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bullwinkle428

(20,626 posts)
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 04:10 PM Jan 2014

Man poses as woman on online dating site: barely survives 2 hours

"A Reddit user named OKCThrowaway22221 shared a pretty spectacular tale of his adventures in online dating while pretending to be a woman, and we need to talk about it.

Featured on the Reddit forum TwoXChromosomes, which is "related to gender, and intended for women's perspectives," OKCThrowaway22221's story is reminiscent of others in recent memory who have opted to dabble in fake profiles, to see what they come up with. This Reddit user, however, was convinced that us womenz is always lyin' 'bout how shitty we haz it on teh internetz, and wanted to prove that ladies have a way easier time finding a match than teh poor menz.

So, this happened:

Last night I was bored and was talking with a friend on skype about her experiences with online dating. I was joking with her that "girls have it easy on dating sites" etc. etc. I had never really done anything in the online dating world but I had set up a real profile a few years back and didn't use it much aside from getting a few nice messages and decided it wasn't really for me. But, as I said, I was bored, so I decided that I would set up a fake profile. Set it up as a gender-swapped version of me essentially see what would happen. So I did the username, and I was up. Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy. It wasn't a mean message, but I found it odd that I would get a message already. So I sent him a friendly hello back and kind of joked that I hadn't even finished my profile, how could he be interested, but I felt good because I thought I was right that "girls have it easy"

HAHAHAHAHA said everyone woman ever who has tried online dating. Yes, it's super "easy," dude! If your idea of "easy" is somewhere along the lines of scaling Mount Kilimanjaro naked with a rhino strapped to your back—a rhino who makes nonstop gross, unwanted sexual comments to you. Anyway, don't stop reading now and start posting angry comments about this guy and his misconceptions, because you need to see what happens next.

