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Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:16 PM

 

Where can I get fresh rhino horn?

Unless you are a member of the authoritarian "anti-woo" crowd, you probably know that rhino horn has been a traditional medicine for hundreds of years. While the scoffers deride, with their blind faith in government propaganda, what the Chinese have known for centuries, I keep an open mind about these sorts of things.

As is well known by millions of people not brainwashed by big pharma brainwashing, rhino horn can be used to treat high fever, impotence, and a host of other illnesses.

Most recently, the authoritarians have made it difficult, using the force of law, to get reliable supplies of rhino horn. Unable to win the argument rationally, the authoritarians have resorted to the use of government force in order to prevent people from using this natural remedy.

Even if the authoritarians are right, they still haven't shown that taking rhino horn is harmful, but their controlling mindset can't tolerate a little harmless fun.

Has anyone figured out a way around the government control of imports in order to get a consistent supply of this amazing treatment?

(And if you can't find me some rhino horn, I'll settle for tiger bone)

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Arrow 34 replies Author Time Post
Reply Where can I get fresh rhino horn? (Original post)
jberryhill Jan 2014 OP
randome Jan 2014 #1
jberryhill Jan 2014 #4
Vincardog Jan 2014 #2
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #3
jberryhill Jan 2014 #14
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #18
jberryhill Jan 2014 #19
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #23
The Straight Story Jan 2014 #5
Raine1967 Jan 2014 #6
progressoid Jan 2014 #7
cthulu2016 Jan 2014 #8
randome Jan 2014 #9
Sanity Claws Jan 2014 #10
HappyMe Jan 2014 #11
Lasher Jan 2014 #12
JaneyVee Jan 2014 #13
Wolf Frankula Jan 2014 #15
struggle4progress Jan 2014 #24
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #25
struggle4progress Jan 2014 #28
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #29
struggle4progress Jan 2014 #32
pinboy3niner Jan 2014 #33
Retrograde Jan 2014 #34
Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #16
jberryhill Jan 2014 #17
Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #20
freshwest Jan 2014 #21
struggle4progress Jan 2014 #22
1000words Jan 2014 #26
BlueToTheBone Jan 2014 #27
mike_c Jan 2014 #30
U4ikLefty Jan 2014 #31

Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:18 PM

1. Um...what?

 

Come in from the cold, Jerry!
[hr][font color="blue"][center]Precision and concision. That's the game.[/center][/font][hr]

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Response to randome (Reply #1)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:21 PM

4. I did, but I might catch a fever

 

Or was that one of those smug condescending responses to alternative medicine I've heard so much about?

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:18 PM

2. Grow your own.

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:21 PM

3. The Fresh Rhino Symphony Orchestra?

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #3)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:59 PM

14. Not since they lost their bamboo flute section

 

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #14)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 04:16 PM

18. Oh, c'mon--I think what you're really looking for is cheap sax

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #18)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 04:18 PM

19. There is already too much sax and violins in the media

 

But I'm surprised that so few have raised the fact that that rhinos are endangered precisely because of "harmless woo".

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #19)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 05:43 PM

23. I try to stick with the deeper philosophical questions

Like "Woo's on first?"

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:21 PM

5. Too much of it can lead to this:

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:21 PM

6. Would you settle for Marrow Soup? eom

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:21 PM

7. Don't waste your time. Become a Scientologist instead.

It worked for John Travolta and Tom Cruise.

And it has "SCIENCE" in the name!

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:22 PM

8. Oddly enough, it might be best to legalize (and regulate) rhino horn and ivory

The argument is that rhino and elephant farming would increase their numbers.

I do not know eactly how it would work out, but the current "poaching and killing to harvest tissue the animal can live without" situation has a worst-of-both-worlds feel to it.

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:22 PM

9. You'd need a hell of a lot of 'em to start with.

 


[hr][font color="blue"][center]TECT in the name of the Representative approves of this post.[/center][/font][hr]

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:28 PM

10. As long as you don't mind it still attached to the rhino, I suggest you try a zoo.

The rhino horn will be so fresh that the rhino will charge you with it.

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:31 PM

11. I recommend a nice

eye of newt soup instead, garnish with tincture of unicorn hair.

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:51 PM

12. Hooked to the front end of a fresh rhino.

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 03:58 PM

13. Tiger bone.

 

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 04:02 PM

15. May Humbly Suggest Elixir of Long Life

Powdered gold, quicksilver and wine, made by Old Taoist recipe.

Also Mouse Dirt wine, expensive wine with ground up mouse dirt. "Good for love!"

Wolf

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Response to Wolf Frankula (Reply #15)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 08:23 PM

24. "Not only good but good for you!"

I was going to make Quicksilver Mousedirt surprise for New Years but I couldn't find the ingredients at either Costco or Sam's Club

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Response to struggle4progress (Reply #24)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 08:31 PM

25. You could always substitute civet coffee

Some people really get behind Kopi luwak. At bottom, they say it's berry good.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #25)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 08:41 PM

28. That's too pricey for me right now, but I'm thinking

if I got a kitty cat



and a litter box



and the right funnel



and a bag of coffee beans



I could jerry-rig something like a pate gavage machine

?361

and make the stuff at home myself

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Response to struggle4progress (Reply #28)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 08:58 PM

29. I'd recommend washing them first--but that's just me

If you have too much for yourself, you could always catapoolt it into a poocrative business. There's no end to the shit people will buy.

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Response to pinboy3niner (Reply #29)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 09:12 PM

32. What a great idea! I'm thinking a photo of me humanely force-feeding coffee-beans

to little kitties, and maybe a pic of my bean-filled litter-boxes, is sure to interest people in buying this artisanal hand-crafted product

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Response to struggle4progress (Reply #32)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 09:21 PM

33. I smell a real talent for pooblic relations!

But I think "hand-crafted" may be stretching it a bit...

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Response to struggle4progress (Reply #28)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 10:42 PM

34. Hmmm, you've given me an idea

Some people will pay big bucks for powdered rhino horn. Rhino horn is not real horn, but essentially compressed hair. I have a cat who sheds his body weight in hair every day. Now I just need a way to collect it, compress it into a cone, come up with a clever marketing name and - PROFIT!

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 04:04 PM

16. Three of the five extant species of rhino are critically endangered.

 

But I do think this post is facetious, at least I hope it is.

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Response to Vashta Nerada (Reply #16)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 04:08 PM

17. So say the "scientists"

 

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Response to jberryhill (Reply #17)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 04:32 PM

20. What do they know?

 

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)


Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 05:22 PM

22. I myself always just go to the zoo, hop the fence, and pry some horn off a rhino

The stupid rhino can't do anything to stop me

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 08:34 PM

26. Rhino porn?

 

Is that a thing, now? You crazy kids ...

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 08:36 PM

27. You're too late. They're all gone. n/t

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Response to jberryhill (Original post)

Sun Jan 5, 2014, 09:01 PM

31. You can find it in your ass

where you pulled this lame argument.

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