Are we becoming an emotionally fragile nation?

[Prism]

Interesting article in Psychology today about the emotional fragility among college Millenials and their inability to cope with every day problems and run of the mill life difficulties.

A year ago I received an invitation from the head of Counseling Services at a major university to join faculty and administrators for discussions about how to deal with the decline in resilience among students. At the first meeting, we learned that emergency calls to Counseling had more than doubled over the past five years. Students are increasingly seeking help for, and apparently having emotional crises over, problems of everyday life. Recent examples mentioned included a student who felt traumatized because her roommate had called her a “bitch” and two students who had sought counseling because they had seen a mouse in their off-campus apartment. The latter two also called the police, who kindly arrived and set a mousetrap for them.

Faculty at the meetings noted that students’ emotional fragility has become a serious problem when it comes to grading. Some said they had grown afraid to give low grades for poor performance, because of the subsequent emotional crises they would have to deal with in their offices. Many students, they said, now view a C, or sometimes even a B, as failure, and they interpret such “failure” as the end of the world. Faculty also noted an increased tendency for students to blame them (the faculty) for low grades—they weren’t explicit enough in telling the students just what the test would cover or just what would distinguish a good paper from a bad one. They described an increased tendency to see a poor grade as reason to complain rather than as reason to study more, or more effectively. Much of the discussions had to do with the amount of handholding faculty should do versus the degree to which the response should be something like, “Buck up, this is college.” Does the first response simply play into and perpetuate students’ neediness and unwillingness to take responsibility? Does the second response create the possibility of serious emotional breakdown, or, who knows, maybe even suicide?

Two weeks ago, that head of Counseling sent us all a follow-up email, announcing a new set of meetings. His email included this sobering paragraph:

“I have done a considerable amount of reading and research in recent months on the topic of resilience in college students. Our students are no different from what is being reported across the country on the state of late adolescence/early adulthood. There has been an increase in diagnosable mental health problems, but there has also been a decrease in the ability of many young people to manage the everyday bumps in the road of life. Whether we want it or not, these students are bringing their struggles to their teachers and others on campus who deal with students on a day-to-day basis. The lack of resilience is interfering with the academic mission of the University and is thwarting the emotional and personal development of students.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201509/declining-student-resilience-serious-problem-colleges

Is the age of "Everything Is Problematic!" problematic?

[B2G]

1. Yes, we are

And it starts in infancy.

Helicopter parents, zero tolerance in schools, constant bombardment about life's dangers, coddling to the point where they can't play tag, excessive worries about hurt feelings...

We are raising a nation of neurotics.

[hifiguy]

12. + a googolplex.

These kids are in for one hellacious shock when they get out into an asshole-filled real world that is not completely filtered and pre-digested so as not to "hurt" their pwecious widdle feewings.

[nolabear]

133. I hate the way you shame and blame them. They're the product, not the producer.

I actually agree with the idea, or at least it seems that way. But if someone genuinely isn't emotionally resilient there's a lot of area between kowtowing to the neuroses and being one of the "assholes."

If you haven't been taught to walk you can't run. There's a term in psych called optimal frustration, letting a baby or child deal with as much as humanly possible without either being in real, life threatening danger or overwhelmed to the point of having no choice but to fail. That's the best place for learning and developing resilience. Helicoptering doesn't let that happen and doesn't let people succeed at failing if you know what I mean.

But if you run across them, and you do whether you know it or not, shaming them won't help them.

[Algernon Moncrieff]

14. And combine everything you say with the fact that kids don't interact much

and don't play outside much.

They are Hell at button pushing, though.

[Initech]

15. And it's only going to get worse.

[JonathanRackham]

42. +1

Kicked

[Oneironaut]

45. +1

[dmr]

69. Yes, & they grew up in the age of 911, war, & terror.

They grew up in a society of fear, fear, fear & more fear by an irresponsible political party & religious wackos. It hasn't help that our society is bombarded with propaganda from those same people & and their complicit cable channel.

Shame on them. But it's the fault of liberals, the gay agenda, Planned Parenthood, Nancy Pelosi & our favorite Muslim in the White House.

[Octafish]

79. Thank you!

[dsc]

116. unlike those who grew up in the 50's and 60's

when fear of being nuked was lurking about.

[daleanime]

128. Has that gone away?

[Deadshot]

94. I couldn't have said it better myself.

[bigwillq]

112. This.

[jonno99]

2. My first thought was "yes!". But that might be considered by some to be a

"microagressive" response...

[B2G]

3. Lol. Adding microagression legitimacy to the list above. nt

[Iggo]

4. Yes, you are.

[B2G]

5. Parents and schools used to prepare kids to deal with life

Now they are just taught to complain about the unfairness of it all and not accept responsibility for their own destinies.

[jonno99]

10. Agreed. I find it interesting too, that in "global happiness surveys", those countries where folks

self-identify as the most happy are typically poor countries where manual labor comprises most of the work...

[Amishman]

26. not too surprising to me

I've had manual labor jobs, and while being sore at the end of the day I could reach out and touch and appreciate what I did today.

Now i work at a software company, its just not as personally fulfilling even though it is a far better job in all other aspects.

[Act_of_Reparation]

51. Yeah, right.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with old people filling their heads with a bunch of bullshit about being anything they want if the "try hard enough".

[RobinA]

105. Old People??

This is not an "old people" meme.

[Act_of_Reparation]

119. No, of course it isn't.

From whence did these great promises and high expectations come? Certainly not family, educational, community, or political authorities. It was probably all that rap music, cell phones, and the internets.

Now, let's all gather around and talk about how things were much better when we were young.