http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

184 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Man poses as woman on online dating site: barely survives 2 hours (Original Post) bullwinkle428 Jan 2014 OP
Wow Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #1
Did you read the article? redqueen Jan 2014 #13
I did, but didn't notice an answer to the question muriel_volestrangler Jan 2014 #16
Yes I did read it. Fully. Did I say anything that led you to believe I didn't? Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #40
Yes. The guy was innundated. He could barely keep up. redqueen Jan 2014 #48
He was inundated by repeated messages from the same guys Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #52
If you do that, you'll just spend all your time blocking everyone Recursion Jan 2014 #131
What's your solution? nt Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #164
Don't use free dating sites Recursion Jan 2014 #166
Doesn't matter if you have a function like that. KitSileya Jan 2014 #18
That's true; there are too many creeps. Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #43
yep, only talk to paid members, must have pics and profile, certs and positive feedback loli phabay Jan 2014 #76
Good advice regardless of gender. Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #87
also i would be willing to bet he went into the subforums on the site looking for this stuff loli phabay Jan 2014 #154
Friends who do online dating tell me Warpy Jan 2014 #35
My son did online dating Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #45
Awww... how sweet Recursion Jan 2014 #128
By your own reply above, the problem is selecting the right sites. Xipe Totec Jan 2014 #167
One of our daughters tried an online dating site and was inundated with pictures phylny Jan 2014 #2
why do guys think we want to see pictures of their junk? Skittles Jan 2014 #27
But my junk is pretty impressive. dawg Jan 2014 #51
Damn thats huge Katashi_itto Jan 2014 #55
SCHEDULING DAWG FOR ASS KICKING Skittles Jan 2014 #68
Runs. Hides. dawg Jan 2014 #73
Win. blackspade Jan 2014 #109
Asian girls are always impressed by my junk Nevernose Jan 2014 #113
Damn. That's some impressive junk (nt) Recursion Jan 2014 #133
Your junk Common Sense Party Jan 2014 #140
Since no one dates them, they're always out there trolling stevenleser Jan 2014 #75
Where are those proud Anthony Wiener supporters? Trajan Jan 2014 #96
aw I remember Skittles Jan 2014 #112
I've tried "the tuck", but it hurts when I walk, and it makes me walk funny. cherokeeprogressive Jan 2014 #110
Seriously Dorian Gray Jan 2014 #150
Because we're Big Dummies Warren DeMontague Jan 2014 #175
LOL Skittles Jan 2014 #176
Somewhere out there in the Aether there is a Redd Foxx comedy tape called "Video in a plain brown Warren DeMontague Jan 2014 #177
aw I bet Skittles Jan 2014 #178
Yep. Every woman I know who has tried online dating, without exception, Butterbean Jan 2014 #53
When my soon-to-be 24 year old son was about 12... 3catwoman3 Jan 2014 #81
Chortle.... blackspade Jan 2014 #108
Oh dear, LOL. Bless him for asking. n/t Butterbean Jan 2014 #153
Why do guys think that women they don't even know want to see their penis? Beacool Jan 2014 #105
No, the discomfort it causes is part of the turn on for some Recursion Jan 2014 #129
I guess so. Beacool Jan 2014 #142
I'm interested to know if he went to a free or subscription site Blue_Tires Jan 2014 #3
As a man interested in women, I've spent plenty of time at both free bullwinkle428 Jan 2014 #7
But it also has to be said Blue_Tires Jan 2014 #29
Used to do a great dealing JustAnotherGen Jan 2014 #33
Well ... 1StrongBlackMan Jan 2014 #41
I had almost no interactions hfojvt Jan 2014 #103
being in demand is better but still a pain as you have to wade through lots of stuff loli phabay Jan 2014 #155
The comments mention OKCupid...a known black hole of creepy human degradation. Xithras Jan 2014 #25
Figures Blue_Tires Jan 2014 #31
rules to follow are, no pics or profile block, free members block, look for members with certs or loli phabay Jan 2014 #71
Yeah, because the problem described in the article BainsBane Jan 2014 #146
yeah, no point trying to explain to you so have a great day. loli phabay Jan 2014 #152
My daughter tried Tinder when it first came out and I didn't think it was too bad. If I recall seaglass Jan 2014 #159
My 19 year old was just talking about it a few days ago. Xithras Jan 2014 #169
The way it worked when it first started was that you could not contact the person until you seaglass Jan 2014 #170
A friend of ours had men start with the phrase, riqster Jan 2014 #4
wow. that's disgusting Liberal_in_LA Jan 2014 #6
Yeah. Thank the Gods I'm off the market, along with my wife. riqster Jan 2014 #9
Us, too. I wouldn't date these days for a million dollars. nt Nay Jan 2014 #14
I would AgingAmerican Jan 2014 #102
Benjamin Franklin never said that quote. MattBaggins Jan 2014 #79
thats fairly common from both sexes, you tend to get straight out statements on the chat loli phabay Jan 2014 #21
"kneel, bitch" is fairly common opening line? geek tragedy Jan 2014 #58
yes, if typed by a dom or domme seeing if the respondent is sub or not. saves time loli phabay Jan 2014 #59
Ah, so they verbally abuse strangers with hate speech in order to troll geek tragedy Jan 2014 #62
its not trolling, its shortspeak on the dating websites, only newbies spend hours talking about cats loli phabay Jan 2014 #65
there's not much that's going to convince me that non-dysfunctional pathetic weirdos geek tragedy Jan 2014 #66
ymmv, its the same as typing asl, sex, race, cam, pics, trade or whatever loli phabay Jan 2014 #67
what an odd subculture nt geek tragedy Jan 2014 #70
No doubt the poster makes rather creative and imaginative allegations for "kneel b***h" LanternWaste Jan 2014 #89
It's not the subculture BainsBane Jan 2014 #147
You have to read the urban dictionry entry on asl - oh wth I'll just copy some of it over. seaglass Jan 2014 #163
You might have a point... Lunacee_2013 Jan 2014 #124
you do know that all the dating sites have the whole spectrum of people on them, bdsm etc is loli phabay Jan 2014 #151
Plenty of dating sites Lunacee_2013 Jan 2014 #181
no idea about this individual, or the room that the guy was in, but the poster could have been troll loli phabay Jan 2014 #183
Wait, multiple men said the *exact* same thing to her? Lunacee_2013 Jan 2014 #122
wth is 4chan uneasy? leftyohiolib Jan 2014 #5
"4chan" is a giant online bulletin board where everyone posts anonymously bullwinkle428 Jan 2014 #8
It's just 4chan and it can be pretty, um, out there and disgusting. nt justiceischeap Jan 2014 #10
so stay wawy thanks for the heads up leftyohiolib Jan 2014 #11
Its the anus of the internet. temporary311 Jan 2014 #12
4chan can be a VERY scary place Kelvin Mace Jan 2014 #42
I am a nice guy and I guess this is why I had trouble iandhr Jan 2014 #15
It honestly does explain it! etherealtruth Jan 2014 #74
There were scams running years ago on dating sites dipsydoodle Jan 2014 #17
There is an Australian who had the Russian girl email thing... uriel1972 Jan 2014 #19
As an aside, this is why I hate people who do fake ads Blue_Tires Jan 2014 #23
yup me to, its not as if if they post the truth that there wont be someone interested. loli phabay Jan 2014 #63
Indeed. A small social network site I used to frequent got taken over by fakes. arcane1 Jan 2014 #95
yup, i do hosting on a couple of dating websites and i zap a lot of people practicing subterfuge loli phabay Jan 2014 #156
My friend got sucked into one of those AgingAmerican Jan 2014 #104
Guys kind of have to be like that. CFLDem Jan 2014 #20
also why waste time if you want a certain thing. be upfront. saves time loli phabay Jan 2014 #22
Exactly CFLDem Jan 2014 #28
yup, on the hookup sites its even more blunt, usually asl then sexual acts loli phabay Jan 2014 #30
It's more about finding women who consider "slightly insulting" or "weird" redqueen Jan 2014 #32
Dating is a numbers game. CFLDem Jan 2014 #34
You're changing the subject. This guy was disgusted by *aggressive and vulgar* messages. redqueen Jan 2014 #36
It's online dating. CFLDem Jan 2014 #37
Thanks. redqueen Jan 2014 #38
You are most welcome. CFLDem Jan 2014 #39
Yes. Thanks for making it clear. redqueen Jan 2014 #44
I'm confused. CFLDem Jan 2014 #50
You're suggesting that men be creepy, vaguely threatening weirdos on the Internet. nt geek tragedy Jan 2014 #57
I can't imagine that gets results. If it does, then we're even worse off as a species than I thought nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #60
I'm guessing this is dating advice for the 'red pill' crowd geek tragedy Jan 2014 #61
And the sad thing is, someone somewhere might be just damaged enough to take them up on it. nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #64
Not to make you frightened for the future of the human race, but... Shandris Jan 2014 #69
So I guess they start with an aggressive, demeaning message ("Kneel!") to establish dominance nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #84
I wish I knew. I'd lean more towards the twisted form of caring/confidence than the way... Shandris Jan 2014 #88
I noticed. Ino Jan 2014 #83
So many are offended when the word "creep" is mentioned, yet so many accurately exemplify it without LanternWaste Jan 2014 #92
I couldn't agree more. Sheldon Cooper Jan 2014 #93
Aren't you glad BainsBane Jan 2014 #144
Upthread it's asserted that it's perfectly fine to greet women with "Kneel, bitch." redqueen Jan 2014 #157
I don't get why they don't just stick to fetlife and similar rather than polluting other sites. seaglass Jan 2014 #161
Maybe they're confused about the meaning of the word 'date'. nt redqueen Jan 2014 #162
IMO BainsBane Jan 2014 #168
Gee where on earth would dudes get the idea that women are sex objects? redqueen Jan 2014 #174
Why not? Revanchist Jan 2014 #77
To each their own CFLDem Jan 2014 #80
Umm, yeah? tkmorris Jan 2014 #116
People are who they are BainsBane Jan 2014 #148
Considering it a game is a major reason why many people aren't very good at it. LanternWaste Jan 2014 #90
Actually I find taking it too seriously, CFLDem Jan 2014 #100
I find your dating philosophy strange. kwassa Jan 2014 #127
I think you're reading way too much into it. CFLDem Jan 2014 #149
Pretty much shaayecanaan Jan 2014 #56
Counterpoint : I put together a profile for myself on the PoF site, and from the bullwinkle428 Jan 2014 #98
+ 1,000,000 Lunacee_2013 Jan 2014 #132
The "PUA movement" is a cancer on today's masculinity Recursion Jan 2014 #135
Is a woman who responds to "cocky asshole" really worth dating? tkmorris Jan 2014 #115
Umm.... I wasn't. Recursion Jan 2014 #134
women live in a different world. mopinko Jan 2014 #24
Sad to say, you are wrong. Women live in the exact same world as men, KitSileya Jan 2014 #171
nobody is stopping them. mopinko Jan 2014 #180
I wanted to counter the notion that women live "in a parallel universe" KitSileya Jan 2014 #182
ok, tell that to jimmy carter. mopinko Jan 2014 #184
I'm sure it is rough but Bonobo Jan 2014 #26
The article also uses the phrase "us womenz" nt Cali_Democrat Jan 2014 #47
I have no doubt ... 1StrongBlackMan Jan 2014 #46
Plus nothing beats a referral from a friend. n/t CFLDem Jan 2014 #49
Yeah, because ... 1StrongBlackMan Jan 2014 #99
Yessir CFLDem Jan 2014 #101
Lately I have been playing this on line game... its been hella fun! However... yuiyoshida Jan 2014 #54
a couple decades ago I was coming out of a convenience store Skittles Jan 2014 #72
wow! yuiyoshida Jan 2014 #82
I wish more rude assholes would get that treatment! nomorenomore08 Jan 2014 #85
I would have been willing... 3catwoman3 Jan 2014 #91
Nope. I learned my lesson. n/t cherokeeprogressive Jan 2014 #119
I WILL KICK PERV CHEROKEEPROGRESIVE ASS Skittles Jan 2014 #121
That's not fair... a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. n/t cherokeeprogressive Jan 2014 #125
SO DOES A KICK-ASS GAL Skittles Jan 2014 #141
Ick. temporary311 Jan 2014 #94
I have had similar things happen A Little Weird Jan 2014 #114
Someone suggested I be gender neutral yuiyoshida Jan 2014 #118
Yes A Little Weird Jan 2014 #120
My only issue with online dating was a lack of responses alarimer Jan 2014 #78
Heck. Just check out the ads on Craigs List. Lint Head Jan 2014 #86
The whole purpose of those Craigslist forums is for adults to hook up. Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #97
If you actually read the original post you would know what I am implying. Lint Head Jan 2014 #136
Way to ignore what I wrote. Vashta Nerada Jan 2014 #138
Insult much? Lint Head Jan 2014 #139
I have never been on a dating site. Beacool Jan 2014 #106
No wonder a lot of women think men are gross. blackspade Jan 2014 #107
Online dating is a fucking cesspool of disgustingness. MadrasT Jan 2014 #111
I hear ya and have experienced that, I found them so adolescent and disgusting! nt arthritisR_US Jan 2014 #123
:shrug: I met my wife through OK Cupid Recursion Jan 2014 #130
That is exactly why I gave up on dating sites. nt arthritisR_US Jan 2014 #117
This is wh,y I gave up on men. mzteris Jan 2014 #126
Sometimes a rest really is needed, I so understand! arthritisR_US Jan 2014 #137
That's sad. dawg Jan 2014 #172
Bear in mind the poster freely admits to lying online, so the whole thing may be a lie. grahamhgreen Jan 2014 #143
Turn off IM and use site's "email" messaging unc70 Jan 2014 #145
It's not just online MissMillie Jan 2014 #158
PUA defenders like to pretend it's a way to get a relationship. redqueen Jan 2014 #173
In other news, water is still wet Orrex Jan 2014 #160
You mean he wasn't flattered by all the attention? historylovr Jan 2014 #165
Not sure how this works marle35 Jan 2014 #179

