Does anyone know the best way to protect an elderly mother with memory issues

[pnwmom]

from phone bankers and scam phone calls? I have her on the do-not-call registry but, as most of us are aware, that is pretty worthless at this point.

She's got an easy to use cell but she wants to keep her land line. (Which doesn't have to be recharged and can't get lost.) Unfortunately, she's a constant target. I've thought about getting her an unlisted number, but don't automatic dialers dial those numbers, too? Or are they off-limits to telemarketers?

Someone confused her and got her to subscribe to NEWSMAX, of all places. She kept calling me and telling me that she'd read that Obama had four heads, or whatever, and I'd tell her not to believe any email she got from Newsmax. Well, it turns out she's been paying for them! I was sick when I took over her bills recently.

I looked for a caller ID machine that would block out ALL numbers except a few that I could program in, but such a thing doesn't seem to exist. Or it did -- but they took it off the market.

Any ideas will be appreciated. There are lots of vulnerable seniors out there so I can't be the only one searching for a solution to this problem.

[theHandpuppet]

1. Does your Mom belong to AARP?

They are always publishing articles on problems such as this one. In fact, I think if you do a Google search for "AARP" and "protecting the elderly from spammers" (or scammers) you'll find a number of AARP articles. Hope that helps.

[frazzled]

6. I just did that google

And here's one of the articles that came up: http://www.aarp.org/money/scams-fraud/info-08-2013/protect-your-parents-from-scams.html

It seems like it's okay advice for people to use with their elderly parents who are operating rationally, but I'm wondering if the OP is facing a somewhat broader problem with her mom than just this. My parents are elderly, too, but they don't have "memory" problems (I know that's the polite term, but let's call it what it is: dementia; I know about it because we sadly saw my mother-in-law deteriorate from it, and we eventually had to put her in a skilled nursing facility). My mom is 88 (a youngster compared to my dad, who is 97; fortunately, he doesn't often answer the phone because his hearing is bad). She knows Obama does not have four heads, and she is quite sensitive to the possibility of scammers. If someone tried to get her to subscribe to a right-wing magazine on the phone she'd hang up immediately (or maybe tell them to go to hell). They don't have Internet--I think they know it is beyond their capabilities at this point in their lives. My mom will call and ask me to google something for her sometimes, but she doesn't want to own her own computer. I guess she knows her limits.

The OP's mom may not be at the point where her memory problems are affecting more than in this way, but it seems like the ability to reason rationally is the biggest problem here. I'd be concerned with more than just phone calls at this point.

I wish I had some more useful advice. I would have thought there would be a way to have the majority of callers blocked, except for family and emergency services. You can go through your parents' emails and block all addresses you do not want. Or at least my email would allow that.

[pnwmom]

13. Actually, Mom can still use a computer. The Telekin works well for her.

I'm sure she does have dementia but it's in the early stages; she asks the same questions repeatedly. My example of Obama having four heads was hyperbole, of course. She IS likely to get alarmed because she read that Obama wants to take money from social security to pay for Obamacare -- and that concern isn't the result of her not being able to think rationally. (Or at least no more irrationally than the right-wingers who spout these lies.)

The reason she's an easy target is that the phone solicitors say what she wants to hear. She had no idea she was saying yes to a right wing place. In fact, the subscriptions she got weren't even identified as Newsmax. It was only after I called the credit card company that I learned that Newsmax was behind them both.

And blocking emails and phones doesn't work because then they just use other emails and phone numbers. I need to be able to block everything except maybe twenty belonging to friends, family members, and doctors.

[frazzled]

28. Good luck with this

It's so difficult trying to figure out how to deal with aging parents. It used to be hard enough just dealing with their health, but with the onslaught of technological changes, we have to worry about so much more.

I know with my parents, it's difficult for us to get them to give up any aspect of their independence: they are fiercely proud, and they see ceding any aspect of their independence as the first step in a capitulation to helplessness and, ultimately, death. So while the suggestion down-thread that you get power of attorney over her finances, etc. might sound good in theory, in practice you'd also be taking away one of the things that probably keeps her going: her sense of independence. My siblings and I fight this conundrum every day: the urge to take over or to limit aspects of their lives, versus the harm it may do to their spirit and "quality of life" if we do so. I've come to the conclusion that we have to let them cling to their ways until it truly feels like a crisis. And then we intervene.

Maybe a Newsmax subscription is not yet the time to intervene.

