This Woman Filmed Her Abortion to Show Other People it Doesn't Have to be Scary.

[Agschmid]

Emily Letts, a 25-year-old abortion counselor at a clinic in New Jersey, knew that she wanted to use her own abortion story to help other woman making their own decisions about whether to end a pregnancy. At first, she thought she would write a blog post about her experience. But then she had the idea to film it.

In an essay published on Cosmopolitan.com, Letts explains that she decided to film her procedure after trying and failing to find a video of a surgical abortion online. There’s at least one YouTube clip of a woman taking the abortion pill, which is the non-surgical option for ending an early pregnancy, but that’s it. So Letts decided that she wanted to have a surgical procedure — the option that seems scarier to many women — to help educate people about what it’s actually like.

“We talk about abortion so much and yet no one really knows what it actually looks like,” Letts writes on Cosmo’s site. “A first trimester abortion takes three to five minutes. It is safer than giving birth. There is no cutting, and risk of infertility is less than one percent. Yet women come into the clinic all the time terrified that they are going to be cut open, convinced that they won’t be able to have kids after the abortion.”

The few representations of abortion on film are fictional, and they tend to portray it extremely negatively. A recent review of the fictional abortion storylines in TV shows and movies found that the procedure is typically depicted as far more dangerous than it actually is. On the screen, women often die after having an abortion, even though women in real life have virtually zero chance from dying from a legal procedure. Ultimately, pop culture helps further the myth that abortion is always dangerous, dramatic, and violent.

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/05/05/3434285/woman-filmed-abortion-story/

This is a good read, and she is very brave to share her story with others.

[Blue_Tires]

1. I went to a conservative Catholic high school

Last edited Tue May 6, 2014, 11:48 AM - Edit history (1)

and in sex ed they *did* play some documentary which showed the grainy footage of the procedure from beginning to end, with narration...It was like a horror movie...

I don't remember the title, and don't know if that video was real or staged, but it has to be 25-30 years old by now (I saw it in 1992)...I'm not going to dare look for it, but I'm guessing it must be online somewhere...

[Brickbat]

5. Silent Scream.

Recovering Catholic here, too.

[karadax]

34. Saw "the silent scream" in public high school.

94-95 ish in health class. It was pretty messed up.

[Blue_Tires]

37. In public school? Which system or state?

Even at my school IIRC they sent home notices to parents that we were going to be shown the video on a certain date so if there was an objection they would know which day to keep us home or whatever...

[nashville_brook]

2. this is wonderful, if for no other reason than to show a reasonable standard of care

that you should be able to expect. but of course, demystifying the most important issue. women *are* terrified of the procedure. this is an amazingly brave project.

[HockeyMom]

3. Ask any woman who "might" have had an early miscarriage

Did I? Don't know. Can you see that little head, arms, feet? Nope. Should we dig around in the toilet bowl, have it analyzed? If yes, BURY it in a matchbox? How many women would do that? Just flush the toilet, and move on.

Personally, I really laugh how anyone can believe the Internet pix of a 5 week old ruptured ectopic pregnancy; fully formed, swimming in it's sac, and STILL ALIVE. Hint. Ask real women who have actually seen their own sonograms at that point in time, what it REALLY looks like. Nothing like that FAKE picture.

[all american girl]

57. I know, right. When I was 6 weeks preggers with my son I had to have a sonogram done

He looked like a peanut....not a "baby," but a peanut.

[lapislzi]

164. We called it a tadpole until at least the fifth month.

Now it's 20 and mostly human

[BrotherIvan]

4. Yes, she is brave and I'm sure she will be harassed by anti-abortion whackos

But she is doing a great service to women and girls everywhere who struggle in the dark to make their reproductive decisions. The information in this post is very important to get out there: legal abortions are safe, do not lead to infertility, and are far less dangerous than giving birth. Women should be supported in whatever decision they make and should never be shamed for choosing abortion. Contrary to the whacky fundagelical belief that a woman should have as many children as possible, the truth is that women have every right to choose when they want to and are able to bear and raise children. Brava to this brave woman.

[Brickbat]

6. K&R for the truth.

[Triana]

7. The video (don't worry, not graphic at all - very calm and non-eventful)

http://vimeo.com/84797427

[Agschmid]

18. Thanks for posting!

[Beausoir]

21. It's a bit of a stretch to call an abortion "non-eventful".

[giftedgirl77]

27. Sometimes they are....

Don't assume you know everyone's situation. Hell I went rollerblading right after mine.

[uppityperson]

49. Why? Honest question. nt

[TeeYiYi]

64. They might be...

...referring to the emotional impact.

TYY

[uppityperson]

65. Most of the women I helped had relief, not emotionally eventful beyond that.

[TeeYiYi]

66. The women I know...

... who've had abortions, have never forgotten the child that 'could've been' As these women age, the pining for that child tends to increase. There are also the family members who haven't forgotten and mourn for the grandchild, niece or nephew that might have been.

The potential for personal, emotional impact might be the reason that the post you were responding to didn't see abortion as "non-eventful."

TYY

[uppityperson]

67. For some, it was quite emotional. For most, not so much. And now, 30 yrs after working with the

abortion provider, I have heard only one of those women express regret or continued mourning.

I have heard this from women who have miscarried though.

[TeeYiYi]

72. My father...

Last edited Tue May 6, 2014, 05:58 PM - Edit history (1)

..., just yesterday, was going on again (for the umpteenth time) about the girl that my brother got pregnant in high school. "If only..."

