My nephew has 4 gay uncles...

[sibelian]

Me, my partner, my brother, and his partner.

He's at the age where kids in his class are saying stuff about gay people. He doesn't like it.

What should I say to him?

[onehandle]

1. I think the 'It Gets Better' theme applies to young friends and relatives of gay people as well. nt

[pnwmom]

14. Not so well to little kids. They're completely in the here and now. It depends

on how old this boy is, but if it's early elementary, it won't help much to hear that it gets better.

[Cirque du So-What]

2. Just throwing this out there...

but...what if he emphasizes that homophobia is not cool? After all, kids nowadays don't want to be labeled as 'haters,' right?

[Aerows]

5. Not all of them

Look at that kid of Jeff Flake's.

[Cirque du So-What]

11. I don't think any of his peers

would accuse Jeff Flake's demon spawn of being a 'cool kid' - and isn't 'being cool' the pinnacle of the prepubescent hierarchy of needs? It would be great if tolerance and acceptance became admirable traits among our youth, and despite hearing about incidents that make me shake my head, I still believe the pendulum is swinging in that direction.

[Aerows]

19. I have the same hope you do

God that kid of Flake's needs some serious therapy. I shudder to think what he hears at the dinner table if that's the bile he spews.

[Mariana]

21. You might be surprised.

Birds of a feather, and all that. He probably does have friends, and he may have chosen them as friends in the first place because they reinforce the hatred he originally learned at home. There are still nests of vicious racists and/or homophobes out there, who are passing on their bullshit to the next generations. It's entirely possible that the Flake kid's particular group of friends were raised the same way he was and absorbed the same attitudes from their parents.

[sibelian]

7. I don't know.

He's a bit shy. I could try.

[Aerows]

3. He doesn't like people saying bad things about gay people

or he doesn't like that you and his other uncles are gay?

I'm a lesbian, just for information's sake, and have two nieces.

[sibelian]

10. He doesn't like people saying bad things about gay people...

He's never had a problem with me and my brother.

[The Link]

4. He should inform his teacher.

His parents should contact the school admin and demand that action is taken.


If it were me, I would ask who the kids were and personally inform their parents that they are either setting a poor example to their kids as bigots (which to me is most likely the case), or they need to get involved and talk to their kids about saying hurtful, bigoted things.

[dlwickham]

6. how old is he

if he's young, I'd say that he or his parents need to talk to his teachers and principal

if he's older, he can say something to the other kids

[sibelian]

9. Thirteen.

and rapidly getting quite big!

He hangs around with guys that are quite a bit bigger than him.

[dlwickham]

20. so you think they'll beat him up or something if he says something

[sibelian]

22. Well, I don't know. They might.

It sounds from his mother that he has poor taste in friends... if you ask me...

[1-Old-Man]

25. or it might be that one of them tries and our 13 year old kicks his ass

There is no reason to think our friend is going to lose.

[Enrique]

8. get an agent

this has reality show written all over it.

[Gormy Cuss]

12. Kids say stuff like that because they don't know any gays in their own family.

He can simply say that he has gay uncles and that what they're saying is untrue, ignorant, bigoted -- whatever word works for him in the situation. Thirteen is an age when kids are brutal. It will get better in a couple of years.

[HappyMe]

13. It depends on how old your nephew is.

Tailor what you say to his understanding.

Not all people are born to love someone of the opposite sex. As long as the 2 people respect and love one another, there is nothing wrong. In the end, people are just people. They have the same worries and happiness that everybody else does.

Hmm...okay I'll just tell how I dealt with my sons questions.
They were about 5 at the time. We lived in a building that was the UN of ethnicities and sexualities. Our dear friends (Ralphie and Rico) loved my sons and they loved them. They did ask me at one point where the 'aunties' were, since they were Uncle Ralphie and Uncle Rico. I told them that sometimes 2 uncles or 2 aunties could be like mommy and daddy. They love one another the very same way and there is nothing bad about that. They asked me if then maybe one day one of them would find an auntie and forget about the uncle. I said no, it won't work that way. There are all kinds of people in the world and every one is special. The only bad people are the ones that hurt other people.

This probably isn't much help at all. I'm sure somebody will be along with way better advice.

edit to add -
Oh, I see he's 13. If he has an established group of friends that aren't bigoted yahoos, I would say safety in numbers. He could just tell them to cut that out, crawl out from under the rock and live in this century. If things get very bad, I would say your brother will have to go to the school and say something.

[yewberry]

15. Depends on him.

Let him know that you're okay with however he wants to handle it. He may be afraid of being disloyal if he doesn't say something, or feel at risk if he does.

If he does want to respond to negative remarks from other kids, he can keep it simple. He can make it personal or not.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay."
"Maybe if you knew any gay people, you'd know they're no different from anyone else."
"I think that kind of talk is being prejudiced, and I'm not prejudiced."

Thirteen is such a tough age. Best of luck.

[pnwmom]

16. You could start out just by empathizing.

You don't like it when people do that either.

Does he want to say something back to these people, or is he just venting? If he's just venting, then after you validate his feelings, you could explain that people say things like that because they are ignorant. And sometimes people are afraid of things that seem different.

[hunter]

17. Our kids are strong defenders of human rights.

My grandparents in the 'sixties were about where the USA is now. It was Hollywood, people knew who was gay and it was very quietly accepted.

My parents were the next generation. I grew up in a very LBGT friendly household. People could be openly homosexual in my parent's home, be watching television and making out on the sofa, be sleeping in the same bed, but as kids we "knew" it was something we didn't talk about to strangers.

It's not even an issue with our kids, it's all open, nobody is "in the closet." LBGT friends and family are normal and they don't take any shit about that, same as they don't accept any racist shit.

[William769]

18. Just teach the message of acceptance of all.

Intelligent kids will get it the others? Well...

[sibelian]

23. I hope you're right.

I've been worried about this issue on and off since he was born. It's harder for him because he's the eldest.

[a la izquierda]

24. I beat up my neighbor for saying

nasty things about my mom, who is gay. I do not recommend this strategy.

[sibelian]

26. I'm actually really glad you did that.

Even though you're not really supposed to.



It's just nice for one of them to get beaten up for a change. I got pushed around in school every day.

[a la izquierda]

28. I was only grounded for a day...

It was originally a week...but my mom relented ( I overheard she and her partner giggling about it). It was the only time I've ever gone on the offensive physically. It's generally not my nature.


My mom to,d me once that she thanks the gods daily that I'm her oldest, because she knows I'll always have her best interests in mind. And clear,y, I'll defend the hell out of them

I got bullied too. It sucked.

[JI7]

27. does he have any cousins ?

either older or around the same age who is also your niece or nephew ? if so what is their experience like.

maybe take him to some family type event focusing on gay families where he can meet other kids around his own age who have parents or other relatives who are gay.

[sibelian]

29. We don't know that many families with gay people...

He has a step-brother and sister... Their dad is cool...