What do you do when you find out your father is a racist??

[RockaFowler]

My Dad turns 80 next week. I'm supposed to go to his house for a family "reunion" of sorts and I'm not sure I want to go.

I've known for awhile now that my Dad has changed. Maybe it's because he lives on the Southwest Coast of Florida. Maybe it's because he believes everything he reads on the internet. When did my Dad get so gullible??

Today he liked a post on Facebook that made me go just bonkers. Of course it's always good to check on Snopes whenever one of these strange conspiracy theories come along, so I did:

http://www.snopes.com/food/tainted/bubbaconroy.asp

Ah yes the Bubba Conroy story from June has resurfaced. This time from a site called ClashDaily.com. Everything on there is racist this, racist that. How is Facebook allowing their site still? Better still - why is my Dad liking this site?? My Dad was always a Liberal - always a Democrat. Heck he used to have fights with my Republican Uncle all the time about politics. Oh and racism - my Dad was born in Egypt. His oldest sister was married to a Black Egyptian man (may God rest his soul). We were always told to respect everyone of color and religion. That was why as a young Jewish woman I went to a Catholic school. My Dad wanted us to learn about other religions, and in turn teach them about ours (many of the kids even came to my Bat Mitzvah).

I'm heartbroken. And I feel like I want to cry. This is not the same man I knew when I was younger. That man respected all people. He respected all religions. He respected immigrants (as he was one himself). Now he reads and likes articles that are horribly racist in nature. You kearn a lot more about people when you start to see their inner thoughts. Unfortunatley Social Media is making those inner thoughts outer thoughts.

[JaneyVee]

1. Call him out on it.

Ask what happened to him. Show him how he's become someone who now like racist untrue facebook posts. Tell him how he used to be such a good role model of tolerance for you.

[Brickbat]

2. While I dislike pathologizing conservative beliefs and behavior, the kind of change you describe

could be age-related and a sign of dementia.

[elleng]

4. Sounds like it to me too, Brickbat.

If my Dad had changed in such a way, I'm sure that's what I would have suspected. Fortunately it didn't happen.

[hollysmom]

3. I wonder if there are changes to your dad.

I know when people have ministrokes, they can change personalities. or it could be an influx of FOX news and talk radio.

Your dad is old, get him to talk about old times and yo may find the man you remember there, plus you need to get all the family stories you can while you can get them.

My problem is that my brother who is 10 years younger than me and will probably out live me told me he loves being a republican and at another time told me he wishes people would kill all black people. Really we don't talk anymore. too bad for his kids, I was funding their college fund. No calls no money. You make your choices. I don't want to fund the college of kids that are being raised in that family anymore.

[el_bryanto]

5. I guess another question is how political was your relationship with him

I mean presumably he had a lot of qualities you appreciated not connected to politics? Maybe you can build your relationship on those - if he continues to be right wing in some ways.

Bryant

[Nye Bevan]

6. Such a drastic change in personality in someone of that age

is probably a sign that they should be evaluated by a mental health professional.

Good luck.

[Neon Gods]

7. Sad

It must be a huge shock to see some you love and respect change so radically. I would hate to speculate why he's changed, but talk to him and see if he really has changed. At 80 he may have clicked on Like by accident and not known it (it happened to me once). If he has changed tell him why this hurts you. Tell him how much he influenced who you are today. I hope you can find a way to restore your love.

[Avalux]

8. It's very difficult to handle when our parents change as they get older.

I'm struggling with issues with my Mom right now; she forgets what she tells me from one day to the next and goes off on rants that have me on the phone for hours sometimes. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it.

I understand what's going on, but it's incredibly distressing and sad. There's not much you can do except love your Dad, in spite of what's currently going on; arguing with him will probably make it worse. Take care of yourself too - it's important that you are able to put this into perspective and not let it affect you to the point of going bonkers, or feeling as if your Dad has abandoned you (I feel this way sometimes about my Mom). Taking action can help too - might be a good idea to get him checked out by a doc.

As they (and we) grow older our relationships with our parents change; sometimes they become more childlike. All we can do is accept it and continue to love them for what they've given to us, and get them help if they need it.

[SalviaBlue]

9. Did you see this post

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1017236454

My sister and I can identify with you. I think FOX (so called) News is responsible for alot of the negative changes we are seeing in our elderly parents. It is brainwashing.

My dad has the TV blaring FOX all day.

[Doctor_J]

10. Fox "News" and hate radio

Same thing happened to my dad. He was a FDR/JFK/LBJ/NAACP dem for his first 60 years - the kindest man I ever met. Then my brother convinced him that Fox was the only real "News", and Dad spent his last 20 years as an angry, bitter, hateful racist. Fox News, hate radio, and conservatism are cancers.