He mourns for the grandchild that he never knew. He told me his grandchild would be 40 now. Personally, I've never given that incident much of a second thought, but I see the great sadness it has caused my father. Because my brother never had any children, my father's genetic line lineage and family name will end after his death. He is 82.

TYY

Edited to change "genetic line" to "lineage" and "family name."

[Ilsa]

86. HIS grandchild would not be born from HIS pregnancy

And childbirth. Yeah, it's easy for the nonpregnant ones to get possessive and regret that someone else didn't go through nine months of pregnancy, childbirth, recovery from pregnancy and birth, and raising a child for HIM.

If he was so concerned about HIS genetic line dying out, maybe he should have had more kids, raised them to want to be parents. Instead, his son grew up not wanting to be a parent. It sounds like it only became important to him in old age, not when he could have been responsible for increasing the odds of it happening.

I know there are parents that want to be grandparents. But they have no right to expect it from their kids.

I don't think it's fair to judge abortion on the basis of cudda-wudda-shudda.

[TeeYiYi]

89. I'm VERY pro-choice...

The only reason I shared my father's grief with DU, was to show that abortion can have long-reaching ramifications.

You suggest that my father should have had more children. He, in fact, had four children; three girls and ONE boy.

1. I'm gay.

2. My sister died of a brain tumor, shortly after giving birth to her second child; my nieces.

3. My brother married a woman who'd already had all the children she wanted, but made a promise to my brother and my parents that she'd have her tubes untied.

4. My youngest sister had 4 boys...

Call me when you hit your eighties. I hope that, by then, empathy will be an emotion that you've learned to recognize.

re: Ilsa
86. HIS grandchild would not be born from HIS pregnancy

And childbirth. Yeah, it's easy for the nonpregnant ones to get possessive and regret that someone else didn't go through nine months of pregnancy, childbirth, recovery from pregnancy and birth, and raising a child for HIM.

If he was so concerned about HIS genetic line dying out, maybe he should have had more kids, raised them to want to be parents. Instead, his son grew up not wanting to be a parent. It sounds like it only became important to him in old age, not when he could have been responsible for increasing the odds of it happening.

I know there are parents that want to be grandparents. But they have no right to expect to expect it from their kids.

I don't think it's fair to judge abortion on the basis of cudda-wudda-shudda.

TYY

[Ilsa]

93. His grandchildren from his daughters don't count?

Your post made it sound like he had no grandchildren.

I'm in my mid-fifties. I own my past choices and my mistakes, not blaming others for my grandchild status. I still don't think it is fair for him to blame this woman's choice to have an abortion.

[TeeYiYi]

100. I don't either,...

re: "I still don't think it is fair for him to blame this woman's choice to have an abortion."

...but that doesn't change the fact that an old man thinks about the grandchild he 'might have known' while plummeting toward the conclusion of his own life.

TYY

[Mariana]

103. Some men are that way.

They could give a fuck about their female descendants. Only the male ones matter.

[Mariana]

102. This may shock him

but all those female descendants you listed downthread? They all carry his genes. You might want to tell him and then he can stop worrying so much about it.

[TeeYiYi]

104. It's not about DNA...

He loves all of his grandchildren.

He sees his lineage coming to an end. The son of a son of a son that will never be,...to carry on the family name.

TYY

[gollygee]

105. Seeing his lineage as coming to an end

Because a son isn't having a son is pretty sad too. And the aborted fetus could have ended up being a girl, and then he'd be in the same place.

One person's patriarchal issue with names is not a reason for someone else's reproductive choices to be limited.

[PeaceNikki]

106. Amen.

[TeeYiYi]

109. Whether or not...

...you agree with my father's sentiment, doesn't change the fact that his feelings are legitimate. It's his sorrow, not mine. He's an old man, facing the end of his life and the unchangeable finality that death brings.

My whole point in this subthread was to show that abortion should not, necessarily, be considered a "non-event."

TYY

[gollygee]

119. I don't think it should *necessarily* be considered a non-event

I think how much of an event it is is determined by the person having the abortion, though.

[Mariana]

107. You said upthread his genetic line was dying out.

It's not. The girls continue his genetic line just as much as boys would have. If he's upset that none of his descendants have his name, that's a different thing.

[PeaceNikki]

108. And that can be changed as well.

This whole line of discussion is fucking ridiculous on all levels. Especially that it's here on DU.

[TeeYiYi]

110. I also edited it....

...to say that his lineage and family name were coming to an end, and not his DNA. That doesn't change the fact that my father mourns for the possibility of grandsons to carry on his name, that will never be.

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

111. I mourn for the unicorn I will never have.

What's the point of this line of discussion anyway? That the women in question should have thought about this poor dude's flailing "lineage" before deciding? That all women should heed this story as a warning that they might make some old dude sad?

I don't get it.

[TeeYiYi]

113. You jumped in...

...on a conversation that I was having with uppityperson.

Now you're just being rude by referring to my dying father as, "this poor dude's flailing "lineage"..."

If you truly 'don't get it,' I suggest you go back to the beginning of the subthread that you surreptitiously decided to commandeer.

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

114. this is a discussion board. i'm allowed to "jump in" without your permission.

It's rude to imply that a woman should carry guilt in this situation or any like it.

It's offensive.

The entire point of what the woman did in this video is to demonstrate that it is, in fact, uneventful and not full of angst, sadness, grief, guilt and regret for many. And it doesn't have to be. You seem hellbent on insisting it should be. And that's wrong.