I sometimes wonder how I'll feel when (and if--they may not even care!) my kids have to start taking us into hand. They'll probably think we're crazy, and I'll probably think they're trying to take over my life!

Again, I wish I had a better solution for you. In the meantime, I hope you find that blocker than only lets a prescribed set of callers in.

(PS: my email is very good at filtering out spam: almost nothing of that nature ever gets through to my inbox, and I empty my spam folder out daily. Maybe try getting your mom a new email account and tell her only to read stuff in the regular inbox?)

[pnwmom]

29. I'll look into it that. She's used to her provider though, so I'm afraid we're stuck

with whatever their options are.

Thanks for understanding. We've been walking a tightrope, trying to figure out when and how to intervene, but she did sign a durable POA a couple years ago, after having a sudden hospitalization. I just haven't had to use it till now.

She had hip replacement surgery after a fall over Thanksgiving, and I'm afraid she hasn't been the same since. To my surprise, when my sister told her we needed to take over, she was relieved. Two years ago she would have fought this tooth and nail.

[Auntie Bush]

9. If you find out what that number is ...be sure to post it.

I sometimes get several calls a day inquiring if I want to buy one of those alerts... "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up." They always manage to call when I'm cooking. `

[CTyankee]

2. Do you have Power of Attorney over her affairs?

I had POA for my mother but this was after she was in her late 80s, my only sibling who had been living with her had a stroke and went into a nursing home. I sold mother's house and moved her into assisted living, which was just wonderful for her. I paid all her bills and worked with the assisted living facility to make sure her needs were taken care of. They were wonderful. It worked well until her death, at 94, in 2005...

[pnwmom]

14. Yes, I do. I'm about to start using it. n/t

[CTyankee]

19. See my amusing post downthread about my attempt to prevent mother's phone from being misused...

I still chuckle when I recall it...

[Beaverhausen]

3. Isn't there a way to set her number so someone has to dial *82?

I recall some friends if ours had their phone set this way. I think it might help stop these calls.

[Cleita]

4. You can get her a charging dock for her cell. I have one.

I just stick my cell on it when I'm at home so I don't lose it and I don't have to remember to charge it. I too had to get rid of my landline because of the telemarketers. I really wish some of our lawmakers would address this issue and pass laws that would stop these guys in their tracks. They do take advantage of the elderly especially those with cognitive issues and as far as I'm concerned are no different than a home invasion by trespassers.

[Wait Wut]

5. Check to see if there are any senior education centers in your area.

I know our local community college offers courses to seniors on how to avoid scams, use cell phones, etc. While your mother may not be willing to attend a class, they might be able to make some recommendations on how to protect her. Some might seem a little drastic, and she's probably not going to be interested.

Are you already on all of her accounts? If so, see if you can get instant notifications of all transactions. Some banks offer, most don't. Either way, you can check the accounts online as frequently as you need if you can get your name onto them.

You could go through here to see if they have any tips:

http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Seniors/Consumer.shtml

[pnwmom]

16. Thanks! n/t

[grasswire]

7. when I had an unlisted number...

...I never got unsolicited calls. That was several years ago, though. YMMV.

[Andy823]

8. We had the same problem

My mother in law was always getting phone calls and then promising to send money to different groups. She had several strokes, and after her first on, she had written out over $1,200.00 to numerous republican groups, some sent to her were duplicates with a different version her name such as Mrs. Ms. or simply with or without her middle initial. She was always a republican and had sent in money before, but never that much at once. We solved part of the problem with her mail by getting her mail for her and removing all the letters hitting her up for money. The phone was another problem.

We did talk her into a cell phone, but she too wanted to keep the land line. I finally got my two brother in laws to help us convince her she was paying to much for her land line, and that a cell was much cheaper. I got her a prepaid cell but even that didn't work. She started calling numbers off of the TV. We still stopped the mail from these groups, and we had to take her credit cards and put them up because she actually stared giving out her card number. She still would call the TV numbers so I went into her cell and change the settings so that only those numbers in her contact list could call her, and she could only call them. She couldn't understand why she couldn't call out to the TV scammers, but soon forgot. She lived with us so there was no problem with emergencies. Her memory got so bad she would go for months after the card ran out before she would ask why nobody had been calling her. All the family could callus when the needed to talk to her, but we would buy another pre paid card so she could call them if she wanted to, but after another stroke in 2012, she could no longer talk on the phone.

