doesn't give a shit about you should never really be grounds for cutting off all communication with a family member. It's like hating your sister because she likes Hulk Hogan and you like the Iron Sheik.

It's really kind of sad how they have us all fighting each other instead of fighting the real enemy.

[Curmudgeoness]

73. Very good point---we fight each other instead of the real enemy.

And this is probably the point to all the fearmongering.

But I do not agree that the issues here are "ultimately meaningless reasons". It goes much deeper than just a Democrat vs Republican argument, or liberal vs conservative. It comes down to attitude as well. Her sister's attitude is rude, arrogant, and demeaning.....and that really is a lot of the problem, not politics.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

83. They ARE the real enemy. eom

[Curmudgeoness]

87. I don't think so....they are puppets.

They are being manipulated and controlled by powers that want to rule the world, and want us as their slaves. It is the conservative political machine that is driving the hatred and fear. Her sister is a pawn in their game, and although it can be said that she is part of the problem, she is just being used.....and will be thrown away if they get their way.

The real enemies are the generals in this war. The soldiers that they are using are just too dumb to see these generals as enemies of all of the people who cannot say they are in the top 1 or 2%.

[Buzz Clik]

65. I seldom talk politics with friends and relatives.

[idwiyo]

71. I stopped talking to couple family members along time ago after I gave them a warning about

spouting racist and homophobic crap. "Blood is thicker than water" bullshit doesn't work with me.
I don't give racists and bigots a pass simply because they just happen to share some DNA with me.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

81. Amen to that! Fuck 'em! eom

[idwiyo]

108. Errrrr, I don't think you'd want to do THAT to THEM. Trust me. :)

[hatrack]

75. Life is too short for gratuitous anger, pointless aggravation and unmitigated bullshit

Heave-ho, that would be my motto here.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

80. We haven't really interacted but I knew I liked you =) eom

[pink-o]

76. I barely talk to my sister. Only when I can't avoid it

Sad, because there's just us 2 and she's only a year older than I am. And...our politics are very similar, I'm just more passionate about it than she is.

The reason I want nothing to do with her? When my mother died, she came to my dad's house, took everything she'd ever coveted, and in the last 7 years has hardly bothered to see him at all. My dad's a Republican. He watches Faux 24/7. (Except when I visit, I make him turn it off.). Dad is 89 years old, we've been arguing from opposite sides since Nixon. I work 8 hrs a day, yet still drive 120 miles each weekend to spend time with him, because I know our time is short and I love him, regardless of how he feels about Obama.

The sister doesn't work at all, lives the same distance away as i do, and doesn't even show up for his birthday, Father's Day et al. Dad is in pretty good shape and mentally sharp, he knows exactly what he's dealing with. And even though I just wanna scream when he starts quoting Hannity, I can't let it drive a wedge between us.

Point I'm making: plenty of other reasons to cut your family members dead. I'm thinkin Politics is just the tip of the proverbial, the real issues are far deeper.

[coeur_de_lion]

97. This particular sister

Refused to have anything to do with my mother when she was dying. Never visited. Then after mother went into a nursing home, while I was in Ireland, she and two other sisters took what they wanted from my mother's home and left me with a chair and a few odds & ends.

I didn't care -- I wanted my mother, not her stuff. I guess we both got what we wanted.

[pink-o]

100. Yup. I hear you. I wanted my mother to live forever.

She was one of my best friends. It always makes me sad when daughters have such a contentious relationship with their mums, mine was a joy.

So I understand why you're angry now. Your sister may be a Rw'er and mine might be somewhat progressive, but they're both Greedy Bitches. I'll sit shiva for mine, you have a wake for yours and lets be done with them!

[coeur_de_lion]

104. I like it! n/t

[chillfactor]

119. same here...when my mother died AND my father....

my sisters cleaned out their respective houses...I got a hand mirror of my mother's and a cedar chest of my dad's...eveything else went to my two younger sisters

Like you I wanted my parents..not their things....my sisters seemed to think our parents material things were more important...

The cedar chest of my dad's is highly prized...he made it when he was a senior in high school and it is still in beautiful condition after 80 years......my sisters wanted it but my father made it very clear it would be mine upon his death which rubbed my sister's raw....

[Populist_Prole]

77. I have to say that "family first" angle only works if BOTH sides agree to steer clear of politics

And from my experience with RW family members, it never does.

If the only way to keep the peace is for one side to deal in good faith in the face of a perpetually belligerent ass determined to exploit the former's civility, then the hell with that.

The civil one will get an ulcer, and the blowhard will be unhappy no matter what anyway ( unless you acquiesce fully to them, and thus let them have their way, which will only make them a worse bully )

Anybody, I mean, ANYbody who takes advantage of anyone else's good nature to secure an advantage is a shit. Cast them off. I don't give a shit if they have the same last name as I do.

[Bay Boy]

79. I'm surprised calling her a racist didn't cause

a positive change in your relationship. Real surprised.

