Phillip Mamouf-Wifarts For Senate

[kentuck]

"Hi, I'm Gil Fulbright. The people who run my campaign, they've made this commercial -- and I'm in it. This campaign -- it's not about me, it's about crafting a version of me that will appeal to you. A version that visits random worksites with paid actors pointing at things. A version of me that doesn't find old people loathsome or pointless. As a conventionally attractive yet curiously still family. Listening to my constituents, legislating -- these are things I don't do. What I do is spend about 70 percent of my time raising funds for re-election. I'll do anything to stay in office -- my name's Gil Fulbright but hell I'll change my name to Phil Gulbright, or Bill Fulbright or Phillip Mamouf-Wifarts. These are the things that are important to me, and these are the fine people that finance my campaign. Now in order to do these things I have to stay in office, and to stay in office -- I have to keep these guys happy. Now if any of these things make these guys unhappy, well my hands are tied. So come November the choice is clear -- do you want another spineless mouthpiece for special interests and lobbyists or a spineless mouthpiece for special interests and lobbyists? I'm Phillip Mamouf-Wifarts and I approve this message."