[Person 2713]

62. I saw this in one of my family member's young adults . Still couldn't function at 21 . Called his

dad to see if his dad would talk to his (the son's) boss about a getting raise

[flamingdem]

6. It's tough for teachers now

Was just hearing from one at a community college that meltdowns are constant and they have to manage with a hyper globalized student body and a plethora of complaints from all angles.

[Maedhros]

7. I think a lot of this comes from experience with testing in Elementary, Middle and High School.

Students have learned that performance on the test (or paper) is the only important thing about learning.

[Nye Bevan]

8. When I was at college

everyone was somehow able to handle "microaggressions" without neverending "trigger warnings".

[B2G]

13. This. We are raising a generation of victims. nt

[notadmblnd]

58. Yep, everyone is a victim

It's like people want to wear the victim label as if it were a badge of honor.

[Thav]

17. When I was in college

The terms "microaggressions" and "trigger warnings" didn't exist.

[B2G]

19. It was called being an asshole back then.

We all knew certain people were jerks, we let it roll off our backs, avoided them in the future and went about lives.

Now, it requires a 5000 grievance post on social media, along with a mea culpa letter from the university, which the media covers with baited breath.

We have become a soap opera nation.

Sometimes I hate the internet.

[hifiguy]

21. Yep.

And if any of these special snowflakes think they are going to get through life without encountering assholes by the dozen, they are in for a rude shock.

[Kilgore]

83. [phone]

[xynthee]

9. I know I'm pretty emotionally fragile

I can't imagine being a young person today. There's almost nothing to look forward to except bad shit, e.g., climate change, school shootings, war, famine, economic collapse, a lifetime of being overworked and underpaid, etc. And going to school on top of all that?? I don't know how ANYone can cope with all that.

[B2G]

11. There have been societal issues since time began

The difference is in the messages we are instilling in our kids from an early age.

[Throd]

25. Yeah, I remember when none of that existed. Good times.

[1939]

31. As opposed to

World War II air raid drills on every street of the city plus gas, meat, and sugar rationing plus not seeing your father for four years..

Atom bomb drills where they took you down into the steam tunnels under the school and told to put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.

1962 "prepare for nuclear war" over the Cuban Missile crisis.

Flunk out of college and you are off to Vietnam.

Oh my, what the special snowflakes have to put up with today like "microaggressions".

[TorchTheWitch]

118. amen to that n/t

[raccoon]

120. Thank you. nt

[surrealAmerican]

90. How old are you?

(That's a rhetorical question.)

My peers and I figured a nuclear war was inevitable, and would likely destroy all human life.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

107. Does anyone else ever get a little jolt when the Emergency Broadcast tone comes on unexpectedly ?

[Kilgore]

110. Yes

[Frank Cannon]

121. Yes, I do.

When I was growing up, every test of the EBS was preceded by a lengthy explanation that this was ONLY a test, so please don't lose your shit over it. Back then, we all lived with the sword of imminent nuclear destruction dangling over our heads every day. It was always in the background of our minds, but it didn't stop us from living our lives and having as much fun as we could.

[1939]

126. The scoientists were all predicting "nuclear winter". NT

[LanternWaste]

16. Are these examples indicative of the average call to a counseling center?

Are these examples indicative of the average call to a counseling center, or merely outliers used to illustrate a point?

I imagine today's college youths are no more and no less fragile and no more nor no less tough than any generation prior. Though no doubt, many of the older generation will myopically call them pampered and rationalize that hasty generalization wholly on anecdotal evidence.

[B2G]

18. Yeah, what do the counselors know?

[LanternWaste]

20. I don't know; I'm not a counselor, so I can't pretend to.

I don't know; I'm not a counselor, so I can't pretend to. But of course, you may maintain all pretense needed to validate your anecdotes.

[B2G]

23. Stop microagressing me.

I'm one step away from being triggered.

[LanternWaste]

24. Your allegations are creative.

Your allegations are creative, yet still rather dull and somewhat vapid, despite their child-like irrelevancies.

[alcibiades_mystery]

89. Not knowing fuck all about it isn't stopping anyone else

from commenting, don't worry.

[Crunchy Frog]

125. Many of the counselors are students themselves.

At least around here. And based on my own personal experiences with student counselors, I'd say "not a whole lot".

[Prism]

28. The issues are being cited by the counselors themselves

To the point where the heads of Counseling Departments are expressing that it is a problem that requires institutional addressing.

There are always stories about collegiate silliness, but when university heads are saying, "Uh oh. This is bad," it's probably time to perk up and have a gander. It sounds like there is a lot more going on than one-off adolescent whining in isolated incidents.

I really want to read that study referenced in the post. Gotta get my mitts on it.

[treestar]

96. True. It's been like this forever

Every generation thinks the younger generation has it easy and is weaker. It seems to be in human nature once you get to a certain age as to feel that there is a younger generation.

[Amishman]

22. yes, fewer people are able to cope with adversity

I think its more of a problem than people realize.

[mwrguy]

27. This thread needs a trigger warning

[LittleBlue]

29. If they can't handle microaggressions, what will happen when they experience a macro aggression?

And what happens when they have to deal with it? The real world doesn't have teachers or administrators to kiss your boo-boo and make the bad words go away.

What happens to these delicate flowers if, say, we face an existential political crisis or a world war? Can they cope with that much stress? I hope we never find out.