Xipe Totec

(43,872 posts)
1. Wow
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 04:23 PM
Jan 2014

I never used online dating so I don't know the first thing about it, but isn't there a way to block the unwanted creeps so that they can't see you anymore at all? Kinda like full ignore at DU?


Xipe Totec

(43,872 posts)
40. Yes I did read it. Fully. Did I say anything that led you to believe I didn't?
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:35 PM
Jan 2014

In any online forum there are always undesirables.

redqueen

(115,096 posts)
48. Yes. The guy was innundated. He could barely keep up.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:43 PM
Jan 2014

As has been pointed out by someone else more familiar with this apparently thoroughly sickening side of online 'dating' (more like trolling for NSA sex, it seems), the best method is not to attempt to block the avalanche of assholes, but to completely ignore all communication for a while.

Paints a pretty dire picture.

Xipe Totec

(43,872 posts)
52. He was inundated by repeated messages from the same guys
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:10 PM
Jan 2014

Which made me wonder why he didn't block them.

It's not clear from the article that the guy made any attempt to manage the incoming traffic. Hence my question: Did he not block because he wanted the full experience, or because he could not block the jerks?

My question was legitimate; I'm trying to understand the situation and get answers that are not contained in the article.

Recursion

(56,582 posts)
131. If you do that, you'll just spend all your time blocking everyone
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:50 AM
Jan 2014

Seriously. Read it again.

Multiple contacts a minute, every minute, every hour. For as long as you stay online.

KitSileya

(4,035 posts)
18. Doesn't matter if you have a function like that.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 05:57 PM
Jan 2014

There's just too many creeps, and most of them sound reasonable at first.

Xipe Totec

(43,872 posts)
43. That's true; there are too many creeps.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:37 PM
Jan 2014

Do you have a method to eliminate the creeps, or to make them less creepy?

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
76. yep, only talk to paid members, must have pics and profile, certs and positive feedback
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:51 PM
Jan 2014

go intobthe rooms and just watch, you will see what posters give you the eekss and who people avoid. then use ignore on them.

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
154. also i would be willing to bet he went into the subforums on the site looking for this stuff
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 08:51 AM
Jan 2014

most sites have chat rooms for people looking for specific things, if you go into a room titled something like sexy submissives for masters then you can expect stuff like this. if the more out there stuff is not for you then stick to the lobby and more vanilla rooms.

Warpy

(110,900 posts)
35. Friends who do online dating tell me
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:21 PM
Jan 2014

they delete every response they get for the first day to three days since there are pervs trolling for fresh meat and will jump on any new woman to demonstrate what macho perverts they are.

After they eliminate most of the pervs, they start reading and some of them have found nice guys that way.

However, no, there is no way to block the creeps beforehand and dating sites are notorious for not policing the bastards, themselves.

Xipe Totec

(43,872 posts)
45. My son did online dating
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:40 PM
Jan 2014

That's how he met his wife. They are happy with each other.

But neither him nor his spouse ever mentioned the creep factor so I didn't know.

Now I do.

Though it's a moot point, since I already met a fine lady through social networking IRL.

Recursion

(56,582 posts)
128. Awww... how sweet
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:45 AM
Jan 2014

No, if you're asking that, you really don't get how bad the problem is for women on dating sites.

Xipe Totec

(43,872 posts)
167. By your own reply above, the problem is selecting the right sites.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:29 PM
Jan 2014

And by the way, you can stuff the sarcasm.

phylny

(8,352 posts)
2. One of our daughters tried an online dating site and was inundated with pictures
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 04:35 PM
Jan 2014

of dicks. Flaccid or erect, didn't matter, just pictures of dicks. She was disgusted.

 

stevenleser

(32,886 posts)
75. Since no one dates them, they're always out there trolling
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:47 PM
Jan 2014

No one who has even a miniscule amount of knowledge of women thinks sending out junk pics gets them anywhere. And they wont get any knowledge of women as long as they keep doing that.

Skittles

(152,963 posts)
112. aw I remember
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 11:09 PM
Jan 2014

we're all a bunch of uptight Victorian-era morons if we disapprove of someone emailing pictures of their junk

 

cherokeeprogressive

(24,853 posts)
110. I've tried "the tuck", but it hurts when I walk, and it makes me walk funny.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 11:07 PM
Jan 2014

Hey, I'm tryin' to keep it outta sight...

