Christian Anti-Masturbation's Mascot "Fappy" Arrested for Masturbating Naked With The Dolphins
at Sea World in San Diego. (Satire)
Here is Fappy's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin
Fappy was just spreading the "Seed" of his faith around!
CBS BREAKING NEWS
Fappy arrested at Sea World
Paul Horner,
San Diego, CA — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested today for masturbating in public. The mascot, along with his organization, Stop Masturbation Now, recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which they claim focused on educating children about the dangers and consequences of masturbation.
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 37-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.
Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.
“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devil’s doorbell’, we thought he was insane,” Downey said. “Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.”
More:
http://cbsnews.com.co/christian-anti-masturbations-mascot-arrested/
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= new reply since forum marked as read
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Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 37-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested at Sea World after employees notified police about a man swimming in the dolphin tank with nothing on except a dolphin mascot head.
Tom Downey with the San Diego Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with local news station KNSD about the arrest.
“We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was at the park with a Christian organization speaking to children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick and ringing the Devil’s doorbell’, we thought he was insane,” Downey said. “Turns out he actually was with this anti-masturbation organization who were accompanying a group of 3rd graders around the park when Horner left the children to swim with the dolphins and masturbate. We further learned that Mr. Horner has three previous arrests for public masturbation, all while employed by this Christian organization who goes by the name of Stop Masturbation Now.”
Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback.
“Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his countless visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done amazing things,” Childs said. “It is a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He is passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy and he especially loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him; they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the San Diego five-oh, such a shame.” Childs continued, “These lies about Fappy sicken me to my very core. The security guards who “observed” the crime in question need to be investigated. What is their motive? Are they masturbators? Are they agents of Big Masturbation? What are their crimes? These are the questions that must be addressed. Furthermore, we have found that, over the years, the only thing that Fappy “beats” are all the fraudulent charges brought against him. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this misunderstanding is resolved.”
Pretty sure this is a spoof site but still...
Good satire is indistinguishable from reality.
He Went Blind and thought they were Mermaids!!! 
Nicely done. 
Is Michael Moore really making a movie about an anti-masturbation dolphin called Fappy?
It would be hilarious if filmmaker Michael Moore’s next documentary were about the anti-masturbation movement and a mascot called Fappy the Dolphin. But it's probably not going to happen: The whole thing, from the bogus film down to the puppet itself, appears to be an elaborate hoax by online trolls targeting the Westboro Baptist Church and controversial agriculture company Monsanto.
A presumably fake press release issued this morning on a suspicious-looking site called PRlog.org states that Moore’s new film, Fappy, will focus on a character called Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin who travels to different towns and schools teaching children about the dangers of self-love and warning that masturbation is the gateway to rape. It is supposedly coming out in December.
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The web address strikes me as odd, and the site doesn't seem to be totally operational.
http://cbsnews.com.co/category/world-news/
Is the .co in http://cbsnews.com.co for comedy?
Edit: OK, I should have read through the thread first. 
from The Oatmeal's How to suck at your religion:
it would have happened in Florida. 
Seems to me they're a ripe target.
Hmmmm, interesting.
