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Human101948

(3,457 posts)
Fri Nov 6, 2015, 01:19 PM Nov 2015

I worked for the CIA in Laos in Special Ops...

After meeting Richard Nixon at the Lincoln Memorial he begged me to go in country to further the Peace Talks. I spent six months in the jungle fighting alongside the Hmong. I wanted more out of life than just killing, so I enrolled at Harvard after receiving a full scholarship. After my sophomore year I was nominated for the Nobel Prize in physics based on my work on string theory with Steven Hawking. Working with him slowed me down so I flew on the first manned mission to Mars, establishing a colony that is still thriving.

Now I believe that I am uniquely qualified to be the Republican nominee for President of these great United States of America!

16 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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I worked for the CIA in Laos in Special Ops... (Original Post) Human101948 Nov 2015 OP
You didn't even need the sarcasm emoji. eom MohRokTah Nov 2015 #1
I wanted it to be believable so I left out the part... Human101948 Nov 2015 #3
I thought he just opened up an artery to fill the glasses! n2doc Nov 2015 #4
Zinfandel? I thought Jesus had better taste than that! Nitram Nov 2015 #5
He doesn't like the French... Human101948 Nov 2015 #6
Co why not a nice California Cabernet? Nitram Nov 2015 #8
Old vines are his preference... Human101948 Nov 2015 #10
Now you're talking! Nitram Nov 2015 #14
Thank you, Dr. Carson Bucky Nov 2015 #2
Have you got any Cherry Trees in your back yard? You jwirr Nov 2015 #7
Nice post, Brian Williams! KamaAina Nov 2015 #9
Thank you! Human101948 Nov 2015 #11
is that you Ben? spanone Nov 2015 #12
Steve? gratuitous Nov 2015 #13
Carson also sings this song (and means it): DFW Nov 2015 #15
Your lack of enjoyment killing commies disqualifies you right away. nt Guy Whitey Corngood Nov 2015 #16
 

Human101948

(3,457 posts)
3. I wanted it to be believable so I left out the part...
Fri Nov 6, 2015, 01:25 PM
Nov 2015

where I had a near death experience and met Jesus. We had such long discussion that we drank all the wine. No problem, said Jesus, as he waved his hand over the glasses. Lo and behold, my cup runneth over again with excellent zinfandel!

n2doc

(47,953 posts)
4. I thought he just opened up an artery to fill the glasses!
Fri Nov 6, 2015, 01:51 PM
Nov 2015

Anyway, no worries about a hangover with Jesus Juice....

 

Human101948

(3,457 posts)
10. Old vines are his preference...
Fri Nov 6, 2015, 03:12 PM
Nov 2015

He likes the complex flavors of raspberry and licorice with hard tannins.

DFW

(54,349 posts)
15. Carson also sings this song (and means it):
Fri Nov 6, 2015, 03:17 PM
Nov 2015

by Woody Guthrie
I was born about ten thousand years ago
There ain't nuthin' in this world that I don't know
I saw Peter Paul and Moses playin' ring-around-the-roses
And I'll whup the guy what says it isn't so
Well, I'm just a lonesome traveler, a great historical bum
Highly educated through history I have come
I built the Rock of Ages, it was in the year oh one
And that's about the biggest thing that Man has ever done
I saw Adam and Eve driven from the door
I'm the guy that picked the figleaves that they wore
And from behind the bushes peepin' saw the apple they was eatin'
And I swear that I'm the one that et the core
Now I built the garden of Eden, it was in the year oh two
Joined the apple-pickers union and I always paid my dues
I'm the man that signed the contract to raise the risin' sun
And that's about the biggest thing that Man has ever done
I taught Samson how to use his mighty hand
I showed Columbus to this happy land
And for Pharaoh's little kiddies I built all the pyramiddies
And to the Sahara carried all the sand
Now I was strawboss on the pyramids and the tower of Babel too
I opened up the ocean, let the mighty children through
I fought a million battles and I never lost a one
And that's about the biggest thing that Man has ever done
I taught Solomon his little ABC's
I'm the first one to eat Limburger cheese
And while floating down the bay with Methuseleh one day
I saw his whiskers floating in the breeze
Now I fought the revolution that set this country free
It was me and a couple of Indians that dumped the Boston tea
I won the battle of Valley Forge and the battle of Bully Run
And that's about the biggest thing that Man has ever done
Now Queen Elizabeth she fell in love with me
We were married in Milwaukee secretly
But I got tired and shook her and ran off with General Hooker
To go shootin' skeeters down in Tennessee


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