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wercal

(1,370 posts)
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:11 PM Jun 2013

Have you said the N word?

This is my very first time starting a thread, so here goes.

We all know Paula Deen is in the news today, having said the word...and it is inexcuseable.

But - have you said it? Would you admit it if you had?

I'll admit that....I have. I grew up in the deep south, sort of as a transplant, since both my parents were from Minnesota. The only time I can remember saying it is related to baseball. When we were young, and would play a pick up game of baseball, some of the kids would call 'no n--- balls'. A 'n---ball', it turned out, was throwing a base runner out, by throwing the ball directly at him, instead of the glove of a baseman. I don't specifically remember using it; but, I'm sure I picked up on it and used it. That was the mid 1970's.

I also remember one day when I told my parents I "didn't like black people". This was 1970's Alabama, and the busing system was chaos. I was a first grader, riding a bus with high school students...and the bus was horribly overcrowded, with us sitting 4 to a seat. My brother and I got off at the last stop, and none of the older kids wanted us to sit next to them, since they would never get a seat to themselves. So, often, the bus driver would have to come back and force them to let us sit down. Some of these older kids, who were black, then made it a habit of holding knives to our throats the whole trip, so we wouldn't want to sit next to them ever again. My brother, who always has 'an angle', found a nicer girl who would let us sit with her, provided we saved part of our lunch and gave it to her. Only later in life did I completely understand that this girl was probably very poor, and our shared lunch items were very important to her. Anyway, I came home after one knife to the throat session and told my parents I didn't like black people. To this day, I still remember their reaction. They pointed out 'you like Mr. K---, don't you...and he's black'. I honestly had not even known he was black. So many of the older men in the south, who had worked outdoors their whole life, had a very dark complexion; and, I had assumed Mr. K--- had been white. Anyway, I still remember to this day, my parents discussing race with my 6 year old self.

I also remember being in the Boy Scouts. I looked up to the leaders...and some of them were great men....I mean really, really good people. But one night on a campout, they started telling us boys 'n---' jokes. It was somewhat shocking. Around a year later, a black boy joined the troop. The 'n----' jokes were no longer told, of course. And, the same men who had told these jokes treated him fairly and with respect, and really had no tolerance for any of us boys treating him like he was different in any way. This was the early 1980's.

As I got older, I worked at the scout camp. The head of the camp was a legend of a man...he had spent a lifetime in scouting, and mentored hundreds of boys, who had gone on to become leaders in the community. Years later, at his 80th birthday surprise party, almost a thousand people attended, some coming from other continents to attend. He was an important and respected man. And a racist. We began to notice that all the black troops stayed at the campsite that was the furthest away from the main part of the camp...and the campsite had a strange name: Robber's Roost. We could tell this was a 'dig' at the black troops that stayed there. As a staff member, I became close to a black scoutmaster. At the end of their week, he shook my hand and earnestly thanked me for treating his boys well - this was very important to my 16 year old self. He obviously knew his troop wasn't completely accepted at the camp...yet he still brought his troop there every year. For many years, that was the southern way. People 'went along to get along'....there was no way he could confront the camp leader, who again was near legend in scouting circles. That was the mid-1980's.

Anyway, that's my ramble. What Paula Deen did or said is obviously wrong. However, I hope this sheds a little light on how things have evolved in the south. In some ways I have pity for her. She is a product of an older version of the south, who didn't change her ways as quickly as she should have. And make no mistake, if you're parents and grandparents and community leaders all give the impression that racism is ok, there is certainly a transition period involved. You have to mentally come to grips with the fact that some people you idolize and look up to are wrong.

So, back to the original question: Would anyone else admit that they've used the word?