Dorian Gray

(13,469 posts)
150. Seriously
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 08:11 AM
Jan 2014

I've never had a male send me a picture of his penis. Not my husband, not anyone I was dating. Nobody. Nor would I want them to. Nor would they want to. It's a weird instinct.

Skittles

(152,963 posts)
176. LOL
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 07:16 PM
Jan 2014

I occasionally catch an episode of Sanford and Son on antenna TV and it's still hilarious - Aunt Esther is my favorite. I watched Steptoe and Son in England too, before I came back to America.

Warren DeMontague

(80,708 posts)
177. Somewhere out there in the Aether there is a Redd Foxx comedy tape called "Video in a plain brown
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 07:18 PM
Jan 2014

wrapper"

.... NOT for the easily offended (not that there might be anyone like that here ) but for the filthy-minded, a pretty funny half hour or so.

Butterbean

(1,014 posts)
53. Yep. Every woman I know who has tried online dating, without exception,
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:11 PM
Jan 2014

has had this same thing happen to her. Penis pictures, penis pictures, penis pictures. Tons, unsolicited. It's absolutely disgusting out there, and I am so glad I don't have to deal with it. Gross. I always refer them to soulgeek.com or something, which seems a little less disgusting. I dunno.

3catwoman3

(23,812 posts)
81. When my soon-to-be 24 year old son was about 12...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:08 PM
Jan 2014

... he asked me if women were as interested in looking at penises as men were in looking at breasts. I wasn't exactly ready for that particular question (even though we did and still do talk about anything and everything), so all I could think of under pressure was, "Probably not."

"Function matters more than appearance," seemed a bit beyond his pay grade at age 12.

Beacool

(30,244 posts)
105. Why do guys think that women they don't even know want to see their penis?
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 10:05 PM
Jan 2014

We are not like men. I would rather see a cute face, some abs or even buns in a nicely fit pair of pants. I don't need to see anyone's dick. It's actually a complete turn off.

Recursion

(56,582 posts)
129. No, the discomfort it causes is part of the turn on for some
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:46 AM
Jan 2014

That's how exhibitionism works. Ugh.

Blue_Tires

(55,445 posts)
3. I'm interested to know if he went to a free or subscription site
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 04:37 PM
Jan 2014

because there *IS* a difference in the general crowds they cater to...

But I'm not really surprised -- For sites with really skewed male-female ratios (and all the dating sites have generally unfavorable ratios, some can be pretty extreme) there's always a piranha-in-the-water feeding frenzy whenever a new profile pops up in the search results...

And despite his enlightening experience, I'm still not about to say online dating is easier for men than women...Just my two cents....

bullwinkle428

(20,626 posts)
7. As a man interested in women, I've spent plenty of time at both free
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 04:50 PM
Jan 2014

and subscription sites, and have to say that the tiny handful of even slightly negative interactions I've had online don't amount to a piss in the ocean when compared to the typical experience a woman will go through, and I have no doubt what is described in this article is sadly very typical.

Blue_Tires

(55,445 posts)
29. But it also has to be said
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:11 PM
Jan 2014

Every site I've been to (except for the rudimentary ones from the early years) has the option to block any/all e-mail, close your ad/photo to public view, etc...So women can very easily insulate themselves and only contact the men they want to, if they prefer...

I'm mildly curious to see the photo he used, along with knowing why he 'posted' his ad so early...Commenting that he got a shitload of messages before he even *finished* writing the ad raises some red flags for me...

JustAnotherGen

(31,681 posts)
33. Used to do a great dealing
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:16 PM
Jan 2014

Of writing for the singletons - you ARE onto something.

There is a reason Plenty Of Fish is referred to by my female friends as Plenty Of Freaks.

 

1StrongBlackMan

(31,849 posts)
41. Well ...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:35 PM
Jan 2014

I guess you can test the waters by creating your own gender-switched fake profile, adding the picture of your choice, and see for yourself how effective the blocks and insulation is.

hfojvt

(37,573 posts)
103. I had almost no interactions
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:47 PM
Jan 2014

that is, not even once did I have a woman contact me at an online dating site. I didn't send messages to very many, because there just were not that many possibles. I would get a few replies and exchange some messages, but never got past the "send me a picture" mountain.

What the writer describes certainly sucks, and I'd probably really be creeped out if I had a picture up there and thought about all those guys knowing what I look like and other things about me.

But I still think it is better to be "in demand" than to be unwanted.

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
155. being in demand is better but still a pain as you have to wade through lots of stuff
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 08:54 AM
Jan 2014

worst is when people dont read your profile and dont see your parameters, it wastes their time and yours when they are outside of what you are looking for.

Xithras

(16,191 posts)
25. The comments mention OKCupid...a known black hole of creepy human degradation.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:07 PM
Jan 2014

OKCupid, Tinder, CL, PoF...the freebie sites like these tend to attract a particularly nasty breed of single males. One of the advantages of pay sites is that the need to spend money DOES tend to filter out a lot of the worst offenders. There's creepy losers everywhere, but most people who spend money to find dates are at least somewhat serious about it.

One of my sisters tried a couple of the free sites and pretty much had the same experience as the author of the article in the OP. There may be decent guys on some of those sites, but they're almost impossible to find in the crowd of losers. She ended up meeting my brother-in-law on Match after ponying up the money for a membership.

Blue_Tires

(55,445 posts)
31. Figures
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:13 PM
Jan 2014

OKCupid, CL and PoF have been trolling/spammer conventions for years...And I've been on all three of those at one time or another...

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
71. rules to follow are, no pics or profile block, free members block, look for members with certs or
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:41 PM
Jan 2014

good feedback. this gets rid of a lot of the spam.

BainsBane

(53,001 posts)
146. Yeah, because the problem described in the article
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 04:34 AM
Jan 2014

Is that the profile didn't receive enough pictures.

seaglass

(8,170 posts)
159. My daughter tried Tinder when it first came out and I didn't think it was too bad. If I recall
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 09:57 AM
Jan 2014

there is a connection to FB so she could see people that were linked to people she knew. She saw a few guys on it that she already knew, one who she knew had a gf - at least in the beginning I think it was a fun thing and an ego thing. She went on a couple dates with one of the guys she met but he ended up being a player and that was the end of that.

Oh now I remember one guy asked her where the best dumpster was to bury a body. So yes, there were some creeps.