[TeeYiYi]

117. You need to...

...go back to post 21, and then try to follow along by paying attention.

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

118. lol, I stand by my words.

I am fully aware of how this developed. That's why I said what I did.

[TeeYiYi]

120. Show me the post...

...where I implied "that a woman should carry guilt in this situation or any like it."

In case you didn't notice, I recc'd the OP.

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

123. the fact that you brought it up on a discussion about emotional impact on the woman.

I get it. You're a soft supporter. There are a number of you in DU. I wish that weren't the case, but...

[TeeYiYi]

126. The "discussion"...

...was about whether or not an abortion could (or should) be construed as being non-eventful.

It's a bit of a stretch to call an abortion "non-eventful"

I've always been pro-choice and have stated as much in this thread. How much more support do think you need?

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

128. it's not support *I* need, it's all women. and more. lots more.

In case you haven't heard, clinics are being closed, rights are under attack all over this country.

Now, go read the article linked in OP. All of it. Specifically the last four paragraphs. I'll wait.

.
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Done? OK, that's why I find it offensive that your primary contributions to the discussion were wholly focused on how awful people in your life feel over abortion.

[TeeYiYi]

129. I think it IS you who needs my support...

...for some inexplicable reason. My stance on abortion has never changed.

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

130. you didn't read it. or you don't care.

But thanks for propagating the stigma! Carry on.

[Ilsa]

153. This is really about "feelings" being used to support "Personhood"

Legislation. It's an imaginary alternate reality designed to impose guilt and create a stigma so Personhood can proceed.

I'm not saying that this particular grandparent or poster supports that, because I'm certain they don't. But I think it's dishonest to create these alternate scenarios where a fetus wasn't aborted, didn't miscarry, was born without health issues, a brilliant, perfect citizen who saves the world.

Personhood supporters use ridiculous arguments about aborting the doctor who could have cured cancer. It all falls under the same heading of imaginary perfect alternatives. They never write one where the person aborted could have been the next Jeffrey Dalmer.

[PeaceNikki]

154. Agreed. I am also a bit appalled at the idea that a HIGH SCHOOL GIRL should carry the weight of this

It's just so odd.

A bit of perspective from the other side: I have had a couple abortions. I have also assisted a 16 yer-old in getting one. I don't wear any of that on my sleeve, but I am not ashamed of it either. In any case, the decision I made was right for me and in the case of the high-schooler, right for her. I had my one child at 18. It's been very very VERY hard. Not everyone is up for the task. I was not up for it again and my child's needs were a large part of my decision. If my relatives or the man's relatives or the girl's relatives are reeling on their death beds over MY decision, fuck 'em. It is and was not my responsibility to fulfill their life dreams. And certainly not by taking on an insurmountable task of raising a child.

The whole idea angers me and it feels a lot like the only point of bringing it into the conversation was to show women that their decisions hurt others. And that's bullshit.

[Ilsa]

155. Well said.

Even if unintentional, it's a guilt trip. Even if unintentional, it's a push towards personhood for something nonexistent.

[babylonsister]

125. He's an old man entitled to his opinion. I

understand that, and I do hear you. I imagine we all have or will have regrets.

It does have a lot to do with passing his name down also; I've heard that before fairly often and recently.

[TeeYiYi]

127. Thank you, babylonsister. ..nt

TYY

[Ilsa]

124. That's what I figured the grandfather was upset about.

And that's why my empathy evaporated. The patriarchal surname culture comes around and bites them in the butt.

That pregnancy could have:
1. Miscarried
2. Resulted in a disabled child (not likely to marry and procreate)
3. Been a girl who gives up her surname upon marriage
4. Been given his/her mother's surname on the birth certificate
Also, possibly enough strife (or other circumstances) would have caused the father to leave the picture, the mother marries, her husband adopts the child, giving baby his surname.

My 85 year old father had numerous grandchildren by his daughters. None carry his name. He had plenty of time to contemplate his passing and never worried about his last name enduring. He was simply grateful for his family.

[TeeYiYi]

132. Jesus Christ…

…he's an old man, examining his life through the lens of unrealized hopes and dreams, in anticipation of the final curtain. He has known unspeakable horror and sadness in his life.

1. He's lost children and grandchildren to miscarriage. He mourns them all.

2. He has a disabled grandson. He loves that boy.

3. He has two granddaughters, from my dead sister, that he adores. He'll never know about the one she aborted.

4. He's known unbearable pain through the premature death of two brothers and a daughter.

5. He fought in Korea, and earned two purple hearts at the Battle of Chosin; becoming one of 'The Chosin Few.'

6. He's a hardcore, dyed in the wool Democrat who has publicly defended my right to be gay and every woman's right to choose. He has written more letters to the editor in support of gays and democrats, than you can shake a stick at.

My father is human. He's a man who wondered out loud about my brother's potential offspring; the grandchild that might have carried on his family name. Your tunnel vision and lack of empathy will be your own crosses to bear when you reach the point in this life where reflection becomes the final salvo.

TYY

[OwnedByCats]

145. I understand why he would feel that way

As much as this is something that every woman has a complete right to choose, it can effect their loved ones too. We're all human beings with feelings. It's only natural to wonder about the "what ifs" in life, especially when one is facing their own mortality.

He sounds like a good man.