98 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Have you said the N word? (Original Post) wercal Jun 2013 OP
Do you say it around your co-workers? Do you tell racist jokes around co-workers? Ohio Joe Jun 2013 #1
I don't dispute that Paula Deen is a racist wercal Jun 2013 #9
I don't know if I would use the word 'pity' but... Ohio Joe Jun 2013 #12
Her lawsuit wasn't just about the N word, she is alsame Jun 2013 #16
If I read the complaint correctly wercal Jun 2013 #20
Yes, the N word is what people are focusing on, but alsame Jun 2013 #28
Oh, no doubt, they had to let her go. wercal Jun 2013 #32
You're right, it's a non-renewal, not a alsame Jun 2013 #39
Of course everyone has said the N word.. but I have never said it in a disparaging manner. DCBob Jun 2013 #2
Like you, so have I Divine Discontent Jun 2013 #77
No. My mother would have smacked me for that. PDJane Jun 2013 #3
Not that I can remember. Maybe when I was a kid who had no idea what that was about. dkf Jun 2013 #4
Yes Throd Jun 2013 #5
I'm OLD and even I knew it was a hateful word when I was a kid Warpy Jun 2013 #6
I read an interesting article about the term 'black' wercal Jun 2013 #17
Yup... SidDithers Jun 2013 #7
No I haven't Marrah_G Jun 2013 #8
Yep CokeMachine Jun 2013 #10
Never. Never heard it growing up and I'm not that much younger than Deen cali Jun 2013 #11
No. Boomerproud Jun 2013 #13
Of course. MrSlayer Jun 2013 #14
Yes dipsydoodle Jun 2013 #15
Consistency please ceonupe Jun 2013 #18
That is an interesting perspective wercal Jun 2013 #24
I stand corrected ceonupe Jun 2013 #33
Good Grief...Can this be played on the radio? Or is it 'bleeped' wercal Jun 2013 #36
It was a top radio hit both pop radio and urban ceonupe Jun 2013 #44
All I can say is: His teeth!!!!!! LeftInTX Jun 2013 #88
Yea Daninmo Jun 2013 #98
I grew up in a state... ljm2002 Jun 2013 #19
Well knock me over with a feather wercal Jun 2013 #31
I agree even racists often have good and bad qualities... ljm2002 Jun 2013 #41
Not that it matters wercal Jun 2013 #50
Fair enough... ljm2002 Jun 2013 #51
Yes, I remember that counting game RebelOne Jun 2013 #42
That's it. I was trying to think of that rhyme. I learned that as a child... Honeycombe8 Jun 2013 #61
We sang that rhyme too. roody Jun 2013 #90
Once!! - Got my mouth washed out with soap! LeftInTX Jun 2013 #21
Yup me too except MadrasT Jun 2013 #29
Sure. TheCowsCameHome Jun 2013 #22
A Definite Age Gap Here... KharmaTrain Jun 2013 #37
It was used without much thought.. TheCowsCameHome Jun 2013 #47
How right you are customerserviceguy Jun 2013 #58
I don't buy it. My mother was born in 1926, and she taught us kids to NEVER use that word. scarletwoman Jun 2013 #65
No. blue neen Jun 2013 #23
I grew up in Mexico so yes, it's a color. nadinbrzezinski Jun 2013 #25
Never. And my parents were born in the 20's. forestpath Jun 2013 #26
there is a big difference between being a famous public person and a private person quinnox Jun 2013 #27
No! GeorgeGist Jun 2013 #30
Yes. LWolf Jun 2013 #34
A co-worker's kid used the term in school wercal Jun 2013 #46
Only when alone and mocking anyone from the South. stlsaxman Jun 2013 #35
Nebuchadnezzar? burnodo Jun 2013 #38
Nixon? derby378 Jun 2013 #48
Newt? Phentex Jun 2013 #54
Well, I got better... derby378 Jun 2013 #57
In the Blazing Saddles sense, yes. johnp3907 Jun 2013 #40
I'm a black man. What do you think? Apophis Jun 2013 #43
Yes derby378 Jun 2013 #45
Yes when I stupid kid and parroted what I heard from someone else. After becoming an adult NO Raine Jun 2013 #49
If you older than 50, more than likely you have, the difference is... liberal N proud Jun 2013 #52
"If you are older than 50..." I don't agree. It depends on how you were brought up. scarletwoman Jun 2013 #70
I'm 56, my mom's from Florida. LeftInTX Jun 2013 #86
Yes LittleBlue Jun 2013 #53
I don't think I ever have treestar Jun 2013 #55
Once, in 1954, when I was in kindergarten. Then never again. scarletwoman Jun 2013 #56
There's a term for Brazil Nuts that I used...I was told that's what the name was. Honeycombe8 Jun 2013 #59
Unless she has dementia, her age doesn't enter into this equation for me. OneGrassRoot Jun 2013 #60
Yes, back in the 1950s. GreenStormCloud Jun 2013 #62
yes madrchsod Jun 2013 #63
I said it once at aged 8 because my friend used it pink-o Jun 2013 #64
I did when I was eight years old. LanternWaste Jun 2013 #66
yes. KG Jun 2013 #67
Yep (nt) The Straight Story Jun 2013 #68
Never. I was taught early on that it was not a nice word. eom Frustratedlady Jun 2013 #69
When I was a kid, "Eenie Meenie Minie Moe" used a word other than "tiger". Nye Bevan Jun 2013 #71
Of course! bravenak Jun 2013 #72
I don't use that word or any other ethnic slur. I do drop F-bombs, but no one can be perfect. bluestate10 Jun 2013 #73
Last night JustAnotherGen Jun 2013 #74
Fire me. cherokeeprogressive Jun 2013 #75
Absolutely never duuser5822 Jun 2013 #76
It was not allowed in the house I grew up in. longship Jun 2013 #78
nope riverwalker Jun 2013 #79
No, it wasn't allowed in our home, Blue_In_AK Jun 2013 #80
Only as a child, echoing my parents. Daemonaquila Jun 2013 #81
Yes I have. Hell Hath No Fury Jun 2013 #82
That word was forbidden in my Mississippi family. DevonRex Jun 2013 #83
Once RobinA Jun 2013 #84
yeah, was a long time ago PD Turk Jun 2013 #85
Not in anger mythology Jun 2013 #87
Never. Lugnut Jun 2013 #89
I grew up in a fundie christian house OriginalGeek Jun 2013 #91
I've totally said the N word hundreds, thousands of times- if only from singing along with rap songs Poll_Blind Jun 2013 #92
Yes - and gave up my job over it. KentuckyWoman Jun 2013 #93
I so had never heard the word that applegrove Jun 2013 #94
When I was in high school, I used to listen to Richard Pryor albums. mick063 Jun 2013 #95
There is a really good Showtime special on him. Behind the Aegis Jun 2013 #96
Read the book JustAnotherGen Jun 2013 #97

Ohio Joe

(21,655 posts)
1. Do you say it around your co-workers? Do you tell racist jokes around co-workers?
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:13 PM
Jun 2013

That is what Paula did... And it is racist.

wercal

(1,370 posts)
9. I don't dispute that Paula Deen is a racist
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:22 PM
Jun 2013

But I still pity her. The very fact that she said it openly with co-workers illustrates that she was very ignorant about how unacceptable that word had become.