[nomorenomore08]

96. Sometimes the shoe just fits too well...

[coeur_de_lion]

105. I didn't call her a racist

I said (Quote):

I love you, I love your kids, but I have lost respect for you because I've seen hatred from you toward a President I think is honorable. I've wondered if it has to do with racism but I don't want to believe that of my own sister. I can't believe that. But I do think you like to create drama now, and you didn't used to be that way.

[zentrum]

86. I understand.

She blocked you first over politics, which is very provocative.

It's seems like it's got deeper roots than politics, but you have to take care of your own sanity.

Rethink it all in a year. Don't risk talking about it to other family members if possible---it can get out of control that way.

Have my own sister and I know how adult sibs can suddenly emerge as someone very different than anything you ever imagined.

[Marrah_G]

94. You should try to set some ground rules

No talking politics or other subjects that cause you two to fight.

Life is too short.

[hay rick]

95. Family isn't the same once you lose respect for someone.

There is a big difference between not agreeing with someone's opinions and not respecting their opinions. It's really disheartening when a family member or close friend wanders into that territory. Unfortunately, looking the other way isn't going to salvage respect once it has been lost. You have my sympathy.

[lbrtbell]

99. You made the right choice.

Politics has nothing to do with this, really. It's just a symptom of the greater problem.

The greater problem is that your sister is a tyrant, punishing you for having the "temerity" to disagree with her. Instead of agreeing to disagree, she's blocked you on Facebook and refuses to unblock you so that you can see your grand-niece's pictures.

And all that drama about the weddings...again, she's just trying to force you to be obedient to her whims.

More people should cut her out of their lives, until she learns that her behavior is unacceptable. The longer people keep tolerating her behavior, the more it will be reinforced.

And the more you allow this drama in your life, the more stress you will feel. Negative people do not belong in your life.

You have other relatives. Continue to build relationships with them. You've tried to make things work with your sister, but it didn't work. If she wants to make nice, then be accepting. Otherwise, cut her loose, because insanity is trying the same thing over and over, and getting the same result.

[dogknob]

126. Absolutely.

Using the bonds of family to force you into accepting her version of reality is the type of bullying and abuse conservatives excel at.

[papa3times]

102. My suggestion is

to read "The Republican Brain: The Science of Why They Deny Science and Reality" by Chris Mooney. It may help you understand why your sister thinks and sees things the way she does. Their brains are wired differently and no matter how much evidence you show them they will not accept it. It is why creationists can not and will never accept evolution(it's only a theory, they say). Look at all the evidence for that and they still can't accept it. I would suggest you just tell her you will talk about anything but politics or religion with her and maybe you can patch things up and keep the peace by agreeing to leave those subjects alone. That is the only thing that will work because you will never change her mind so just give it up and accept it.

[Raine]

106. It's very sad that because of politics it comes to something like this. My extended family are repub

we have all agreed to disagree and NEVER discuss politics. I'm so glad and grateful to still have them in my life, they were such a help and support to me when my father died. Politics should not do this to families.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

194. There it is again! And I'll say it again... It is POLITICS that drives our future! Acting as if

politics isn't important is completely wrong! Politics decides how we live our lives! Politics decides so much of our lives and I keep seeing this idea that politics isn't important. It is VERY important! Let me ask you something: would you be satisfied living in a country that's all right-wing politics all the time? Of course not! So are we to just accept our right-winger relatives bullshit just to keep the peace because they are "blood"? Hell no!

I just don't understand this tendency to dismiss politics as not being important enough to jeopardize relationships.

[patrice]

110. !

[MadHound]

112. Thoughts?

You really shouldn't let politics come between you and your family. You're not going to change her mind, she's not going to change yours, so simply don't talk about it. If she brings politics up, tell her you don't want to talk about it. If she sends you political emails, don't answer them, just delete them. Cut politics out of the relationship, don't let the relationship be cut off by politics. Life is too short for that.

[coeur_de_lion]

117. Life is too short

to put up with selfish bigoted people

[MadHound]

118. Family is too precious to let politics tear it asunder.

Look, I know what you are facing, I have many family members who are bigoted, batshit crazy conservatives, to the point where they adore Glenn Beck, the whole bit. Long ago we came to a mutual understanding not to talk politics, to leave politics out of our relationship. It has worked well for many years, and I am glad that we have good relationships to this day.

Furthermore, for reasons I won't go into here(they're not political), I cut my father out of my life for nearly a decade. We got together and reconciled. At one point in my life I would have danced on my father's grave if he had died. I am so very thankful that we had the last decade of his life together, and that I cried at his death. It would have been a hollow victory otherwise.

Look, it is your life, to do with as you wish. But I suggest that you take the time to think about this decision long and hard before you go through with it. It sounds like your sister doesn't have many years left on this earth, and I wouldn't want you to regret not being in her life for them.

[coeur_de_lion]

123. It's really done.

There will be funerals, weddings, other family events in which I will have to deal with my sister. But no longer will I put up with ignorance, racism, and selfishness.

Not from her, not from any of the rest of them.

