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Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:07 PM

Why did Trayvon's friend (who is a girl) feel guilty about his death?

Watching her today, and by her own words, she felt some sort of guilt about Trayvon's death. She said it was because she was the last to speak with him. She said that was also the reason she didn't go to his wake/funeral, and why she lied about why she didn't go.

Here's what I think (aren't you glad you asked?):

When Trayvon told her on the phone that this "creepy" guy was watching him and following him, she (probably jokingly) told Trayvon that he'd better run because that guy was probably a rapist. Of course, she really probably was joking and wasn't worried.

But later when she found out what happened, I wonder if she thought that maybe her telling him that freaked him out and got in his head and *maybe* resulted in a more vigorous confrontation than otherwise would have happened?

I know if I were her, that's what I would be thinking. Regardless of what actually happened, that's what I would be feeling guilty about.

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Reply Why did Trayvon's friend (who is a girl) feel guilty about his death? (Original post)
Duer 157099 Jun 2013 OP
Gravitycollapse Jun 2013 #1
Duer 157099 Jun 2013 #2
quinnox Jun 2013 #3
VanillaRhapsody Jun 2013 #4
Marrah_G Jun 2013 #5
bluestate10 Jun 2013 #6
Duer 157099 Jun 2013 #8
1StrongBlackMan Jun 2013 #7
Duer 157099 Jun 2013 #11
Poll_Blind Jun 2013 #9
Duer 157099 Jun 2013 #12
Hatchling Jun 2013 #10
LittleBlue Jun 2013 #13
HipChick Jun 2013 #14
Duer 157099 Jun 2013 #15
rustydog Jun 2013 #16
Duer 157099 Jun 2013 #17
JI7 Jun 2013 #18
XemaSab Jun 2013 #19
magical thyme Jun 2013 #20
ecstatic Jun 2013 #21

Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:08 PM

1. I predict this thread going terribly. And rightly so. This kind of speculation is gross.

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Response to Gravitycollapse (Reply #1)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:10 PM

2. Gross? They are televising the trial, should I just keep quiet?

I'm not on the jury, I can voice my opinion based on my own experience.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:15 PM

4. She meant she felt guilty about not going to the funeral

 

because she would have faced his parents and she was the last one to speak to Trayvon....so she felt guilty for not going....so she lied about "why" she wasn't going. She is just a young girl dealing with this traumatic event after all.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:15 PM

5. I think it's a normal reaction

She probably wishes she kept him on the phone or talked him into running home or any number of things running through her head. Her friend was murdered moments after she spoke to him, now she is stuck in the middle of this craziness, having to testify in front of the world, having a defense attorney portray her as an uncaring liar. She is a kid stuck in a situation not of her making, that she has zero control over.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:15 PM

6. Guilt at that age is powerful. She could have felt bad about not being able to help Martin

by getting help. Or she may have thought, as you mentioned, that Martin was overly sensitive to having a stranger following him.

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Response to bluestate10 (Reply #6)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:18 PM

8. Yes of course

I am just relating to a situation like, where you are walking somewhere in the dark, maybe a graveyard is nearby, and you don't think twice about UNTIL your friend asks if you believe in ghosts or something like that, and suddenly your imagination goes wild and you freak out. Like that.

I'm just imagining what each of them were experiencing, that's all.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:16 PM

7. She ...

 

mis-spoke ... mis-identified the emotion ...

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Response to 1StrongBlackMan (Reply #7)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:18 PM

11. I don't think so

I believe it was guilt. Survivor's guilt, for whatever reason. I know what it feels like.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:18 PM

9. As the owner of an older sister who used to walk around with my mom's ashes, crying and...

...calling me long distance to babble incoherently while doing so, I'm going to go with "The grieving process is a very complex and unpredictable thing. The loss of a friend or a loved one is always traumatic and there often no easy or accurate external interpretations of the grieving process."

Your explanation makes sense...for someone who's trying to piece things together from media reports or video. But the reality is almost certainly far more subtle and organic....and it may be entirely possible that the young lady, herself, is not entirely sure of where her feelings spring from.

PB

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Response to Poll_Blind (Reply #9)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:20 PM

12. Well put

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:18 PM

10. Surviver guilt. nt

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:20 PM

13. People tend to feel guilty

 

when there is a tragic death, even if it doesn't make any sense. Everyone asks what they could have done differently.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:23 PM

14. I guess you have never lost a loved one..

It been years now...I still ask myself could I have done more...

I never made it to her bedside, my flight landed 1hr after she passed..

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Response to HipChick (Reply #14)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:26 PM

15. You would guess really, really wrong on that one

So wrong I can't even begin to describe.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:28 PM

16. in court, an attorney would accuse you of conjecture

You'd have to ask her.

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Response to rustydog (Reply #16)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:29 PM

17. Good thing I'm not in court

In court, I would never conjecture thusly

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:31 PM

18. same reason people feel guilty when they live through some disaster or horrible event

while others died even though it was not their fault in any way and they could not have done anything to prevent the deaths of others.

in this case it's her having talked to him . she may know in her head there is nothing she could have done but her heart is still hurting.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:34 PM

19. I wonder how many funerals she's been to

There are kids her age in Oakland who have been to dozens of funerals.

I can get not wanting to go to another one.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:37 PM

20. survivor guilt

 

likely wondering if she could have done more, that if she'd done something different maybe it would have played out differently, sense of helplessness, not going to the funeral and then feeling guilty about that.

It doesn't have to be some specific thing, and there is no point in speculating over it. It is totally understandable and normal.

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Response to Duer 157099 (Original post)

Wed Jun 26, 2013, 10:53 PM

21. Have you ever lost a close friend or family member?

Look up the stages of Grief and the emotions associated with it.

"I wonder if she thought that maybe her telling him that freaked him out and got in his head and *maybe* resulted in a more vigorous confrontation than otherwise would have happened? "

Uh, not likely. If she feels guilty, it's more likely because the frivolous conversation they had distracted Trayvon from realizing the enormity of the threat Killerman posed. If Trayvon were paying more attention to his surroundings, he might have been able to defend himself better or at least call the police.

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