I hate Father's Day, although I think I've been a good Dad.

[Faygo Kid]

Here's why: Mom finally threw him out when I was about 10. He was an engineer/draftsman for General Motors when they first opened the Tech Center in Warren, MI in the early '50s. Brilliant man, but they had to let him go when he wouldn't show up for work. Earliest memories of are cowering behind the couch as a little guy with my little brother when he came home drunk and beat up Mom and having the cops come to the house because the neighbors heard the screams.

Didn't see him from age 10 to 22 (no child support all that time, of course), when out of the blue he called and my brother and I went to see him in his flophouse. Six months later, he was dead of a heart attack, and I was called to ID him at the Wayne County Morgue. He was 50.

I think I did much better by my daughter, and appreciate her best wishes today, but every Father's Day reminds me of my own. Don't get me wrong - I've done well, had my ups and downs, but am basically happy as I approach retirement. But I don't like the reminder of what might have been.

[Warpy]

1. My dad was a gent and I miss him greatly

although we butted heads for many years.

I do have some memories like yours of one of my drunken uncles, of having my cousin shove me under a bed and whisper to stay there until we knew his Dad was sober. I must have been about four, that's when we lived near the same town.

We don't get any sort of guarantee coming into this life. Some of us are bought up, some are dragged up, and some just grow the best we can with the least amount of care or attention.

One good thing about growing up with really bad examples, they tell us what not to do if we remember how awful it made us feel when we were kids.

So go in peace today. Your dad taught you what not to do. For that much, you can honor his memory.

[Ernesto]

2. Never met my dad.........

he died in the navy at the end of WWII before I was hatched.

[Skeeter Barnes]

3. My dad was killed on the job.

He was an electrical maintenance worker for Occidental Chemical. He was working on some kind of electrical panel near a furnace when the accident happened. He had third degree burns on over 75% of his body. He lasted almost two weeks before he died. He was a tough guy, but always good to my mother and sister. The kind of guy that never missed work and never turned down overtime. He wired houses on the weekend for extra money for us. I learned from him how to play baseball, how vital Unions are for the working class and to never cross a picket line.

He never drank but he did hit me too much. There were times that I was afraid he wouldn't stop until I had to go to the hospital. I used to wish the police would arrest him and take him away. I got to the point where I resented him but I forgive that now though. He had a very hard upbringing and I think that was part of the problem. I wish he was here now. We would have talked it over and let it go by now. This was 25 years ago.

[Faygo Kid]

8. You never should have been hit.

No one should ever be hit. I never hit my daughter. You don't have to forgive the unforgivable, and take care of yourself. We are all scarred in one way or another, even the 1%.

[Skeeter Barnes]

9. I think he was subconsciously acting out what had been done to him in his youth.

I think that's why he never hit my sister or mother, just me.

Doesn't make it right by any means but I keep it in mind when I look back on him now. We would have had a serious talk about it a long time ago if he were alive and he would have apologized to me and that's all I would ask.

Losing him was devastating for our family.

BTW, thank you for such a thoughtful reply, Faygo Kid.

[PDJane]

4. Father's day is one of those days I try to have my head elsewhere.

Why? Because he was a really awful man. Bi-polar, which he wouldn't treat....the rest of the world was crazy. Misogynist, and I really despised his attitude. He hit me, he verbally abused me, he was convinced I needed to be in a mental institution, and tried to put me there. He wanted my son....which would happen over my dead body.

When he died, they didn't have a funeral; I think they were afraid of the number of people who would create a traffic jam, trying to see if he was really in the coffin.

So now, I spend the day with the women who did and do double duty, as both father and mother......

[LWolf]

5. I think many of us

who have painful memories connected to abuse or neglect of a father feel the same. I do.

[marlakay]

6. Its all about letting go of the past

And I know it's easier said than done because I had a very hard upbringing. Took me until after my dad died in 2000 to finally grow up in my 40's and 50's.

What I do now is try to live in the present as much as possible not past or future.

Today I haven't even been thinking of my dad, I guess I figure he is gone and I do things for my husband whose kids live two states away.

I am not super close to my mom so moms day use to be hard for me I couldn't in all honesty send a mushy card. So now I just get a pretty flowers one.

Our minds want to play the "what if" game. I have done it many times, what if my dad didn't drink? What if I reacted different to my brother? What if I didn't marry my first husband?

But we have the life that we have, so give up a kind word for a guy who gave you life.

[Faygo Kid]

7. I do appreciate his problems, and so sorry about your Mom.

Mine was the best, raising two sons alone in the '50s and '60s by herself on very little money. She was beloved by all. Long gone now, but I still miss her, and appreciate her achievements more with every passing year.

[LisaLynne]

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