Men expect sex after expensive dinner dates: study

[The Straight Story]

When it comes to the dating game, men are only happy to splash cash as they try to get women into bed.

One in five men said that he “expects” sex if he spends more than 100 pounds on dinner, the Daily Express reported.

It sometimes works, as seven percent of women say they feel “obliged” to sleep with a man who has been so generous.

....

Women typically won’t consider sleeping with a man until they have been on at least five dates, the study of 2,000 people by internet network MSN.co.uk found.

Half of men will happily spend more than 50 pounds on a first meeting, with couples splitting the bill from the second date onwards. But just three percent of women pay the bill on the first date.

http://www.hindustantimes.com/Entertainment/SexAndRelationships/Men-expect-sex-after-expensive-dinner-dates-study/Article1-1031114.aspx

[seabeyond]

1. that would be one of four reasons i never allowed a man to buy me dinner. nt

[musette_sf]

41. same here

[intheflow]

61. What are the other three?

[cherokeeprogressive]

80. How about...

They're men, they're men, and they're men?

[demwing]

104. that was progressive /nt

[Katashi_itto]

106. Go and read her other posts from anywhere. It's accurate.

[seabeyond]

107. only to the most insecure of men. many more men recognize that i see them in a way

better light than even some of you feel you are. i have a much higher expectations of your abilities than some of you feel you have with yourself. i think much more of you, than some of you think of yourself. often i am standing up for man, against man.

i guess it is all in the eye of the beholder.

because you feel challenging sexism/misogyny is manhating, many more men recognize that it is only cause the majority do not need to denigrate women to feel like a man, meh....

[Katashi_itto]

114. There is a difference between challenging various culture mores that need to be changed and flat

out rants.

"seabeyond (84,528 posts)
30. yes. how men that think "all women are whores one way or another" justifies their little joke"

...You fall on the ranting side. Pity because by doing so you actually trivialize real problems.

You catch more flies with honey if you took a softer tone, than with your current approach. However that would mean you would have to come to a personal realization that 99% of the gentlemen on this board are not your enemy.

[seabeyond]

117. really? you have never heard men "joke" that a woman gets paid for sex, one way or another?

cause that joke has been around for decades, that i know of. you know. whether a prostitute, a date or marriage, the man is paying for it.

are we going to pretend this is not said often, and loudly with guffaws of laughter?

that we have not seen it on du often?

that this is not being said in this very thread?

yes, some men like to pretend that they do not get it. and most men are honest enough to acknowledge it.

that is a rant to you?

the poster you defend purposely pretends he does not get the OP. he is being dishonest. yet, you are insulting me and personally attacking me while i discuss the issue.

brilliant.

[Katashi_itto]

119. See above, I added more. Insulting you? Have you looked at the swath of vitriol you

post everywhere?

Even this conversation you present is laced with dregs of bitterness.

[seabeyond]

120. and again, "bitterness"? more personal insult that you have no knowledge and yet, not addressing

my reply to you, again.

as far as tone? ya. those that refuse to address the issue choose to use the derailing of "tone", to ignore what is being said. that is so old and tired.

oh, should i say, i typed that softly and gently.

[Katashi_itto]

121. Project much?

[seabeyond]

136. ah come one. you can do better than that. that does not even make sense. nt

[Warren DeMontague]

150. god forbid

[Squinch]

157. The moment you say, "you catch more flies with honey" or "if you took a softer tone"

is the moment that every woman knows exactly what role you are requiring them to play for you.

Good luck with that.

[SmileyRose]

158. yeah

good luck is right.

[Katashi_itto]

190. I could have said delusional ranting. But I thought I'd be polite.

[Squinch]

193. Oh. It's a shame you weren't able to achieve that, then. Maybe if you practice more?

[Katashi_itto]

195. Your attempts at sarcasm really needs work

Keep at it, I'm sure someday you'll actually craft something biting.

[Squinch]

196. Or maybe practice won't help you. But we all still hold onto the hope! Have a lovely day.

[Katashi_itto]

197. Ooo..I suppose that was an attempt... right?

Keep trying

[AnotherMcIntosh]

187. Rec.

[chervilant]

188. PATRIARCHY is the

"enemy" to ALL of us, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Patriarchy is an arbitrary social construct that keeps our species mired in aggression and inequality. It is a key reason we admire strong, assertive Type-A personalities (predominantly associated with males) and denigrate weak, compliant, nonaggressive personalities (predominantly associated with females).

It is ALSO a reason why some of us, who've been irretrievably damaged by patriarchy, vociferously defend it's ravages or deny that they exist.

I strongly encourage you to understand that seabeyond's advocacy for the abolition of patriarchy does not equal hatred of men (a stance used historically to keep "uppity women" in "their place&quot .

[seabeyond]

189. to tell SOME men not to treat or think of us as prostitutes is to hate men. dontcha know.

thanks woman.

edit... OMG, forgot. SOME men. only SOME men. not ALL men. really.