[MadHound]

125. That is so sad, I'm sorry.

But that is also your loss. Perhaps as time passes you will see the error you have made, and how trivial politics are when it comes to family. If not

[coeur_de_lion]

130. If I saw it as my error or my loss I wouldn't have done it

I'm not close to this sister. Never have been. I'm not losing anything but arguments.

[MadHound]

133. Perhaps you should ask yourself why you're not close to your sister.

Also you should take into consideration the fact that you're not only losing a relationship with your sister, but her family as well. Her kids and grandkids, your blood as well.

And perhaps as time passes and heals those wounds, you will come to see this as a mistake. Right now you are sounding like you are far too angry to be making such a decision in any sort of rational manner. Give it time, see what you think.

But this is your decision, you have to live with it and its consequences. Good night and good luck.

[coeur_de_lion]

138. My niece will be okay

She's the one who helped me understand her mother (and brother) are leaning toward racism. My nephew has never really taken sides in any family argument that I know of. If he sends back my baby gift I'll know he's a goner.

I'll be sad but won't lose any sleep over it.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

195. Again, politics isn't important enough to come between family. WTH??? Are we supposed to allow

our stupid relatives to promote and prosecute bad politics just to keep the peace just because they are related to us?

Bullshit!

[SummerSnow]

115. I hope things get better between you and your sister...

Unfortunately, many family relationships and friendships have ended when Obama became President.: (

[UTUSN]

116. I hate when that happens, *yet* will draw the line every time!1 n/t

[Beacool]

120. My thoughts are that it's stupid for any family members to distance themselves over politics.

I'm talking about both of you. When it comes down to it, the most important things in life are family and friends. Everything else is temporary; money, jobs, they all come and go but family is forever.

Instead of communicating, or not communicating as in this case, through Facebook; why don't you both agree to meet in person at a neutral site and talk like two adults who probably still love each other?

[WinkyDink]

127. You might very well rue the day. She's blood.

[Le Taz Hot]

128. It's up to you, of course,

and I know this answer is NOT going to be popular, and your relationship may still be salvageable, BUT, sometimes the only thing family members have in common is DNA. I think trying to force people to be with one another just because they're "family" is absurd. You're expected to put up with behavior that you would not put up with from anyone else just because they are "family." Not in my book.

[coeur_de_lion]

132. answer was pretty popular with ME

and I'm the OP. Thanks.

[erinlough]

147. Very wise in my opinion. Thanks. Nt

[BlueStreak]

131. A minor detail, just for accuracy

I don't believe the candidate pays the ACTUAL cost of flying a 747 around the world, which is enormous. I think they reimburse for what a commercial ticket would have cost for the same itinerary. The argument is that the 747 is a necessity for the safety of the President and the security of the nation, regardless of whether this particular activity is political or not.

Regarding your sister, can there be an understanding that you are not going to agree on politics, and you will both make an effort to not go there. There are plenty of other things in life besides politics. Surely there must be something else you have in common.

[coeur_de_lion]

141. Yes I'm aware of that.

But chose not to go into it in depth with my sister for fear of setting off another exchange of angry emails.

There has been an unspoken understanding for a number of years. It was broken last November.

"Surely there must be something else you have in common."

There is, family. And we're both about to marry for the second time. Right now sorry I just don't care. I want her gone.

[BlueStreak]

145. I know the feeling. I just hope doors aren't permanently closed unnecessarily.

[coeur_de_lion]

165. The are shut tight for now

They may open again some day. But for now she's person non grata at my house. And in my email.

[Samantha]

137. I have the same problem in my family with my younger brother

He lives in Florida. During the election 2000 controversy, we went at it hot and heavy. There was a lull after some time because we didn't discuss politics at all. It all heated up again during this past election. I started the season out saying we shouldn't discuss politics. But he only lasted so long at that.

One night he was gloating over Romney was going to win over Obama. I asked him why he thought that. He said all the polls he saw showed a Romney win. So I politely started telling him which polls were slanted Republican and which had no authenticity. I told him to take a look at Nate Silver's website and he would see President Obama was ahead in all but 1 swing state. EXPLOSION, EXPLOSION.

I was furious because I was being very polite and trying to help him avoid a shock when the election didn't go his way. He knows I can't stand Bush* and he posted a very large picture of him on my Facebook page, along with some dissertation that started out, "I know I wasn't a perfect president...." I was outraged. I blocked his posting on my page and the Bush picture went away. I had asked him twice very politely not to embarrass me on Facebook because I have a very small business and I don't discuss politics there. He had promised. Then that.

I told him to not to call or email me again. So that is where things stand.

I am sorry this had to happen but I do not regret what I did. My blood pressure is not skyrocketing with anxiety over dealing with him. He could have adhered to my request that we not talk politics, but he really wanted to get under my skin.

My life is so much calmer now without him in it. I regret things have to be this way, but people do treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I do not let him treat me like that any more. The only regret I have is that I didn't do this years ago.