Ohio Joe

(21,655 posts)
12. I don't know if I would use the word 'pity' but...
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:25 PM
Jun 2013

I do imagine it must suck to be so ignorant and I do think they are very sad people.

alsame

(7,784 posts)
16. Her lawsuit wasn't just about the N word, she is
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:29 PM
Jun 2013

being sued for racial and sexual discrimination in the workplace.

wercal

(1,370 posts)
20. If I read the complaint correctly
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:36 PM
Jun 2013

The sexual harassment complaint is against her brother.

And, yes, the complaint is not specifically about the N word...and the deposition about the N word was only meant to ferret out proof of her innate racism. But the N word apology is the big news of the day.

alsame

(7,784 posts)
28. Yes, the N word is what people are focusing on, but
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:46 PM
Jun 2013

my point was that the original complaint was about discrimination issues. So I think the Food Network just decided that there were too many issues surrounding her and decided to cancel her show.

wercal

(1,370 posts)
32. Oh, no doubt, they had to let her go.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:53 PM
Jun 2013

My understanding is they are really not renewing her contract, which expires in a month. So, I'm curious to see if she is completely finished right now...or if she will finish out her contract.

alsame

(7,784 posts)
39. You're right, it's a non-renewal, not a
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:02 PM
Jun 2013

cancellation. With only a month to go, she may just decide to stop taping the show...we'll see.

DCBob

(24,689 posts)
2. Of course everyone has said the N word.. but I have never said it in a disparaging manner.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:13 PM
Jun 2013

BTW, I am a middle age white guy from the Midwest originally.

Divine Discontent

(21,056 posts)
77. Like you, so have I
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 09:37 PM
Jun 2013

and probably said it in the last 24 hours referencing something regarding how a right-winger views EBT. I have also put my job on the line to defend a man who is black, so he would get his job back (which I succeeded). So, it's all in context, and that's the key to all use of words that could easily and understandably offend others.


http://www.zazzle.com/elizabeth_warren_alan_grayson_2016_bumper_sticker-128334336056089482?rf=238107662556833486

Warpy

(110,900 posts)
6. I'm OLD and even I knew it was a hateful word when I was a kid
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:20 PM
Jun 2013

Negro and colored were the polite terms of the day when I was a kid so that's what I used. I went to integrated schools and didn't think much about race one way or the other. When I read that activists preferred "black," I switched without complaint. It's polite to call folks what they prefer.

It's funny, my parents were also polite when I was a kid and only started to use that word when they got older and had been in the south too long. It always made me wince.

wercal

(1,370 posts)
17. I read an interesting article about the term 'black'
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:30 PM
Jun 2013

The term 'African American' was actually used 200 years ago...but eventually American born slaves preferred not to use the term, as they were in fact not born in Africa...and they hoped the distinction would eventually lead to full citizenship.

So, black leaders started using 'colored' and 'negro'.

And 'black' started getting major use as part of the civil rights movement - 'black power', for example.

Then in the late 90's, some started using 'African American' again.

 

CokeMachine

(1,018 posts)
10. Yep
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:22 PM
Jun 2013

Just once and when my dad found out -- let's just say never again!! I heard it a lot growing up in a small Idaho town. I still hear it a lot out hear. I actually quit a pool team when the captain accused another player of playing N_____ Pool. I don't tolerate racism!!



 

cali

(114,904 posts)
11. Never. Never heard it growing up and I'm not that much younger than Deen
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:23 PM
Jun 2013

I grew up in CA and CT. I'm not saying that I grew up without prejudice. As a kid, the black person I knew best was our live in housekeeper, Elizabeth, who was more of mom to me than my mother- and for several years I spent more time with her than I did with my mother. I loved her to pieces and she talked about racism- and I listened. It made a huge impression on me. She was supersmart and well read- self-educated.

Anyway, I think using that word as a little kid is way different from using it as an adult, and she did so much more (and worse) than that.

 

MrSlayer

(22,143 posts)
14. Of course.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:26 PM
Jun 2013

But I gave all that stupid hate shit up years ago. When I became politically aware I also realized all the race crap I was taught was dead wrong. People are either cool or assholes and color has nothing to do with it.

The only time I say it or its variation anymore is when I rap along with Ice Cube or when it's in a song or movie quote. I never use it in a hateful manner and I won't let others use it in my presence. You'd be surprised (not really) how casually it is still used and the shocked looks I get when I tell people off about it.

dipsydoodle

(42,239 posts)
15. Yes
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:28 PM
Jun 2013

Was the name for dark suede and a paint colour too. The suede name was dropped and the paint name changed to donkey brown. Also used in a variety of traditional time songs.

 

ceonupe

(597 posts)
18. Consistency please
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:33 PM
Jun 2013

Almost all of The top 25 hip hop urban albums right now contain the n word most with dozens of references many if not most negative.

This issue as a black man is getting ridiculous now. The current black popular culture has ingrained this word int to everyday conversation and art in the black/urban community. From movies to music it is prevalent but I'm supposed to Get upset that some woman in her 60s admitted to using it in her past.

Shit I would have been surprised if she had not. From the prospective of a young black male people admitting to using the n word is the least of our problems.


Didn't Jessie Jackson say he would cut that niggas balls off on a hot mike talking about Barack Obama during the 2008 campaign?

wercal

(1,370 posts)
24. That is an interesting perspective
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:41 PM
Jun 2013

Somebody on the morning radio (Big Al Mack from Kid Kraddick) saud essentially the same thing - that he would not have believed her if she had denied ever using the word.

Her is the hot mic incident. No N word as far as I can tell.


