Borowitz: Majority of Americans Favor Quarantining Wolf Blitzer
October 25, 2014
Poll: Majority of Americans Favor Quarantining Wolf Blitzer
By Andy Borowitz
Credit photograph by Chris Pizzello/invision/AP
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report) — Amid concerns that the spreading fear of Ebola has become a greater threat than the virus itself, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans favor a quarantine of the CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer.
While poll respondents supported quarantining more than a dozen cable-news personalities, including the entire cast of “Fox & Friends,” a full seventy-two per cent gave the nod to a quarantine of Blitzer.
At the Centers for Disease Control, a spokesman said that a Blitzer quarantine was “very much on the table,” and that the C.D.C. had come up with a workable plan.
“Essentially, we would do a lockdown of ‘The Situation Room’ and provide Wolf with food and water until the crisis passes,” he said.
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/poll-majority-americans-favor-quarantining-wolf-blitzer
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His face hasn't changed in 20 years. 