[hifiguy]

38. All of this. A thousand times over. nt

[B2G]

30. Here it is, in a nutshell

"In previous posts (for example, here and here), I have described the dramatic decline, over the past few decades, in children’s opportunities to play, explore, and pursue their own interests away from adults. Among the consequences, I have argued, are well-documented increases in anxiety and depression, and decreases in the sense of control of their own lives. We have raised a generation of young people who have not been given the opportunity to learn how to solve their own problems. They have not been given the opportunity to get into trouble and find their own way out, to experience failure and realize they can survive it, to be called bad names by others and learn how to respond without adult intervention. So now, here’s what we have: Young people,18 years and older, going to college still unable or unwilling to take responsibility for themselves, still feeling that if a problem arises they need an adult to solve it."

[KarenS]

35. I agree with you on this. btw I am a Grandparent. n/t

[Person 2713]

77. Agree and the comments from other parents because your kids are acting normal is insane

From unfounded fear for them to comments like they are really creative they can play on their own
I try to ignore all and not comment . They are not creative as they should normally create play on their own from early years My tween & early teens should be going places on their own . High school moms coordinating following school schedules like a hawk, and planning all social activities sorta sucks to me but I can't say anything as I am in the minority
The teachers though do comment on admiring their independence and the responsibility they take for their work . I do listen to their feedback not the fear stricken coddlers

[lunasun]

124. "still feeling that if a problem arises they need an adult to solve it." They were raised not to

trust themselves . The helicopter parent always had to be around or something bad would happen( allegedly) so why would they think they didnt need them or a substitute now?

[cheapdate]

32. No Child Left Behind has put enormous, existential pressure on adminstrators, principals,

and teachers and that very same pressure is imposed both directly and indirectly on students. I'm not saying this alone is the main cause of mental and emotional problems in our young people, but I believe with good evidence that it is a significant factor.

The post 9/11, post Columbine climate of fear, coupled with shrinking financial support for public education, coupled with the aforementioned NCLB pressure has created an environment in the schools that is much closer to an actual prison than it ever was when we used to joke (back in the 1970s) that "school is a prison".

Kids haven't changed. Society has.

[B2G]

33. Kids HAVE changed

for the exact reasons cited on this thread.

[cheapdate]

55. Our difference is purely semantic.

Young people are different today in all of the ways talked about in the OP. My turn of phrase "Kids haven't changed. Society has." wasn't meant to deny that, but was meant to put the focus on the adult society that's mostly responsible for creating these personality traits in young people.

Kids haven't changed in the sense that they still have the potential to grow into confident, self-reliant, "resilient" young men and women.

I have a 20-year old son and a 17-year old daughter. I've been wrangling kids for 20 years now; my own kids, neighborhood kids, Cub Scouts, sport teams, etc.

My son is a junior Geology student at Tufts University. He's a wilderness guide and Treasurer of the Tufts Mountain Club. He was rock climbing in the Rocky Mountains this summer and last summer he hiked the Appalachian Trail alone from Massachusetts to Maine.

My daughter is different. Where my son is smart with math and science, she has an extraordinary gift with language and behavior. But she has struggled with "resiliency". My wife took her out of public school last year. The way schools are run today is part, but not all, of the problem.

[Igel]

68. Too many teachers come out of meetings hearing the following.

The student didn't fail the test. The teacher failed the student.

The parents hear this; the students hear this. Responsibility for failure isn't the student's, but the teachers. Responsibility for making up late work is the teacher's ("He didn't remind Johnny enough".) Students retest and retest until they pass, with ever more restricted sets of content to study for the test.

I've seen "unit" tests where a competent student could study the review for 30 minutes and pass with flying colors because everything on the test had to be explicitly mentioned and taught. None of this, "It was in the notes." No, it had to be highlighted--if not on the first test then on the retest or the re-retest.

And none of this "retesting for 70." The push is for 80 or even 100%: You fail the first time, you fail the second time, and after having the content reduced to a set of 12 facts for 12 questions you get a 100. Why work the first or second time?

Then the call is to accept any late work until the end of the year, at 100%, and to allow students who flubbed an assignment to re-do it for full credit.

Surely, this toughens them. Not.

[cheapdate]

71. To use a metaphor, this is another real symptom of the disease.

Parents like this, I know them, but I'm not one of them. There is a pervasive and subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) disrespect for the teaching profession.

My daughter, who I spoke of earlier, is exceptionally bright. One of the reasons that she was unhappy in school was because of exactly what you mentioned. She was utterly frustrated with the mind-numbingly dull and absurdly simple classroom work that she was given hour after hour and day after day.

Some of her teachers were exceptional -- her Spectrum Program teacher for instance. But the county school system believes it's mission is resist every effort by teachers and by students and their families to make the school anything other than a guarded prison where students are drilled to pass mandatory state tests.

[Throd]

34. Claiming and celebrating victimhood is a way to attain status without actually achieving anything.

Actual victimization not required.

[B2G]

36. And the internet is damaging our kids in a myriad of ways

Chew your pop tart into the shape of a gun, bring a butter knife to school, say God Bless you if someone sneezes...you will not only be expelled/suspended, but you will make national news.

You no longer will only be harassed by that asshole during school hours...now you get the pleasure 24/7 compliments of social media.

I am so glad my kids are in their 20's and cellphones, FB and Twitter didn't exist when they were young.

[Throd]

37. I'm glad internet porn didn't exist when I was 15.

[JonathanRackham]

47. But you're happy it exists now?

Go figure.

[Throd]

50. Is that what I said?

[JonathanRackham]

67. :)

[Bonx]

46. And it's a million times easier than it used to be

with the infinite forms of readily available social media.