 

ceonupe

(597 posts)
33. I stand corrected
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:54 PM
Jun 2013

I stand corrected he only mentions castration of the black man but does not say nigga.

Below is a link to one of the most popular urban songs of the past winter and spring.

[link:

|]

Trinidad James: All Gold Everything

 

ceonupe

(597 posts)
44. It was a top radio hit both pop radio and urban
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:04 PM
Jun 2013

The edited version they just shorten the nigga a bit to something that sounds like nig for urban radio for mostly white pop stations they have a version that removes the nigga nigga nigga repatr and replaces it with synth blasts but yeah the same song.

This is why people think the Paula dean thing is way over blown.

But this video has about every bad stereotype of black men all in one and by no means is designed as an uplifting song. It's what they call a street anthem. It celebrates all that's wrong in black culture and this was written created and produced by black people. This artist was self published till last year but this single is not a product of the white owned major music industry.

The crazy thing is this guy is educated comes from an established family and went to catholic school.

LeftInTX

(24,543 posts)
88. All I can say is: His teeth!!!!!!
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 12:05 AM
Jun 2013

Obviously no orthodontist. Maybe he's made enough $$ from his music so he will get his teeth fixed.

Daninmo

(119 posts)
98. Yea
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 11:05 AM
Jun 2013

I'm over 50, and I have used it when I was younger. I don't use it now. I also try not to use curse words, IMO, using either, just shows a lack of intelligence.

However, watching the above video and just listening to many black people at work or wherever, I can understand white or all people using it. If so many blacks don't find it offensive and use it themselves, then being fair minded, it shouldn't bother them if someone else uses a word some blacks so often use, shown as per the video above.
I have heard someone refer it to " I can drink from this fountain , but you can't".

ljm2002

(10,751 posts)
19. I grew up in a state...
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:36 PM
Jun 2013

...and city where there were very, very few black people. I'm not sure I even met a black person until I was a teenager. They seemed very exotic to me. Lucky for me, my family was very liberal and when the civil rights movement came along, we were on the right side of history -- unlike most of the people where I grew up.

I did use the n-word, but only when I was as a young child, reciting the children's counting game "eeny meeny miny moe, catch a n***** by the toe" -- I had no idea what the word meant. So yes I've used it... but never after that, and of course the rhyme itself has been changed so that all the youngsters now think it goes "catch a tiger by the toe". Which is all to the good.

While I appreciate your story -- it is always good to get insight from people who have experienced how things evolved, from the inside -- I can't say it makes me any more sympathetic to Paula Deen. Why? Because it's 2013. I would have a lot more sympathy if her words had come back to haunt her from 20 or 30 years ago; then your story would have much more relevance to her situation. But it's 2013, and she still felt comfortable using language like that in front of black people who worked for her?

Please. That is just ignorant, racist, insensitive and downright dumb. Anyone who is a public figure and thinks they can speak like that in this day and age, I'm sorry but for me that indicates it is how they really think. She can apologize until she's blue in the face, she will never be able to remove the blot that she herself has put on her own reputation. And it is well deserved.

wercal

(1,370 posts)
31. Well knock me over with a feather
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:49 PM
Jun 2013

I always thought it was 'catch a tiger by the toe'.

I'm not trying to excuse Paula Deen, just point out how racism in the south is not black and white (if you'll pardon the expression). Some people have a knee jerk reaction that she must be an evil person, because of this....but I think, like many of my scout leaders, she probably has both good and bad qualities.

And she's incredibly stupid - mere self preservation (of her public reputation) should have prevented her from using the term.

I read today that she campaigned for President Obama in 2008. I've seen this trait in alot of people...they don't like a certain group, nationality, ethnicity etc, as a group...but when they get to know somebody personally, they forget their prejudice, and become friends. I think she is a very conflicted woman, who never let go of racism...but not evil.

Now I do agree that her career is over, big time.

ljm2002

(10,751 posts)
41. I agree even racists often have good and bad qualities...
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:03 PM
Jun 2013

...but still. Racism like she has admitted to, in f***ing 2013? Really? That is just awful.

Too bad Paula. You should have had someone around you who let you know not to display your true inclinations so openly. You lose, so sad. Not.

wercal

(1,370 posts)
50. Not that it matters
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:09 PM
Jun 2013

But for the sake of accuracy, I believe the complaint is for events that happened in 2010....at least I think that's what I read.

ljm2002

(10,751 posts)
51. Fair enough...
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:12 PM
Jun 2013

...yes I do believe that accuracy matters. Of course, for purposes of this discussion, there's essentially no difference between 2010 and 2013. We are in the 21st century now.

Nevertheless thank you for making the correction!

Honeycombe8

(37,648 posts)
61. That's it. I was trying to think of that rhyme. I learned that as a child...
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:36 PM
Jun 2013

and said it a few times. Until I learned better.

Born & raised in the segregated deep south in the 50s, who heard the N word used occasionally...I can say that I have NEVER referred to any person with the N word, whether a specific person or generically. It's NOT TRUE that people of that age from that locale used that word until it became politically incorrect. That is a stupid excuse for her PR person to use. But what else can he say?

There's no doubt in my mind that she's racist. I know people like her. She's comfortable using that word, and I know why.

roody

(10,849 posts)
90. We sang that rhyme too.
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 02:03 AM
Jun 2013

Also brazil nuts were called n-- toes. I only saw black people when we visited my aunt in Alabama. I always knew it was wrong to call a person n---.

LeftInTX

(24,543 posts)
21. Once!! - Got my mouth washed out with soap!
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:39 PM
Jun 2013

Never again!