Sam

[virgdem]

139. I totally understand your feelings..

I have a brother that has been a total jerk to me my entire life. Either he is nasty or completely indifferent to me. I have suffered his denigrating comments and crappy attitude for far too long and I have essentially cut ties with him. Sometimes family is toxic and you must do what you can for your own mental health. Family is not always there for you-my brother never was and never had my back. It doesn't help that my sister-in law is also a total bitch and her attitude has influenced his attitude toward my parents and me to the extent that he has been alienated from all of us for a very long time. My mindset at this point is to cut my losses and move on. It's just not worth the emotional pain to deal with people who are either mentally or emotionally unbalanced or unwilling to see how they have hurt others in their family.

[Ilsa]

142. I lost my friend of over 20 years after

Last edited Mon Mar 18, 2013, 05:25 PM - Edit history (1)

the election. Several DUers told me she wasn't worth having any more because of her new-found love of Ayn Rand and hatred of paying taxes when she's in the top 1%.

I didn't unfriend her over politics, though. She was pissed about the election and had no patience with anyone. She hung up on me when I was talking about my child. At that point, everything became clear to me, including how judgmental she was of other people.

I have no time for people like that in my life. But, if she had been my sister, I wouldn't write her off completely. Maybe taking a long break from her would be best.

I wish you great happiness in your new marriage.

[coeur_de_lion]

144. Thanks Ilsa

"We'll meet again some day." Is how I feel. Right now I want her gone.

[Ilsa]

160. I had to do the same with my

Actual older sister, too, but not because of politics. I had to cut her off for awhile. We are good, now, though, since she's learned some boundaries.
"We'll meet again someday" is a reasonable approach to take to preserve your feelings and what little may be left of the relationship.

[Stargazer09]

189. The election was a tipping point in

one of my long-standing friendships. We were friends in high school, but it was mostly due to it being a small school and to me being so insecure that I ignored her attitude.

In recent years, though, I've learned that she is really a mean person. Her jokes are often put-downs in disguise, and she's made no secret of her disdain for me having a large family (by two different husbands--for shame!).

Like me, she has a teenage son with a serious medical condition that would normally prevent him from being eligible for medical insurance. When I voiced my support for the ACA, as well as for Obama, she came unglued. She said a lot of horrible things, not the least of which was calling my husband a leech for being a disabled vet. I decided that enough was enough, and I unfriended her on Facebook (our only real connection). I also unfriended every classmate who agreed with her rant (the part that was not directed at me), because I'm just tired of dealing with small-minded bigots.

I don't regret walking away.

[Ilsa]

198. The friend complained about

the 47% "takers" in RMoney's speech. I reminded her that it included elderly retired veterans like my father and her, a retired military officer. I guess she liked to conveniently forget how often she used the VA hospital, her TriCare, her military education benefits, as well as that nice monthly check for 18 years of service (they offered her early retirement).

After I thought through everything, I realized that she was a paranoid bully, and that I'd be better off without her in my life.

[Stargazer09]

221. Hugs

People just don't see the hypocrisy.

I knew a woman who was married to an elderly vet. He was retired military (receiving government pay for that), 100% disabled (receiving VA compensation), on Medicare in addition to getting medical care through the VA, and collected Social Security benefits (over 65). Every time I saw her, she went on and on about people mooching off the government and stealing tax money from "real" Americans.

I am still wondering if anyone ever pulled her aside and told her the truth.

[coeur_de_lion]

143. Another tiny email exchange

My sister:
"Cease and desist?. I read the first two sentences of your tirade and hit delete. Cease and desist already. This is ridiculous. You can say you had the last word. It’s done."
Couer_de_Lion:
"I've asked you not to contact me. Please respect my request."

Bullshit she never read past the first two lines. I know my sister. If she admitted she read it she'd have to admit she was wrong. She's trying to keep up the argument without talking about or admitting to any facts. She'd also like to pretend she doesn't know I asked her to break contact.

Nice try sister. I've known you 53 years - I'm on to you.

Rot.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

146. Sounds like she has somehow gotten sucked into Fox News' alternate reality

Hope she is able to unplug herself and come back to the real world or, barring that, at least keep politics from interfering THAT MUCH with family relationships. I wouldn't say that there is a lot of arguing over politics in my family but my mother is a Republican and still votes Republican every election. The weird thing is that she doesn't seem that devoted to the Republican Party and, at least on some level, she seems to get that she's being screwed over by Republican policies and that Democratic policies are probably better for her than Republican ones but she just can't seem to stop voting for the Republican candidate. It's pathological.

[Skittles]

148. bad move

you should have done what I did with my aunt - tell her you absolutely refuse to discuss politics - end of story

[pipi_k]

175. Yes!

Mr Pipi and I had to do something similar with a couple of friends who are RW crazy and have a lot of unpalatable (to us) ideas...especially with regards to religion.

Each time the husband (nuttier in some ways than the wife) started in on the religion stuff, we would find some way to deflect the conversation to some other topic.

It took a while, but they finally got the message. We got on well with them otherwise and had many pleasant times together.

