Slack-Jawed Yokels Attempt Tree Removal With Car, Fail Miserably

[warrior1]

http://jalopnik.com/slack-jawed-yokels-attempt-tree-removal-with-car-fail-511514154

And now, for the most concentrated dose of stupidity you'll probably see all month

This amazing video surfaced in Oppo-town this afternoon when it was posted by reader Bring Back The Stealth. (I'm also taking the rare move of stealing his headline, because it's brilliant and I can't think of a better one.)

In it we see a group of morons, er, amateur arborists who attempt to extract a rather large tree using only an ancient, front-wheel-drive Oldsmobile shitbox and a chain. Needless to say, it doesn't work, sending the car airborne more than a few times

#!

[NV Whino]

1. Certainly a truthful headline

My god, how many times did they try that? I lost count.

[Snotcicles]

2. LOL, that kid sang "it's raining car pieces" nt

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Tree 1, car full of morons 0.

In contests with trees the car almost never wins. Especially when stupid people are involved.

[mike_c]

4. tragically, a neighbor of mine tried this several years ago....

True story. Happened in Athens GA. The family in the house across the street had a huge old oak tree in the front lawn that leaned slightly toward the house. The tree died. Since it had limbs over the house they needed to take it down. They decided to save money by hiring a couple of "handymen" who offered to take the tree down for a fraction of the local arborist's price. They didn't have the equipment or the experience to do the job right-- disassembling the tree from the top down-- but they convinced the home owner that they could get around that problem with a pickup truck and a long rope. They lassoed the trunk up high, then tied the other end of the rope to the truck. One guy used the chainsaw to cut the tree while the other guy waited in the truck. When the tree started to sway, truck-dude gunned it-- and promptly dug two smoking holes in the asphalt where his tires cooked off. Then the tree fell smack dab onto the house, dragging the truck 30 or 40 feet backward and cutting the house in two, all the way to the foundation.

The handymen left hastily, then came back a couple of hours later with their lawyer. The house was eventually rebuilt-- took a couple of years if I recall correctly.

[Go Vols]

12. It does work if you do it right

This is a dead tree on a rental property that I had to cut a few years ago.

http://tinypic.com/r/9sqyhi/5

[noamnety]

32. We've done it before too, on our property.

We used the ever popular chainsaw-on-a-beanbag to take down the top of the tree first, because it was 60 feet tall and we had no way to climb it and didn't want to drop it as a 60 foot length.





We had a few gawkers watching as we sawed the top off by hand, standing on the ground way below (and to the sides!).

Then we cut through part of the trunk and used our truck to pull it down.

[secondvariety]

76. Those work great.

I've got a home made one that works so so-it has a tendency to get hung up in the cut. Probably not the correct chain.

[intheflow]

66. We've done it, too.

Helps tremendously if you live in a rural area/have lots of space for the tree to fall, and few-to-no overhead power lines in the vicinity.

[secondvariety]

75. Good job.

[XemaSab]

16. That's not tragic

It's hilarious.

And of course this happened in Georgia.

[RebelOne]

37. I live in Georgia and we are not all slack-jawed morons. n/t

[XemaSab]

41. I was watching the video and wondering if it was within 100 miles of Merced, CA

[rdharma]

5. Not enough alcohol?

[Mr. David]

6. Hold my beer, and watch this!

Famous last words...

[Buns_of_Fire]

7. If nothing else, it speaks well of Oldsmobile's durability.

Of the intelligence of the would-be tree surgeons, not so much.

[DRoseDARs]

48. Was expecting the car to rip in half. Surprised the chain, and not the bumper, gave first. nt

[Bobbie Jo]

54. lol

I was impressed. Solid automobile.

[formercia]

8. Yank it and it will come,

or maybe not....

[RedSpartan]

27. Ooooo

[Liberal_in_LA]

9. omg

[Arkansas Granny]

10. These guys may not know Jack Shit, but I'm sure their paths have crossed.

[Skidmore]

11. When that tree does decide to fall, it'll fall on that house.

Lordy, what goobers.

[madokie]

13. My side hurts

What idiots.

[Egalitarian Thug]

20. Made my day. Still can't stop laughing. n/t

[madokie]

30. Some times I wonder how people like that make it

to be old enough to even attempt something like that. LOL

[taterguy]

14. I'd rather have a slack jaw than a tight-ass jaw

Shame on you for your jaw-type bigotry.

