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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsCandidate Profile: Ted Cruz
?2233Texas senator Ted Cruz announced Monday that he will run for president in 2016, becoming the first Republican politician to officially declare his candidacy. Here is what you should know about the first-term senator:
Political Positions: Deafening
Ethnicity: White enough
Supporters: Those people from high school who got married when they were 18
Speaks: Spanish, English, Tongues
Campaign Slogan: Im Ted Cruz
Likelihood Of Becoming President: Huckabeesque
Campaign Platform: Be a distraction for a few months
Largest Obstacles To Nomination: Scott Walker, Rand Paul, five seconds of scrutiny
Could Be Fun To Watch As Campaign Sputters Along: Sure
Number Of Presidential Runs Left In Him: Ugh, at least three or four
http://www.theonion.com/articles/who-is-ted-cruz,38278/
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Candidate Profile: Ted Cruz (Original Post)
Katashi_itto
Apr 2015
OP
octoberlib
(14,971 posts)1. Spanish, English, Tongues
Initech
(100,064 posts)2. "Likelihood Of Becoming President: Huckabeesque"
MH1
(17,600 posts)3. Largest Obstacles To Nomination: Scott Walker, Rand Paul, five seconds of scrutiny
ain't that last one the truth!
MiniMe
(21,714 posts)4. And...He was born in Canada
Katashi_itto
(10,175 posts)5. .
Gothmog
(145,130 posts)6. I love the onion
The Onion did a good job on Carnival Cruz