If telling someone certain topics are off-limits doesn't work, the next course of action is deflection and/or refusal to get sucked into the discussion.

[Skittles]

210. my aunt asked if I was calling her a racist and I flat-out said YES

all the f***ing nonsense righwing emails about President Obama were RACIST!! I call it like it is and I don't care WHO it is. SILENCE = AGREEMENT. I let her know I considered such emails racist trash and asked her to NEVER send me ANYTHING regarding politics.

[abelenkpe]

149. Fox news turned my mom, sister, brother, uncle

All into raving birther/ tea baggers. I tried to avoid politics for the sake of peace but they can't go more than twenty minutes without inserting their beliefs and denigrating mine so we don't talk at all.

They live on the other side of the country. I wish things were different but don't miss their non stop aggressive fox news inspired assholery.

I know how much it hurts, but you are doing yourself a favor. Hope you have a lovely wedding!

[Iggo]

151. I hope she eventually comes to her senses.

[tavalon]

152. Just from the short story and your point of view

She appears to be a malignant narcissist and you've just made a step toward removing her influence on you. OTOH, a large Irish family isn't likely to want you to do that.

[xfundy]

154. Don't get bookfaced.

It's evil.

[LeftyMom]

155. It must be nice to live in a family with such piddly problems!

[davidpdx]

156. First of all, I am sorry to hear that things have escalated to the point you two aren't talking

Second, before I forget, congratulations on your impending marriage.

I see this as two issues, one on political opinions and the other being just plain selfishness.

Both you and your sister have strong and differing opinions. That will likely never change. At some point the two of you will have to sit down and work out how to handle that if you want to talk to each other.

On the issue of your wedding date, obviously if your wedding was planned first proper edict for your sister would have been to talk to you and your family about scheduling her wedding at a different time. It leaves me wondering if she did this on purpose because she felt she had a score to settle with you (I'm not saying that for sure as I don't know her, just speculating) or her and her finance had some reason they needed to schedule the wedding then. Her reaction I think is the key to this. From the little bit you've explained it seems she wanted to pick a fight. Maybe she felt as the older sister her wedding was a higher priority in her mind. She is being selfish and that is going to really cause problems for your family.

As for the Facebook situation, that is the one thing I can relate with you a bit. My sister and I have gotten mad at each other a few times and de-friended one another on Facebook (note: She is actually my half-sister, I don't live near her, and am not close to her at all). Both the time she de-friended me and the time I blocked her were for silly dumb reasons (thankfully not politics as we agree there).

Sometimes family brings out the worst in people. What little family I have, I personally don't like very much which is one of the nice perks of living 7,000 miles away. I see them every 2 or 3 years. I'm closer to my wife's family than my own.

My advice is go about doing what you have to do and have a great wedding and honeymoon. If she chooses to come around, than so be it. Out of kindness send her a wedding invitation, if she says she doesn't want to come let it be. If she invites you to her wedding send a polite note that says as you have stated in a prior conversation that you already had your wedding and honeymoon planned and can not attend.

In short, let her be the bad "guy". The way she acts sure won't help her reputation with friends and family.

and with a lot of sarcasm I leave you with these parting words:

"Till next time, take care of yourself and each other"-Jerry Springer

[coeur_de_lion]

164. I don't think she planned her wedding deliberately

close to mine. I think she is mad because I didn't tell her my wedding date. I didn't get her permission. Wouldn't have changed anything because she thinks hers takes precedence. Because she's selfish.

Lucky thing is, we planned a destination wedding with only our closest friends, one (friendly) sister and that's it. So the only way her wedding interferes with mine is that I can't go to hers. After the way she has behaved for years that suits me fine.

Some time in the future, we are planning a large party that will serve as a wedding reception. She'll be invited to that, and if she comes her politics are verboten. She has to leave them at home. She doesn't like that she can stay home and watch Faux News for her entertainment.

[davidpdx]

169. Ah, I see

I didn't catch that you hadn't told her when your wedding was. I agree, invite her to the reception and let her decide if she wants to come. Maybe she'll blow it off and stay home watch Fox News.

A destination wedding sounds good. My first one was a formal ceremony, and the second (this is my second marriage) was a private ceremony and a reception for friends and family.

[SamReynolds]

157. This is terrible.

I've seen so many people poisoned with the lies of Rush and Fox. It's why I came here.

[Jamaal510]

158. I feel so lucky to not have any RWers in my family,

or know any personally. I can only imagine how frustrating it must feel to come across people like that on a regular basis.

[Hekate]

161. Q: What's Irish Alzheimer's? A: When ye forget everything but the grudges.

>Sigh<

My sister, who does not like being a go-between in quarrels, told me that as a cautionary tale a number of years ago. Our youngest brother hurt me badly when our mother died 6 years ago -- I mean staying up all night weeping in a motel room badly -- and because we live 200 miles from each other, it's not like we could gradually get used to seeing each other again at the grocery store and gas station. At one point I told my sister I'd tried 6 times by my count to reconnect and had been rebuffed, and I could name each time. That's when she told me about Irish Alzheimer's. Big flashing warning sign for me.