I was 7-8 years old and heard some kids saying it at school. I repeated it at home.

The mouthful of soap ended that!

KharmaTrain

(31,706 posts)
37. A Definite Age Gap Here...
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:59 PM
Jun 2013

I'm seeing a lot of us "old farts"...who grew up in the 50s and 60s where the word, while considered a pejorative wasn't considered as taboo as it is now. Many of us also grew up in very segregated neighborhoods...didn't matter if you were north or south...I didn't have my first real contact with black people until I was in college. My kids, on the other hand, grew up in a far more diverse area and thus the "n' word would have a far different impact than among a bunch of punk white kids in 1965...

Cheers...

TheCowsCameHome

(40,161 posts)
47. It was used without much thought..
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:07 PM
Jun 2013

....talking 50's here...almost without thinking about what it might mean to some folks.

Basically, a loosely and freely used word, at least that's the way I recall it in my younger days.

customerserviceguy

(25,183 posts)
58. How right you are
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:31 PM
Jun 2013

I heard it from friends in my northwestern Indiana neighborhood back in the Sixties, but never at home. Yes, of course I used it, imitating companions who were part of the "white flight" from Gary. And my folks corrected me quickly, so it just became another word used with friends like all of the other cuss words I learned in the street.

It didn't go over so well with folks in the suburbs of Portland, Oregon when my family moved out there in 1969. I weaned myself off of it during my teenage years. Throughout my young and later middle-aged adulthood, you scarcely heard it, except on a hardcore black comedian's album, like Richard Pryor or Chris Rock.

Big shock when I moved to the East Coast six years ago, it never really went out of fashion here among white folks.

scarletwoman

(31,893 posts)
65. I don't buy it. My mother was born in 1926, and she taught us kids to NEVER use that word.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:40 PM
Jun 2013

My mother's generation were well aware that it was a hateful, derogatory word and she passed that knowledge to her children. I was born in 1949, and because of my mother - and my father, too - I grew up knowing full well that it was absolutely wrong to use that word.

 

nadinbrzezinski

(154,021 posts)
25. I grew up in Mexico so yes, it's a color.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:41 PM
Jun 2013

And in graduate school we read many bills of sale aloud, and the I have a Dream Speech.

It's a matter of...context.

 

forestpath

(3,102 posts)
26. Never. And my parents were born in the 20's.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:42 PM
Jun 2013

Lucky for me they were both ahead of their time in being extremely anti-bigotry and would have smacked me into next week if I'd ever used the word. But I never would have anyway.

 

quinnox

(20,600 posts)
27. there is a big difference between being a famous public person and a private person
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:42 PM
Jun 2013

and how private your life can be. If you are famous or a "star", then you are going to be put under a microscope. That is one price for the fame and fortune. So, you better understand that before reaching for that kind of exposure and fame and riches. My opinion.

LWolf

(46,179 posts)
34. Yes.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:55 PM
Jun 2013

Once. I was 3 or 4, riding in a grocery cart, and said something like, "Look, Mommy, there's a n*****."

She leaned down and in her scariest quiet angry voice, said, "You will never use that word again. Never. Now apologize." I was confused, but when she wheeled me down the aisle, I apologized. I'd heard the word and tried it out, like most young kids developing their vocabulary. It was certainly common at the time. 1960s.

When we got out of the store, she told me that it was a hateful word that only hateful people used. Then she called my grandparents, who arranged playdates with their black friends' kids. Our neighborhood, our world, was segregated. The civil rights movement brought my grandparents together with people from the black community. They started out working together, and became friends.

wercal

(1,370 posts)
46. A co-worker's kid used the term in school
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:07 PM
Jun 2013

The child has alot of issues, and he just did it for attention. I'm quite certain the child didn't hear it from his parents...but they had to go in and talk to the principal

 

burnodo

(2,017 posts)
38. Nebuchadnezzar?
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 07:59 PM
Jun 2013

Necromancy?
Nautilus?
Niacin?
Norepinephrine?
Noodle?
Naked?
Novice?
Nancy?
Nutter?

derby378

(30,252 posts)
45. Yes
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:06 PM
Jun 2013

I'm not proud of it, but yeah, I did. Used it on a bully in middle school (who just happened to be black) who picked on me even though I never did anything to him - he just wanted a target. Once punched my face in even when I tried to run from him - I was never really taught how to fight back. Then one day he hauled off and slapped me for the hell of it, and I called him a nigger. That kid went apeshit. He sought to gain control over me, and by uttering a simple two-syllable word, I gained power over him, even though I took a vicious punch in the back when I tried to walk away from him.

Racial slurs just weren't considered swear words back in those days - they were considered insults, but they didn't get bleeped by the censors on TV like they often are today. All I know is that I hope that kid smartened up and did something positive with his life at long last. The jails are overflowing with too many punk-ass kids, regardless of race, who thought they could simply punch and kick their way through society.

But once again, I don't feel proud using that word, even though it got the desired effect.

Raine

(30,540 posts)
49. Yes when I stupid kid and parroted what I heard from someone else. After becoming an adult NO
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:08 PM
Jun 2013

not ever!

liberal N proud

(60,298 posts)
52. If you older than 50, more than likely you have, the difference is...
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:13 PM
Jun 2013

Are you still using it!