[petronius]

15. Give credit to the camera operator: s/he is extremely clear on the

notion of a minimum 'safe distance'...

But really, these guys just needed to try a few more times - it would have worked, really!

[bluedigger]

17. It would have worked with the right Olds.

They needed a Cutlass, obviously.

[HangOnKids]

34. Winner!

This thread is full of win but I am giving you the Gold Medal!

[NoGOPZone]

18. They did it all wrong

They should have attached the chain to the front of the car and driven in reverse.

[Egalitarian Thug]

19. This right here is why I come to DU.

It isn't often so blatant, but observing the progression of dumb is just so damned entertaining.

[AsahinaKimi]

21. Is this a case of ...

"Hold my beer.....and watch this" ??

[Victor_c3]

22. I wish I could find a video of this

but when I was in Iraq my Platoon Sergeant plowed down a fairly large tree with his tank. It didn't even slow it down for a second. Granted, the tree wasn't as big as the tree in the video, but it was still impressive nonetheless.

A group of guys in my unit got into a little bit of trouble when they were doing the same thing to a bunch of palm trees in a palm grove. Trees vs tank is always fun to watch.

I'll have to go through my hard drive and see what I can dig up.

[wercal]

58. I was a tanker

And plowing through trees was a dream of mine. If you've got video I would love to see it.

[Victor_c3]

60. rightfully so

plowing down trees with a tank is a beautifully fulfilling experience

I was an Infantry platoon leader in Iraq. My platoon was attached to a combat engineer battalion and the battalion commander split my platoon in half and gave me half a tank platoon in exchange. So, all in all, I had two tanks, two bradley fighting vehicles, and 1.5 squads of dismounted Infantry. The Platoon Sergeant I worked with was a tanker.

The first firefight I was involved in I happened to be riding in the loaders hatch in a tank. Depending on the sorts of missions we were conducting, often we just rolled with a section of brads or a section of tanks from my platoon for something as routine as a route clearance.

The ride and feel of a tank can't be beat. Something about 70+ tons of armor really does a great job smoothing out the bumps you encounter.

[secondvariety]

23. What's that

thing called when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

[RedSpartan]

26. Trickle-down economics.

[Tanuki]

28. Good one! n/t

[PD Turk]

43. win!! nt

[DRoseDARs]

49. DUzy! nt

[Canuckistanian]

77. LOL

[shenmue]

24. Proud graduates of the University of Duh

[tclambert]

25. I wonder if they would have tried that in a convertible.

Did they think the hard top would save them if the tree did come down on top of them like a giant flyswatter?

Sorry, I re-read that question and realized how silly it was to continue after "Did they think . . ."

[dflprincess]

35. I'm wondering if the people who were standing in the near vicinity watching

(supervisors, perhaps?) thought they could out run the tree if it started to fall. Then there's the car parked near it and the buildings and the whole deal about blocking the road if it had come down.

[wercal]

59. At the 5:29 mark

It looks like they are trying to pull over a smaller tree, behind the huge one with a car parked next to it.

Still didn"t come close to working.

[1StrongBlackMan]

29. Dudes ...

There's this new fangled invention called ...

a CHAIN-SAW!

[DRoseDARs]

51. I was thinking that too. Not one person in that group had or knew someone who had a chainsaw?

I wonder how many cars this tree has destroyed in battle.

[Stinky The Clown]

31. Stoopit: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Ayup. That'll git 'er.

[rrneck]

33. I've done that with a tree that size.

Of course I had a big honking farm tractor and a hundred foot cable. Plus the tree didn't have a tap root. I've seen the same tractor stall on an oak tree no bigger than your wrist.

[arcane1]

36. I wonder WTF they planned to do with the tree once it toppled all over the road

I don't see a giant truck there to take all the scraps

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

38. Cue Paul Giamatti....

"Humans....we mean well...."

[dhill926]

39. now that there was some funny shit....

that's what that was.....

[Major Nikon]

40. If yer gonna be dumb...

[hwmnbn]

68. LOL, great song!!

[steve2470]

42. I'm a bit surprised the back axle and transfer case didn't come loose

No mechanic here, that Oldsmobile must be pretty sturdy.

[bluedigger]

50. Had to be attached to the frame.

What, do you think they are stupid or something?

