What would you do if your SO forbade you from going to a bachelorette party?

[AngryAmish]

Or a bachelor party.

Also, assume normal party with booze and strippers.

[Skittles]

1. that would never happen to me, ever

I read people very well, especially the guys I date

[Orrex]

25. I figured that you'd kick their would-be-forbidding asses.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

47. .

Yes she would.

[Skittles]

48. I'd whale on his ass so badly he'd never make such a silly suggestion again

not to me OR any other gal

[elehhhhna]

2. depends on the situation BUT

generally if your SO "forbids" shit, you maybe don't have a healthy relationship.

My hubs and I trust each other. Batch parties are no big deal.

[TBF]

3. "forbade"

Honestly if my spouse "forbade" something I would do it just to spite him. I'm like that.

[Generic Other]

4. Mine would force me to go

I am notoriously antisocial.

[bigwillq]

5. Go to the bachelor party

Is what I would do.

[Warpy]

6. Tell him to go pound sand, of course

Then again, it would never occur to me to forbid attendance at a debauched brawl were the tables turned.

Do people really do this to each other?

[Wait Wut]

7. Laugh.

Because the only way he would 'forbid' me to do something would be his attempt at humor.

[Nye Bevan]

8. In many years of marriage neither I nor my wife have ever "forbade" one another

from doing anything at all. So I would probably laugh and assume that she was kidding.

[snot]

9. Get a new SO.

[Iggo]

14. ^^^ This.

[LadyHawkAZ]

55. +1

[Shandris]

10. "Only the Goddess may forbid me anything." -- Tyrande Whisperwind <n/t>

[Scootaloo]

33. "Malfurion, I broke a heel! SAVE ME!" - also Tyrande Whisperwind

...Well of Eternity was not my favorite instance.

[Shandris]

37. GAH! So sad, but so true.

No, I -hated- Well of Eternity and how they made Tyrande out to be. Given that I'm named after the famous Ranger-General who assisted Tyrande during the third war, I continue to be very disappointed with how the great Night Elves have been treated since the start of WoW.

Buuuuut, my quote does hearken back to the RTS days when Tyrande and Shandris were the -entire reason- I played the game. Good female characters were even harder to come by back then, and they really stood out when I watched others play the game.

[NuclearDem]

96. I heed the voice of Elune.

[LeftyMom]

11. I must have missed the part where bachelorette parties were expected to have strippers.

I call bullshit.

[WinkyDink]

16. Male strippers are now de rigeur.

[LeftyMom]

40. Seems like everybody here goes to the gay bar

I have literally never even heard of a bachelorette party getting a male stripper from anybody I know of in meatspace.

[AngryAmish]

44. Bachelorette parties are routinely kicked out of gay bars around here

Drunk, obnoxious and disrespectful.

[LeftyMom]

45. One of the bars here has a note on the door about it

The rest dont seem to care.

[pipi_k]

72. Nevertheless...

it does happen.

I knew a guy who did that sort of thing.

[R B Garr]

76. +1

[giftedgirl77]

12. I wish he would forbid me from doing something....

But then again I'm a hermit & the only butt I get in my face is one of my cats when they are being an asshole.

[Iggo]

13. Forbade?

Excuse me a second.... .

[WinkyDink]

15. I wouldn't go.

[Hissyspit]

29. Who are you in a relationship with that they would "forbid" you to go anywhere?

[WinkyDink]

100. Nobody. I have all the freedom in the world, as my beloved husband died last month. Now I can go

anywhere I want.

I'd rather have him back.

Anyway, the OP didn't ask if one was IN a relationship where the other forbade anything; the question was IF you were......

Sometimes my husband didn't like me going to concerts that meant my staying away from home for a day or more. So sometimes I didn't go. He was very emotionally dependent on me (but he didn't share my musical tastes!). Usually I went anyway, because I'm a willful Scorpio only child.

[KentuckyWoman]

71. Me either

I'd be too busy packing up my stuff.

A man tried to forbid me once. Once.

