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Tue Dec 20, 2011, 10:53 PM

Staying out of the ring: Barely half of adults wed


NEW YORK—As a 20-something, Erin Turner feels she made all the right moves dating wise. She graduated from college and spent three and a half years with a boyfriend before they moved in together.

Their cohabitation bliss lasted only eight months.

"We broke up because when you live with someone, everything comes to the surface," said Turner, who remains single in Chicago as her 30th birthday approaches in March.

"You start to see how people handle confrontation, financial realities, challenges, the housework load. If we had been married we would have been divorced, or fully on our way." ..................(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2011/12/20/staying_out_of_the_ring_barely_half_of_adults_wed/



24 replies, 3000 views

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Arrow 24 replies Author Time Post
Reply Staying out of the ring: Barely half of adults wed (Original post)
marmar Dec 2011 OP
femrap Dec 2011 #1
Warpy Dec 2011 #2
Betsy Ross Dec 2011 #4
femrap Dec 2011 #6
Warpy Dec 2011 #19
RZM Dec 2011 #3
femrap Dec 2011 #5
RZM Dec 2011 #7
femrap Dec 2011 #12
RZM Dec 2011 #15
TheWraith Dec 2011 #9
femrap Dec 2011 #11
HappyMe Dec 2011 #13
mrs_p Dec 2011 #18
treestar Dec 2011 #8
alittlelark Dec 2011 #10
JustAnotherGen Dec 2011 #14
marmar Dec 2011 #16
JustAnotherGen Dec 2011 #17
SoCalDem Dec 2011 #20
badgerpup Dec 2011 #21
dana_b Dec 2011 #23
BOG PERSON Dec 2011 #22
Jennicut Dec 2011 #24

Response to marmar (Original post)


Response to femrap (Reply #1)

Tue Dec 20, 2011, 11:04 PM

2. It's the only way to promote a non relative to first degree relative status

which is important when it comes to visiting people in intensive care and claiming the body afterward if the worst happens. Those are things afforded blood relatives only if there isn't a spouse.

Other than that, forget it.

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Response to Warpy (Reply #2)

Tue Dec 20, 2011, 11:45 PM

4. My SO and I had a religous wedding a few years

before we took out a county license. I had become very ill and concerned about property inheritance, so we made it "legal."

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Response to Warpy (Reply #2)


Response to femrap (Reply #6)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 04:24 PM

19. No, but it provides a great deal of comfort to a life partner

to be able to say goodbye.

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Response to femrap (Reply #1)

Tue Dec 20, 2011, 11:04 PM

3. I don't think most people mix their love lives and politics to that degree

 

'Honey, I really love you and I want to be with you. But I'm sorry, i can't marry you because of all of this police-state fascism.'

LOL. If I tried that one with my SO she'd look at me like I was crazy. She's also view it as a total cop-out.

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Response to RZM (Reply #3)


Response to femrap (Reply #5)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:26 AM

7. Unaware is not the same as not agreeing

 

I would say most people do not agree that the US is a police state. I don't.

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Response to RZM (Reply #7)


Response to femrap (Reply #12)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 03:01 PM

15. There certainly have been some new policies since 9/11

 

That you could construe constrict rights. But the distance between here and a genuine police state is very, very great. I personally have no fear whatsoever about speaking my mind, doing my thing, etc. Doesn't mean I agree with all of the laws that restrict our behavior, but I'm not afraid of the state in the least.

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Response to femrap (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:36 AM

9. Because not everyone thinks the world is a shithole.

Some people want to fall in love, be happy, have a companion, and raise children. Not everyone's life revolves around a pessimistic view of how screwed up everything is.

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Response to TheWraith (Reply #9)


Response to femrap (Reply #11)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 02:44 PM

13. Holy crap, but that is a depressing outlook.

People are free to marry or not. Up to the individuals.