[steve2470]

52. not the smartest thing I've seen :) nt

[1-Old-Man]

71. It was a 2-wheel-drive, front-wheel-drive car, hence no transfer case and ....

and no rear axle in the conventional sense. I'm not sure but I also suspect that the car in the photo is also of a unibody design, meaning that it also lacks what you might think of as a frame, where large steel beams are used as the platform the car is built on. The unibody is stronger than a steel frame but typically there isn't much on them to attach a chain to. Actually if they had a bunch more chain and had attached it high in the tree the thing would have come down. It is surprisingly easy to either pull or push a big tree over, but you have to do your pushing or pulling from the top.

[steve2470]

73. ah ok thanks nt

[Aerows]

44. Wow

What would they have done if they actually managed to get the tree down? It would have fallen in the road and probably on the car including it's occupant.

[NBachers]

45. There's always the guy in charge, standing there yellling at the dupe what to do.

[blackspade]

46. What a bunch of fucking idiots.

The fact that they are trying to tear out a tree on the easement is one problem.
The fact that they are trying to use a fucking car to put it down is the other.
If the tree had come down it could easily have killed every one of those fuckwits and some poor kid as well.

[benld74]

47. They were damn lucky that when the chain snapped,

it didnt whip around give someone a REALLY good bruise

[Chan790]

53. Bruise is the least of concerns.

I don't know why but some force of physics makes them always seem to make a beeline for eye-level. I've seen some nasty eye injuries that way, a lot more near misses. Idiot family of descendents of carpenters and lumberjacks...always think they can fell their own trees as if it were genetic. Unfortunately, they left it in their other genes.

[dixiegrrrrl]

55. Really too bad that lawn mower in teh background is so noisy

I would love to have heard the pearls of wisdom flying back and forth by the tree.

[treestar]

56. Yeah Nick, don't get any closer to those morons!

[FSogol]

61. ^^^^THIS^^^^

[Initech]

57. Tree - 1, morons - 0

[Nye Bevan]

62. Someone really should have called the police.

Those idiots were endangering themselves and everyone around them.

[treestar]

64. I was wondering about that

There may not be anything illegal about it, but there probably is some ordinance it violates - or at least, someone is going to get hurt. It is amazing no one was.

[Nye Bevan]

65. Reckless endangerment (nt)

[backscatter712]

70. But that would have ended the entertainment!

I would have done what the guy filming did. Stand waaaaaaaay back, and watch with a bowl of popcorn!

[Nimajneb Nilknarf]

74. I have it on good authority that the men in the video actually ARE the local constables

The Buick is a decommissioned police vehicle that they were assigned to dispose of.

[Aerows]

63. Some folk'll never lose a toe

But some folk'll
Some folk'll never eat a skunk
But some folk'll
Like Cleatus the slack-jawed yokel.

[4_TN_TITANS]

67. Even if they were successful with what they are trying

would it not pull the tree the direction of the car and right down on it? They should be grateful it didn't work.

[backscatter712]

69. And this is the Republican base!

Oh, for some bonus laughs, check out the amazing true adventures of Florida Man, America's worst superhero!

https://twitter.com/_FloridaMan

"Florida Man Allegedly Steals $200,000 In Seafood"

"Mo-Ped Riding Florida Man Flees Traffic Stop After Giving Cop Food Stamps Card As ID; Found Hiding In Attic"

"Florida Man Fired Gun Into Ceiling After Getting Enraged By Hitler Documentary"

"Florida Man Strips On Stranger's Porch, Tells Cops He's There To Propose To Girlfriend"

[Jim Lane]

72. The base? I think it's House Republican Caucus.

The video could be subtitled "A Piece of Performance Art in Which I Depict the Votes on Repealing Obamacare."

[backscatter712]

78. LOL!

[SalviaBlue]

79. Why are they trying to remove that beautiful tree??

The first thing that came to mind as I started to watch this was what a beautiful tree lined street this is.

I see neighbors taking out beautiful mature trees all the time. I think some people can't stand not to have complete control over everything around them.

Morans.

[ladjf]

80. They could have hired professionals cheaper than the repair job on their car. nt

[dembotoz]

81. hey mom---thank you for letting me borrow your car--no we just went to the movies

[thatgemguy]

82. Hope they don't breed!!! n/t

[BainsBane]

83. This is exactly why doctors don't recommend interbreeding

within the same family.


Meanwhile, the father filming the incident says to his kids, "This is why you stay in school."