Xithras

(16,191 posts)
169. My 19 year old was just talking about it a few days ago.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 04:25 PM
Jan 2014

My daughter is an attractive and athletic size zero who rock climbs and mountain bikes for fun. She apparently jumped on Tinder last month and made the mistake of posting a photo of herself taken on the beach last summer...shorts and a bikini top. Now, my daughter is a smart girl (she's a biochemistry/premed major at UC), but that apparently wasn't a bright move. She was immediately inundated by so many pervy, vicious, and demented messages that she gave up on trying to clear them out and just deleted the app. When I made a comment about the bikini being a mistake, her friend jumped in and made the comment "No, you can post a photo of yourself wearing a burkha on Tinder, and you'll just end up with an inbox full of messages from guys wanting to screw your eyeballs."

I've never used it myself, but it didn't sound like a pleasant place to find a date.

Besides...it's basically a glorified HotOrNot. Those types of services have never exactly been a bastion of respectful commentary on the opposite sex.

seaglass

(8,170 posts)
170. The way it worked when it first started was that you could not contact the person until you
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 05:09 PM
Jan 2014

mutually decided you were interested. I'm pretty sure my daughter only had a head shot and because her FB is private they couldn't access any other pics.

It was just a novelty thing that we did together for a short time and yes I would say HotorNot sounds about right.

riqster

(13,986 posts)
4. A friend of ours had men start with the phrase,
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 04:39 PM
Jan 2014

"Kneel, bitch ". No, I'm not shitting you.

And yes, I said "men". Plural. Meaning she got that from more than one guy online.

riqster

(13,986 posts)
9. Yeah. Thank the Gods I'm off the market, along with my wife.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 04:55 PM
Jan 2014

And when our friend told us that, I wanted to puke.

 

AgingAmerican

(12,958 posts)
102. I would
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:47 PM
Jan 2014

...but I never got dates from dating services or in bars. I always met my girlfriends at the bus stop, or at a friends house, or at the park or something.

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
21. thats fairly common from both sexes, you tend to get straight out statements on the chat
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:02 PM
Jan 2014

sites, people have learned that its better to be brutally frank in the first statement than waste hours chatting to find you are not compatible. same as your profile should be as honest as you can make it, your wants etc ie hwp, disease free, drug free, employed, insert kink. etc etc.

 

geek tragedy

(68,868 posts)
62. Ah, so they verbally abuse strangers with hate speech in order to troll
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:29 PM
Jan 2014

for fellow dysfunctional weirdos.

nice crowd

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
65. its not trolling, its shortspeak on the dating websites, only newbies spend hours talking about cats
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:33 PM
Jan 2014

brevity is your friend. its like speed dating, getting the basics done as quick as possible. just because its not your thing does not make someone elses sexual preferences weird.

 

geek tragedy

(68,868 posts)
66. there's not much that's going to convince me that non-dysfunctional pathetic weirdos
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:36 PM
Jan 2014

go around telling random strangers to "kneel bitch"

Say it in person, whatever.

Type it to dozens of strangers as a greeting? dysfunctional weirdos who clearly have more issues than a doctor's waiting room.

 

LanternWaste

(37,748 posts)
89. No doubt the poster makes rather creative and imaginative allegations for "kneel b***h"
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:24 PM
Jan 2014

No doubt the poster makes rather creative and imaginative allegations for what "kneel b***h" *really* means. But, I've seen apologetics for worse, so the allegation and creative interpretation comes as no real surprise.

seaglass

(8,170 posts)
163. You have to read the urban dictionry entry on asl - oh wth I'll just copy some of it over.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 10:40 AM
Jan 2014
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asl
asl
What stupid people say on chats to learn who you are and where you live so they can come to your house with a chainsaw and kill you

asl
ASL or asl; Abbreviation for Age, Sex, and Location. Used in computer chat as a question to gain basic personal information. Usually frowned upon as an impersonal and annoying introduction.

ASL
Age, sex, and location. Usually in the form of a question.

Asking for a chatter's ASL lets you know a little about the person you are talking to. However, it is looked down upon by many, who feel that the term is associated with losers who spend all of their time on the internet.
We don't ask for ASLs here- it's an internet cliché.

Lunacee_2013

(529 posts)
124. You might have a point...
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:21 AM
Jan 2014

If that was said on a dating site for subs/doms, but I'm guessing this was said on a regular dating site. And if so, then hell yes that message was sexist as all fuck, not to mention intimidating and violent. Now it might just be my opinion, but when someone asks complete strangers that on a normal, plain dating site, they're not looking for a sub for a relationship of any kind, they just want to threaten and harass women. Not judging the BDSM subculture, but that particular message was just wrong.

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
151. you do know that all the dating sites have the whole spectrum of people on them, bdsm etc is
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 08:24 AM
Jan 2014

not just confined to the speciality sites.

Lunacee_2013

(529 posts)
181. Plenty of dating sites
Thu Jan 16, 2014, 02:55 PM
Jan 2014

serve only part of the public. But let's be honest here, whoever sent the "kneel bitch" message just wanted to troll someone.

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
183. no idea about this individual, or the room that the guy was in, but the poster could have been troll
Thu Jan 16, 2014, 02:58 PM
Jan 2014

or it could have been a legitimate first post, again depending where on a site one is.

Lunacee_2013

(529 posts)
122. Wait, multiple men said the *exact* same thing to her?
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 11:53 PM
Jan 2014

I'm not doubting her story at all, but that sounds more like a single on-line stalker. I too have friends who do on-line dating and all their experiences sound pretty much like this. They occasionally find normal guys to go out with, but they have to go through a lot of weirdos, and d*ck pix , first.

dipsydoodle

(42,239 posts)
17. There were scams running years ago on dating sites
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 05:54 PM
Jan 2014

all of which involved beautiful girls from Senegal all of whom were men...........wanting money.

uriel1972

(4,261 posts)
19. There is an Australian who had the Russian girl email thing...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:01 PM
Jan 2014

And to cut a long story short, went to Russia only to be ransomed for money. Twice. I kid you not . I would have thought he would have learned the first time, but oh no.

Blue_Tires

(55,445 posts)
23. As an aside, this is why I hate people who do fake ads
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:05 PM
Jan 2014

even in the interests of experiments or social commentary....It's bad enough trying to sift through all the spam and shit...

 

arcane1

(38,613 posts)
95. Indeed. A small social network site I used to frequent got taken over by fakes.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:07 PM
Jan 2014

Most of which were either spammers, or men pretending to be women interested in men. Half of those were doing it for the joy of tricking people, the other half doing it for thrills.

 

loli phabay

(5,580 posts)
156. yup, i do hosting on a couple of dating websites and i zap a lot of people practicing subterfuge
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 08:57 AM
Jan 2014

its a waste of everyones time and annoying as hell

 

AgingAmerican

(12,958 posts)
104. My friend got sucked into one of those
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:59 PM
Jan 2014

'She' was from Ghana. The picture 'she' put up was quite beautiful. He was sending her money and phone cards and stuff. I suggested to him that it might be a scam, I had read of such scams being run in Ghana. He said, "She isn't like that, she would never do that". He even started calling 'her' his girlfriend.

