9/11 Remembrance from a Rescue Worker

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I have a personal connection to 9/11 so these anniversaries can be an emotional time for me. I wrote this piece for a memorial service five years ago on the ten year anniversary.

I changed "ten years" to "fifteen years" and it seems even more relevant now. It is a long read so I appreciate your patience.



"Fifteen years ago tonight, I was sitting in an airplane hangar in Homestead waiting to be sent into the heart of darkness. I was part of a Search and Rescue team that was being sent to ground zero to look for survivors. We would eventually spend eight days working at the World Trade Center site. We were trained for heavy rescue in urban settings but nothing could have prepared us for this.

When people find out that I was there, I am often asked what it was like. Of course, it is impossible to describe how it feels to be a part of an experience like that. I will tell you one thing that might surprise you and that is, I believe I had it easier than all of you. Most Americans were stuck at home, with the world at a standstill, being constantly inundated with images of the event playing over and over again. The word I hear from most people is that they felt helpless. On the other hand, I was fortunate enough to be actively engaged in a mission. I had duties that kept me occupied and kept my mind off of the realities of the event. But more importantly, having a mission made me feel like I could do something about it. It made me feel like I could help, which, in turn, made me feel not so helpless. Yes, despite my proximity to the event, I feel like my active involvement left me better off than most.

I’ll even go a step further and say, despite everything I witnessed, I came away from the experience with a new sense of hope and a renewed faith in mankind. I realize that might be a surprising, possibly even an outrageous thing to say. But it’s true. We were frightened and we were angry yet almost without fail the American people reacted with courage, compassion and charity. In the face of unspeakable horrors, we responded with humanity. For a short time, I believe we managed to find the better angels of our nature.

I realize there are many people who would say I’m crazy for finding hope in such a horrible tragedy. They would say I’m just another naive liberal who thinks the world’s problems can be solved with a good sing along. In short, they would say I don’t “get it”

Well they are wrong. I do “get it”. I stood on top of that smoldering pile of debris of once proud buildings. I watched, on numerous occasions, as hundreds of workers fell silent while the remains of a fallen hero were lifted out of the rubble. The flag draped stretcher passed hand over hand by a continuous line of firefighters. I sat one-on-one and looked into the hollow eyes of NY City firemen as they talked about the buddies they had lost.

Yeah, I get it. I get it better than most.

And, despite my earlier contention, these experiences eventually did have an emotional impact on me. I came back to regular life and got busy catching up with the responsibilities I had left behind. Several months passed and life returned to normal. One Saturday afternoon that December I was home alone and I had the stereo turned up. It was a song that finally broke through my shell. It was from the seventies and completely unrelated to 9/11. But there were prophetic lines like, “I saw the mighty skyline fall” and “I saw the ruins at my feet”. Out of nowhere, it hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried...a lot.

Another time a few years ago, I was at my fitness club, reading a magazine while I exercised. Israel was at war with Lebanon. I opened the magazine to a full page photographic spread of a bombed out street in Beirut. Something about the image reminded me of the scene at Ground Zero and it hit me right in the gut. I sat there weeping on a stationary bike in the middle of a crowded health club.

Yeah, I get it.

So, it begs the question, “how could I feel hopeful?”

Well there is more to the story. There were also experiences, big and small, that lifted me up and gave me reason to believe.

When I talked to those NY firemen about their lost friends, I often tried to offer condolences that were wholly inadequate. At a loss for words, I remember saying to one, “it’s a shame there wasn’t some way to warn them that the buildings were about to collapse”. He said to me, “it wouldn’t have mattered, they would have tried to help anyway”.

One could try and dismiss this sacrifice by saying, ‘well, it was their job”. But it is inconceivable to me that they stood in the street that morning, looked up at the scene unfolding and decided to go forward because it was their job. No one could do that for a paycheck. They went because it was in their character. It was in the very fiber of their DNA.

On that day, 411 rescue workers were lost in the effort to save others. There are countless stories of individual heroism and each one would be an inspiration to learn from. We should remember and celebrate each and every one of their stories. But there is also a larger picture that I find even more compelling. Those 411 brave souls that lost their lives that day were only a fraction of the thousands of rescuers that rushed towards danger that morning. And they were only a portion of the thousands of others who would have gone had they been on duty that morning. And there are thousands more like them in every community across the Country who would go if it happened in their City.

The sacrifices of our fallen heroes are almost beyond belief but what truly astounds me is just how widespread this willingness to sacrifice can be found.

Yes, we live in a world where 19 people would give up their lives to kill innocents. But we also live in a world where millions of everyday heroes would risk their own lives to save them. In my book, those are pretty good odds.

I could leave it there. I believe this alone would justify my hopefulness. But that wouldn’t tell the entire story. Beyond the heroics of our rescue workers there were countless other signs of humanity throughout this country.

In the days and weeks after 9-11, people everywhere were experiencing an overwhelming flood of emotions. Despite the anger and the fear, I believe that the innate goodness came out in people. I could feel it. Everywhere we went, the emotions of gratitude and support poured out at us. I can’t tell you how many times I was stopped on the street and hugged by complete strangers. On our bus rides to and from the site, we would pass through crowds of people waving posters of support at every hour of the night and day. I was witness to, and the recipient of, countless acts of simple kindness, compassion and decency.

Our everyday lives are bound up in petty differences, frivolous desires and trivial concerns. But tragedy has a way of breaking through the clutter and exposing the core of our humanity. And it changed us for the better, at least for a short while.

As a first responder, I have been sent to many of the worst tragedies in modern history. It can be very hard on the soul but I am continually uplifted at the human capacity for courage and compassion in the face of tragedy. It inspires me to believe that the human race is capable of so much more.

You will hear the words “Never Forget” a lot this weekend. It’s true we should never forget but what we remember from that day matters a great deal. We should remember that there is evil in this world that will seek to destroy. But if we remember only the darkness, we will condemn ourselves to a future of anger and violence.

So, above all, remember humanity, remember courage, remember heroism, remember compassion, remember selflessness, remember charity. If we can hold these memories in our hearts, maybe we can be inspired to live them in our everyday lives and not just in the aftermath of great tragedy.