Just because we repeated what our elders said does not make it OK. We should have had the intelligence to rise above our ancestors and predecessors to come to understand what it means when we use derogatory and demeaning terms.

scarletwoman

(31,893 posts)
70. "If you are older than 50..." I don't agree. It depends on how you were brought up.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:56 PM
Jun 2013

My parents were both born in 1926. I was born in 1949. My parents brought up me and my sisters to NEVER use that word, and fully explained why. Aside from once when I was in kindergarten, I have never used that word. And the one time I used it, my mother gave me a loving and thorough explanation about why it was wrong, and I never used it again.

LeftInTX

(24,543 posts)
86. I'm 56, my mom's from Florida.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 11:49 PM
Jun 2013

I said it once, she washed my mouth out with soap!! It was not acceptable. I never heard my grandparents say it either and they were from North Carolina and Georgia. I heard one relative say it once. He ended up having an affair and got murdered in love triangle (In other words, he was pretty much a redneck)

 

LittleBlue

(10,362 posts)
53. Yes
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:19 PM
Jun 2013

But I was a teen in the 90s, when Tupac and Snoop were saying it left and right. Everyone of every race was saying it because it had become part of the culture. I was more cautious than my friends about saying it. I don't say it much anymore, maybe only when reminiscing with my oldest friends about high school.

By n-word I mean n*gga, not ****er.

treestar

(82,383 posts)
55. I don't think I ever have
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:26 PM
Jun 2013

Not trying to sound perfect, and I grew up in a white area there were hardly any black people around. My nearest ancestors didn't use it (though they could be racist in their other remarks. They used the C word, which I never used either). I came of age in the era when "black" came into vogue and prejudice was not cool. We even had a unit about it at our lily white school. Where we were literally taught it was wrong. Every once in a while, a school does an OK thing.

scarletwoman

(31,893 posts)
56. Once, in 1954, when I was in kindergarten. Then never again.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:28 PM
Jun 2013

You know that old childhood rhyming game, "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe"? My mother had taught it to me and my sister from the time we were toddlers. This is the way she taught it to us: "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Catch a pixie by the toe."

One day I came home from kindergarten and told my mom that she had told us the rhyme the wrong way. A kid in my kindergarten class had gotten on my case and told me I was stupid, because everyone knew that the rhyme went: "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Catch a n***** by the toe". I was aghast - why didn't my mother know the right words? I had no idea what "n*****" meant.

Well, my lovely liberal mother explained it very well - that it was a hideous hateful word, and we were NEVER to use it. And to this day, I never have, and I never abide anyone using it around me.

Furthermore, in my household growing up, and in my own household when I was raising my own children, no one was allowed to call Brazil nuts anything but Brazil nuts.

sw

edited to add: I grew up in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Honeycombe8

(37,648 posts)
59. There's a term for Brazil Nuts that I used...I was told that's what the name was.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:32 PM
Jun 2013

I didn't learn until I got older that they're really called brazil nuts.

Then there was a sort of nursery rhyme or limerick...I forget now...that I learned as a child and said a few times.

But no, I can honestly say that I've never referred to a person using the N word. And I'm Paula Deen's age and was born & raised in south Louisiana and grew up in segregation around people who sometimes used the N word.

Does that make Paula Deen's excuse crumble? You bet it does. It shames everyone who was raised in the south in the 50s & 60s, as if they were so stupid that they were racist until it became politically incorrect. That's simply NOT TRUE.

OneGrassRoot

(22,917 posts)
60. Unless she has dementia, her age doesn't enter into this equation for me.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:33 PM
Jun 2013

I have no pity for her. At all.

I was born in Alabama in the early 60's. Still have family there. Yes, they used that word then -- and now. Same with the side of my family who is in Pittsburgh, where I grew up. They still use that word.

Racists. They're all racists.

No excuse. It's sheer ignorance, though to get really philosophical I believe it is ignorance steeped in fear (of "the other&quot .

No, I have personally never used the word, and have rebelled strongly against those who do and those who are cruel via their racism and bigotry. I've seen the cruelty up close, and the effects of that cruelty.

Congratulations on a good first post.

GreenStormCloud

(12,072 posts)
62. Yes, back in the 1950s.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:38 PM
Jun 2013

I grew up in a very prejudiced environment.

My Grandfather (Dad's side) believed that black people had no soul and that they were a kind of monkey and that killing one was no different than killing a cow.

Considering where he came from, Dad came a long way. He believed that the few black people we knew should be treated decently and honestly and that I should be respectful to them as I would to any adult. He believed that they should have the right to vote. But he strongly believed in separation of the races.

As a teenager I argued with Dad a lot about the Civil Rights Act. He was against it, I was for it. I had already mostly quit using the N word, except in racial jokes. In my senior year we had a teacher that told such jokes in class.

In the Army, in 1964 such jokes came to a halt, and haven't resumed since.

Around 1982 I read an article by Massad Ayoob about the possible consequences of racial speech and it reinforced my previous decision to avoid all racial and ethnic slurs.

madrchsod

(58,162 posts)
63. yes
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:40 PM
Jun 2013

this all changed when my best friend in 6 th grade was a black kid who i found out we both shared a lot of things in common.

pink-o

(4,056 posts)
64. I said it once at aged 8 because my friend used it
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:40 PM
Jun 2013

Dad heard me, took me to my room and explained to me why I should never say it again.

And I was 8 in 1963! Civil Rights was a nascent concept.

What I do remember very well is when I was in kindergarten my little friend Anthony invited me to his house for lunch. When we got there, his mom wouldn't let me in, cuz she was afraid if a white girl got hurt on her property she'd be blamed. Neither Anthony nor I understood, we didn't know we were different we just wanted to play together.