[chervilant]

194. And, still,

so many DUers posting herein devolve the discussion into snarks or defensive denials. I am dismayed that we're still seeing these attitudes on a Democratic website. Sadly, as I've said before, sexism and misogyny are pervasive on the innertubes...

[Squinch]

198. Do you remember the post a short while back

where a male poster said he didn't think women understood how difficult it is to be a man?

A lot of us pooh-poohed that, but I would say that that is proof of what you are saying. That was a guy who had imposed a bunch of rules onto himself, all of them the result of believing in patriarchal teachings. He clearly disliked the position those rules put him into, and felt they were a burden and unfair.

We may argue over whether he was imposing those rules on himself, or whether the culture was imposing them on him. But I think his statement supports your assertion. The patriarchical notions we all still harbor, consciously or not, are absolutely destructive, to everyone, not just women.

The fight against those patriarchal notions benefits both men and women in really significant ways. Turning away from patriarchy is actually a very supportive act toward men as well as women.

[elehhhhna]

208. omg this is DU not

"pick a fight with seabe underground". BTW she's a very important contributor here.

Let's discuss the topic, not each other.

[southernyankeebelle]

151. Nuff said, LOL

[Arkana]

202. Yes, because all men are knuckle-dragging Neanderthals who want to

club women over the head, drag them back to the cave and mate with them until dawn. You got it.

[seabeyond]

99. generally i made as much if not more, i never take from anyone. i do not like "owing" people,

ever. didnt seem to be the "mans" job. i hear men insist on paying, yet i hear the same men gripe about it later. i hear too many men have a problem with it.

[intheflow]

122. Didn't really answer my question but

I totally get where you're coming from. Because I'm poor I would let a date buy me a cup of coffee but not anything more unless we'd been dating at least a few times. Even now that I'm living with my boyfriend I struggle with the fact that I don't make enough money to move if anything should ever happen to him. He thinks it's a bit paranoid on my part, but I'd be homeless without being able to live at his house paying only $500/mo. toward the mortgage and utilities. There's no way I could find that in my area and still be able to keep my dog, feed us both, pay my car insurance and my other bills. Absolutely hate that I don't make enough to be autonomous!

[seabeyond]

138. you asked what the other three were.

1. men see it as buying sex.
2. i generally made as much or more, so why should they pay.
3. i do not like owing anyone anything.
4. men gripe about having to pay for a date.

we are talking dates. you are in a relationship. i hear ya. but, i do not put that in the same place as a date.

[intheflow]

144. Oh, sorry.

Apparently I needed more sleep and/or coffee for reading comprehension to kick in!

[Warpy]

82. Same here until we knew each other much better.

It's better to put it right on the table, literally, that we're not for sale, especially not for a dinner and/or some sort of entertainment.

It would be nice if more of them cared for the pleasure of our company but we're not there yet.

[Xipe Totec]

2. If you're shelling 100 pounds on a first date, you're doing something wrong

Or you're not looking for a long term relationship.

[stevenleser]

108. 100 pounds in London or 100 dollars in Manhattan is common for dinner for two at a restaurant with

a bottle of wine. 20-30 for each entree, 30 for a bottle of wine and with tax and tip you are at 100 dollars or 100 pounds. If anyone has an appetizer, you are now above 100.

Those are average restaurant prices in those cities.

[Xipe Totec]

127. As I said, if you're shelling 100 bucks on a first date you're doing it wrong

Have a cup of coffee, chat a bit, get to know each other.

If you still like each other, then plan on dinner.

[TroglodyteScholar]

3. Super misleading headline.

1 in 5 is too many, but that headline implies something different.

[whatchamacallit]

4. So 4 out of 5 don't expect it

Maybe the title is a bit misleading?

[The Straight Story]

6. It is the original headline and I look at it this way

Most people who own guns don't shoot people with them, but we treat most with guns as though they will or are the same.

Not to mention, if people only read headlines that is not my fault.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

24. So you used that headline for the same reason your source did.

To get people to read your OP.

[The Straight Story]

25. No, wish folks would read my other ops more - I try to use original headlines

As many sites require that when posting it is just habit (I don't always do but quicker to do so).

[treestar]

64. good point

we don't need to jump on men over this study.

[BeyondGeography]

102. Far too many OP's start with bullshit headlines

[hughee99]

140. I know a few DUers who tend to characterize a small percentage of the group

as the group in general (when it supports the argument they want to make). I hope this isn't something that's contagious.

[TwilightGardener]

5. If it's a basket of riblets at Applebee's, you're safe, ladies.

[yourout]

7. Doesn't work that way with my wife.

I could drop a $1000.00 and if she ain't in the mood.....she ain't in the mood.

[FreeJoe]

46. Huge turn-off

If I spent $100 of our money on dinner, my wife would be so ticked that there would be no chance of getting her in the mood. Now a well prepared picnic at a pleasant park...that might spark some serious action later.

[LiberalFighter]

125. There would be a difference between married and dating.

Just as financial status or the event might dictate response. There are exceptions to everything.

