Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
Onion: Mike Pence Vows To Cut Conservation Funding After Discovering Elk Dont Mate For Life
Mike Pence Vows To Cut Conservation Funding After Discovering Elk Don’t Mate For Life
http://www.theonion.com/article/mike-pence-vows-cut-conservation-funding-after-dis-55016?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing
WASHINGTON—Promising swift action as soon as he takes office, Vice President–elect Mike Pence pledged Thursday to strip federal funding for conservation efforts shortly after learning that elk do not mate for life, sources confirmed. “One of this administration’s top priorities will be eliminating wasteful spending on environmental programs whose goals include the reckless and misguided federal protection of elk, a species of deer that chooses not to engage in a lifelong monogamous bond and instead mates with countless partners throughout its lifetime,” said Pence, who expressed his disgust that hundreds of millions of dollars had been earmarked by the previous administration to provide federal protection to the nation’s wildlands where these animals could enjoy “wanton and promiscuous behavior” in which they copulate freely among their herds. “The United States government cannot continue to provide support to a species whose males, year after year, choose to breed with multiple female partners. If this is the lifestyle these deviant animals seek to pursue, then they should do so without the help of any taxpayer dollars.” Pence admitted, however, that he might not slash funding completely, noting that he approved of the fact that elk typically copulate only a few weeks out of the year and then go about a life of complete chastity in between.
http://www.theonion.com/article/mike-pence-vows-cut-conservation-funding-after-dis-55016?utm_content=Main&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing
WASHINGTON—Promising swift action as soon as he takes office, Vice President–elect Mike Pence pledged Thursday to strip federal funding for conservation efforts shortly after learning that elk do not mate for life, sources confirmed. “One of this administration’s top priorities will be eliminating wasteful spending on environmental programs whose goals include the reckless and misguided federal protection of elk, a species of deer that chooses not to engage in a lifelong monogamous bond and instead mates with countless partners throughout its lifetime,” said Pence, who expressed his disgust that hundreds of millions of dollars had been earmarked by the previous administration to provide federal protection to the nation’s wildlands where these animals could enjoy “wanton and promiscuous behavior” in which they copulate freely among their herds. “The United States government cannot continue to provide support to a species whose males, year after year, choose to breed with multiple female partners. If this is the lifestyle these deviant animals seek to pursue, then they should do so without the help of any taxpayer dollars.” Pence admitted, however, that he might not slash funding completely, noting that he approved of the fact that elk typically copulate only a few weeks out of the year and then go about a life of complete chastity in between.
4 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
expect elk to have better morals, which they do, BTW. 
Love the onion!