One day he was looking at other women from Ghana, and noticed a different girl that was wearing the exact same jewelry and was taken in the same room as his 'girlfriend's profile picture. He called her up and asked 'her' about it. 'Her' voice changed from sweet to deep and frantic and began yelling in severely broken English. She was a he.

I still give him crap about it. That was about 2010 or so.

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
20. Guys kind of have to be like that.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:02 PM
Jan 2014

I quadrupled my response rate on OKC when I started opening with sarcastic slightly insulting or weird remarks vs straight laced genuine openers.

Online dating is an absolute slaughterhouse for guys and you've got to stand out.

As a general rule it's always better to be perceived as a cocky asshole than a 'nice' guy (aka a guy with options vs a doormat).

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
28. Exactly
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:10 PM
Jan 2014

Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Ok well fame is followed closely by money, anyone can have confidence.

redqueen

(115,096 posts)
32. It's more about finding women who consider "slightly insulting" or "weird"
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:13 PM
Jan 2014

(or to use the examples as described, aggressive and vulgar) messages as being acceptable treatment.

And those tend to be women from dysfunctional backgrounds.

What a blessing for men who don't want to 'waste time' getting to know women.

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
34. Dating is a numbers game.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:18 PM
Jan 2014

If one door won't open, no sweat off my brow. I'll just keep on knocking until i find one that does.

redqueen

(115,096 posts)
36. You're changing the subject. This guy was disgusted by *aggressive and vulgar* messages.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:26 PM
Jan 2014

Not quirky ones. Not ones using odd humor.

Aggressive ones.

Vulgar ones.

redqueen

(115,096 posts)
44. Yes. Thanks for making it clear.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:39 PM
Jan 2014

I hope someone else notices. Otherwise this exchange will be even more nauseating than it already is.

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
50. I'm confused.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:56 PM
Jan 2014

Please point to the 'ground breaking' nausea that we are supposedly experiencing.

 

geek tragedy

(68,868 posts)
61. I'm guessing this is dating advice for the 'red pill' crowd
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:28 PM
Jan 2014

"just wear your hate of women openly--eventually you'll draw a potential victim"

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
64. And the sad thing is, someone somewhere might be just damaged enough to take them up on it.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:31 PM
Jan 2014

That's the nature of predators - they go for the slow, weak one.

 

Shandris

(3,447 posts)
69. Not to make you frightened for the future of the human race, but...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:39 PM
Jan 2014

...if it -didn't- work at least a decent amount, do you think so many men would use it as their introduction?

Every time it does work, validation is given to the method. That's...pretty damn horrifying to think about.

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
84. So I guess they start with an aggressive, demeaning message ("Kneel!") to establish dominance
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:11 PM
Jan 2014

straight off. And some poor woman who's been hurt more than her share, somehow sees it as a twisted form of caring, or at the least, simply "the ways things are."

 

Shandris

(3,447 posts)
88. I wish I knew. I'd lean more towards the twisted form of caring/confidence than the way...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:22 PM
Jan 2014

...things are, though.

It's easy to get our signals mixed up on what caring means (and its something that can happen at a VERY young age), and how our mind translates interest and arousal. Saying that a woman responds to that because that's just the way it is implies that we're not capable of doing otherwise, and while there are all kinds of people out there including the terminally broken, I don't see that being -common-, even on a site like Plenty of F***heads. Certainly not common enough to be the best explanation. But twisted form of caring? Definitely. That...I can see.

 

LanternWaste

(37,748 posts)
92. So many are offended when the word "creep" is mentioned, yet so many accurately exemplify it without
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:38 PM
Jan 2014

So many are maintain the pretense of being offended when the word "creep" is mentioned, yet so many accurately exemplify it without even realizing it.

'Creep' is a topical word... as this thread is illustrating.

redqueen

(115,096 posts)
157. Upthread it's asserted that it's perfectly fine to greet women with "Kneel, bitch."
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 09:19 AM
Jan 2014

Apparently if you're a male dom (goddess I love what tumblr feminists have to say about them), you can just be openly misogynist and that's ok!

I guess there's a slim chance the woman you are bothering might appreciative such treatment, so best to just say that to every woman first thing. Saves them from 'wasting time' talking to women as if they were people.

seaglass

(8,170 posts)
161. I don't get why they don't just stick to fetlife and similar rather than polluting other sites.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 10:12 AM
Jan 2014

Disgusting creeps.

BainsBane

(53,001 posts)
168. IMO
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 02:31 PM
Jan 2014

That's a poser move. People who don't see women as people don't like to waste time talking to women as people.

Revanchist

(1,375 posts)
77. Why not?
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:54 PM
Jan 2014

You want someone who's attracted to you because you're acting like an asshole?

I'd rather be polite and respectful and not get a response if that's the alternative.

tkmorris

(11,138 posts)
116. Umm, yeah?
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 11:36 PM
Jan 2014

Fucking hell dude, the internet isn't a built-in excuse to be an absolute prick to women on dating sites. What makes you think that's acceptable? Like ever?

 

LanternWaste

(37,748 posts)
90. Considering it a game is a major reason why many people aren't very good at it.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:27 PM
Jan 2014

Considering it a game is a major reason why many people aren't very good at it.

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
100. Actually I find taking it too seriously,
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:24 PM
Jan 2014

especially at my age, is a major liability on two fronts:

1) Being too serious makes it hard to give off a fun and interesting vibe. People in general like to date fun people.

Also being too serious, especially during the first date or conversation, can easily come off as a red flag and repel dates.

2) taking dating too seriously makes it harder to recover after the date leads no where.

This disappointment promotes the problems in point one which can lead a vicious self-defeating cycle of depression about failed dates because dating is being taken too seriously.


Much, much, better not to invest a lot up front so that losses don't weigh you down from enjoying the adventure that is dating.


kwassa

(23,340 posts)
127. I find your dating philosophy strange.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:38 AM
Jan 2014

Sounds like an endless run of superficiality, in my thinking.

Ultimately unsatisfying to everyone.

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
149. I think you're reading way too much into it.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 07:43 AM
Jan 2014

Dating is about having fun and exploring other people's minds and bodies.

Relationships are for seriousness.

shaayecanaan

(6,068 posts)
56. Pretty much
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:18 PM
Jan 2014

its a low-investment, high-repetition strategy. 99 times out of 100 you'll whiff, but occasionally you'll get the low-hanging fruit before someone else does.