[TeeYiYi]

147. Thank you, OwnedByCats. He is a good man. ..nt

TYY

[uppityperson]

136. My sib looks back with no regrets. There is no one right way to feel or be, no expectations should

be put on anyone. Best wishes to your aging father. Perhaps the family name can be passed down via a middle name, like has happened with my father's family name.

[TeeYiYi]

140. Thank you uppityperson...

My sister gave both of her girls the family name as a middle name.

TYY

[BlancheSplanchnik]

161. I'm sorry your father is sad.

You must be sad too, knowing you'll lose him soon.

Both of those things are very much an event.


Maybe some of the girls could take his last name and carry it on...if they have any interest in doing that. Lots of people do that now.

[TeeYiYi]

166. Thanks, BlancheSplanchnik...

I appreciate your empathy.

He's not living in perpetual sadness. He shared something personal, with me, in a rare moment of reflection. Although he's mentioned it in the past, he doesn't dwell on it. Old people repeat themselves. He's back to his usual stoic self.

I love my father and depend on him a great deal in this life. I worry but I'm not sad. I don't know how long he's got. Same with my mom; I love her and dread losing her. She's bedridden with MS.

Watching parents age is not for the faint of heart.

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

88. All of the women you know who've had abortions? I seriously doubt that.

For myself and "all of the ones I know", it was relief then and more relief as I age and look back ~ 20 years on my first.

[TeeYiYi]

90. Why would you call me a liar...

...over a comment that would make no sense to lie about?

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

92. I never called you a liar

I said I doubt that. And I doubt it because you probably know 10 times the number of women who've had abortions than you think you do. And the vast majority aren't toiling over it with you or anyone else.

[Ilsa]

94. Agreed. Those few who have regrets

are grossly outnumbered by women who have had abortions with no regret. There is no hand-wringing story to exploit.

[PeaceNikki]

95. the millions who have no shame or regret aren't saying so

Like the brave woman in the video. That's the whole point of this.

[TeeYiYi]

97. The women I know...

...who shared the fact that they'd had an abortion, also shared the personal details surrounding their feelings of remorse.

I'm sure I have no earthly idea, how many women in my immediate network of friends, family and acquaintances, have actually had an abortion. Nor, would I expect them all to confide in me. The women who were "toiling" are the ones who shared their feelings. The 'non-toilers' apparently felt no need to burden me with the details of their 'non-toilment.'

TYY

[PeaceNikki]

98. exactly. it's about one in three women. for many it is a relief or non eventful

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4916928

[Lazy Daisy]

133. Possibly because it's personal

Some women don't take it as lightly as others. Neither is wrong or right. But for those who do mourn years and years later, they likely don't discuss it with anybody. This is a highly personal issue and no one should tell anyone else how they should feel about it.

[PeaceNikki]

134. Exactly the point of the article in the OP. MOST women don't regret it. It's a fact.

It may not fit with your narrative, but it's a fact.

“I know there are women who feel great remorse. I have seen the tears. Grieving is an important part of a woman’s process, but what I really wanted to address in my video is guilt,” Letts writes. “Our society breeds this guilt. We inhale it from all directions. Even women who come to the clinic completely solid in their decision to have an abortion say they feel guilty for not feeling guilty… They pressure themselves to feel bad about it.”

Studies have found that those negative emotions typically stem from a deeply ingrained stigma surrounding abortion that teaches women it’s supposed to be secretive and shameful. Reproductive rights advocates are attempting to get rid of that stigma by encouraging more women to tell their stories. Storytelling efforts like the 1 in 3 Campaign — which draws its name from the fact that one in three U.S. women will have an abortion in her lifetime — intend to help Americans understand that this is an issue affecting a wide range of people across the country. Just like young women like Letts have important stories about how relatively painless and easy having a surgical abortion can be, older women have their own stories about what it was like to have an illegal and dangerous abortion before Roe v. Wade.

[Agschmid]

146. Seems like this is alive and well...

Studies have found that those negative emotions typically stem from a deeply ingrained stigma surrounding abortion that teaches women it’s supposed to be secretive and shameful.

I know of three people who've had an abortion, and one a parent figure to me. I do think she feels shame but I've never really understood fully why. Thats why reading this article was really good for me, it helps me understand where those feelings (wrong or right) come from.

[840high]

121. True in my family.

[TeeYiYi]

122. Thank you. ..nt

TYY

[JNelson6563]

177. I am sad for them.

It was a decision that worked for me and many others without regret. I am very sad for those women burdened with regret over it. Of course society plays a very large and, imo, a negative one, but that does not negate the misery some women feel.

Julie

[roody]

112. The only emotion I felt was extreme relief.

Thirty eight years later, I still feel blessed to not have children or grandchildren.

[TeeYiYi]

116. That's a good thing...

...and one reason, of many, why abortion is legal and should remain so.

TYY

[840high]

139. I can't imagine calling it that.

[Supersedeas]

156. Yeah, my thoughts exactly

[herding cats]

56. I'm in "awe" that she was able to make the right decision for herself

My use of "awe" was her wording, but in many ways it applies. A lot of women still feel emotionally manipulated into feeling it's a given to suffer "guilt" or wrongness, as she mentions people say to her. A lot of other women are having the decision taken out of their hands due to an increasing lack of access to the procedure in certain states. It's a medical decision which will impact her life forever. I'm happy she made the correct decision for herself, and was able to have the procedure in a safe environment.