If the event was just a night out that would be different for anniversary, birthday or other special occasion.

[PCIntern]

47. I know what you mean...

She is pretty willful that way.

[PotatoChip]

118. ^DUzy alert, folks!^

Sorry yourout, but that was pretty funny.

[yourout]

141. Light bulb.......lol. I am a little slow tonight.

[WCLinolVir]

184. Sorry-this comes off as really kinda clueless and demeaning.

Like she has a will that can not be manipulated by you and you might be bemoaning the fact.

[Eleanors38]

204. The last time she sprung for steak, I knew I didn't have to make the first move.

[JesterCS]

58. I'm poor so... white castle it is =p n/t

[Skittles]

93. mmmm I LOVE White Castle

[Moonwalk]

85. If it's your wife, you're not dropping your money on her--you're dropping money that belongs...

...to you both. Just sayin'

[yourout]

86. I have better luck getting her interested by doing the dishes.

[MineralMan]

9. I don't believe I've ever taken someone to dinner at an

expensive restaurant until we have established more of a relationship than a first date. In any case, I've never expected sex in return for anything. Sex isn't a bargaining thing, as far as I'm concerned. It is an expression of something, not just a recreational activity.

Anyhow, that's how I've always seen it. My first dates generally have been doing something together that doesn't cost much, but that allows for considerable conversation and is intended to get to know the other person. Of course, I've been married now for a long time, so maybe things have changed out there.

[The Straight Story]

10. Momma always taught me get the sex first and pay/buy dinner later

[MineralMan]

14. Well, I've never had the money available for first dates

that involve large expenditures. It's better that those first dates don't set up unrealistic expectations.

Now, I'm not saying that first dates don't sometimes end up with two people getting naked together. That often happens, despite no money being spent on that first date.

I will not share any such stories, though. I'll save those for the Penthouse Forum.

[RKP5637]

76. Smart Momma! If it takes money to get the sex, it ain't worth it IMO.

[Nye Bevan]

12. Me neither. Because when I met my wife I had pretty much no money,

and we are still married.

[MineralMan]

20. Yes, that's always an issue, especially for young folks.

I remember a first date that went very well. It was with the woman who became my first wife. We were married for 17 years. I was flat broke most of the time, and attending college on the GI Bill. I had met her in a couple of classes we had together, and couldn't figure out what sort of date we might go on.

I was an avid angler though, so I asked her if she'd like to go fishing. Pretty weird, huh? Well, she said that she'd never been fishing and that it sounded like fun. So we went fishing. The place was a rugged, rocky Pacific coast shoreline, where I could absolutely guarantee success. She caught fish until her arms were really tired. Then, we went back to the house I lived in and I cooked part of our catch and made a very nice dinner for the two of us. Afterwards...well, that's a different story, but we got married a few months later.

[Hekate]

69. Just another reason why you're my kinda guy, MinMan

I've been married a long time, too, and so glad not to be in the dating game.

[Whisp]

11. are you rubbing your hands with glee at the possible

flames you might see here? Got your marshmallows out?

Well, I'm moving along. This is like googly eyed 13 year old boy stuff.

[The Straight Story]

15. Ah well, such is not my fault

See I post a lot of things.

Posted about 50 catholic churches being burned down/destroyed over hatred of them.

No one replied.

Post about sex, penis size, breast size. People reply.

So I post a whole cross section and let people choose.

I see which you have chose to reply to.

[Nye Bevan]

17. Wow. You started a thread about mosques being burned down, and nobody replied?

Oops, my bad. It was Catholic churches. That explains it.

[The Straight Story]

19. Probably because they left the last two churches there:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10022558051

[Scuba]

33. I posted about pubic grooming once. I think there were some 600 replies.

Sex sells, even on DU.

[Nye Bevan]

16. I see it a little differently.

I find it depressing that so many men are so sleazy.

[ananda]

13. Sounds just like hiring a prostitute to me.

Ugh

[seabeyond]

18. yes. and many times, yes often, we have had men say on du... pay for it one way or another. nt

[Zorra]

21. One in five men said that he “expects” sex if he spends more than 100 pounds

on dinner, the Daily Express reported. It sometimes works, as seven percent of women say they feel “obliged” to sleep with a man who has been so generous.

-----

"Hey, beautiful, can I buy you a drink?"

"Yeh, OK".

"Want another. gorgeous?"

"Sure, thanks".

"You know, you have the most beautiful eyes...can I buy you one more?"

"OK."

"How about I get us a motel room?"

"Oh, sorry, I don't think so. I'm lesbian."

"Uh...oh, well, doesn't matter to me."

"It's late, I gotta go, thanks for the drinks...take care."

"Sure you don't want another?"

Never give a sucker an even break.

[Auntie Bush]

22. If a women feels obliged to have sex after an expensive dinner...

What's the difference between that and being a prostitute? I see no difference... except one doesn't have to share with her pimp or walk the streets to find a partner.