The men who tend to engage in that sort of strategy tend to have fairly dysfunctional backgrounds as well. They will not further their chances by trying to get to know any given girl, because the more they get to know them the more they will be revealed as fairly poor prospects.

Note that the picture he used was of a fairly average, plain Jane girl. This is pivotal. Most of these sorts of forays are made against girls that are considered attainable. Ironically, this is why a glamourpuss can sit in a pub and not be hit on all night, most of the guys will just assume that she is just too much hard work.

bullwinkle428

(20,626 posts)
98. Counterpoint : I put together a profile for myself on the PoF site, and from the
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:20 PM
Jan 2014

first night I posted, I began receiving very nice, sweet, sincere messages of interest from women on the site that were looking to meet guys. I ended up going on plenty of dates, and met lots of nice women. They all stated that my profile stood out, and that's what initially drew them to me. You really just have to be willing to share yourself, show a little self-confidence along with the ability to be self-deprecating, and show some kind of sense of humor as well. Posted a few pictures of myself, and of course, that's always in the eye of the beholder, but I guess there was enough there to pique interest.

I don't believe that "PUA" mentality that you have to be rude and insulting to draw a woman's attention.

Lunacee_2013

(529 posts)
132. + 1,000,000
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:51 AM
Jan 2014

I hate the whole "cocky" routine, and so do my friends and sisters. There's nothing wrong with being confident, in fact that is quite attractive, but being an a-hole just seems a little too immature for the adult dating world. And why are the only two choices either weak, wimpy mama's boy, or bullying asshole? That just seems unfair towards men. And to be completely honest, I've always gone for the quite, smart, wall-flower types instead of the loud, aggressive, leader of the football team types.

Recursion

(56,582 posts)
135. The "PUA movement" is a cancer on today's masculinity
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:54 AM
Jan 2014

It's bad enough when guys are like that because they're assholes and don't know any better. Doing it as a deliberate strategy is worse.

tkmorris

(11,138 posts)
115. Is a woman who responds to "cocky asshole" really worth dating?
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 11:34 PM
Jan 2014

My experience says no, but to each their own I guess.

KitSileya

(4,035 posts)
171. Sad to say, you are wrong. Women live in the exact same world as men,
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 05:23 PM
Jan 2014

only they often have more awful experiences in it - some, if not many of those experiences caused by the way the world is put together, and some caused by individual men. If women lived in a parallel universe, men couldn't do anything to make the world better for women - but they can.

KitSileya

(4,035 posts)
182. I wanted to counter the notion that women live "in a parallel universe"
Thu Jan 16, 2014, 02:57 PM
Jan 2014

That's an idea that gives men the option of distancing themselves from what women experience every day, and as such, it is harmful to the goal of getting rid of sexism. Yes, women have different experiences than men, bu that doesn't mean that our experiences aren't inextricably linked, and that men aren't intrinsic to many of those experiences. How men behave is exactly what shapes many of the experiences women have - and a lot of them are negative (see: street harassment, The Everyday Sexism project, statistics on rape in every country and so on.)

Tl;dr: Presenting what women experience as detached from men - a different world, a parallel universe - makes it easier for men to throw their hands up and continue living in the belief that they have no impact on women's lives. And that hurts women, and sometimes, it kills them.

mopinko

(69,803 posts)
184. ok, tell that to jimmy carter.
Thu Jan 16, 2014, 03:27 PM
Jan 2014

he started it with me.

life on earth is not and never will be the same for men and women. that's my considered and lived opinion. ymmv.

 

1StrongBlackMan

(31,849 posts)
46. I have no doubt ...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 06:42 PM
Jan 2014

on-line dating sites can be disgusting. There is no way that I would use one ... it wouldn't matter how much the site cost ... rich men can be creeps, too.

Nope! Give me the old fashioned friend of a friend intro ... It has to be less creepy and far safer.

 

1StrongBlackMan

(31,849 posts)
99. Yeah, because ...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:21 PM
Jan 2014

who is going to hook their friend up with a creep, knowing that they will see their friend again.

 

CFLDem

(2,083 posts)
101. Yessir
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:26 PM
Jan 2014

That plus it gains instant social approval with your date, which is one of the hardest things to earn.

yuiyoshida

(41,759 posts)
54. Lately I have been playing this on line game... its been hella fun! However...
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:13 PM
Jan 2014



While working on upping some of my power points, and gathering coins for the next round of purchasing Rune stones.. a message pops up. Now, granted I have not even tried to make any friends here. Mostly been ignored for the most part... I even tried sending a message to one person in the game, and received nothing but stone cold silence, so...seeing a message pop made me curious...and so I clicked on it.

"HELLO, YOU WANTA FUCK?"

Huh? Someone I don't even know, or who has never seen me, asks this question. Thoughts ran though my mind... Maybe its just some stupid teenager, trying to goad me, or was it really some troll out looking for fun. It occurred to me I really had no way to report this, or to block this individual from sending me further messages. I mean, it was totally annoying to know, that if this person wanted to, they could harass me enough to consider leaving the game.

I thought of a billion replies I could send back, but that would only inflame the situation, so I simply erased it. I figured maybe if I didn't respond he (or she?) would go away. I have since not received any more nasty messages. But, I won't soon forget how I felt, thinking I have received a message from someone enjoying the game like I was and just wanted to reach out.

No such luck I guess.

Skittles

(152,963 posts)
72. a couple decades ago I was coming out of a convenience store
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:45 PM
Jan 2014

a guy in a pickup truck pulled up, rolled down his window and shouted at me, "YOU WANNA FUCK?" I ignored him but a guy who came out of the store behind me - a HUGE GUY - went over to the truck, opened the door, dragged the guy out, shut the door and put him up against truck, holding him so his feet were OFF THE GROUND. He shouted loudly at the perv, "I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TALKING LIKE THAT TO MY WIFE OR DAUGHTER." He shook him around a bit before he let him go. The guy got into his truck and quickly left. I have always wondered if he thought twice before propositioning a woman like that again.

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
85. I wish more rude assholes would get that treatment!
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:13 PM
Jan 2014

Shit on people's boundaries, get fucked with yourself. Sounds reasonable enough.

temporary311

(954 posts)
94. Ick.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:59 PM
Jan 2014

I've played female toons in a few online games, and while I've been hit on out of the blue before, never had anything that aggressive. I think I would be pretty skeeved out, and I would probably report it (depending on how hard it is to report harassment in the game in question) and put the person on ignore. Replying to it would probably be the worst thing to do.

A Little Weird

(1,754 posts)
114. I have had similar things happen
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 11:29 PM
Jan 2014

So now if I start playing a new game, I always choose a male avatar and a gender-neutral name. It seems to help.

alarimer

(16,245 posts)
78. My only issue with online dating was a lack of responses
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 07:59 PM
Jan 2014

Especially since I've gotten older. It's pretty much a big fat zilch.