[Skittles]

39. MAYBE THEY ARE GIVING THEM TOO MUCH TO HANDLE

I think life is much harder now than it was when I was college-aged

[Throd]

41. Why?

[Skittles]

43. #32 is a good post

there's just so much less security in life now

[treestar]

98. When I went to college, my parents did not have to buy me my own computer

They could not keep up with me every day, as they had to make a long distance call.

We could write our papers or type them on simple typewriters. Now there is the pressure of whether the computer works or whether the online system we have to put them on is going to accept them.

I have that with work. Used to be you took the filing to court. The human there took the papers and stamped them. Now I have to call the IT people at the court because the system won't accept something.

I think the technology has it ups but it adds new stress - am I not going to get this done on time due to computer and IT issues? And you have to deal with it all and it takes up a lot of time, probably more than is saved by however much faster it is due to the technology.

There is a lot more stuff to deal with. there are fewer children per parent, so parents have more time to exert pressure or worry about something the kid might not have thought of and communicate that to the kid.

But the positive side is that there is less peer pressure - I think this generation can be their own person - mine was awfully conformist. And there is some pushback towards bullies and less accepting them as just a part of nature that we have to deal with. No, maybe they can be punished for their acts rather than getting to be the means to "test" the rest of us. I'm not sorry to see that happening at all.

[GoneOffShore]

40. Life doesn't come with a "trigger warning".

And as far as 'micro aggressions' are concerned, the expression used to be 'get over your bad self'.

[hfojvt]

44. What is the number for counseling?

I may need some help.

I just read that somebody's roommate called them the b-word.

Although I have to laugh at myself. I remember when I was a college frosh, practically a sophomore maybe. I was taking Econ 101 and Professor Walter Heller said "damn" in class. I was really shocked by that. Seriously aghast. Really.

Which is funny again, because I had been swearing myself since at least the fourth grade - but usually not in public, dammit. NOT in public.

[ohheckyeah]

48. I have a nephew who

went to Portugal to work on an organic farm for just room and board. His helicopter mom, my youngest sister, couldn't understand why. My nephew told me he had to get away from the hand wringers. Her 24 year old daughter lives at home and doesn't go to school or work. She doesn't even have a driver's license because the thought of driving makes her nervous. I don't know what will become of her.

Fortunately both of her sons were able to break free.

[Person 2713]

75. Yes I see a lot of the helicopter parents now have permanent adult residents

One that does work doesn't like closing the store because it is so much work so her parents come to help her clean for free of course -22 !! 22 yes
Good on the sons getting out

[LunaSea]

49. "Strawberry Generation"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strawberry_generation

Strawberry generation (Chinese: 草莓族[1] or 草莓世代; pinyin: Cǎoméi zú or cǎoméi shìdài)[2] is a Chinese language neologism for Taiwanese people born after 1981 who "bruise easily" like strawberries – meaning they can not withstand social pressure or work hard like their parents' generation; the term refers to people who are insubordinate,[3] spoiled, selfish, arrogant, and sluggish in work.[4]

The term arises from the perception that members of this generation have grown up being overprotected by their parents and in an environment of economic prosperity, in a similar manner to how strawberries are grown in protected greenhouses and command a higher price compared to other fruits.

The term is starting to gain prominence in the East Asian press, as it could be a way to designate a rising demographic or psychographic in terms of consumer behavior. The Strawberry Generation, like the Post-80s of China, could be the Asian counterpart of the Millennials in the Western world.

[WiffenPoof]

52. I'm amazed...

...on how many of the posts here sound as if they came from a Right Wing website. Just go back and read some of the posts with an unfiltered mind. I don't think I have to point out which ones they are. Interesting to say the least. Perhaps the Left and the Right can come together on this issue...

[bbgrunt]

59. yes. this whole discussion reminds me of

investigating the philosophy of one Leo Strauss.

from Wikipedia:

Strauss taught that liberalism in its modern form contained within it an intrinsic tendency towards extreme relativism, which in turn led to two types of nihilism:[28]

The first was a "brutal" nihilism, expressed in Nazi and Marxist regimes. In On Tyranny, he wrote that these ideologies, both descendants of Enlightenment thought, tried to destroy all traditions, history, ethics, and moral standards and replace them by force under which nature and mankind are subjugated and conquered.[29] The second type—the "gentle" nihilism expressed in Western liberal democracies—was a kind of value-free aimlessness and a hedonistic "permissive egalitarianism", which he saw as permeating the fabric of contemporary American society.[30][31]

In the belief that 20th century relativism, scientism, historicism, and nihilism were all implicated in the deterioration of modern society and philosophy, Strauss sought to uncover the philosophical pathways that had led to this situation. The resultant study led him to advocate a tentative return to classical political philosophy as a starting point for judging political action.[32]

and

Some critics of Strauss have accused him of being elitist, illiberalist and anti-democratic. Shadia Drury, in Leo Strauss and the American Right (1999), claimed that Strauss inculcated an elitist strain in American political leaders linked to imperialist militarism, neoconservatism and Christian fundamentalism. Drury argues that Strauss teaches that "perpetual deception of the citizens by those in power is critical because they need to be led, and they need strong rulers to tell them what's good for them." Nicholas Xenos similarly argues that Strauss was "an anti-democrat in a fundamental sense, a true reactionary." As Xenos says, "Strauss was somebody who wanted to go back to a previous, pre-liberal, pre-bourgeois era of blood and guts, of imperial domination, of authoritarian rule, of pure fascism."[54]

there is much more, but you'll have to look for yourself. Just note that one of his influential students was Paul Wolfowitz.

[hifiguy]

60. Strauss is one of history's more fascinating characters.

A Jew who fled Hitler and devoted his life to reinventing Nazi totalitarianism shorn only of its anti-Semitism and clothing it in the vestments of Machiavelli.

