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Wed Mar 21, 2012, 10:17 AM

Things I've Learned from Republicans During Primary Season

Wed Mar 21, 2012 at 05:48 AM PDT
Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday
by Bill in Portland Maine

...Things I've Learned from Republicans During Primary Season

I know there's a ways to go before the GOP anoints its candidate, but to me it seems like the liveliest stretch of the campaign season is sealed in amber. Bachmann: out. Cain: out. Huntsman: [however you say "out" in Mandarin Chinese]. Gingrich: functionally out. No more debates. No more state fairs. While the memories are still fresh, here are a few of the things that I learned from the candidates over the last eight months:

> Social Security is a Ponzi scheme except when it's not and we must kill it to save it.
> The unemployment rate doesn’t matter.
> Building a colony on the moon is possible within 8 years.
> It takes 13,000 people living on a moon colony before it can apply for statehood.
> Building a fence that electrocutes Mexicans at the border will teach them a lesson
> Elvis was born on the day he died.
> Having a $500,000 revolving account at Tiffany's is no big deal--everybody has one.
> Corporations are people.
> It's acceptable to boo active-duty servicemembers who happen to be gay.
> 10 dollars in budget cuts in exchange for 1 dollar in tax increases is unacceptable.
> Satan has settled in America disguised as energy-efficient light bulbs.
> The rich are hurting and deserve tax cuts.
> The poor and unemployed are slacking and deserve benefit cuts.
> All our problems can be solved with a 9-9-9 plan.
> The press is made up of meanies.
> The best form of contraception is holding an aspirin between your knees.
> Political appointees of the Muslim faith need to sign a loyalty oath.
> Gay people can get married anytime as long as it's to a member of the opposite sex.
> Dogs love roaring down the highway strapped to the top of a car.
> Allowing the housing crisis to achieve the worst-case nightmare scenario is the wise thing to do.
> The auto industry's spectacular rise from the ashes wasn't done correctly so the results are illegitimate.
> Children are not scrubbing enough toilets.
> A politician who cheats on his wife is doing it out of fierce patriotism.
> A pregnancy created via rape or incest is a magical gift.
> Three federal departments that must be eliminated are Commerce, Education, and the third one.
> Trees in Michigan are the right height.
> If you can't afford health insurance and you get sick, have the courtesy to die before you get to the emergency room.
> HPV vaccinations cause mental retardation.
> America is the most powerful nation on the planet. Porn is going to destroy it.
> Lobbyists and historians are interchangeable.
>Barack Obama bailed out the banks in the fall of 2008 when he was president...


http://www.dailykos.com/

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Reply Things I've Learned from Republicans During Primary Season (Original post)
FourScore Mar 2012 OP
pinto Mar 2012 #1
Swede Atlanta Mar 2012 #2
uponit7771 Mar 2012 #3
Liberal_Stalwart71 Mar 2012 #4
Motown_Johnny Mar 2012 #5

Response to FourScore (Original post)

Wed Mar 21, 2012, 10:20 AM

1. LOL. Great piece.

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Response to FourScore (Original post)

Wed Mar 21, 2012, 08:09 PM

2. I need my heart medication to quell the excitement....

 

What a great summary of the clowns in the GOP primary race. God help us if one of them actually connive their way into the White House. The U.S. as we know it is over and done.

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Response to FourScore (Original post)

Wed Mar 21, 2012, 09:49 PM

3. +1

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Response to FourScore (Original post)

Wed Mar 21, 2012, 09:52 PM

4. Bookmarked! K&R!!!

 

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Response to FourScore (Original post)

Wed Mar 21, 2012, 09:59 PM

5. $300,000/yr is speaking fees isn't a lot of money

 


John Wayne and John Wayne Gacy are interchangeable

Environmentalism is a false religion, even though the Pope thinks burning fossil fuels contributes to climate change

The recovery would happen faster if we stuck with the policies that caused the collapse

The Koch brothers have yet another brother, albeit from another mother

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