I think, on the whole, I should be grateful for being ignored.

I never experienced what this person went through. Yes, there were some creeps, not enough to ruin the experience. There were some out and out liars, but most people were okay.

But that's just my experience.

Lint Head

(15,064 posts)
86. Heck. Just check out the ads on Craigs List.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 08:20 PM
Jan 2014

strictly platonic
women seek women
women seeking men
men seeking women
men seeking men
misc romance
casual encounters
missed connections
rants and raves

It's loaded with people who are looking for a hook up or a relationship. I could just imagine the emails, texts and replies they get.
It's a lesson in how pathetic human beings can be and how low they can go when it comes to sex and relations with others.. Putting women, men and homosexuals down is common. Some of the photos they include are definitely pornographic and when there are no photos it's like reading a porn dime novel. Yes I've looked there because I was curious. On CL these photos can be viewed by anyone who clicks on them without be asked if they are "of age".

My point is that there are a lot of people who are lonely, just sexually hyper or prostituting in this world and they don't care who knows it.
The internet has it's cesspools but CL demonstrates the commonality.

I'm not surprised this guy received the responses he did.





 

Vashta Nerada

(3,922 posts)
97. The whole purpose of those Craigslist forums is for adults to hook up.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 09:15 PM
Jan 2014

And your post is misleading. You say "On CL these photos can be viewed by anyone who clicks on them without be asked if they are "of age." Yes, but before you click on one of those links, this shows up:

By clicking on the links below you confirm that you:

are at least 18 years old.
understand "casual encounters" may include adult content.
will flag as "prohibited" violations of the law or terms of use.
release craigslist from liability related to your use of this site.


So, I don't understand what you're implying.

Lint Head

(15,064 posts)
136. If you actually read the original post you would know what I am implying.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 01:34 AM
Jan 2014

One can click on a link and not even be able to read above a fourth grade level.

Lint Head

(15,064 posts)
139. Insult much?
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 02:00 AM
Jan 2014

Reading at a fourth grade level means "Reading at a fourth grade level".

I will ignore you so please don't bother replying.

Beacool

(30,244 posts)
106. I have never been on a dating site.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 10:13 PM
Jan 2014

I don't see the point. Go out and meet people, join a gym, join a club, practice a sport, etc.

I may be wrong, but if these guys are such good catches, why haven't they already met a woman the traditional way?

I want to look at someone in the face and gage who they really are, not the B.S. that guys tell girls.



blackspade

(10,056 posts)
107. No wonder a lot of women think men are gross.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 10:42 PM
Jan 2014

Well, because they are.
And fucking immature as well.

No one likes to be approached in such a disrespectful manner.
I'm so glad I've been married for the last 20 years or so; dating would totally suck.

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)
111. Online dating is a fucking cesspool of disgustingness.
Tue Jan 14, 2014, 11:09 PM
Jan 2014

I made an ad once like 15 years ago, just to see if I'd get the dick pictures and ridiculous propositions everybody said I'd get... and sure enough, they arrived right on schedule.

Tried again about 3 years ago. Same damn thing.

What the fuck are people thinking when they send pictures of their penises to women they don't know?

Has that EVER worked (outside of a fetish/kink site) to impress (and presumably snag) a woman?

EVER?

"Oh, look at that lovely disembodied penis. He will be mine." <== said no woman, ever. OK maybe some woman said it somewhere, once. But seriously, WTF?

Recursion

(56,582 posts)
130. :shrug: I met my wife through OK Cupid
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:48 AM
Jan 2014

Though in a weird way; I went on a date with a friend of hers. We didn't click but she rightly figured out my wife and I would really hit it off. And here we are.

mzteris

(16,232 posts)
126. This is wh,y I gave up on men.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 12:32 AM
Jan 2014

Forget the dating sites. It's dating. It's marriage. It's walking down the damn street minding your own damn business.

I. Am. So. Done.

arthritisR_US

(7,269 posts)
137. Sometimes a rest really is needed, I so understand!
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 01:41 AM
Jan 2014

Haven't yet determined if that rest will be ad infinitum…

dawg

(10,607 posts)
172. That's sad.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 05:55 PM
Jan 2014

A relationship has the potential to be such a fulfilling thing. But so many people only see their potential partners as "things" to be used. We have become a self-centered society, and it is killing us from within.

unc70

(6,094 posts)
145. Turn off IM and use site's "email" messaging
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 04:31 AM
Jan 2014

Last edited Wed Jan 15, 2014, 05:30 AM - Edit history (1)

OKC allows instant messaging (IM) which sounds like where a lot of his trouble began. (Though certainly not all of it.) Second, the OKC account settings can filter out much of the "junk". Allow contact only from those who have posted a picture, who have answered some minimum number of questions and who have been members for at least a dew weeks.

I'm an older guy who has dated using several sites. OKC is an edgier site than some, how much varies by geography and age groups. It also has fairly large subgroups of polyamory and open relationships, some BDSM and fetish.

None of that excuses the kind of behavior experienced by many women on OKC. OKC is now owned by the same group that owns Match.com and Chemistry.com. Chemistry is the most restricted and structured; it doesn't have a search type feature.

Women have a lot more problems on all these types of sites than do men, and the types of abuses vary. Mostly what I encounter are the scam artists (half my age, looking for generous older men, ...), but see a surprising number of crotch shots, light bondage, lingerie, full nudity, etc. Thus supposedly among the 50+ group. More so in OKC, but 50 Shades brought out a bunch of D/s even on Match.

MissMillie

(38,451 posts)
158. It's not just online
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 09:40 AM
Jan 2014

Most of the guys I've met out at clubs and given my number to haven't behaved that differently. When the phone call comes, I don't get more than 10 minutes into a conversation and then it turns sexual (not by my initiation).

"So, you like sex, don't ya?"

"What's your favorite position?"

"Do you give head?"


One of the guys had a 24 year-old daughter. I asked him what he would tell her if she told him that she met a guy and 10 minutes into talking w/ him on the phone that guy started getting sexual w/ her.

He said he would advise her to dump him.

Go figure.

redqueen

(115,096 posts)
173. PUA defenders like to pretend it's a way to get a relationship.
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 06:12 PM
Jan 2014

That's intentionally dishonest PR. As is obvious to even the most casual observer, these men aren't interested in "wasting time" getting to know women so they can have any kind of relationship with them.

marle35

(172 posts)
179. Not sure how this works
Wed Jan 15, 2014, 08:07 PM
Jan 2014

Would he have gotten fewer aggressive responses had he chosen the "long term" dating option on his profile rather than both "long term" and "short term"?

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