A very, very dangerous man.

[bbgrunt]

64. thanks for putting it so succintly!

[merrily]

106. You see it, too.

[lumberjack_jeff]

53. Every article about this topic substitutes "college student body" with "nation" or "society".

This problem is primarily isolated to college campuses because the people there were raised with the idea that unpleasantness is something only others should experience.

[ismnotwasm]

54. You know, I dunno

We are also in a time of huge flux, with the dominant paradigm being overthrown. Straight, white Christian men are losing the throne, and are incredibly reactive about it. Gender is being redefined. Women are coming into power. Religion while, still a way of life for billions, is no longer a 'must'.

Bulling of oppressed populations is being addressed, because it can and does lead to suicide and occasionally murder.

Then again, back in the day if someone called ME a bitch it was a physical fight--I don't know how much healthier a response that is but it was damn satisfying-- but I realize that's not what the article is addressing.

Are we coddling our children, or is the world a scarier place on certain levels? Should we teach them to fight, or 'buck up" and just take it

Anecdotally the incoming population of Registered nurses I work with show none of this fragility, they can't and be successful at what they do. I think we'll be ok. Eventually.

[hifiguy]

56. I think that nurses have to have a special blend of

compassion and genuine tough-mindedness given the nature of the job. I can't imagine nursing being a profession that attracts wimps of either gender. Dealing with life and death every day takes a lot of fortitude. More than most people have.

[Prism]

57. But isn't there a third option?

You mention either fighting or taking it. The problem being cited, I think, is that neither of those chosen options are happening. Instead, we're getting appeals to authority to fix the problem for them. Institutions are being regarded as and replacing parent figures. "Mom, Jimmy is poking me. Make him stop!"

What the counselors and studies are noting is that a growing population of young people are arriving at adulthood without coping mechanisms, of being unable to resolve conflict or experience stress without appealing to someone else to solve the problem for them. Do poorly on a paper? It's not your fault. The professor should change his/her grading criteria. Get into a disagreement with another student? Run to the administration and demand punitive action. Get offended or even just annoyed at some activity? Demand it be banned.

I don't want to say everyone should suck it up and deal, but I do want people to have the ability to deal, to prioritize problems and be able to recognize whether or not a response to it is commensurate. I'm not that old (36), and when I performed poorly in class, the thought never entered my mind to A. Get my parents involved or B. Demand a redo or C. Complain to the administration. I just assumed I did a shitty job and tried to do better next time.

My main problem with this emotional fragility is that it comes at a particularly inopportune time. Boomers and Xers are increasingly raising children who are unequipped to cope in a world that is much harder to navigate than the one they themselves entered into as adults.

If legal adults can't handle their professor, what are they going to do when their boss reprimands them? Sometimes life isn't fair, sometimes we don't get redo's on our mistakes, and sometimes we actually do just have to suck it up and deal, because the rest of the world simply won't pause while we pull ourselves together.

What these counselors are saying is that too many kids just aren't learning those lessons. It's not giving them their best shot to succeed.

[loyalsister]

61. I think fragility is only a small piece of the puzzle

I think it goes beyond that and is in some cases a factor that drives narcissism.

USAers are proud of it enough to adopt "American exceptionalism" as a national value which conveys the national self importance that has been cultivated. Internally, it's "I have an right to say whatever I want to and about anyone\anything." Any criticism of what is usually poor taste, bad manners, and real efforts to wound others are viewed as a violation of the 1st Amendment. Among many other arguments used to advocate for individual rights in favor of our collective well being.

"narcissism is a personality characteristic associated with self-absorption, egocentrism, an overestimation of one's own importance and abilities, a sense of entitlement, and a disregard for others."

It's easy to confuse identifying ways to do better with constant complaining but it is a conflation that fails. Are young activists pursuing fairer treatment of themselves and others expressing "fragility?" I think NOT

Are young people who see even the smallest failures as devastation rather than learning experiences inflating their self importance as a result of some kind of personal fragility? Maybe. It is most likely rooted in parenting ideology that was especially popular in the 80s and 90s. "You can do\be anything you want if you try hard enough" and promoting of self esteem to a point of excluding all self criticism.

Regardless, I think it is unfair to lay it on youth who were raised by parents who set the me, me, me tone, parents who grew up in the "greed is good, gotta have the brand, gotta be RICH" 80s.

Certainly, the shift in societal values away from collectivism and toward individualism ("You're on your own&quot , away from civic responsibility and toward self-gratification, and away from meaningful contributions to society and toward personal success (as defined by wealth, power, and status), have also contributed to the cultural messages of narcissism in which young people are presently immersed.

I think it started a very long time ago, and it would be a mistake to attribute it to political correctness and measure geared toward keep children safe.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201105/narcissism-is-alive-and-well-in-america

[smirkymonkey]

63. K&R

[Puzzledtraveller]

65. "sticks and stone.."

That's what was taught when I was in grade school. Words will never hurt me. I believe that today. You give power to others when you allow their words to harm you. I was picked on a lot in my youth and even as an adult. If anything I felt pity for those who were so weak that they needed to insult me to feel superior.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

66. The issue is the unending positive re-enforcement for drama queens

If you reward people for being ridiculous either with attention or other tangible rewards, they will be more ridiculous more often. People at a young age come to recognize this arrangement and want in on it too.

[KentuckyWoman]

70. I disagree completely

During and coming out the great depression was no picnic either. My parents were raised in that era and I see a ridiculous number of recovering addicts in those that are left around. They tell stories of incredible struggles at the beginning of life.... stories about raising kids that if it happened today DFACS would be taking their kids away. Battered wives, drinking etc.