We finally did have a reconnect at my son's wedding last fall, and I now hope things will be much better in the future.

I never dream about my family, but just before my brother's 56th birthday this month I dreamed of him. (We were at an open house, and he looked preoccupied.) I decided to send him an email birthday card, and said something like, I hope you and your family are well, and I dreamed about you last night. He wrote back and said that the night I dreamed of him he came very close to wrecking his car, but that he was okay... I got chills; I just got them again.

Let it go, Lion Heart. She needs to come to her senses -- you are right. Let that temper of yours cool off, and just vow that you and she are not going to discuss politics any more. At all. Family, on the whole, is too important.

It may take years, but just make sure you don't get Irish Alzheimer's in the meantime.

Hekate

PS: Have a lovely wedding!

[lunatica]

166. My sister and I stopped talking years and years ago

I knew a long time ago that if she weren't my sister I would have never had a problem not having anything to do with her. The rift is way too deep and too wide.

[IdaBriggs]

167. You two need to forget technology and use the phone.

Last edited Mon Mar 18, 2013, 10:51 AM - Edit history (1)

NO TEXTING - TALKING.

If politics is a problem, stop talking about it. My FIL listened to Rush while he was a trucker, so he went over to the dark, complete with "birther-Mooslim" (bad spelling on purpose, thank you) stuff. ON EDIT: He's a great grandfather to my kids (when he is around). They don't care about his politics; they will (hopefully) always remember how he tickles them senseless and pretends to eat their delicious ears! Lol!

The wedding - those are Not Good. Women who bail on "big day" stuff - well, if your day was set first, she is a bitch. You should totally ruin *her* "big day" for doing that - bring everyone in the family in to take sides. Or, just don't go and fight about it with everyone (which is what is going to happen), making every hospital visit/funeral/next generation special event a potential opportunity for more decades old drama FOR THE NEXT TWENTY YEARS EVEN IF NEITHER MARRIAGE LASTS SIX MONTHS.

You both know that Not Attending Life Events = MAJOR Insult. Shorten your freaking honeymoon, and show up at her wedding. Or reschedule yours. If finances make that impossible (because you didn't get traveler's insurance?) and the *other* sister didn't convey the wedding date (give me a break), then you two have probably been trying to "one-up" each other for decades, and the politics is just an excuse. (Oh, and the fact you *DIDN'T* tell her the date? Did it ever occur to you that MAYBE you hurt her feelings by excluding her from YOUR event? Which means YOU kind of started this shit-storm? And that maybe the Obama nonsense is just a cover for fifty years of sibling rivalry?)

Family: when television is boring, activate sibling issues instead!

Seriously, she might be a bitch, but your behavior as described by you is NOT loving or compassionate or kind or wise or respectful. If this is the life you want....live it. My sister isn't around anymore (http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022499019) and we had drama with her that was WAY bigger than Facebook nonsense. My mother doesn't even know where hers is buried.

Pick the person you want to be. At the moment, taking a break (with all of the drama of "this time, I mean FOREVER!&quot is a good thing, but neither of you being in the wedding photos - well, even if you eventually make peace, those photos will be around for the next hundred years showing that both of you were being idiots - and no one is going to care that the feud "started" over Obama and Fox Snooze. They will just know there is a family tradition of treating each other like crap....

Regardless, I think staying away from Facebook is a good thing, if you just keep fighting there. Facebook isn't real life. Get on the phone (no texting!) and work things out.

Or don't. Family drama is ALWAYS a good time!

PS: This message brought to you by a Family Drama Expert - lol!

[Turbineguy]

168. Another victory for the right wing.

Every family torn apart is a victory.

[sibelian]

170. Well...

I think it's your relationship and yours to end. It's always going to be hard to end...

[LWolf]

171. My thoughts?

I'm appalled. Putting politics before family is just wrong.

Agree to disagree about politics, leave it off the conversational table, and move on.

Since you asked.

[Mr Dixon]

173. SMH

It is very hard to change a person’s mind once they believe they are right, move on and live your life, the truth is always last thing to be acknowledged.

[Smarmie Doofus]

177. I understand, but it's too much.

The "cutting off for all time" part, that is.

Puts a strain on the whole family; not just you two.

Stay angry if you must. But uncut the "cutting off" part.

You don't have to love her, or even like her. Just be polite.

[RedstDem]

178. not a problem

I purged the republicans out of my life a couple years ago.
life's too short to put up with looney BS from anyone.
including family members!

I'd recommend it to anyone, life is a lot better now...

[slackmaster]

180. I have never engaged in that kind of petty squabble with any member of my family

Including extended family.

[Javaman]

181. I had a similar situation with my sister and brother...

until they shut off fox news and regained their sanity.

[Ganja Ninja]

182. You did what you had to do.

I have a couple of members of my family that I either communicate sparingly with or not at all. My youngest brother is one. He's a Mormon and a Glenn Beck fan. We haven't had any fights because I don't want to start one and so I never post on his facebook page or have any other contact. It works well for both of us.