She exemplifies the reasons I'm pro-choice. It's good to hear she's doing fine and not feeling anything but awe she was able to have control over her reproductive rights.

[rocktivity]

8. An abortion counselor who ended up needing an abortion?

Not my idea of effective advertising!


rocktivity

[eggplant]

10. That has to be the stupidest comment I've seen all day.

That's right up there with expecting mental health professionals to not utilize mental health services. WTF?

[BainsBane]

24. I think the laugh is the worst part

Whatever decision one comes to about abortion or pregnancy, there is nothing funny about it.

[Texasgal]

12. What is that supposed to mean?

You know that ALL BC methods can fail, except of course for abstinence. I hope you are not suggesting that.

[dilby]

26. I read her essay or up till the part where she gave the reasons for not using BC.

I was pretty offended that she did not want to use Hormonal BC because she did not want to get fat. What she did was totally irresponsible and she is lucky she just got a little pregnant and not an STD.

[Squinch]

35. She said she didn't want the side effect of depression either. Why have you omitted that?

Many women choose not to use hormonal birth control because of its many side effects. It is not "totally irresponsible."

And hormonal birth control doesn't prevent STD's, so that part of your post doesn't make any sense.

I am not getting your point, unless it is to shame her because she weighed her infrequent sexual activity against the side effects of hormonal birth control and chose not to take it.

[Supersedeas]

179. All things to consider

[eggplant]

36. You're offended?

Why would a woman's choice for her own medical care (in this case, BC) offend you? What business is it of yours? In what way does her choice affect you?

Judge much?

[PeaceNikki]

40. We should all run our medical and life decisions past you first.

Lest you be 'offended'.

What a fucking ridiculous comment.

[Texasgal]

41. Ummm

BC pills do not prevent STD's first. Second BC pills are not without health risks. Third why didn't the MAN protect himself from pregnancy or STD?

And you're offended? Serioulsy?

[appal_jack]

48. Bullshit, and you know it.

My wife tried all the currently available formulations of hormonal bc, and had serious issues with them all. And no, they did not make her fat, but they did cause mental, emotional, and physical complications that seriously affected her quality of life.

A woman's decision about birth control is her own. She may choose to discuss the matter with a partner or she may choose otherwise. A man has a choice of his own: condom or not.

Your post is out of line, dilby.

K&R to the OP. This woman is taking a courageous stand.

-app

[myrna minx]

54. Offended? Why is a woman's choice for BC any of your business?

[Supersedeas]

181. baby aspire

[Raine1967]

78. Your offense is duly noted.

You don't agree with her choices, got it.

I hope you realize that her choices don't have to be approved by you.

What you think and feel means nothing to people who are truly pro choice.

[Ilsa]

91. Spoken by someone who doesn't have to take pills,

deal with effects of hormones, an irretrievable 90 depo-provera shot, an implant, or IUD pushed up beyond his sensitive cervix. Oh wait, men don't have cervixes.

[gollygee]

99. It's none of your business

You've never had to deal with all the issues of hormonal birth control, and you never will have to. Lucky you. It's none of your business why someone else isn't willing to deal with those issues.

[Supersedeas]

157. these are weighty issues on a young mind

[LeftyMom]

13. A friend of mine works at a clinic and needed an abortion when her IUD failed.

Now the chances of a method failure with an IUD are just slightly higher than a surgical sterilization, so she was especially unlucky. But that small percentage happens to somebody, and it happened to happen to her. So she got an abortion, had another IUD placed, and her partner went in and got snipped just in case, which he'd been making noises about doing anyhow.

It certainly didn't reflect badly on her or her career. Shit happens. Even to smart, educated people who are doing everything right.

[Blue_Roses]

14. just because she is professional in this subject doesn't mean

she isn't human. And besides, there are more than two reasons one decides to terminate their pregnancy. Also, there are more than two ways a "slip-up" can happen. For starters, certain medications interfer with the pill--like antibiotics.

Just because a surgeon operates does not mean he will never need surgery.

[eggplant]

15. As offended as I am about the post, I'm WAY more offended at LEAVE IT ALONE voters #1 and 4.

A randomly-selected Jury of DU members completed their review of this alert at Mon May 5, 2014, 08:17 PM, and voted 2-5 to LEAVE IT ALONE.

Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: the poster isn't laughing about someone choosing an abortion. the person who filmed the video is an abortion counselor.

she decided to film her procedure after trying and failing to find a video of a surgical abortion online. and then this,

So Letts decided that she wanted to have a surgical procedure.

I find it funny sad an abortion counseler has to have an abortion. Birth control, ya know

Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: If DU hid posts for being tasteless, it would be a much more boring place.
Juror #3 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: Insensative.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: I believe the post just shows the counselor is a hypocrite. Don't do what I do,....
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: I agree with the alerter that it is tasteless. I also agree with the response immediately below the post that it is the stupidest comment I've seen all day (I just logged on to DU, so it's a low bar, but it easily clears it). However, I'm voting not to hide. Let everyone see the ignorance.
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: No explanation given
Juror #7 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: Dude. Not cool.

[Texasgal]

16. Good GAWD!

How fucking SAD! DU really lowers the bar sometimes, especially the jury pool. UGH.

[Agschmid]

19. Yup... Rediculous comments.

[Squinch]

29. This doesn't surprise me at all. The real DU members have begun to listen raptly to the socks.

[msanthrope]

38. You know....you can alert on the results--take a look the bottom of the email. GOes right to admin.

[City Lights]

47. I wish I could say I was surprised by those comments.

DU sure has changed through the years.