Getting all the family involved was not easy, but once we did it really helped put and end to the problem.

[pnwmom]

23. Andy, I didn't realize you could program a cell that way. Thanks for the info. n/t

[hedgehog]

10. We arranged a joint bank account for my Dad and brother -

This

1. allows the rest of us to deposit money for my Dad without rubbing his nose in it

2. allows my attorney brother to keep an eye on things in case there are any sudden, large withdrawals.

[pnwmom]

18. Yeah, I am paying her bills out of a joint bank account we set up a few years ago.

I just started to do this though -- she'd been using her own checking account. Now I can finally see what she's been paying. Like a lot of older people, she kept a tight rein on things as long as she could -- while being susceptible to scammers!

[Nye Bevan]

11. Make sure she knows never, ever to go to Western Union without checking with you.

A common scam is for someone to call claiming to be a relative who has been arrested or robbed abroad and needs money wired right away. Many old folks might not necessarily recognize their relatives' voices and many have fallen for this scam.

[A Little Weird]

12. They did this kind of stuff to my grandmother too

It would upset her when she got these calls. I would try the unlisted number, I'm not sure if they can get past that with auto-dialers, but I would think it would have to help. Maybe you can convince her to let you take over her phone bill - that way you can at least monitor the calls that come in and catch potential problems early on.

[CTyankee]

15. funny story: when my mother was in assisted living, one of the staff was making calls all over

the world on her phone. I worked with the phone company who said to have her get a password that only she would know. Since she always remembered the year she was born we decided that the password should be that, which was 1911. A few days later I got a call from a young man who was an EMS responder. He was standing in her room and informed me that they had gotten a call from her phone number. Of course, she had dialed 1911 so...

that was the end of the code idea...

[pnwmom]

20. Hah! I'll be sure not to make that mistake.

[CTyankee]

24. Yeah, the staffer was promptly fired and it never happened again so overall we had a great

experience with assisted living for her. At first she wasn't happy losing her independence, but she did know that she needed looking after. I visiited her as often as I could (I was working full time and she was far away in TX). I got to stay in her room with her when I was there, altho I did sometimes get a room at a nearby motel just to have a bit of time alone after she had gone to bed. For a low fee I got to eat meals with her and I must say her facility was quite nice and the food very good. I also would get her new clothes and take her to the movies and out to dinner for Mexican food, which she loved. I really felt good about her circumstances...

[nadinbrzezinski]

17. As to the machine, I think I found it

http://www.amazon.com/Call-Block-Computer-Caller-Regulator/dp/B003CVMW82

[pnwmom]

21. I will check this out! Thank you! nt

[nadinbrzezinski]

22. Oh you are very welcome

[nadinbrzezinski]

25. This one looks better by the way

http://www.amazon.com/CPR-Call-Blocker-Capacity-Nuisance/dp/B008AHTO20/ref=pd_sim_sbs_e_2

And has better reviews

[pnwmom]

26. Great, thanks AGAIN! n/t

[Contrary1]

27. Try having her phone listed in your name...

This should help keep the number away from scammers who access lists of seniors.

[Gin]

30. Don't know her provider but i bet there are settings like what you need....call the provider

If you haven't already and explain what you want

Also.....my 80 year old sister had been calling me in the middle of the night asking what time of day it was....it scared me, and ruined my sleep those nights....

I found a talking clock on amazon....that has a button when pushed it says day, time and am or pm...Also has talking reminders for taking medications....she takes at 6 and 6 ..sent it to her....so far, so good.

MedCenter 4 Alarm Talking Reminder Clock (White) (2.75"H x 5"W x 1.75"D)

[hollysmom]

31. I have verizon and I can program it to only accept calls from specific numbers.

You have to do it through the computer and make sure you get her neighbors numbers entered into the list. Friends relatives, police and local calls. Then make sure her neighbors have your number in case they have to reach you. I gave mine to my Mom's neighbors and they called me when she was sitting in her car for a long time without saying anything when they came by to check on her. She had a stroke and thankfully could not remember how to start the car - if she were driving it would have been a disaster. I got her to the hospital very quickly. I had taken a lesser paying local job because I was worried about her slowing down instead of in the world trade towers not long before, you know.

[pnwmom]

32. Good idea, hollysmom. I'll see where she's getting her phone service - and thanks for the tip

about the neighbor's numbers. I might have forgotten some of them.

[blue neen]

33. There are really some excellent suggestions in this thread.

Bookmarking!