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Bundy Bums Militia Wants No More Dildos
Bundy Invaders Demand End of Dildo Mailings
by
Nomor Penes
Ammon Bundy and his merry band of trespassers on the Lake Malheur Wildlife Preserve have been receiving all sorts of support from outside in their standoff in Burns, Oregon. Some of the items they've received, however, are not being well received. According to Bundy, "People have been sending us penis-shaped candies and sex toys like dildos. What's that about? We don't need that stuff. We're all red-blooded American men and have our own home-grown sex toys. We have everything well in hand here."
The source of these unwanted sexual items is unknown, but rumor has it that they were sent by people who felt sorry for the "patriots" and wanted to send them something special to help them weather their long siege. Although the militia wannabes apparently have access to federal computers on the site, it's not clear whether they have been able to break through the controls on those computers to access their favorite porn sites, so the dildos and other equipment were perhaps an attempt to give them an alternative.
Bundy said, "If people want to send something useful to us, why didn't they send us something like Fleshlights or RealDolls. Now that would make sense. What do we need with dildos? What on earth could we do with those?"
It's unknown how long the erstwhile paramilitary group can hold out, but unless they get relief soon, tensions may build. A federal agent, who asked to remain anonymous said today in a private meeting, "We could move in and take this group of morons, but we figure they'll eventually get bored and wander off toward home, so we're just biding our time."
by
Nomor Penes
Ammon Bundy and his merry band of trespassers on the Lake Malheur Wildlife Preserve have been receiving all sorts of support from outside in their standoff in Burns, Oregon. Some of the items they've received, however, are not being well received. According to Bundy, "People have been sending us penis-shaped candies and sex toys like dildos. What's that about? We don't need that stuff. We're all red-blooded American men and have our own home-grown sex toys. We have everything well in hand here."
The source of these unwanted sexual items is unknown, but rumor has it that they were sent by people who felt sorry for the "patriots" and wanted to send them something special to help them weather their long siege. Although the militia wannabes apparently have access to federal computers on the site, it's not clear whether they have been able to break through the controls on those computers to access their favorite porn sites, so the dildos and other equipment were perhaps an attempt to give them an alternative.
Bundy said, "If people want to send something useful to us, why didn't they send us something like Fleshlights or RealDolls. Now that would make sense. What do we need with dildos? What on earth could we do with those?"
It's unknown how long the erstwhile paramilitary group can hold out, but unless they get relief soon, tensions may build. A federal agent, who asked to remain anonymous said today in a private meeting, "We could move in and take this group of morons, but we figure they'll eventually get bored and wander off toward home, so we're just biding our time."
http://www.newsyoushouldntbelieve.com
Note: Permission granted by NYSB to post complete article
16 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
they should probably stop looking in the mirror.
(Rimshot)
I'll bet they do.