Two years later, however, I saw a bunch of African American kids on the playground and ran from them. Not because they threatened me, only because they were black. It still saddens me. Between the ages of 5 & 7 I'd learned Xenophobia.

And I've spent the last 50 + years doing my best to unlearn it!

 

LanternWaste

(37,748 posts)
66. I did when I was eight years old.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 08:40 PM
Jun 2013

I did when I was eight years old. Since then, I've grown up and learned it is simply not appropriate to say the vast majority of venues, especially the set of cooking show-- and as I'm not very clever, I have absolutely no problem expecting every other adult to have learned the same thing.

And if we may presume she is not unintelligent, I'm left with only one other option: She's a racist.

“It’s just what they are — they’re jokes…most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…"

I've fired employees for that usage.

She's not a rap artist, she's not a comedienne, she's not quoting Mark Twain. She is however, a racist.

Nye Bevan

(25,406 posts)
71. When I was a kid, "Eenie Meenie Minie Moe" used a word other than "tiger".
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 09:02 PM
Jun 2013

But I think that's pretty much the only time I said the "n" word. And I didn't even know what it meant.

 

bravenak

(34,648 posts)
72. Of course!
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 09:14 PM
Jun 2013

But I'm black so I used nigga not nigger. Two different things. If I see someone I like that I haven't seen in a while ill say" what up my nigga?". I have white home girls who say the same thing and nobody around gets offended. Probably cause they're not being racist.
I have also been called nigger but that was only by white males while they were trying to beat me up, and a female once who I had to beat up. They were being racist.
White people tell racist nigger jokes around my husband all the time cause he looks white. He gets way more offended than I do.
I find it racism funny and pathetic.
I feel for Paula, she's a product of generations of racism. I think she really didn't think it was a big deal. Poor lady. She's getting an education big time.

JustAnotherGen

(31,681 posts)
74. Last night
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 09:30 PM
Jun 2013

Had to let my husband know about the Chappelle segment coming up. We love that none. Comes on right after Negrodamus.

 

duuser5822

(54 posts)
76. Absolutely never
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 09:31 PM
Jun 2013

It is a truly hateful, vile word, that should never be used by a sensible, non-racist person. Period.

longship

(40,416 posts)
78. It was not allowed in the house I grew up in.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 10:08 PM
Jun 2013

Nor was it used by anybody in my immediate family. My dad's uncle who was a Norwegian immigrant raised in Kentucky used it, but my sisters and I already knew that the word was forbidden, and why.

It was really a simple thing, because nobody really needed to tell any of us that Uncle Bill was being racist. We all knew it, even when I was very young.

The funny thing is that although my sisters and I all knew such words were forbidden, I cannot remember being taught that explicitly. My parents lead by example, I guess. We knew it wasn't proper because nobody in the house ever said it.

riverwalker

(8,694 posts)
79. nope
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 10:30 PM
Jun 2013

and I am a 61 year old grandmother, born of Norwegian immigrants, raised in the inner city Minneapolis at the height of the civil rights movement. I have never said it and do not allow anyone else to use the word either.
This "wink, wink, we all say it" attitude is BULLSHIT.

Blue_In_AK

(46,436 posts)
80. No, it wasn't allowed in our home,
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 10:35 PM
Jun 2013

but I heard it an awful lot when I lived in Houston and was even called a n*****-lover in college because I had black friends. I despise the word. My Texan husband says it occasionally and I give him hell for it...he knows better.

 

Daemonaquila

(1,712 posts)
81. Only as a child, echoing my parents.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 10:39 PM
Jun 2013

That was the word they used all the time. My mom was a doctor, who saw a lot of African-American patients.

I never met an African-American kid until 1st grade. I as very conscious I was expected to be upset about him being at our school, but I wasn't. I just felt sorry for him. He was being kind of a jerk, but I could understand that when he was the new kid in a school of all white kids who were looking at him like some kind of freak. I just suddenly felt really angry at my parents and all the other kids... but I did wish he'd stop being a jerk because I wanted to talk to him but I didn't feel like talking to someone who would just be nasty. Even if he did have kind of a good reason.

It took me a lot of years until I blew my top at my parents over dinner. It was just one too many slurs. I was in middle school at the time. I got pounced on from both sides, about how they were anything but racist, and how dare I say that. It was at that moment I realized they just didn't get it, and never would. It was one of the moments when I kind of said goodbye to them. They were still my parents, but the also were people I didn't want to be with. They were immigrants, who had suffered exactly the same kinds of ignorant prejudice because of their accents and national origin, yet here they were rolling the same shit downhill and never understanding that.

 

Hell Hath No Fury

(16,327 posts)
82. Yes I have.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 11:01 PM
Jun 2013

As with all words, context is everything. I have used the word when explaining the objection to having Tom Sawyer in the classroom, also in speaking of "Django" and the appropriateness of its use. I have used it when telling the story of an occasion when it was uttered at me down in Texas. I have used it when describing lyrics of a particularly offense rap song I was forced to listen to by a neighbor.

With that said, I have never directed it at a person, I have never used it to describe a person. If the word is said in my presence in a way that is directed at a person or about a person I do not let the comment stand without letting the speaker know that kind of talk is not tolerated by me.

DevonRex

(22,541 posts)
83. That word was forbidden in my Mississippi family.
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 11:13 PM
Jun 2013

Absolutely forbidden. My parents and grandparents thought people who used it were trashy people. They understood, and taught us, that it was hurtful and rude.

