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Wed Nov 30, 2016, 07:30 AM

Taliban Fundraising Ebbs

Due to Shortage of Americans To Shoot At
Pres. Obama's failure to provide enough cannon fodder for the Taliban to kill has led to a fiscal crisis for Taliban fighters in Afghanistan, according to a report in The Guardian and pretty much nowhere else because flag-burning.

Taliban members told the paper that the cash flow for bloodshed has dried up from rich Afghan and Arab donors upset that too many civilians are being killed, and not enough foreign troops. One investor who would behead us in a second if he were real told The Fucking News, "We just want to see a more diversified portfolio before making future investments."

The reduction in foreign troops has also made the war less popular with its angel-of-death investors by eliminating the rationale that the Taliban is fighting a foreign occupation.

The resulting crisis has caused the Taliban to miss payments on its subscriptions to Playboy, and to the Pakistani hospitals that treat its wounded, forcing the violent group to raise money through other means, including bake sales, lemonade stands, and a hilarious Kickajewstarter campaign.

The cash crunch is pushing a growing number of Taliban leaders to support peace talks. Others, however, support deficit spending to fund the war. "Remember what Cheney said," the anonymous Taliban leader told The Fucking News. "Deficits don't matter when there's a Republican president."

more: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/nov/29/afghan-taliban-facing-financial-crisis-as-civilian-deaths-deter-donors?ct=t%28TFN+11_30_16%29&mc_cid=aa8cce1b63&mc_eid=%5BUNIQID%5D


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