[Niceguy1]

17. if it really

Bothered her I wouldnt go out of respect

[alarimer]

18. I think the word "forbid" does not belong in a healthy relationship.

If they had concerns, we would talk about it and make a decision like healthy.

[winter is coming]

19. Tell him we need the money?

Oh, wait, you meant as a guest...

[Lucinda]

39. applauds

[Le Taz Hot]

43. For the win!

[okaawhatever]

63. DUzy nt

[zappaman]

20. Find another SO. n/t

[WillowTree]

74. My thought exactly.

[Spider Jerusalem]

21. That wouldn't be a problem.

I wouldn't go in the first place. Getting hammered and stuffing £5 notes into a stripper's garter is not my idea of a good time.

[AngryAmish]

27. Give it a try, it's not too bad.

[aikoaiko]

91. £5 notes? You've been to some upscale places.

[kwassa]

99. Upscale Brit places.

No one here would recognize the bill.

[davidpdx]

101. I'm the same way

Especially on the getting hammered part. The headache in the morning is not worth it.

[MattBaggins]

108. Agree. Neither my wife nor I would attend such an event.

[KittyWampus]

22. warning sign of an abusive, control freak>>> demands you not do this, go there, see her

wear that….

[TorchTheWitch]

23. I wouldn't have an SO that thought they could forbid me anything

They aren't my parents, and I'm an adult.

I'll have no SO that thinks they own me and believes they have some sort of right to tell me what to do or what not to do.

[Logical]

24. Forbid you to murder someone? Rob a bank? Do crack? nt

[TorchTheWitch]

38. No. If for some ridiculous reason I wanted to do any of those things

they can call the police and have me arrested. And one would think that they were smart enough to do that rather than just forbidding their partner to do any of those things as if they'd pay any attention to that just because their partner said so. They can choose to have nothing to do with me and end the relationship.

No one in a relationship has the right to tell their partner they FORBID them doing XYZ. They aren't a parent with an underage child nor do they own their partner and have some sort of right to tell them what to do or what not to do. It's a relationship - a PARTNERSHIP between two adults where one has no more rights or decision making privileges over the other. If there is something they don't like about their partner doing something their only choice is to ASK that they don't do the thing they don't like, and if they decide to do it anyway accept that they don't own their partner and leave the relationship or put up with their partner doing something they don't like.

We're talking about a fucking party here anyway, not criminality.

[ProfessorGAC]

118. Your Post and Screenname Do Not Go Together

Sorry.

[ancianita]

26. That would be some arrogant presumption of rule over my free will, wouldn't it. Only those who

presume to rule over others "forbid." Fuck those people. So I'd tell my SO that.

[upaloopa]

28. I would never tell her she couldn't go

and the same for her.
We don't make rules for each other.

[Codeine]

30. She'd end up making me go.

We're not the sort to "forbid" much of anything, and she likes strippers. I find the whole scene off-putting.

Actually, I forbid animals in the house. I don't like hair everywhere or the obligatory box of cat poop in the corner. And she forbids me from making the kids live in the garage so I can transform their bedroom into a game space with a dedicated miniature wargaming table.

[alittlelark]

82. You are living a very interesting life!!!

LOL !!!

[OKNancy]

31. If he asked nicely and gave good, logical reasons

even if one of the reasons is that it would make him feel uncomfortable, I wouldn't go.
I would expect the same from him.

What I wouldn't do is cause a fuss over something stupid like a bachelorette party.

I pick my battles.

[geek tragedy]

51. this. nt

[Separation]

32. Well I think

The key word here is "forbid/forbade". My wife and I are equal partners in our relationship so the whole "forbidding" thing is a moot point.

There have been times when I told my wife that I was invited to go to so and so's bachelor party and she said go for it. Then there have been other times when she said I'd rather you not, and I didn't go.

It's funny, I know couples who split their bank accounts and bills. Each one with their own bills to pay. Lol, after a week of knowing (my soon to be wife) she had my atm card, and checkbook. Neither of us can quite figure out the whole "your bill my bill" setup.