They were prejudiced in many ways. It was a different time. But they did know it wasn't right to deliberately hurt people that way. There were many other parents who apparently didn't feel that way, since the word was commonly used among most of the kids with whom I went to school. Some teachers ignored it, too.

RobinA

(9,874 posts)
84. Once
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 11:14 PM
Jun 2013

the first week of first grade I learned "eeny, meeny, miney, moe" and my mother heard saying it. She told me to never say that word because it was bad and people didn't like it. I never said it again, but I thought then and I think now that a word should not be given so much power.

PD Turk

(1,289 posts)
85. yeah, was a long time ago
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 11:49 PM
Jun 2013

I haven't said it in a disparaging way in over 30 years. Was raised in a rural Oklahoma in the 60s and 70s. There's no excuse for not changing things that one knows are wrong though. Hate is wrong, I worked hard to change my thinking, others can too.

 

mythology

(9,527 posts)
87. Not in anger
Fri Jun 21, 2013, 11:55 PM
Jun 2013

but I've said it while quoting Blazing Saddles or singing along to the song Hurricane and so forth.

I wouldn't use the word in every day conversation however. But it can be used effectively to make a point. My stepbrother used to say "oh that's so gay" any time he wanted to say that something sucked. After being told repeatedly that wasn't appropriate, he said it again in front of my mom who responded with "Yeah that's so _____. Now do you see how stupid that sounds?" My stepbrother was utterly mortified, but he didn't use the phrase "that's so gay" nearly as often after that.

OriginalGeek

(12,132 posts)
91. I grew up in a fundie christian house
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 02:25 AM
Jun 2013

and went to fundie christian school. My mother and step-father used the word. My friends used it, my pastor used it, my youth pastor proudly proclaimed how he hated N_____s. My teachers at school used it openly and in class.

Yep, I used the word too.

Fortunately, enough of my paternal grandparents got through to me that I figured out how fucking stupid everyone around me was. I am still ashamed 35 years later that it took me into my mid-teens to figure it out but I did.


Paula is old enough she should have figured it out a long time ago.


Poll_Blind

(23,864 posts)
92. I've totally said the N word hundreds, thousands of times- if only from singing along with rap songs
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 02:40 AM
Jun 2013

Difference between me and Paula Deen, though, and I wasn't sure of this until today or whatever, but I'm pretty sure there's a lot worse going on with her situation than whether she use the epithet in some kind of binary sense.

Interestingly, I just walked in the door from the last bus out of town and there was a black girl and a white guy in a wheelchair at the bus stop- they apparently knew each other- and in an other-than-Paula Deen-related-conversation, they talked about the N-word and it's usage. Apparently the black girl had gotten drunk and told her Latina roomate to "Go back to Mexico" and then called her roomate the N-word. She told the dude in the wheelchair to apologize for her, she didn't remember it at all and laughed because the person she'd called the N-word "wasn't black". Then she said "Some people are n***ers, though."

Make of that what you will. That's a black girl talking at a bus stop on West 1st Avenue in Eugene tonight. That sure ain't me, though. She was young though probably old enough to know better.

PB

KentuckyWoman

(6,666 posts)
93. Yes - and gave up my job over it.
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 03:16 AM
Jun 2013

Worked two weeks for a jerk that was always calling the lone black employee tasked with the manual labor "boy". I guess Mr. Fredrick put up it because he was pretty old (at least to a 20 something like I was then) and thought he couldn't do any better for himself. He needed that job badly.

Ripped the owner but good the day I quit - told him all about his idiot self and gave his N word and the F bomb and few other choice words back to him - I didn't want to carry that ugly out with me.


Best part of that deal was the next people I worked for hired out Mr. Fredrick. Good souls who paid for his daughter's flight from Colorado 12 years later after he had a stroke and paid him a small pension until the day he passed.

applegrove

(118,011 posts)
94. I so had never heard the word that
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 03:53 AM
Jun 2013

I pronounced it wrong the whole time I was reading "To Kill A Mockingbird" in grade nine. I pronounced it like the country Niger the whole way through that book. That was in the late 1970s in Canada. Never heard it used in person, ever. I knew it was a bad word. Took a Spanish class and realised negro means black in spanish. Was amased such a simple word could carry so much hate. But that is the human race for you.

 

mick063

(2,424 posts)
95. When I was in high school, I used to listen to Richard Pryor albums.
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 04:29 AM
Jun 2013

If you have ever listened to Richard Pryor albums, you know where I am coming from.

Honestly, I thought he was the funniest man alive. A white, middle class teenager completely alienated from black culture. There was one black student in my high school population of 2,600. I simply did not know any black people. You can credit my time in the US Navy for "sealing the deal". I shared an apartment with a great dude from Philly that introduced me to cheese steak sandwiches. A great, great friend. Fond memories.

For sure, you can credit Richard Pryor for introducing me to the concept that humor connects us. I absolutely looked at black folks as my equal at an impressionable young age because of him.

So perhaps I said it emulating Richard Pryor's great work. Not meant in a mean or spiteful way, but emulating the funniest man alive.

That was in 1974. It would not be "funny" in today's world.

Richard Pryor would be extremely controversial in 2013. Perhaps rightfully so.

Times have changed.

JustAnotherGen

(31,681 posts)
97. Read the book
Sat Jun 22, 2013, 05:05 AM
Jun 2013

Black Is The New White by Paul Mooney. He wrote for him and was his best friend. He's alive and kicking. You can check him out in old Chappelle Show Skits doing Ask A Black Guy, Negrodamus, etc etc. Also, there is going to be a fourth season of The Boondocks this year. That show does satire of race issues very well.

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