Now... You have a lot of kids pushed into college first in the family. Taking on huge amounts of debt with no secure economic future. The jobs their parents had right out of high school that paid about the same are now in some 3rd world country. They've grown up watching their parents struggle with some very unique economic insecurities in "right to work" states.

Millennials are really the first generation we've done this to. Keep shifting the goalpost on any generation you are going to get some cracks. They are figuring out how to make it work.

[ileus]

72. We sure do whine about a lot of dumb crap...

[Heddi]

73. I have found this with younger people I have worked with, trained, mentored

I'm 40--I'm talking about people who are generally less than 25 years old.

I'm a nurse, so I often have to train, precept, mentor, if not directly then indirectly, new hire RN's, medical assistants, lab techs, etc. I've been doing it for a number of years, not only as an RN, but in my previous-life jobs in sales, administration, etc.

Firstly, there is this overwhelming need for everything to be told specifically. When someone comes in late for work, it's not "Oh, I'm sorry, I had a flat," or "I'll make sure I'm here on time tomorrow.' Rather, it's "Well no one told me that even though my shift started at 8am that I'd get in trouble if I didn't show up at 9." "Can you tell me when it was specifically told to me that I wasn't allowed to leave 3 hours before the end of my shift, not tell the nurse manager, not clock out, and just leave? Because no one ever told me that. It's not in the employee handbook."

Any form of delegation is considered "disrespectful" on the part of the person being delegated to. I had an MA work in the ER and she was forever with the charge nurses and nurse manager stating that different RN's were "disrespectful" to her when they would ask for EKG's. "They didn't ask, they didn't say please, and they didn't say thank you." No matter how many times the nurse manager would tell this employee that the nature of the ER kind of removed the expectation of pleasantries, the worker just didn't budge. She was finally moved to a different department after she refused to give the attending physician a copy of the EKG she had just done until he "asked her nicely and said 'please.'" This was for a patient who was actively having a heart attack.

That is what I'm seeing with younger people who are in the work force, maybe not for the first time but in the first "professional" job. They expect a literal "thank you" for everything they do. Again, Medical Assistant filed an ethics complaint (!!) because she had handed a fax to the RN and the RN, who was on the phone, gave her a thumbs up but didn't say "thank you" to the MA. THe MA felt disrespected and demanded that the RN Manager make the RN thank her personally for handing her papers. The Nurse Manager refused so the MA filed an ethics complaint for hostile work place.

I have had the mothers and aunts of 20-somethings come to work to have a sit-down discussion about their family member's training and how the expectations are somehow too much, too hard, or too out of reach for their precious snowflake. Yeah, no. Those meetings don't happen.

ANd these folks are just as demanding of patients -- you know, the people they're supposed to be caring for. One patient didn't say "thank you" after the new-grad RN got them water. The new grad refused to care for the patient for the rest of the night. "I don't get paid to be disrespected."

what the actual fuck?

I have been **PUNCHED** by patients. *that* is disrespect. Not being told you're a special wonderful snowflake in the middle of a cardiac arrest while shit is going down and I'm trying to keep someone from dying isn't disrespect.

There is a generation of young people out there who are generally unable to cope not with the harsh realities of life, but just with life itself. I

[leftofcool]

76. Similar things are happening in my husband's company

In fact, he just interviewed a couple of guys for a job. The millennial spent half the interview time texting and telling my husband what a great catch he was and what high salary he wanted and would not accept a penny less. The other guy was 34, had had to drop out of college to support his wife and new baby and did not ask for a high salary. Hubby hired the college drop out and offered him 20K more than what he asked for.

[Pool Hall Ace]

91. Oh my gosh . . .

He was texting during a job interview??

[Lizzie Poppet]

102. I had the same reaction: "what the actual fuck?!?"

If I were conducting the interview, any reaction to an incoming text other than silencing the phone and sheepishly apologizing would have ended the interview on the spot...probably accompanied by ostentatiously crumpling up their resume and tossing it in the circular file as they walked out.

[leftofcool]

127. Hubby would have forgiven the texting but............

the guy was so arrogant during the interview.

[hifiguy]

104. That is about as cement-headed as

anything I have ever heard. I'd have thrown the asshole out as soon as he started playing with his damn phone.

[kentauros]

114. Here's a wonderful article about the people who can't put their phones down:

Sherry Turkle Wants You to Look Up From This Screen and Talk to the Person Next to You

Over the weekend, in a New York Times essay adapted from her new book, Reclaiming Conversation, clinical psychologist Sherry Turkle wrote that our attention is increasingly divided, and described how cellphones and tablets are affecting the quality of human interactions. One college student she interviewed explained the “rule of three.” In groups of six or seven students it’s polite to make sure at least “three people are paying attention — heads up — before you give yourself permission to look down at your phone.”

So conversation proceeds, but with different people having their heads up at different times. The effect is what you would expect: Conversation is kept relatively light, on topics where people feel they can drop in and out.

Young people spoke to me enthusiastically about the good things that flow from a life lived by the rule of three, which you can follow not only during meals but all the time. First of all, there is the magic of the always available elsewhere. You can put your attention wherever you want it to be. You can always be heard. You never have to be bored. When you sense that a lull in the conversation is coming, you can shift your attention from the people in the room to the world you can find on your phone. But the students also described a sense of loss.

One 15-year-old I interviewed at a summer camp talked about her reaction when she went out to dinner with her father and he took out his phone to add “facts” to their conversation. “Daddy,” she said, “stop Googling. I want to talk to you.”