[peace13]

187. I understand you completely.

The only thing we can change is ourselves.

I have the exact same trouble with my mother and sister. My older sister is terminally ill and has moved near me so that I can care for her. My mother and younger sister can not be helpful. They can only thrash and cry and tell me how I don't support them. My younger sister also wailed when I didn't go to her wedding which she planned a month in advance on the one black out date I had.

Our relationships have always been stressed but the *ush years put the nail in the coffin. Add to it their right wing full on quackery and there is untold stress.

I started attending a meditation class this winter and it has been a life saver. I can only change myself and my reaction to these folks. I too have set physical boundaries. It is the only way to stay sane.

I send you love and energy. Enjoy each day and give yourself a hug. Peace, Kim

[coeur_de_lion]

191. thanks Kim

Now that I have let out my frustrations on this thread I plan to go back to my regularly scheduled life, which includes meditation. I even have a Louise Hay group that meets at my house once a month. They will come this Saturday. Boy do I ever need some positive people around me right now.

[peace13]

196. We started meditation last October...

This class is Tibetan dynamic meditation. We have really learned a lot. Last week I did level one Reiki so.....each day is a new one! This is all fallout form trying to deal with my mother and sister. It does look like lemons into lemonade at this point.

I have found that as long as I am rested I can handle pretty much anything. I am vulnerable as *ell when fatigued. I send you extra love and energy to help carry you to Saturday and beyond! : )

[coeur_de_lion]

197. much appreciated

I need all the love and energy I can get right now.

You're such a sweetheart!

[fadedrose]

188. You do what you have to..

Wish I'd done the same. The sister that gave me trouble is dead, but I should have broken contact years before that. Still have some anger from stuff she did. Peace ... you're not the first and won't be the last.

[murray hill farm]

190. Not sure of the origin of this....native american, I think.

"When a dog you have loved turns rabid you should stop inviting it into your home, no matter how much you loved it before." Probably not the exact words, but just insert "family member" in the place of "dog".

[coeur_de_lion]

192. thank you - hopefully she gets over her

Rabies and can come back in the house.

Otherwise she stays outside for good. This morning because she wouldn't stop emailing I blocked her email address.

I only want positive people around me right now. I only want peace.

[Aerows]

199. I don't talk politics with my older sister.

There is absolutely no way to be civil if we do, and since we have a fairly close family, those are the terms.

My suggestion is to state in extremely plain terms that you will no longer discuss politics or social issues with her, but that she is still your sister and you love her. If she wants a relationship with you, she will have to lay off.

Put the ball in her court, but don't be so stubborn that the two of you can't come to a truce if you both abide by those rules. Yes, that includes you, too. She isn't going to see your side, and you aren't going to see hers. I know it's difficult, but you are still sisters and for the good of both her and her children, put aside the political talk and bury the hatchet if you can by just plain not bringing up such subjects.

I've been there. Good grief, I've been there.

[coeur_de_lion]

201. I feel like I need a break from my sister, period

Maybe even my whole (immediate) family. My family = strife and I need peace.

Right now I have a tremendous amount of stress in my life. Health related, work security related, wedding related, fiancee's health related, the list goes on and on. I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm trying to get out of my current job before June. I'm going in 6 different directions at once.

I need to find ways to eliminate stress and if staying entirely away from my family relieves some that's what I'm gonna do.

Oldest sister, since she started the whole firestorm by blocking me on facebook, is the first to go.

[Aerows]

202. Distance can be a good thing

Heaven knows I've needed it from my sister a time or two. Take the time you need, my friend, and hopefully, once the two of you start talking again, you will have a fresh perspective and new respect for each other.

I hope for the best for you two!

[coeur_de_lion]

203. Thanks Aerows

I hope for the best too.

[AngryOldDem]

204. To be frank, I think it's a damn stupid reason to cut off a family member.

I'll take at face value that this is solely because of poltical differences, and not something much deeper.

I've not had contact with my two sisters (one of whom is now dead) in about 20 years. They have never seen two of their four nieces and nephews. Our rift came about from matters much more deep than a political disagreement. This break can't be fixed, and there are times when I reflect on it and it hurts.

Speaking from someone who often wishes she had a closer family, please reconsider. Just don't look back on this in a few years and regret it, is all.

[coeur_de_lion]

207. I feel it's temporary and I'm taking a much needed break

I have to. It isn't just politics, this has been building for years. But politics is like the symbol for what bothers me about her.

[AngryOldDem]

227. Yeah, sometimes it's good and wise to just take a break.

I just hate to see things become more permanent.

Good luck.

[H2O Man]

205. Am I invited?

[coeur_de_lion]

209. Of course silly

Waterman is welcome everywhere.

[badtoworse]

206. This is going to sound hard, but you should both grow up.

If you have other problems in your relationship, that's one thing. If you're writing off your relationship with your sister strictly over politics, you're a fool and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Many people on the conservative side are just as passionate about their beliefs as you evidently are. It doesn't mean they're bad people; it means they don't see things your way. It does take a level of maturity to love and respect someone even if you disagree on politics. Sadly, it appears to be lacking here.