[Moonwalk]

87. The difference is that the prostitute can spend the money on whatever she wants...

...Unless a woman's ideal is an expensive dinner, better to skip the meal and ask for the cash. Then she can use it to pay the rent or fix her car. Of course, the more interesting question to me is why the guy would go on a date and pay for dinner to get sex rather than pay a prostitute. I mean, a random girl can't possibly guarantee good professional sex like a prostitute; why waste the money on anything less than a woman with training and experience and who isn't going to keep calling you if that's all you're after?

[Auntie Bush]

131. Proves a woman is better off being a prostitute than an expensive dinner date.

Think I'll stay home and eat in. lol

[Tom Rinaldo]

23. Stop Gender discrimination in the Workplace, shatter the glass ceiling, pay men and women equally

And then we can all go dutch on dates.

[RC]

28. Well, you are getting your wish for equal pay.

Minimum wage is the new glass ceiling for both men and women.

[Ter]

35. I couldn't do it

I always have to pay on the date. Maybe well into the relationship, but at first, it's all me. And for the record, I don't expect anything.

[Skittles]

94. you echo me exactly

except I am female

[Initech]

26. They needed a study for this?

[99Forever]

27. How horrible!

The nerve of men to actually seek women with sexual interaction in mind. And buying them expensive dinners? Will the suffering never end? All men should hang their heads in shame because 1 in 5 rich guys has something in mind when they go on expensive dates.

[seabeyond]

30. yes. how men that think "all women are whores one way or another" justifies their little joke

[99Forever]

32. What the..

... fuck are you yammering on about?

[Gravitycollapse]

70. You really don't understand what she meant by that?

[Squinch]

173. Maybe they're processing... very very slowly... the pace is glacial...

[Gravitycollapse]

175. It's amazing how knuckle dragging woman haters can be grouped with progressives.

[Squinch]

178. I like the way

you can watch them bonding over it. Just like in real life.

Well, maybe "like" isn't the right word.

[Gravitycollapse]

180. I am often ashamed to be a man. And by often I mean all the time.

As a sex, as social creatures, we are base thugs raised by women hating men to hate women. At every point in our lives we rape the minds and bodies of women. If not overtly, in ways so imperceptible that they always pass under the radar. And all of these attacks and resentment aggregate and compound into the gigantic monster of the Patriarchy.

Men always benefit from this kind of mockery. We rally around our stupidity and thugishness so that we feel justified in our actions. All the while attacking any protest of our sophomoric horseshit as "reactionary" or uppity. All of this snowballs until we reach a point when the mutual masturbating can't be stopped. Men who are maybe more decent than others look at it and they can't see through the fog of their own ignorance. So they say or do nothing. Eventually even the decent men will have built up such a tolerance that the movement sees they are ripe for "salvation." They are baptized and become another one of the boys.

[Squinch]

182. No, don't do that.

There is a vein in our culture that does what you say. And it isn't only men. There are women who feel they can gain some form of ascendency over other women by joining the mockery with the men whose motivation comes from fear of women as equals.

But there is also another vein in our culture. Though we don't acknowledge it as much, it is as strong here in DU as the mysogynists. It is made up of men AND women who are learning how to express equality, how to respect and encourage each other, and how to extract the patriarchal views from where they have wormed their ways into our psyches. I consider myself to be hands down feminist, and I'm no spring chicken, but I am still learning things here all the time about how to be more respectful of the equality between women and men.

We are lucky here to have some brave souls who point out things that make us uncomfortable, and make us challenge beliefs we have taken for granted, and take us, kicking and screaming, further down that road.

Don't be ashamed to be a man. We are happy you're here, and that we are all progressing together. This process, if you step outside of the terrible frustration we feel being inside it, is actually pretty beautiful.

We'll all get there.

[seabeyond]

185. ha

i probably needed this post right this minute, more than gravity.

really.

i loved your post in so many ways. and especially in the overall collective conscious that we are.

thank you for the reminder and graceful manner you gave it.

[Squinch]

186. Well, you know you are one of the brave souls, right?

[seabeyond]

183. i especially appreciated the last paragraph.

had to read it twice.

i have seen particular behavior the last couple weeks, exactly as you describe, pretty much exclusively toward me, lol. and i have been pondering.



thanks.

may even re read a third time

[Katashi_itto]

62. You have serious issues. Wow.

[2ndAmForComputers]

68. That is a correct (albeit WAY understated) assessment.

[Katashi_itto]

71. Well, I try to be polite. To a point. :)

[2ndAmForComputers]

72. Your restraint is remarkable.

[Katashi_itto]

74. My Kendo sensei required us to show good form, both on the sparring floor and off. It sort of stuck

The fourth rule of Bushido.

IV. Politeness
Politeness should be the expression of a benevolent regard for the feelings of others; it’s a poor virtue if it’s motivated only by a fear of offending good taste. In its highest form Politeness approaches love.

I don't consider myself overly polite though. Lots of room for improvement.

[Squinch]

172. Wow. You got a whole little bro pack really upset when you pointed out the obvious to them.

That happens to them a lot.