(more at link, plus half-hour interview)

Two rather telling quotes that I gleaned from the interview are as follows (with regards to the youth and their devices) :

"I share, therefore I am."
"Sending is being."

Let that sink in for a while...

[Person 2713]

78. Actively having a heart attack . Your post is why people beyond child rearing years should be

concerned about this generation if they are not already. You will meet them and it could be at a very important event .

[DonCoquixote]

74. articles like this disgust this Gen Xer

Because it is exactly the same tripe that Boomers used to describe us, while they were busy flushing the world down the tubes. Oh these kids do not know hard work, gee, you go ahead and cram for exams that start in kindergarten where you are told you can be a screw up as early as Junior High. Add to this the drugs, school shootings, violence, and education budgets cut to the thin bone because we would rather let the Chinese and Indians pay for the education of our future doctors and engineers than actually fund our schools.

"Eww, those kids play too much with computers, or they do not play enough outside." Well, lots of football and digging ditches made the Boomers a sturdy lot, didn't it? You can raise concerns about health, but a lot of the bias about computers seems to be the fact that many have the feeling their kids should act like them, just like the parents thought they should, but bring in the skateboarders, and suddenly that skateboard kid is a punk, as opposed to Uncle Boomer whose main nature experience in his teens was smoking weed in his van, which he traded in the 80's for cocaine and a BMW, and in our era for a Hybrid SUV and prescription pills.

What angers me is that the very old people who love singing "What;s the matter with these kids today" are the Boomers, the same people who the "greatest generation" handed the world to, a level of affluence and power that no generation may see again, and what did THEY do. Yes, there was some damned fine rock and roll, (and a lot of crap too), but overall, these Boomers let Reagan and Both Bushes win the white house, and their Bill Clinton, for all the harm he prevented, will go down for being the person who dismembered much of what FDR fought to build.

Yes we play with computers, and Boomers love their stocks in internet companies, or for that matter boards like DU where you get to pontificate about how all you needed was the willingness to get your hands dirty and join a union and ye would set set fer life, save for the fact these millennials know what generations allowed unions to go down the tubes, and as a result, they start off being at the mercy of wall street long before they are even old enough to die in the army. Oh yeah, let's not forget the fact that many of these kids will have NEVER actually known what it was like to NOT have the country at war. As of right now, 2015, a 21 year old will NEVER have known ONE year of peace. NOT ONE YEAR in their WHOLE LIVES.

do not get me wrong, the milennials could use a bit more backbone, because the future is theirs to take. However, they are not timid because their parents coddled them, they are afraid because even when very young, their parents allowed fear to come into their lives, and they themselves did not have the tools to fight it. It will be different when these millennials grow, and they get the thick skin their grandparents had, because there will be less Boomers to hog the stage and ensure that no problem can be adressed without kowtowing to them. It is no accident that after the first Gen X president, we have a presidency that will come down to the next Clinton or Bush

and for the Gen Xers that love singing the "millennials suck" route, SHAME! You know this is the same mechanism the Boomers used to "X" you out, so what, are you angry that instead of playing Nirvana and other "PUNK RAWK" that the Millennials are moving on, letting the Beyonces and Lordes and Adeles write music while you still try to defend Punk Rock as some sort of revolution? Do you forget what it was like dealing with people who had "a deadhead sticker on a Cadillac?" indulging in every Boomer vice and treating YOU like the dumb kid? Gen Xers should know better. If anything, we should realize that the Millennials were lied to from the get go, that the crude weapons used against us were sharpened and perfected to whittle their souls into miniature Bonsai. And when you hear the Boomers say "these kids don;t know nothin"; remember, that was the same person that belittled you, and whose get rich quick and feed my ego investments destroyed the savings grandma meant to give them, and you.

[Blus4u]

80. An apt screen name

Chill, dude. Take a couple deep breaths.

[LiberalElite]

86. Why stop with the Boomers-

why not go all the way back in time, each generation in turn, tell us how everyone before you fucked up the world?
Poor bitter little thing.

[DonCoquixote]

103. because few generations

ever had the level of power the Boomers did.

And no, I am not a bitter little thing, I am an angry thing, and those Boomers that choose to get in the way of doing things that this country had needed to do for years, such as TRUE social Justice and True caging and leashing of wall street will find out how angry, be they a rock star, or Hillary Clinton.

Sorry, between us and the millennials, we are not little anymore. Nice Demographic advantage while it lasted.,

[J_J_]

92. I so agree with this rant

n/t

[kiva]

115. ...

[DonCoquixote]

131. go right ahead, fiddle while rome burns

and wonder why when the GOP comes for you, there is no one to protect you.

[kiva]

132. Just giving you some music for the whine.

The oldest Gen Xers are 50 and the millennials are over 30...when exactly do you plan to look at your own actions and stop blaming boomers?

[DonCoquixote]

134. when they stop wirting articles like this

about how younger generations
are so inferior to them.

They seem to enjoy blaming us.

[Frank Cannon]

122. Well, I just gotta say that...

I can't deny anything that you've just said.

[Marr]

81. Extremely so-- but it's not limited to the younger generation.

Adults of all ages and backgrounds are proud to announce that they're 'offended' in this country, as if that deserves a response on it's own. People cloister themselves into increasingly like-minded communities with radio and the internet, and venture outside those boundaries less and less often. When they do, they're 'offended' by just about everything, because they're intellectually stunted and socially insulated.

Some of the worst offenders are the same people who try so hard to show how tough they are, too-- right wing sorts. They've been protecting their egos and shoddy 'theories' inside talk radio bubble worlds for literally decades now.

