Borowitz: Clinton Compiles Mental List of People to Destroy
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton spent several hours at the United States Capitol on Thursday compiling a mental list of people she will destroy at a later date, an aide to Clinton has confirmed.
Clinton gave no outward appearance of compiling such a list as she answered questions relating to her tenure as Secretary of State, the aide said, but was busy assembling the list nonetheless. “This is the kind of multitasking that she is very good at,” he said. “Believe me, the entire time she was talking, she was working very hard on that list.”
In response to reporters’ questions, the aide said that there was “no firm timetable” for Clinton to destroy the people on her list. “She will wait for the appropriate time,” the aide said, “and she will crush them.”
The aide would neither confirm nor deny that Representative Trey Gowdy, Republican of South Carolina, was at the top of Clinton’s list. “All I can say is that, after this morning, there are a lot of people on that list,” he said. “A lot of people.”
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