[seabeyond]

174. really, huh. hear this little joke for decades. but on du, the bros are all huh???? lol.

i am not much for pretending. to many like to. i call it lying.

[gollygee]

50. The problem is the word "expects"

"Hopes for" would not be a problem, but thinking they're entitled to sex if they spend a certain amount is why it's a story.

[99Forever]

54. Gimme a freakin' break...

.. would you please?

Like some women don't use their sexuality to get what THEY want.


Bwahhahahahahhahahahhahahh!

[gollygee]

56. How is that relevant?

Someone thinking he's entitled to sex if he's spent a certain amount of money is not the same as someone using sexuality to get what they want. Nor does the fact that some people use sex to get what they want make it OK for other people to think they are entitled to sex if they spend a certain amount of money.

[treestar]

65. That's the old fashioned way

You don't give it up until the money is really good (i.e. marriage) or you are called a slut.

So say the woman doesn't need that money spent on her to give it up? You don't call her any names, right?

[MineralMan]

110. Ah, I see. So, it's OK to spend a lot of money to get women

to have sex with you. Uh...oldest profession, eh? Feh!

[99Forever]

111. Make stupid assumptions much?

Or how about:

Put words in other peoples mouths much?

Feh! yourself, you self-righteous pretender.

[MineralMan]

112. No.

[99Forever]

113. Perfect

Denial 101

[Iggo]

205. You forgot to say "much".

[Squinch]

209. Lol!

[LanternWaste]

115. I'd call other people self-righteous too...

I'd call other people self-righteous too... if the alternative was that I was an idiot, saying idiotic things, and trying to justify them.

Good luck with all that!

[theKed]

29. I wonder if

any surveys have been done to gauge what percentage of women expect an expensive date before they'll sleep with a man.

[Botany]

31. Breaking news flash!

men ask women on dates w/the idea of having sex on their minds.

BTW 100 pounds = $152.00


London $67.69 $142.40 average meal costs the low figure is for an average restaurant and the higher one is for top place

[gollygee]

51. It's the word "expects"

I respond the same to someone else. "Hopes for" would not be a story. But to feel entitled to sex if you spend a certain amount of money is the issue.

[Botany]

59. Breaking news flash!

some women look forward to sex after a date too .....

[gollygee]

75. It isn't about whether someone is "looking forward" to sex either

It's about whether someone feels entitled to sex. Do you understand the difference between the two?

[Botany]

88. "Do you understand the difference?"

No please explain it to me. BTW do I need to add this?

This is a big old non story. Sometimes people have sex after a date and
sometimes people do not have sex after a date and sometimes one person
wants to have sex and sometimes the other person does not want to have sex
and sometimes one person spends money and or their time in order to increase
the chances of having sex and sometimes that doesn't work and sometimes sex
results in a baby being made and sometimes no baby is made after sex and
sometimes one person on a date in London is thinking boy this beef Wellington
tastes great as the other person is thinking that she told her date before they
went out she was a vegan so watching him eat beef really turns her off and
sometimes one person is thinking the last time he/she took a man/woman to
a fancy joint he/she wound up knocking boots afterwords and sometimes
one person likes to sit in a bath tube filled with luke warm cream of wheat
as his or her date sings Camptown Ladies ......

[gollygee]

98. You're still not getting the entitlement issue

but you claim to understand the difference. It isn't about having sex or not, or wanting to have sex or not, or increasing the chances of having sex or not. It isn't about preferences. It's about whether people believe they are entitled to sex if they spend a certain amount of money. Whether the other person has the right to say no or not.

[Botany]

100. I understand what entitled means ..... I got a 2.3 from Ohio U

[gollygee]

103. Then why do you keep replying about stuff other than entitlement?

You keep saying you get it, some people want sex some people don't, but you don't say a word about the belief that someone is entitled to sex if they spend a certain amount, which is the point of the whole thing.

[Botany]

109. Because this is like a big cat toy

[smirkymonkey]

143. Awww! That doggie is adorable.

Fuck the dinner, I would rather spend a night hanging out with the dog.

[smirkymonkey]

142. Cute doggie!

I think I would rather order in and not have to deal with the whole situation. And cuddle with a cute, loving dog!

[Botany]

148. Fine ..... get the pizza, salad, and wine btw .....

.... can you walk the dog too? I am beat.

[smirkymonkey]

149. Sure, no problem. But I could do without you.

[Botany]

164. Fine by me

[cherokeeprogressive]

34. Is HOPING FOR the same as "expecting"? n/t

Besides, if you're spending the equivalent of 100 pounds on a date just to get laid, you're doing it wrong.

[gollygee]

52. I don't think just hoping for would be a story

I think more than 1 out of 5 men hope a date will lead to sex and don't need to spend a certain amount to hope that.

[Warren DeMontague]

147. see, and I expect a good meal after providing my usual top notch sexual experience.

It's the least she can do.

[Squinch]

177. I am assuming that you, like me, have been on the receiving end of this and we understand the next

step in it all.