[MoonRiver]

34. Neither I nor my husband, of almost 23 years, ever has made that kind of request.

But if he did, I can guarantee you he would not be allowed out the door. And he WOULD obey!

[hobbit709]

35. On our wedding invitation cover I printed Donna's immortal words

"YOU CAN JUST FORGET ABOUT THAT OBEY PART"

At most I would say "I don't think that's a good idea" but I knew better than to tell her she couldn't do something.
Of course, she knew better than to tell me either.

[arcane1]

36. Go n/t

[Sunlei]

41. "normal party"? sorry it's not a "normal marriage" if one of the spouses "forbids" anything.

[Le Taz Hot]

42. "Forbade?"

[MadrasT]

46. Find a new SO.

People should not be dictating what their partners can and cannot do.

[flvegan]

49. She'd probably drive me there

and come in with me. Not to supervise, but to have "fun with strippers and booze" too.

Yup.

[LeftyMom]

52. God no, the drinks are expensive and watery.

Like I said upthread, everybody goes the the gayborhood. The drinks are better.

You people in Not-California are strange.

[geek tragedy]

50. If my wife were to make her wish that I not

patronize a strip club explicit, I would respect her wishes. She would not 'forbid' me to do anything, nor I her.

No strippers at my bachelor party.

[AngryAmish]

57. um, that is the definition of forbidding someone from doing something

[R B Garr]

67. Not really. It's more like a sharing of deal-breakers. We all have deal-breakers.

Respecting someone's relationship deal-breakers is a sign of a healthy and respectful relationship.

[AngryAmish]

69. That is nutty, by any objective standard.

Tucking a few bucks is not equivalent to, say, torturing cats or voting republican.

[R B Garr]

75. Okay, I don't think you're serious now. I agree with LeftyMom and call bullshit.

Everyone has deal-breakers in relationships. For some it's smoking, some it's drinking, some it's irritating in-laws, some it's eating meat, some it's irresponsibility, etc. Maybe giving strippers money might seem irresponsible to some, hence a deal-breaker.

You can go to jail for torturing cats, so that's way beyond a deal-breaker.

[geek tragedy]

110. No, it's called being in an healthy, adult relationship

there is an alternative, it's called being single

[Cleita]

53. If he got in my way, he wouldn't be my significant other anymore.

That kind of controlling behavior means there is more coming down the line and it's best to cut those ties when they first surface.

[kimbutgar]

54. My first husband (now divorced from 29 years) was really upset my friends wanted to have a male

Stripper at my batcherlotte party. I told them, "no strippers". The hostess told My ex ," of course we won't have strippers" Well the ladies knew I was a fun loving girl and surprised me with not 1 but 2 strippers. One a comedian nerd guy with a big dong and the other a blond hunk guy with a hard hat and plaid shirt etc. I have the pictures. Anyway the next day I was so hung over my ex was more upset over me being sick and never asked about strippers so I never told. I always wondered if my ex was so uptight about sex. I have not seen nor ever heard from him again after we split, no kids made it easy) But when one door closes another opens and next Tuesday I'll be married 25 years to my soulmate.

[Tikki]

56. I would certainly talk to my SO about why my SO didn't want me to go to the party.

Without making a lot of assumptions I would like to know if my SO knows something about the party
that might preclude me from being safe, being happy or knowing what is really going to happen.

OK, now we are down to..my SO knows or doesn't know the people involved, doesn't know of any issues
that might cause a problem and just doesn't want me to go anywhere he doesn't go…well, I would
go, but only if I really wanted to go.

Sometimes an excuse can be made for not going by saying my SO is not comfortable with me going.

There are, often, a variable or two in these situations.

Tikki

[LittleBlue]

58. Forbade? Uh uh

We aren't married yet. You can forbid me after we get married. Until then I'm a free man.

I said this is my head but it came out "yes dear, I'll tell my friends to call it off"

[okaawhatever]

64. It's the thought that counts. lolz. nt

[adigal]

59. Hahaha!!!! He never would

And I would ignore him if he " forbid" me to go anything . I am an adult . No one forbids me.

