How to Live in a World Where Marriage Is in Decline

[xchrom]

http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/how-to-live-in-a-world-where-marriage-is-in-decline/276476/


Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber have two children together and are not married (Jason Redmond/Reuters)

In 1996 the Hoover Institution published a symposium titled "Can Government Save the Family?" A who's-who list of culture warriors—including Dan Quayle, James Dobson, John Engler, John Ashcroft, and David Blankenhorn—were asked, "What can government do, if anything, to make sure that the overwhelming majority of American children grow up with a mother and father?"

There wasn't much disagreement on the panel: End welfare payments for single mothers, stop no-fault divorce, remove tax penalties for marriage, and fix "the culture." From this list the only victory they got was ending welfare as we knew it, which increased the suffering of single mothers and their children but didn't affect the trajectory of marriage and single motherhood.

So the collapse of marriage continues apace. Since 1980, for every state in every decade the percentage of women who are married has fallen (except Utah in the 1990s):



Every state, every decade (except Utah in the 1990s): Red states (last four presidential elections Republican) to blue (last four Democrat), and in between (light blue, purple, light red), makes no difference.

[bunnies]

1. I'd like to see a study about long-term relationships.

the success of those vs. the success of marriage. I think many people realize that a government issued contract isnt a necessity for a happy, successful relationship. In fact, most of the couples I know that have been together for more than a decade (including me & mr. bunnies) are very happily un-tied.

[redqueen]

5. I'd be interested as well.

Lately it has started to seem to me that the piece of paper often encourages people to take each other for granted.

[bunnies]

6. Yep. Or...

encourages couples to tolerate each other "for the sake of the children". And in my experience being married meant a different set of expectations were forced upon me almost immediately. Ugh. Obviously that isnt the case in every situation but I know for a fact Im not the only one. I don't feel like I gained a single thing from being married. Certainly not the important things like trust and communication. And definitely not the sense of certainty that some seem to feel it brings.

Theres something to be said about a perpetual courtship. Its actually kinda romantic.

[redqueen]

7. I could not possibly agree more with everything you just said.

[liberal_at_heart]

2. why does it matter if you're married or not?

I'm so tired of seeing posts on this website saying that religion, marriage, and having children are on their way out. Why is so important for some people to see these choices wiped off the face of the planet? If you don't want to be married then don't be. There certainly is no societal pressure to be married anymore. If you don't want to have children, then don't. There's no societal pressure to do that either. And there is no societal pressure to go to church, so if you don't want to go to church don't. But why the need by some to try to put pressure on people not to do these things? I've been married for 18 years, and am still madly in love with my husband. I have two children with my husband, and I self identify as Buddhist. I am proud of who I am and the choices I have made. I love my life. If some are happy not getting married, not having children, and not being religious, that's great. Good for them. That does not mean there is anything wrong with being married, having children or being religious.

[Downwinder]

3. How many lawyers on this board would recommend

a general partnership for a business structure?

[Nye Bevan]

4. Not getting married seems like it would be much worse for the woman than the man.

Usually the guy is the higher earner and has more control of the assets. Marriage gives much more legal protection to the woman in the event that he trades her in for a younger woman and leaves her to raise the kids, having put her career and/or education on hold to do so.

I would bet big money that the words "oh honey, it's just a piece of paper" are spoken much more often by men than by women.

[duffyduff]

8. The entire article is a bit misleading

Marriage rates may be declining, but still the vast majority of people marry at least once in their lifetimes, and therefore the article is not completely honest.

Because our society values marriage, people will still do it, and single people will still be at an economic disadvantage thanks to almost all married households having two incomes. That second income is a tremendous economic advantage over anybody who remains single, and it continues well after retirement. A living together situation is not the same thing as somebody who has lived their entire life alone and is self-supporting or is the same thing as somebody who has married. Most people who live together don't remain single all their lives but either eventually marry the partner or marry somebody else. Many if not most "live togethers" use it as a trial period before they eventually marry.

I really don't think many people here truly understand how much the economy has changed to where it is absolutely devastating if you find yourself in your fifties or sixties, and you don't have the advantage of a working or a retired spouse. It is very difficult, very scary shit when you rely only on yourself and nobody will hire you because you are considered "too old."

The sixties and seventies move toward more choice in how we live our lives didn't forecast the fundamental changes in our economy to where it is virtually mandatory you have to be married or at least have a working partner in order to survive. Unless you are a trust fund baby, it is almost impossible to survive as a never married adult in this country.