[myrna minx]

53. Disgusting, but not surprising.

[Raine1967]

84. You can alert on the results.

I think the Admins should see this Dreck.

[Supersedeas]

167. Hide is right

[rocktivity]

25. If it will cheer you up any, I'll be featuring this story

on my New Jersey health blog. Knowing how my boss will react, I'll probably have to remove Lett's name, plus every link except the one to the actual Cosmo article. But he can be negotiated with -- I managed to get a story about poor prenatal diagnosis abortions published.


rocktivity

[Squinch]

30. So you think that gives you a pass to post insulting crap about a woman who needs an abortion?

You've shown us all how you think.

[Texasgal]

42. So?

How would that "cheer" me up from your judgemental post?

[uppityperson]

50. You are replying to yourself, telling yourself you can cheer yourself up by posting insulting stuff?

huh

[rocktivity]

180. Mission accomplished.

http://portableservice.com/new-jersey-reproductive-services-counselor-confronts-abortion-stigma/


rocktivity

[Squinch]

28. Are you aware of a fool proof method of contraception? Because there are none.

But laughing at a woman needing an abortion seems to fit with DU's ethos these days, so carry on.

[PeaceNikki]

32. There's always at least one Judgy McJugdeface

says the guy without the possibility of get pregnant for about 40 years...

[SunSeeker]

45. Wow. You are better than this, Rocktivity.

Your post is insulting to women. You assume, based on no evidence, that she is having an abortion because she is an idiot and a hypocrite. That says a lot about what you think of women.

[uppityperson]

55. Rather like a mechanic needing his oil changed, or a dentist needing teeth cleaned?

wtf

[JaneyVee]

62. Yup, and sometimes doctors need doctors, and

Psychiatrists need psychiatrists, gynecologists need gynecologists etc etc etc.

[HERVEPA]

80. Do you usually post such stupidity?

[gollygee]

101. Any woman might find herself needing an abortion.

No matter what job she has.

[951-Riverside]

9. I think this is great! It was so cool to finally one in action! K&R

Its like going to a dentist for a regular checkup.

I wish more young women would do this to erase the stigma surrounding this simple painless procedure.

BRAVO EMILY BRAVO!

[Beausoir]

22. There is nothing "cool" about a woman having an abortion. It's a legal procedure I support.

But I wouldn't ever call it "cool".

Step away from the video games. There is nothing "cool" about what happens during an abortion.

[951-Riverside]

23. Its not a big deal. Its just a procedure and once the stigma goes away its pretty cool to see

The rightwingnuts would like you to you believe coat hangers and blenders are involved but once you get to see one actually done, its not a big deal. I think its cool and if more young women know about how easy it is, we'd eliminate a lot of problems.

[Squinch]

31. So feel free not to call it cool. Others feel differently. I'd suggest you stop chastising, but I

Last edited Tue May 6, 2014, 09:32 AM - Edit history (1)

suspect you feel it's your duty. And there's nothing wrong with what happens during an abortion, either.

[cyberswede]

43. There's nothing "uncool" about it, either. nt

[PeaceNikki]

44. Your opinion, not mine. Having control of my reproduction and the right/ability to terminate IS

fucking cool to some of us.

[SunSeeker]

46. +1

[Agschmid]

83. Yup.

[uppityperson]

51. Whoosh. It is cool there is a video showing what happens to counter misconceptions and lies about

what happens. Did you miss the point or want to do a strawman thing? Or are you saying it is not "cool" to have reproductive control?

[Raine1967]

82. Have you ever had an abortion?

Just wondering. I would love an answer, because we might be able to have a conversation.

[RebelOne]

87. Yes, I have. In fact, I have had two abortions.

One was illegal before abortions became legal, and the second one was legal. The illegal one was by Cuban doctors in Miami who performed abortions clandestinely. That was in the 1950s. The other was at an abortion clinic in the 1970s.

What else would you like to know?

[Raine1967]

96. I was asking the question of Beausoir.

I am not rebuffing you, Please know that.

My abortions (plural) were similar to what is shown in the video.

ETA: Are you confusing who I am asking the question of?

[RebelOne]

135. Well, it seems as if Beausoir was not replying, so I did. n/t

[Raine1967]

142. All good.

you and I have both experienced abortions. Mine were in the 80's and 90's. I was lucky enough to have them safe and legal and in a state that wasn't trying to take away that right.

I'd still like to see the person I asked the question of respond.

[Supersedeas]

160. There's is a different approach to medicine, sexuality, fertility and life--so follows the language

[OwnedByCats]

59. Um .... not even sure where to begin here.

Before I get called a wingnut, this is my disclaimer: I am 100% pro-choice, it's every woman's decision to make which is right for her - it should legal, safe, and easily accessible for all women.

However, it's not like having your damn teeth cleaned or just having a check up. Have you ever had one? Your comment about finally seeing one in action makes me doubt that you have, unless you meant on video. I for one have had one. To say it's "painless" - Really? Many woman find it painful physically, and some, while the decision was right for them at that time - do feel a sadness, or other painful feelings. Whether that comes immediately after or later on, it can be a sad time for a woman. If there are women who find it painless on both fronts, good for them. That is not the reality for many.

You do a disservice to make it out to be like getting a check up at the dentist. While it is a relatively simple and usually quick procedure in the first trimester like the woman in the OP, it's not to be trivialized to women in general because we are all different.