We have an analog for them on the left as well, though. Plenty of people are so mentally fragile that they can do nothing but rage when confronted by opinions that don't fit into their chosen belief system, or arguments that don't bow to their particular sacred cows.

[Prism]

84. Yeah, that's why I put "nation" in the OP title

Although the article is about college students, these kids certainly aren't reaching this place all on their own. It feels like our entire culture is devolving to a place of displaced responsibility for success and happiness. If something's wrong, someone somewhere has to fix it. And the definition of wrong is increasingly delicate. Basically, anything that causes discomfort or distress needs rectification in some way.

I think social media are a part of this. It tends to reward complaint and also requires a lot of public emoting as a social expectation.

We're traveling to a funny place these days.

[Kilgore]

82. As the father of two resilient, squared away young women in college.........

I can sat they look upon their "fragile" classmates in amazement.

They were raised to be on time, be responsible, take responsibility for their actions, and stand up for themselves. If confronted with a problem, then figure out how to deal with it.

Last time they were home, the stories they told were hard to beleive. Some of the more memorable ones wre students openly weeping in class over a received grade, history lesson debates over "trigger warnings" and the best surrounded comfort animals in the dorm.

Both my daughters openly wonder how some of their fellow classmates will survive in the real world. The wisdom of a 20 and 21 year old.

[Lulu Belle]

101. My compliments on your fine job of parenting.

[Kilgore]

109. Thank You

We raised our girls to think for themselves, and say what they think.

Dinner table discussion/debate was also encouraged.

[Person 2713]

123. My tween and teens come home with crazy stories too. They say what will they be like when they

get older? I say maybe they will grow out of it as they get older, which I have seen, but your post and the OP show not always

[Oneironaut]

87. We already are

We're a nation of narcissistic whiners unable to cope with someone so much as having a different opinion. Everything must be fully acceptable and politically correct, even if it involves acting totally fake.

[No Vested Interest]

129. There are more than a few of those on DU. My ignore list -

only 6 or 8- are examples of those who know better than others how life should be lived, i.e., no tolerance for others and other ways of thinking, than their own.

[Orrex]

88. "Are we becoming an emotionally fragile nation?" asked every generation ever.

I blame the rap music and snapchat.

[Humanist_Activist]

93. No, no no! Its the Comic Books and Rock n' Roll...

Wait, which generation are we complaining about again?

[treestar]

95. No.

The bullies are upset that they are not getting any power and are getting pushback. Notice underneath all of this is the right of the bully to make things tough for other people. Oh, you're just too emotionally fragile and ought to be able to handle the bullying. But then that leaves someone to be the bully and get away with it.

[Deadshot]

97. I'm a graduate student and I have to take a class with a bunch of undergrads.

And a sophomore girl got a 91% on her last exam and she was freaking out about it because it was only an A-. She was freaking out in front of class and she was challenging the professor on some of her wrong answers, even though she was clearly wrong.

The only way we learn is by failing (in that girl's case, though, she didn't fail). Why is it so wrong to fail these days?

[treestar]

99. that girl has always existed

I had one in my high school class. Didn't like getting 98%.

My aunt, a teacher, once told an upset parent whose child has gotten a C that C meant average and that meant they were doing as much as they should be doing. Now people interpret a B negatively, when it means "good." Too many Americans want to be number one only and coming in second, even if that puts you ahead of hundreds, is somehow a loss. That is a cultural trait. I recall when Nancy Kerrigan "lost" by getting a silver medal. That illustrated it perfectly.

[PasadenaTrudy]

100. I'm pretty fragile

Grew up with a schizophrenic mother, and siblings who were addicts. All I knew was chaos. There's no way I could have gone to college at 18 or 19. After years of therapy, I started college at 28. I was strong enough and ready. Went on to get my 4 yr degree I'm now 51, still a bit fragile. Went through mom's, dad's, and sister's deaths nearly falling apart. I'm an introvert and highly sensitive. I see these traits as my strengths.

Cheers

[No Vested Interest]

130. At least you know yourself, Trudy, and have learned, likely

at great price, how to deal with it.

Cheers back at you.

[Warren DeMontague]

108. Yeah, some people are pretty clearly drunk on their own bullshit.

I actually think the Millennials are doing just fine, for the most part. The problem is more a certain subset of boomers who have been sitting in ivory towers since 1974 and are perpetually outraged that they can't control the behavior of everyone else.

[bigwillq]

111. Yes. This nation has become so soft.

So many are offended by everything, the PC police have taken over, and not many know how to deal with even the simplest problems without throwing a full blown tantrum.
Everyone wants a trophy these days, parents seem to blame everyone else but themselves, and many folks fail to take personal responsibility for their own lives.

#soft

It's called life. Suck it up and deal with it.

[Yo_Mama]

113. My observation is that members of this generaton are either extremely good or very dysfunctional

I do think some kids have been raised in a hothouse, and it hasn't been corrected by schooling. I can see how that would show up in this way in colleges.

But don't forget this - college counselors only see the ones who aren't handling things. They don't see all the rest. There probably are more who don't handle life well at this stage than there used to be, but there are many who are superbly functional.

Also, let us not forget the effect of low teen employment. Those crap jobs that we all used to have in high school were a good wake-up call and taught us a lot about life. The GR eliminated a lot of those positions for kids - adults now have them. And I think it shows.

[backscatter712]

117. You just triggered me! I'm alerting the mods! SKINNER!!!

[kiva]

135. The author is part of the Silent Generation, not a boomer.

But please, don't let the facts get in the way of your whine.