One of my pals is turning into an alcoholic!

[sibelian]

Every time we meet him for games night he's slightly less coherent, louder, can't count, forgets game rules...

ARG.

Necking 2 or 3 pints before 8:00pm?



What do we say to him?

[Democracyinkind]

1. How well do you know him? Is he someone you'd expect to react aggresively to advice?

I probably shouldn't post this but I was forced to watch my boss turn into an alcoholic over the years. He's only a couple of years away from retirement but at this point, I don't think he's gonna make it that far. We have to constantly remind him of stuff and supervise almost anything he does. The thing is, he does NOT want to talk about it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. So I'm not sure if there is any blanket advice to give you here. Confrontation does have its benefits but it comes at a price.

[sibelian]

4. I don't think so.

He's much more likely to get horribly humiliated. He's shy and I've a horrible feeling he thinks he isn't any fun unless he's drunk.

I've been chatting to some pals and we might try and corner him... I really don't want to cos he'll feel awful...

[okaawhatever]

9. Let him know you're worried about him. Mention specific incidents, not in an embarassing way, but in

a matter of fact way. Ask him if he needs help. Let him know if he wants help you'll do what you can and there's nothing wrong with getting help figuring out something you don't know how to do yourself. Also, let him know you'll help in the future to the extent that you can. Don't know what country you're in, but AA meetings can be found anywhere. There may even be an alcohol treatment facility, both in patient and out patient. If he doesn't think he needs help, he'll likely do a little better for a bit. Be careful not to let it give you false hope. Alcoholism is a progressive illness. It will only get worse. j
Even if you don't think it will do any good, it will. If nothing else, you've planted a seed and been a good friend.

[IdaBriggs]

10. Do you like him enough to stop drinking with him?

Maybe you guys could all make a pact to take drinking out of your social ritual time, with everybody supporting each other. It will save all of you some money, give him a chance to be fun without alcohol if he needs that reminder, and really make the point he is having a problem if you use your phone to video him being the only drinking guy acting the fool if he doesn't stop with you.

Or you can ignore it until you quit inviting him because no one wants to deal with his crap. That works, too.

It depends if you like him or not.

[sibelian]

11. We don't even drink with him! He turns up drunk!

I'm almost teetotal (not through puritanism, people can drink if they want, I just get fed up with not being able to concentrate) and NONE of us drink on games night except him. The whole point of games night was to do something not alcohol related. He sneaks it in before he comes along.

One of the reasons we started holding it was so he and some other lonely pals could have more of a social life.

I hear you about just dropping him and telling him no more fun until he sobers up but I'd feel so awful about ditching him. I think we have to corner him first...

[IdaBriggs]

13. If you aren't drinking with him, and he's showing up drunk,

how is he getting there in am imparted state? Is he driving that way? Eeep!

Sounds like you know the answer, but really don't want to do it. From what you are saying, it is time for an intervention. Good luck - odds are good you won't be friends much longer.

(Not a judgment on you; alcoholics usually pick drinking over the people who care about them, even when it hurts people.)

[sibelian]

14. He gets the bus...

Yes... eeep....

I really really hope you're wrong about him picking the drink...

Time to screw my courage to the sticking point...

[IdaBriggs]

17. Go to the AA website and do some reading.

Then spend some time on the Al-Anon site.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[sibelian]

18. I'm going to have to...

Thanks for all your advice, it's really helpful

[hollysmom]

2. after years of b eing married to an alcoholic

I learned a few things that got us both back ontrack
1) you can't change the other person
2) you can change how you react to the other person and that changes their behavior back
3) covering up for someone is not helping, it just lets the disease continue.
4) sometimes you have to walk away, you can't let other people's choices control you. 2 sinking ships is not better than 1. If you save yourself, you can help the person later when they are ready

[sibelian]

5. Thanks for that.

I'm not so close to him that he can cause any difficulties for me, but he is married...

[Rhiannon12866]

3. Alanon has helped a lot of folks who care about alcoholics

Including me. I'd check out a meeting near you. Good luck with this.

[sibelian]

6. I don't know.

I'll have a look into it....

[Rhiannon12866]

7. It's for friends and family of alcoholics

There are bound to be lots of folks there with experience and there are meetings everywhere. Just a suggestion.

[bike man]

8. Tell him what you told a bunch of anonymous strangers:

"One of my pals is turning into an alcoholic. Every time we meet him for games night he's slightly less coherent, louder, can't count, forgets game rules..."

[sibelian]

12. :)

Yes, that would probably work...

[marions ghost]

15. You're a good friend to try

people run away from those with addictions.

Help him get professional help if you can. There really are some new strategies for this debilitating disease. I know a number of people who have successfully conquered it and gone on to do amazing things.

The time is now.

[jessie04]

16. Intervention ?

Contact al-anon...I think they have facilitators there.