These guys are saying: "So I spend a lot of money and think that's going to tip the scales in my favor. What's so bad about that?"

I (and it seems you) are remembering times when we have been called names or worse when we didn't come across after some guy bought us an unrequested expensive dinner and thought we owed sex to him.

I think that's what they are missing. Some may be honestly missing it. And some of them are "missing" it very, very strenuously. Which makes me wonder if we met them on those very same dates.

[tularetom]

36. Back in the day I never thought I needed to

Not that there was any basis in reality for me to think that way. I just thought my line of bullshit would get the job done even though it rarely did.

When my daughter got to be about 15 and started bringing boys around, I realized that the young me wasn't somebody I admired very much.

[MannyGoldstein]

37. My better half insisted on paying for herself on our first date

That's when I knew she was the one... it also might explain why... ah... never mind...

[edbermac]

38. And some men expect sex after taking their dates to the drive-thru at McDonalds.

I love internet studies.

[quaker bill]

96. +1

[olddots]

39. if I spent that much for food

I would expect to have sex with the food .

[cliffordu]

40. DING DING DING WE have a WINNAH!!!!!

[LittleBlue]

42. Expensive meals are an effective strategy for sex

And water is wet.

I wonder how much they spent on this study.

[seabeyond]

43. we see which men would have voted that ya, spend money on a date, she owes ya. got it. no surprise

[Matariki]

44. Does "one in five" really entitle the broad use of "men" in the headline?

That's a minority, and saying 'men' like that makes it sound like a majority.

[flvegan]

45. You have to consider the source (the OP). n/t

[Demoiselle]

49. The source is The Hindustan Times. (?!!)

[gollygee]

53. It wasn't a very well worded headline

It should have said "some" or something, since it's well well fewer than 50%. Or even 20%. It seems like to generalize to just "men", it should be a strong "most", so well over 50%.

[Curmudgeoness]

48. Just give me the money.

If all you want is sex, we might as well just determine the price and my interest up front. I would be unimpressed with the outlay of all that money for a meal anyways.

[polly7]

63. LOL.

[LiberalLoner]

97. +1

[Iggo]

55. A minority of men expect sex after dropping two bills on dinner.

The howwuh. The howwuh.

[LanternWaste]

123. Kind of tough to rationalize it, much better to trivialize it instead

Kind of tough to rationalize it, much better to trivialize it instead lest we look like an idiot.

Same results, yet we can justify one in public.

[antigone382]

156. The possibility that 20% of men ever feel *entitled* to sex is a problem.

I mean, I'm glad that 80% of men in this study don't think that a night of big spending entitles them to sex is a good thing in a sense...but at the same time, not making demands on what I do with my body based on your budgetary choices is kind of a bare minimum when it comes to respect, don'tcha think? The fact that I've got 1 in 5 odds of encountering a guy who might think his behavior will oblige me to give it up is troubling.

In my experience men who feel entitled to sex in exchange for money or favors are not content to let you decline their "generosity" either--when I was younger and more timid there were definite cases of men heavily pressuring me to accept their "generosity" with the obvious expectation that I would return the favor... I was savvy enough to make it clear that I did *not* ask for their charity and I did *not* like getting into situations where I "owed" someone, but because I didn't refuse them outright (and in a sane world who would refuse a favor that someone else insisted on doing for them?), they got miffed with me later on when I did not give them what they wanted, and acted as if I had deceived them. Fortunately I was lucky enough to avoid situations where they could have used force, but it does occur to me that some of them might not have had many moral qualms about it if they had the opportunity. After all, they "deserved" it after they had carefully set up the situation so they could claim I owed it to them.

[Iggo]

160. I'm also disappointed it's not five out of five.

I guess I got suckered by the misleading headline. I thought for sure, based on the headline, that it was going to be a strong majority turning out to be assholes. Then when I saw it was only one in five, that number was so much smaller than I expected that I gave it the pshaw treatment. One in five is still too many.

[AsahinaKimi]

161. agree.

[Squinch]

179. There is the point right there. I think many of the men here who are brushing this off are not

considering how those "expectations" are expressed.

The women here, on the other hand, seem to get that those "expectations" often lead to arguments, name calling, verbal or physical coercion, and sometimes much worse.

Also, those posting who don't understand that an expensive dinner doesn't entitle them to anything need to do some serious growing up.

[chervilant]

192. Yes, and

for those of us who've survived date rape or attempted date rape, "studies" and "percentages" do not lessen or mitigate the pain and the challenges of recovery.

[aquart]

57. Duh.

Or, as my sister used to say to me, "Get the steak FIRST."

[GETPLANING]

60. As it has been for milllenia

[HereSince1628]

66. I find that to be age dependent...after an expensive dinner most men I know

want to fart loudly and go to sleep.

[goodthanksandyou]

67. The only thing I expect after an expensive dinner date is to expect to have to use the men's room.

For 20 minutes.