[jberryhill]

60. I'd say "But They Hired Me To Entertain "

[sakabatou]

61. I wouldn't really care

Most would probably have rowdy guys, loud music and other awful things.

[boston bean]

62. Tell him to find another fiancee. Controlling behavior is not a good sign.

[Dorian Gray]

65. I wouldn't be with someone who forbade me from anything.

And I don't think my husband would want to be with me if I forbade him from doing things.

I'd go and let the chips fall where they may.

[Notafraidtoo]

66. I would not..

I wouldn't do anything that was unimportant that upset my SO.I think it is more important that she be at peace than me go to something so frivolous. I wouldn't care if she went to one though.

[AngryAmish]

68. Why would your SO be upset?

This presupposes that she would be upset, which is unlikely.

There are controlling people out there but they tend not to be our side of the aisle.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

70. I had a surprise for Lover Boy's bachelor party but he almost ruined it by

refusing to go to the VIP lounge. How didn't want to be alone with what he assumed was going to be a strange woman.

[eShirl]

73. Thank him for giving me an excuse not to go.

Seriously.

[southerncrone]

77. Dump the insecure, controlling bastard.

Life is too short to put up with that kind of BS.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

78. I couldn't get past your handle.

[fishwax]

79. I've never been in a relationship where "forbidding" really came into play

But if my SO were upset at the prospect of me attending a bachelor or bachelorette party, I'd try to get at the root cause of the discomfort, and would ultimately (most likely, depending on some factors) respect their feelings on the issue and not go.

[Humanist_Activist]

80. Find a new one, already had this conversation with my SO...

as she put it, she trusts me and knows I will always come back home to her, I give her the same courtesy.

Why are people such control freaks about this anyways? Don't they know that the more they tighten their grip on the person they love the more they smother them, and may cause their SO to leave entirely?

I don't want to hold onto her for dear life, but embrace her in love and respect. Seems simple to me.

[msanthrope]

81. Ah, this is the kind of shite that got me divorced. Go to the party. nt

[Divernan]

83. My insecure ex forbad me continuing in grad school

I was a teaching fellow with full scholarship plus monthly stipend. I divorced his sorry ass.

[Egnever]

84. Run

After i made sure she didn't have a fever.

[DeSwiss]

85. I'd ask myself:

- ''Why am I still with someone who obviously does not respect my right to make my own decisions?''

Then I'd probably go watch the strippers just for the hell of it......

[La Lioness Priyanka]

86. honor the request. nt

[Dorian Gray]

90. Forbidding

isn't a request. It's a demand.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

106. its an issue of semantics. i thnk its perfectly reasonable for a spouse to ask another

not to go somewhere with sex workers.



if lisa was uncomfortable with this i'd understand it and abide by it. also, i think strippers at bachelor parties are just generally gross

[Dorian Gray]

116. Okay

If my spouse were to tell me that the idea of strippers made him uncomfortable and he really wished that I would consider not going, I wouldn't go.

If he forbade me from going? I may still not go, but I would have a HUGE problem with him.

I don't think it's semantics. Forbidding someone from doing something, even if it's something you agree with, is about control. You don't have to do that thing to seize control, but it should definitely put a spotlight on problems within the relationship.

[Jamastiene]

87. I would not go, out of respect. n/t

[Divernan]

93. Respect is a two-way street.

Any SO who forbids you to do something is treating you like a child, and not with the respect due to an equal partner in a relationship.

[chrisa]

95. I see the demand itself as disrespectful.

If my girlfriend demanded that I not go somewhere, she would no longer be my girlfriend, much as if I demanded she not go somewhere, I would no longer be her boyfriend. That's control freak-ish.

[Iggo]

97. Out of respect for someone who treats you like a child?

[Heidi]

88. I cannot imagine Call Me Wesley ever forbidding me to do anything.

He's just not like that.