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Response to femrap (Reply #1)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 04:22 PM

18. My 9mo baby

is the best thing that has ever happened to me. When I hold her, I'm not thinking about how horrible this place is... In fact, it seems so much better with her. She actually gives me hope!

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Response to marmar (Original post)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:29 AM

8. Obviously the fault of the gays



I wonder why Erin Turner is so newsworthy. Is she Everywoman?

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Response to marmar (Original post)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 12:41 AM

10. My 43 yr old brother has lived w/ a woman for 20 years.

They dated for 4-6 years - then started seeing other ppl. They still live together and have pets, bills, and other issues.

They stay together because they each fit into the others empty space.

They 'fill in the blanks' in each others lives.

They still sleep together sometimes, but it's mostly about harmony.


I think it's pretty cool.

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Response to marmar (Original post)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 02:49 PM

14. I'm AOK with this

Check out The Alternatives to Marriage Project.

Also read Bella De Paolo's blog Living Single. Or her book - Singled Out.

We don't have to be Matrimaniacs. More and more people may simply choose not to wed. Or have children. Or buy a home. It's not 1950 anymore - time to turn the kaleidescope and accept that people are different, and there's nothing wrong with never getting married, and never having kids, never WANTING the house in the burbs with the car, and the headaches, etc. etc.

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Response to JustAnotherGen (Reply #14)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 03:06 PM

16. I agree. .... I'm one of those people who just doesn't want to get married.


nt

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Response to marmar (Reply #16)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 04:14 PM

17. And that's good!

Because unfortunately - it takes a lot to be able to say that in our matrimania society. I never wanted to get married, until I found a man that didn't irritate me after 5 minutes! I still don't WANT to get married - I HAVE to get married because it's important to him. And I tried marmar - I really tried to get him to see the light but he's a stubborn Calabrese.

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Response to marmar (Original post)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 04:35 PM

20. Official marriage is a legal standing

It has little to do with whether you will "get along" or stay married or split up.

Official marriage is about legal protection for the couple and their progeny.

It entitles a surviving spouse the right to inherit and to claim social security benefits.

It also combines assets to make a more solvent entity.

Like it or not, our culture is very marriage-oriented.

Since the 70's, women are more able to support themselves and may not feel the need to marry for financial security, but it's still something that most people still want.

Excessive debt may be at the heart of so many divorces. If you argue non-stop about money you do not have, it's hard to remain a "loving couple"

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Response to marmar (Original post)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 04:44 PM

21. This is why I am in favor of living together first...

...WITHOUT procreating, let me add.

As the article states, you learn whether this person is somebody with whom you can peacefully co-exist or not.
Somebody on a date is not always the same person as somebody at home when they don't have to be on their best behavior.

I've had two such live-in relationships- one for 2 years and one for 5.
We parted friends and are still on cordial speaking terms with each other...in fact the five-year guy is a better friend now than he was when we were together.

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Response to badgerpup (Reply #21)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 05:11 PM

23. I couldn't agree more

I made the mistake of marrying my ex husband before living together. I know that we would not have been married if we had lived together first. On the other hand, I lived with my daughter's father for a few years before splitting up. We do not know anyone really until we live with them.

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Response to marmar (Original post)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 05:07 PM

22. i remember reading somewhere

divorce rates went down at the peak of the recession. i guess job prospects are bad for so many 20-somethings that they arent even bothering with the marriage part anymore?

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Response to marmar (Original post)

Wed Dec 21, 2011, 05:25 PM

24. I got married at 25 but I lived with my husband almost 2 years before our marriage.

We are still married ten years later and we have two girls, 6 and 7. I really don't think many Gen Xer sor Millenials get married without living together first. And many of my family members and friends in their 20's and 30's are not married. My parents keep wondering when my best friend who is 31 will get married to her boyfriend of 11 years. I say, "probably never". She is happy. Why push someone into something they don't want? Some people want to get married but a lot don't. At least we have the freedom to choose here.

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