After that, the date is over as far as I am concerned.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

73. Ha, I had a date who got upset when I wouldn't go to bed with him on our one and only date

after he had bought me a pizza slice and a movie ticket.

[polly7]

81. I can see why it was your one and only, and what a jerk.

I'd worked about six night shifts and was so tired, after we talked about what would be good, I said 'you go ahead and order' and headed to the washroom, thinking I'd told him what I wanted. So, he orders a really nice steak dinner ........ for himself. For me ...... a nice salad and an extra plate! It was 'so good (I shit you not) that we knew each other enough we could share.' It was the third, and thanks to call display and my email block thingy ... the last, time I ever saw this person.

[Deep13]

77. Well, there are customary norms.

There is an implicit set of rules for dating and and eventually marriage. Granted, none of this justifies rape, but I can see feeling put off if after a lot of attention she's unwilling to go any further physically.

[Raine1967]

78. Expecting is nothing like *getting*

Men can expect all they want.

anyhoo...

Good OP, really.

[Deep13]

139. Right. Expectations and disappointment are facts of life. nt

[In_The_Wind]

79. Men expect a lot of things they no right to expect.

[Mike Nelson]

83. I wonder...

...how many out of five women expect sex after an expensive dinner...

[bluedigger]

84. I take all my first dates to the BK Lounge (Burger King).

What is a second date, anyways?

[Ian David]

89. Well, yes, of course. Except sometimes, it's going to be by yourself. n/t

[arely staircase]

90. not me

I expect women to buy me an expensive dinner after sex.

[Cleita]

91. My experience is that they expect sex no matter what they spend.

Most unmarried men don't really even bother to socialize with you if it's not about the possibility that there might be sex.

[temporary311]

133. Along with a not insignificant number

of married men.

[raccoon]

137. IME you and Cleita are right. nt

[madokie]

92. I've never spent a hundred bucks on a meal for me and some girl

to begin with. I've bought many meals for girl friends who I was not nor did I want to have sexual relations with, many times. I've never asked one of my opposite sex friends to share the cost of a meal nor will I. Right now my wife and I are spending a tad over a hundred bucks a week on average on groceries for the two of us and an occasional meal with friends.
Methinks this study is more bull shit than anything. Maybe I'm just different and if that is the case I've had a lot of guy friends who are just like me. I never expected sex from someone because of something I did for them, ever. Furthermore I won't be either. I've been offered sex before because I did something for a person of the opposite sex and yet have I taken them up on it. Never alienated our friendship because of that either. I enjoy giving a hand or doing something for someone when they can't for whatever reason do it themselves. I'm one of those persons who is blessed with the ability to do about anything that comes my way. Sex is not and never has been the end all for me. If the two of us aren't really into it I don't go there.

[Warren DeMontague]

95. That's right. I usually figure that when she spends that much on me, she's after me lucky charms.

Still, I don' give it up ever' time just fer e fine piece of Halibut and an expensive Pinot... it really depen's on me mood.

[graham4anything]

101. Ya gotta love this light thread reaches 100 responses! Don't know what it means.

Happy 100!

[Arcanetrance]

105. I enjoy the system my girlfriend and I have we alternate who pays it's worked for 5 years

Besides being a chef and knowing the workings of restaurant kitchens we usually end up with me cooking

[LanternWaste]

116. The only think I expect after an expensive dinner is a wee bit of heart-burn

The only think I expect after an expensive dinner is a wee bit of heart-burn later that evening (is that helpful to the idiots who don't know the difference between "expect" and "hope" out any?).

I do however, like the pomp and circumstance of a fancy-schmancy restaurant, dressing in a nice suit and tie, putting-on-the-Ritz every now and then. We get to play Nick and Nora for a few hours... minus the dog and the criminals.

[MrScorpio]

124. Guys who drop that kind of cash with the expectation of sex are idiots and are pretty lazy

A form of emotional laziness that most women are pretty much sick and tired of these days.

A man whose made a sexual and emotional connection with his intended mate AHEAD of time, you know… Actually working at it… Would never depend on an expensive meal to seal the deal.

Unless this guy is pretty contemptuous of women in general to begin with. The kind of guy that women should avoid in all cases.

[alp227]

154. +1, this "entitled to sex" mentality is NOT healthy sexuality.

It's the same mindset in the Steubenville boys, as extreme as it may sound.

[Auggie]

126. Sex is better on an empty stomach

[Go Vols]

146. +1

[southernyankeebelle]

152. Speak for yourself friend. You can also get some pretty nasty STDs

[Auggie]

166. How can empty stomach sex lead to STDs?

[southernyankeebelle]

167. Empty stomach or not and no matter how hard you try having many partners

you can still get STDs if your protection breaks or some don't use it. Just saying. But then again I may be wrong since I am not experienced when it comes to sex. I grew up sadly sheltered and very old fashioned when it comes to sex. I waited until I was married and have been married 35 yrs. But now I realize that today is a different time. I think if people are going to have sex then please protect yourself. But bed hopping is no way for a person to go either.

