General Discussion

TrollBuster9090

(5,954 posts) Mon Mar 9, 2015, 08:22 PM Mar 2015

Iran's Official Response to the Senate Republicans' Letter:

An Open Letter to the 47 Senate Republicans Who Apparently Think They Are The Leaders of The United States of America.

Thank you for your amusing but somewhat patronizing letter allegedly explaining the workings of your Constitution to us. We assume it was actually meant for us to read, rather than your followers, who are only aware of the Second Amendment to your Constitution. We are writing to bring to your attention some features of your own Constitution which you are (surprisingly) unaware of.

First, you may not be aware of the fact that, under Article II, Section 2 of your Constitution, only the President of the United States is permitted to negotiate with foreign governments on behalf of the United States Government. True, Congress must ratify any treaties the President negotiates, but only the President is allowed to negotiate them. Other branches of the United States Government are neither allowed to negotiate nor influence negotiations (see the Logan Act of 1799). We’ll assume you were unaware of the Logan Act, and pretend we never saw this letter. We wouldn’t want you to go to jail. Not with your prisons currently running at 140% of capacity.

Secondly, you may not be aware that your current President, Commander in Chief, and Head of State is Barack H. Obama, and not Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu. Also, you are clearly unaware of the fact that, under your Constitution, a black, liberal Democrat is as entitled to hold this Office as a white, conservative Republican. However, your confusion is understandable given your neurotic obsession with the original text of your Constitution, which defines a black man as being worth only two thirds that of a white man. This has been updated, as recently as 1865. Just FYI.

Finally, thank you for reminding us that many of you Senators have, and may remain in your Senate seats for “possibly decades” thanks to your successful efforts at gerrymandering Congressional districts, and flooding the democratic process with massive amounts of money from plutocrats. Much like you Republicans, we in Iran are a theocratic oligarchy, which only allows candidates to run after they have passed a religious, and socially conservative ‘litmus test.’ However, we had thought this would be enough to ensure that we continue to cling to power, despite being almost universally despised by our people. To be honest, the idea of fiddling with the district maps, and allowing corrupt industrialists to flood the elections with propaganda had not occurred to us; but we will implement these policies immediately. Thanks for the idea, bro!

SUMMARY:

1. F--ck off. Crawl back under your rock. According to your own Constitution we're not even allowed to talk to you. (*plugging our ears and going 'la la la' now...)

2. Learn who your President is, and give him the respect he is owed. Clearly you don't respect the man, but you MUST respect the Office, given that the people you claim to represent gave it to him.

3. You may not believe this, but we also have our own warmongering, chickenhawk political wing of stone-aged religious fanatics who don't want peace either. If you're really that desperate to align yourself with them, be our guest. History will record you as such. No skin off our nose.

Signed,

The ‘Death to America’ Crew.