Unceremoniously Knocked Up Bristol Palin Pissed About Thing
sexsplanations
Unceremoniously Knocked Up Bristol Palin Pissed About Thing
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Time for Bristol to sexsplain things.
Did we tell you Bristol Palin is pregnant again? No, we did not. (WONKET MALPRACTICE.) Oh well, we’re sure you saw it on Alex Jones or Maury Povich or wherever else you see things. We just didn’t get to it because “election,” and because this time she got pragnet-ed by a man what is her husband (Dakota Meyer), instead of getting pragnet-ed while profiting handily off being a Jesus-y abstinence advocate by getting knocked up much like the Virgin Mary (by God, or non-abstinently, by Dakota Meyer, what was not her husband then). Anywho, molotov, Bristol!
So Bristol awakened Wednesday morning and looked around the house with a confused look on her face, missing her Virginia Slims and her Boone’s Farm, because her doctor said “No Fun During Pragnet.” So she popped open her morning Tab, grabbed a few Slim Jims from the fruit bowl on the kitchen table, and opened her laptop to go to “work” at her “news website,” whereupon she discovered that pretty much every talented person who ever lived, from Beethoven to Beyoncé, was being disrespectful to our new Dear Leader Donald Trump, by refusing to sing for their supper at Trump’s inauguration. How dare they! Bristol briefly considered contacting the Trump transition team and offering to show off all the smooth moves she learned on “Dancing With The Stars,” but her seething rage at these … these … SISSIES! … who just can’t be bothered to perform for Trump was a-boil-eth, so she knew it was time to harness the powers of her blog and make a Buzzfeed-styley slideshow about how she is Having A Pissed right now:
If Donald Trump were still just a regular old billionaire and threw a party at Trump Tower in New York City, celebrities would be lined up out the door, and the most famous artists would be pining for a chance to perform. But because he will be inaugurated as the next Republican president in January, these same mega-celebrities, who would normally drool over an invitation to sing for the president, want no part of it. Isn’t it amazing how “not cool” it is to be conservative in the public eye? Either Hollywood is that far off – or we have so many sissies we have in the spot light too scared to stand for what they believe in!
Yep, Donald Trump is REAL conservative, when he’s grabbing chicks by the pussy. Now, we know that in Wasilla, that might just be a friendly howdy-doo, but not in Real America, which is on the coasts and in Chicago. And yeah, Hollywood is full of liberals, breaking news, Bristol. Most places full of talented and intelligent people are.
Bristol was finished editorializing (sentences is long!), so she dragged hard on her vape and commenced to copy/pasting pictures of Elton John, Celine Dion, Andrea Bocelli, Bruno Mars, Justin Timberlake, Katy Perry, Aretha Franklin, Garth Brooks, KISS and a couple of others who won’t be compromising their principles to participate in Trump’s christening, before finally posting a picture of “rising star” Jackie Evancho, who lost on “America’s Got Talent,” but she’s a winner in Bristol’s eyes because she agreed to sing “The Star Spangled Banner,” a song likely to lose all meaning under the Trump regime, at the inauguration.
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Read more at http://wonkette.com/609903/unceremoniously-knocked-up-bristol-palin-pissed-about-thing#lWvfztsb8QXdkQeh.99
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It's a difficult world for a one-time teen mom who has to rely on her limited wits. She's a would-be celebrity with nothing for people to celebrate about. The daughter of a failed VP candidate and a darling of the tabloidish press, she pretty much goes unnoticed by most people, who may wonder why we're reading about her on a political discussion forum at all.
No Paris Hilton she, it's difficult for her to get traction in a world that demands the sex tapes before there are born children to someone's credit. She doesn't sing, rap, dance or do anything of note for spectators to watch. Starkly inarticulate, she says what little she has to say poorly, at best.
Poor Blistor Plain. I'm afraid she will be doomed to a sad, unremarkable life in a mobile home park in the backwoods of Alaska, raising her children on her own soon and trying to instill in them the virtues she learned from her own mother. As a grandmother in her thirties, most likely, I can't imagine that she has much to anticipate in her future.
It's no wonder she pouts for the camera. Poor, poor Blistor Plain! 
Who wouldn't feel a certain compassion for the daughter of a half-term Governor? Surely she deserves a better fate. Surely. 