[Auggie]

169. Thank you, southernyankeebelle ...

your response is a bit unexpected since the thread topic isn't about STDs.

But that doesn't make your point any less important.

[southernyankeebelle]

171. your welcome. Sometimes there is a bigger picture.

[sibelian]

128. I cooked dinner for my boyfriend's birthday last night and spent £100 on it.

I'm not telling you anything else.

[dembotoz]

129. spent much more than that--it was called a wedding reception--and i did have some expectations

shoulda saved the money

[yellowcanine]

130. So only 1 in 5 men are cads as measured this way?

That's not bad actually. Hopefully the men who think this way land dates with the one in 5 women they deserve.

[Eleanors38]

206. Ah, this I agree with. Statistics & Karma.

[kdmorris]

132. I guess we should be pleased that 80% of men DON'T expect sex, no matter how much they spend.

The headline is pretty misleading if you read the article.

[temporary311]

134. The headline "4 out of 5 men are decent enough blokes"

Probably wouldn't garner as much attention.

[kdmorris]

135. No, it probably wouldn't

sad, really...

[Dr Fate]

145. I dunno, I usually feel a little bloated after a spiced ham or what have you...

...Are folks usually getting it on after a good buffet?

More like a nap...

[Exultant Democracy]

153. Stupid me I've been putting out everytime a chick buys me a drink.

And 5 dates? I won't even go on a first date unless I've already slept with the person.

[JVS]

155. Always insist on sex first.

It helps work up an appetite and you don't have to worry about the dinner making you gassy.

[cbdo2007]

159. I definitely expect it first. That way you can find out if you really like them enough

to sit through a whole dinner with them.

[Warren DeMontague]

163. DURING

I mean, what's the point of fine dining if you can't break a few plates.

remdi95 remdi95 bam cha bam thats what im sayin

[RedCappedBandit]

162. Does 'expect' mean 'feel entitled to' or 'anticipate'?

Big difference, and the arguments in this thread all seem to depend on semantics.

[Bay Boy]

165. The choice of the word 'expect'...

The word 'expect' is what has everyone riled up here. If they had used term 'hopes for' instead that may have changed the poll results and turned down the outrage some. But are we even defining the word 'expects' right? For example "I expect sex on my birthday". Well, I do. Because I have always gotten it in the past. Does that mean that I 'demand' sex on my birthday or I'll just force my wife to have sex with me on my birthday? No, I'm just used to getting it so I expect it.
Is it possible that's what the men who were polled were thinking? Maybe when they have taken out women in the past and spent 'x' amount of money they have always ended up in bed at the end of the night. So now when asked if they buy a women an expensive dinner on a first date they reply " I expect sex".

[jessie04]

168. Which is why I pay.

nt

[cbdo2007]

170. Women expect more expensive things after expensive dinner dates: study

That's the conclusion of my study anyways. It was always, "this place isn't as nice as where we went last time...." or "I know you can afford more than just 1/4 carat diamond earrings for my birthday after where you've been taking me for dinner."

[Gravitycollapse]

176. Study: Expensive demands narrative is lame

[Squinch]

201. Sounds like you are

lasting through multiple dates with some pretty crappy people.

[SoCalNative]

181. In other news....

Water is wet, and the sky is blue.

They really had to do a study to figure this out?

[slackmaster]

191. Mr. Rathbone, it's time for your close-up

[dawg]

199. I would feel just terrible if I thought ...

that someone only wanted to have sex with me because of the money I spent on her. Or that she didn't really want me at all, but felt obligated because I bought her a nice meal.

If I buy you a nice meal, it's because I want us to enjoy a nice meal together.

I honestly don't understand some men. Why would anyone want to bribe or coerce someone into having sex with them? Isn't that just admitting that you are an unsexy loser?

I want a woman to want me for the intense, kind, introspective, occasionally charming man that I am. And if she doesn't want me for the right reasons, then I don't want her. Maybe I'll find the right woman somewhere else down the line.

Admittedly though, I am still a failure at relationships, while many of these jerkish men have lots of dates. But that doesn't matter. I would rather be left alone for being the man that I am than to be loved for being mistaken for something I am not.

[seabeyond]

200. ....

[Arkana]

203. Personally, I expect sex DURING the meal. Screw this "after dinner" crap.

(Do I really need the sarcasm tag?)

In all seriousness, though, if I buy dinner for a date, the only thing I'd expect out of her would be some lively conversation--something I would hope everyone would want. Never in a million years would I even entertain the idea of "expecting" a woman to have sex with me because I bought her dinner. They're people--not machines you put kindness coins into so that sex falls out.

[Rex]

207. You know what I expect? Nothing

before, during and after dinner. No matter how cheap or expensive it was. Men that expect a,b or c after x,y or z aren't really men now are they? Just boys daydreaming about getting their ego stroked.

[Blue_Tires]

210. Um, yeah...who the hell spends the equivalent of $150 on dinner??

NBA superstars? Hollywood?

[sfpcjock]

211. Well, maybe a blow job

only if she's into it. You can ask!