I've been thinking

[onethatcares]

about the end. Nothing morbid or suicidal but actually thinking about the end of my own days.

I'm 64, been working all my life, used to have hobbies, don't do as much anymore though, have kids and grandkids and often wonder
"Is this all there is?"

It's beginning to seem like the end just becomes paying off the bills accrued over a lifetime and I often wonder what the doctors would say if I was diagnosed with a terminal disease that I didn't want to be their test subject and can we just get on with it.

Is this a normal line of thought? Am I out of line here?

[Stargazer99]

1. It seems like there ought to be more than just working and paying bills

maybe when enough of us get pissed and start taking a breath from the constant work and worry we will demand better lives...being able to do something of value to others and making a better world, there certainly enough need for it....no you are not alone

[KMOD]

2. I think everybody gets the blahs, sometimes.

Why did you give up your hobbies?

[Hoyt]

3. I think most folks go through this as they age. Hopefully, you -- and I -- will figure it out soon.

Good luck.

[blm]

4. No - you're not out of line.

I think more people are coming to realize that they don't WANT to spend their last years and days running from one medical building to the next.

The right to die with dignity folks have done humanity a service, imo. It's caused us to think more about 'is constant medical care the WAY I want to live?"

I, for one, faced with the possibility of a terminal condition a few years ago, became more at ease with letting go, and have spoken at some length with my teenage daughter about it. I no longer face that, but, found it to be a very freeing experience.

[FSogol]

5. You sound depressed. Find some new hobbies, make some new friends.

Someone down thread asked why you gave up your hobbies. Over my life I've found that interest in hobbies comes and goes and that I am only interested in some things for 10-15 years and then that's enough. Give up old hobbies and find some new ones.

[Warpy]

6. Yeah, it's normal for the 60s

because that's when we face the end of our working (read: productive) lives and either get part time McJobs to supplement Social Security or try to live on that, alone. We're starting to feel the chill hand of the Grim Reaper and thinking about how we'll act when we meet him.

As for turning down medical treatment, make sure whatever you're diagnosed with has a poor cure rate; some things are very treatable, even in geezers. Others are things that comfort care only will allow you to live longer. You are allowed to refuse aggressive treatment.

This is also a time for putting it all together and trying to make sense of all the crazy things we've seen, done, and simply been through. That's a luxury that most of the people who lived before us didn't have.

[SheilaT]

7. I'm also wondering why you no longer have hobbies.

At age 64 you probably have a good 15 to 20 years left, maybe more.

You're actually asking more than one thing:
How do I manage end-of-life decisions?
How can I find meaning in a life that has become nothing more than working and paying bills?
Are these thoughts normal or common?

The first is going to involve making a will and include Power of Attorney and Medical Power of Attorney documents. Make sure all the important people, including your doctor, know about them. You may also, if you wind up with some awful disease that has a terrible ending, need to plan ahead for an early exit.

You need to get out of the rut of going to work and paying bills. Resume or start new hobbies. Make new friends. Volunteer at the homeless shelter, or some other place that makes you feel like you're doing good. Take a class, join a group.

And I'd say these thoughts are reasonably normal and common as we get older. I'm all of 66, recently retired, and have no trouble keeping myself busy. Two grown sons, no grandchildren (may never have them, but that's not the most important thing), not currently taking any classes, but I have friends and lots of things I enjoy doing, such as crochet and embroidery. Even though my health is excellent and I've got plans for my 97th birthday -- there's a total eclipse of the sun on August 12, 2045 I'm hoping to see, I do know that I can't possibly now how the rest of my life will play out. But I don't worry about it. There's a phrase about not borrowing trouble that applies here. We all need to be realistic about all sorts of things, including your personal family history or your own life choices, but I see far to many people who have absolutely nothing wrong with them who fret constantly over what could go wrong.

In short, don't bury your head in the sand, but try to look more at what you have and what you can do, then worrying about hypotheticals.

[upaloopa]

8. I am going on 69 and retiring in 2016.

We are selling our house and paying off bills and getting a smaller house. We will have more than enough to live on as long as the repubs don't gut social security and pensions.
I know I won't tool around the country in a big motor home or sit at the donut store every morning.
My life is more than my work

[HeiressofBickworth]

9. Just my opinion, but

I think you need a good medical check-up, including a wide variety of blood tests. Things like anemia and low thyroid result in low energy which can give you a feeling of depression. Once you have ruled out a physical cause for your ennui, then you can do a mental inventory -- what things do you want to do, how can you arrange to do them, etc.

Thinking about the end of life is, what I believe, a natural thing to do. Take care of business -- will, power of attorney, medical directive, eliminate debt, de-clutter your residence. Do you have a bucket list? Things you would like to do if you had the time/money to do it. Can you select an item off the list and start saving and making plans to do it? I have a friend who struggles financially, but she manages to scrape, sacrifice and save money to take an annual trip somewhere. She doesn't go out to eat, she doesn't go to the movies (I gave her movie tickets for her birthday), she doesn't buy clothes, and she takes any small part-time job she can get. She just got back from Nicaragua where she worked with EarthWatch measuring volcanic tubules. She's 70.

A number of years ago, a friend of mine who had ALS wanted to die. She talked with me about her decision and when she would do it. She lived in Holland where they have doctor-assisted suicide. As a result, I think of the how and when of my own demise. No current plans to do it, but having it as an option is somehow comforting. I had a serious health issue last year so I know I have more days behind me than I do ahead of me -- but I'm not dead yet!! I still have hobbies I pursue, I love movies and go often, I love to read and I can still take road trips. I'm 69.

[rurallib]

10. I am a year older and am kind of going through the same thing

I think mine stems from feeling that I have worked so that America would someday be more just than what I grew up in, but now it is so much worse and getting worse all the time. Did I just run on a treadmill so rich people and assholes could do whatever they wanted to whomever they wanted.

Guess I am tired of beating my head against the wall. So many things I would like to do. But I just can't turn my back on others, yet the game is so rigged.......

[Fumesucker]

11. The doctors themselves don't want extreme life-extending measures that only result in longer misery

I'm your age and in some ways I'm more involved in my hobbies one of which I've had since my age was in single digits than ever, it's really freeing not to have to worry about the damn rat race or keeping up with the Joneses any more.

If your feelings of self worth were closely tied in with your career it's a lot more difficult to retire I think, thankfully I never had that problem.

[PowerToThePeople]

12. you have more than 20 years on me and I think the same thoughts. n/t