[deutsey]

68. A friend of mine in college chose to have an abortion

It was the right thing for her to do given her circumstances at the time (I don't think she had any doubt about that), but as you say, she did go through a time of sadness and emotional volatility afterward.

[PeaceNikki]

85. Similarly, it's horrible and wrong to imply that women MUST agonize, feel sad and guilty.

Like you said, we're different. Many of us experience ZERO shame, guilt, sadness or regret. MANY feel HUGE emotional relief.

[OwnedByCats]

137. I didn't say women MUST feel sad, guilty, or agonize over it

My point was, to make it out like it's like a dental check up is not reality, even for those that experience little discomfort because it is much more invasive. That's not to say it's unsafe as there are rarely complications in a safe environment done by professionals. There is a lot more to it however than a dental check up.

It shouldn't be a stigma for women either. Women are entitled to feel what they feel, always ... no matter what others think they should feel.

[Beausoir]

138. Sooo cool! Yep! Just like taking a crap or flossing your teeth! Awesome!

Except for the fetus.

Safe legal rare.

There is NOTHING for you to cheer about when a woman has to choose to terminate her pregnancy.

[nomorenomore08]

168. Your sanctimony only helps make the case for the anti-choicers. Yeah, I said it. n/t

[840high]

141. I don't find abortion "cool".

[Spitfire of ATJ]

11. I wonder how many death threats she's gotten from the "pro-life" crowd.

[aikoaiko]

17. I suspect they'll claim she got pregnant on purpose to make the film.

[rocktivity]

20. And I hope her workplace won't become a target.

rocktivity

[Sunlei]

33. The social stigma is worse than the pelvic procedure although a Mifepristone (or RU-486) pill is

probably more private for most people.

[DirkGently]

39. It's the illegal ones Republicans want that are horrifying. n/t

[hamsterjill]

52. It's important that people know that not all women experience guilty, sadness, etc.

This is the part of the video that I think is important. Each woman's experience will be different, but there are plenty of us who don't have an issue with the need for an abortion, so therefore having one, is simply a medical procedure.

[B2G]

58. I truly don't understand this paragraph

"I remember breathing and humming through it like I was giving birth. I know that sounds weird, but to me, this was as birth-like as it could be. It will always be a special memory for me. I still have my sonogram, and if my apartment were to catch fire, it would be the first thing I'd grab."

[Puzzledtraveller]

60. I wonder how she may feel about it down the road.

Not to say she will regret it later but it would be interesting to see how she feels about it later should she ever decide to write about it at some time in the future.

[newcriminal]

61. Makes no sense to me either.

[PeaceNikki]

69. In stirrups, with your business all up in someone's face. It is birth-like.

[B2G]

70. More pap smear-like

than birth-like.

[PeaceNikki]

71. I don't think so. It's a procedure that takes longer than a swab. Fine, you don't get it. I do.

[B2G]

73. What don't I get?

That it only took 3-5 minutes?

That giving birth is nothing like having an abortion?

[PeaceNikki]

74. To her. You don't get how she felt it was. It's ok. Nobody said you must agree with her.

I merely entered the subthread to note that some of us can see where she's coming from.

No sweat.

[Beausoir]

143. I doubt you really do get it.

Being pro-choice does not automatically give you a backstage pass to understanding every single thought and emotion a woman goes through as she debates terminating the life of her fetus.

You don't understand much at all about this whole process. You are just striking a loudmouthed pose without much thought attached to it.

You do a disservice to women who are really struggling to find competent advice and safe medical procedures.

You have a lot to learn about this entire complicated issue.

[PeaceNikki]

148. you, you, you

What a senseless post devoid of any content other than attacks.

You don't know me. And you never will.

Thanks for nothing.

Also, abortion is cool. Bypass surgery is cool. Medical science that helps people is cool. Destigmatizing abortion is very cool.

[Beausoir]

173. Cardiac Bypass surgery is "cool" now?

Jesus Christ. What a stupid grasping attempt at concocting a strawman defense for a really dumb choice of words.

Stupid simplistic silliness.

[PeaceNikki]

174. yes, it saves lives

Without it, people die.

It's cool.

What the women in the OP did was cool. For some it's a a solemn and difficult choice, not all. Not most. That's the whole point. She is showing women that it's ok to NOT be sad and guilt-ridden when terminating. That's the REALITY of it. All we're ever told is that it's a horrible decision on top of horrible decisions that will be horrible. It's not. It's a reproductive choice. And for most it's a relief. Society and people like you tell women to hide in shame. That's bullshit. Abortion is a moral and positive choice that liberates women, saves lives, and protects families.

Read the whole article linked in the OP. The stigma you attach to it is responsible for allowing the right to attack choice.

[Sheldon Cooper]

175. Dude. Follow along.

Peace Nikki said upthread that she's had an abortion. I have no idea why you are claiming that she doesn't "understand the process", or that she has "a lot to learn about this entire complicated issue."

[Beausoir]

183. Dude. Follow along.

Aborting a child does not give any single person carte blanche to judge the emotions, choices or experiences of other women.

[OwnedByCats]

149. I had many

smh moments about this whole thing, if I'm honest.

[blueamy66]

63. One of my Catholic school mates has already posted this on FB, stating how disgusting

it is...not just the abortion, but he video as well.

I am just going to ignore her post.

I wish people would keep politics and religion off of FB.