[coeur_de_lion]

208. see reply 207

[badtoworse]

211. I wish you luck in rebuilding a relationship

I had one brother and I lost him to cancer 16 years ago. He was my best friend; I loved him deeply and I still miss him.

Having a brother or a sister is precious - don't squander it.

[coeur_de_lion]

212. this sister though, is not precious to me right now

and I never was to her.

[badtoworse]

213. That is unfortunate.

Once again, good luck. I hope you can forgive each other and start fresh.

[coeur_de_lion]

214. I hope so too

Right now I need to shut it all down.

[Me.]

215. Face Palm Time

I was just cruising by on my way to another thread and saw yours. Had to read. Seems like a whole new life is opening before you...getting married and being true to yourself. Claim your happiness.

[coeur_de_lion]

218. Thanks me!

Good to see you old friend.

I am claiming my happiness. Not pleased qith this most recent turn of events but I'm going to make it a happy life.

[Me.]

222. Old Friend Has A Nice Ring To It

[coeur_de_lion]

223. We are old friends. Going back to 2004

Way back when * was president and there was a darkness over the land.

Watching Lord of the Rings. Can't help talking like that.

[TroglodyteScholar]

216. You only get one family.

If you feel it appropriate to become estranged from a sister over politics alone, you've had it very good. You should patch things up with her and ask her to join you in avoiding political conversation with one another.

If politics was a good reason to give up on family, I'd have lost my parents a long time ago. I don't like some of the things they believe, but it's just not worth damaging our relationships permanently.

If there's more than just politics causing friction in your relationship, I suppose it's a different matter. But my original point still stands--you only get one family.

[coeur_de_lion]

219. not just politics

though I feel it is a symbol for everything that's really wrong between us.

I don't like it when people insist on perpetuating lies about the president. I don't like racism and I suspect her of it.

For now, hopefully not forever, I want her out of my life.

[SunSeeker]

217. Why be around people who make you miserable?

Even if she is your sister.

Life is short. Spend it with people who love you and respect you. Be happy. You deserve happiness.

You did the right thing. I have a relative I should have cut out of my life much sooner than I did. I wasted a lot of time trying to make it work, but all I did was make myself miserable. I feel much better now without the negativity that person kept polluting my life with.

BTW, have a great wedding and honeymoon!

[coeur_de_lion]

220. thanks for the validation!

I DID do the right thing.

[SunSeeker]

225. Yes indeed.

Trying to change a right wing relative is liking trying to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

[coeur_de_lion]

228. we got ourselves one very annoyed pig

And years of wasted time.

[lonestarnot]

224. Sounds you don't like 'er. People should have to be around other people that they

don't really like just because they are family. People change sometimes as they grow.

[Lint Head]

226. I have gone through the same situation with my sister. I cannot be around her side of the family

without hearing a racial political reference from her husband or some one else. Whether we like it or not politics has infected everything. Politics killed soldiers during Vietnam. It killed people in Iraq and it kills every day people go without health care. It is the reason people cannot agree on guns. I sad that politics has become so deadly.

[coeur_de_lion]

229. I agree

Politics was never so polarized or evil on one side.

[bluestate10]

230. Stay away from her and go your own way and stay close to sane members of your

family. But if she attempts make amends, don't push her away. Even bad family is better than no family at all. But do explain in plain language how you feel about her behavior and willful ignorance toward facts.

[coeur_de_lion]

231. willful ignorance of the facts

I like it. It sounds better than what I said -- I told her she was either lacking the famous family intelligence gene or she was being deliberately obtuse.

[BlueJazz]

232. From what you wrote and from what I've read of your past posts, I think...

...you know what's best for your happiness. There's no rule that you have to get along with everybody in your family.

I sure don't in mine. ...and I'm comfortable with it.

[coeur_de_lion]

233. I don't know if anyone will see this since this thread is so old . . . .

I figured something out today. I was talking with my girlfriends who were razzing me about choosing my opinions over my sister. And I did remind them that it was the other way around. But in talking it all out I realized something. It's isn't her opinion that I have a problem with.

If my sister had a genuine gripe about Obama I would be okay with that. I mean if she didn't like his policy in Afghanistan or his stance on Social Security or had a real understanding of Obamacare and didn't like certain aspects of it I could agree to disagree.

What I really F-ing hate and what makes me want to choke her half to death is that she is mad at him for things he didn't do. If it was really true that we taxpayers had to pay for his political campaign and his vacations and if it was really true that he took too much time off I would have to concede her point and even I wouldn't like certain things about Obama. And certainly I do dislike some things about Obama policies.

If she could find even ONE THING that was true about him and complain about that I would keep my mouth completely shut and leave her to her opinion.

I just hate that my sister is so stupid that she believes lies, will not hear the truth, and spreads lies. It comes from hatred and bigotry and I won't allow my sister to be a bigot and say nothing.

That is all.