[Exposethefrauds]

89. Get a new SO, if they did not trust me to go then I would not want them to be my SO.

[Chan790]

92. Since I don't drink and have a phobia/mild-revulsion of strippers?

I'd thank them.

Let's be honest...for me, this is like "forbidding" me from being miserable. I'd sooner go to a rave...and EDM gives me migraines and flashing lights cause me panic attacks and disorientation. If my spouse forbid me from going, it's more like excusing me from going...she's just removed a social obligation.

(If I ever, unlikely, get married...my bachelor party will be something more akin to a catered gallery party with floor performers that don't take off their clothes. There will be fancy wine and cheese. There will be no strippers. There will be no beer. ...or I will leave my own f**king party.)

[chrisa]

94. Laugh at the attempt to control me like a child, and then go.

[frogmarch]

98. "You WHAT? You FORBID me?"

I'd say, then I would dump his sorry ass.

mr. froggy and I have been married for almost 50 years and have never forbade each other from going anywhere. Neither of us is a control freak, and that is probably a big reason we're still together.

[KansDem]

102. Lie and say I'm taking out the trash...

...then I'd slip off to the party.

Where have you been?
Taking out the trash.
For five hours?!!
There was a lot of trash!!!

Actually my wife wouldn't forbid me to go. She would welcome a "KansDem"-free evening.

[Silent3]

103. I notice that many people have a justifiably negative reaction to the word "forbade", but...

...would it really that much different if, even without the extra special assholishness of saying "I forbid you", an SO made it very clear that he/she didn't want you to go to such a party, with the implicit or explicit assurance that there would be negative consequences of some sort, up to and including the ending of your relationship, if you go to the party against his/her wishes?

[AngryAmish]

105. It is a power play either way.

Just another way to make them feel small and break their spirit.

[geek tragedy]

109. yes. it does make all the difference.

it's the difference between taking orders and being in an adult relationship

people who can't handle the idea that they should not do things that greatly upset their spouse generally suck at relationships

[Silent3]

111. Yes, there is a difference...

...but it can be a big difference, or a lesser difference when "greatly upset" is emotional blackmail, when the reasons for being upset are selfish.

[geek tragedy]

113. Sure, relationships are complex and diverse. nt

[B Calm]

104. Is Prince Harry going to be there too?

[dawg]

107. If she forbade me, I'd go just to spite her.

And I'd be miserable.

If she didn't forbid me, but I knew it really bothered her for me to be going to a party with strippers, I wouldn't do it. I'd be miserable knowing that she felt disrespected.

If it didn't bother her at all, I'd still try to weasel out of it. Watching naked women that I'm not going to have sex with seems like a waste of time to me. I'd rather just have a few drinks and a meal with friends, and then go home and see if I can charm myself into getting a private dance that I'd really enjoy.

[Llewlladdwr]

112. Allow me to turn this around a little....

If my fiance made it clear that as a condition of our getting married she would have to be the star at a drunken party with strippers I'd find another fiance.

I deserve more respect than that....

[Nevernose]

114. The week before my bachelor party the best man took me on a tour

Of every strip club in Vegas, in order to find the perfect one to have my bachelor party at.

My now-wife didn't just accompany us, she drove the car.

I would have never gotten engaged to someone too controlling, too insecure, or too uptight.

[Mother Of Four]

115. I read this and had to grin a little bit...

I can be pretty sardonic when pressed. My face would likely be like this



Followed by me pretending to pat down all my pockets...

Him: "What are you looking for?"
Me: "Oh? I was just trying to find the receipt that said you owned me. It's got to be here somewhere."



(Edit- first link I used wasn't showing the pic)

[ProfessorGAC]

117. Interesting Question

Since i wouldn't go to a bachelor party (not my thing), had my wife told me i was forbidden, either:

1) I would go anyway, even though i wasn't going to, or;
2) Tell her that luckily i wasn't going to go anyway, but not because i'm forbidden.

Now, of course, my wife wouldn't do that, and she also knows i wouldn't go to one anyway. So, this is strictly a hypothetical for us.
GAC