[Nine]

75. If I were to choose a public face for reproductive rights, this woman would not have been it.

I admire her courage. She has put herself at some risk by doing this publicly. She filled a void that existed. And having someone - anyone - open up about this and be willing to share video of the procedure is better than having no one do it.

All that said, there are aspects of her story that trouble me. Anyone can experience a birth control failure, but she was using NO birth control - perhaps not even condoms, depending on your interpretation of her words. Though some posters are spinning it as that she carefully weighed the medical information and took a calculated risk, her own words show a more haphazard approach:

It was my first pregnancy, and, full disclosure, I hadn't been using any kind of birth control, which is crazy, I know. I’m a sex educator, and I love talking about birth control. Before this experience, hormonal birth control scared me because of complications I’d heard about from friends — gaining weight, depression, etc. So I tracked my ovulation cycle, and I didn’t have any long-term partners. I thought I was OK. But, you know, things happen. I wound up pregnant...

I do feel a little irresponsible and embarrassed about not using birth control. I mean, Emily, wake up! What are you doing? I was going against the advice I give to patients all the time. So I had them put an IUD in after the abortion. I was able to learn and move forward.

I wish she came across as more mature and serious in the video. I wish her narrative didn't contain several head-scratchers about being a "birth junkie" or about the procedure being a "special memory" for her.

But this is coming from a place of fear. Fear that if we pro-choicers don't stick to a carefully crafted public portrayal of abortion, that those rights will continue to be chipped away at until they disappear. This woman is not a great "poster child" for abortion rights from the perspective of someone who learned that we should always say it was a decision we agonized over, that we don't see it as a substitute for responsible behavior, etc.

But maybe she is a good poster child after all - good in the sense that she reminds us that reproductive choice is a right we are entitled to, not a privilege we have to earn. Abortion isn't just for rape survivors, or those who used multiple methods of contraception and just got unlucky, or those who are carrying a child with severe medical issues. They're for any woman who chooses one. This woman is not apologizing for her abortion, and I find that refreshing.

[PeaceNikki]

76. We prochoicers have to stop being so sensitive to the other side. They don't care and never will.

Your last paragraph sums it up for me pretty well.

Abortion: a moral & positive choice that liberates women, saves lives, & protects families

[Nine]

77. I'm sure age plays into it somewhat.

I think younger women feel a greater sense of security about reproductive rights. Older women, perhaps not so much.

[PeaceNikki]

81. Perhaps, but I think that is why the attacks on our rights are working.

The number of laws passed restricting reproductive rights is mind-boggling. The younger generation may feel secure, but is also taking it for granted a bit, I think.

I am just a huge fan of removing the stigma. Changing the rhetoric. It's not a procedure a women needs to feel guilty or shameful about making. Ever.

[Squinch]

131. This woman is a woman. Therefore she is a perfectly acceptable poster child. Period.

Women decide about their own fertility. Period. Whether you or anyone else agree with their choices.

[JanMichael]

115. The Navel Gazers on this thread

are disgusting.

Some women have problems with abortions, some don't. Get over your damned selves. Jesus christ on a hatrack, you people are "progressives?"

[Agschmid]

144. Apparently... not exactly the reaction I was expecting when I posted it.

[nomorenomore08]

169. +2000000

[Supersedeas]

170. Jesus on a hatrack, that's progressive

[azurnoir]

150. she is indeed one very brave woman

K&R

[hueymahl]

151. Thanks for sharing this

I'm pro-choice. That said, this video really disturbed me. It almost feels like it was posted as a celebration of the abortion, instead of the solemn and difficult choice that it is.

[PeaceNikki]

152. For some it's a a solemn and difficult choice, not all. Not most. That's the whole point.

To show women that it's ok to NOT be sad and guilt-ridden. All we're ever told is that it's a horrible decision on top of horrible decisions that will be horrible. It's not. It's a reproductive choice. Abortion is a moral and positive choice that liberates women, saves lives, and protects families.

Read the whole article linked in the OP.

[Agschmid]

159. Another... Yup.

[troublesome_mind]

158. K&R...

I think if there were more stories like this one and more "unveiling" on the procedures it would be less scary for women to make these decisions. I think the scariness comes from those they turn to for support who can't understand the decision or accept they have no control over the decision when they disagree, so they lash out using fear, anger and guilt.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

162. in the current milieu, that is one hell of a brave woman.

I salute her! It's a very good thing she's doing.

[Agschmid]

163. +1

Hey been a long time no talk, hope all is well with you!

[BlancheSplanchnik]

184. Hey Agschmid! :)

Yeah, nice to hear from you! We should have coffee together!

I'm doin good, thanks. Workin' on stuff, makin' progress. Progress, not perfection, as they say.

How'z U doin'?

[Gothmog]

165. Agreed

This lady is doing a good thing

[BlancheSplanchnik]

185. :)

truly! May she stay safe. "Pro-lifers" can be deadly. :/

[Beausoir]

172. It would be so COOL if she was getting a pedicure WHILE having an abortion WHILE YouTubing it!

Now THAT....would be really really COOL.

[Sheldon Cooper]

176. Well, so many anti-choicers seem to think that women

decide to have an abortion, particularly late term abortion, on a whim, in much the same way they may decide to go have a pedicure. So, such a video would kill two birds with one stone. Win Win!

[Beausoir]

182. Agreed! While she was at it, she should have had someone fire up the blender to whirl up some

daiquiries!

Win Win Win!

You may be on to something with this!

[Solly Mack]

178. K&R