Relevant passages from week one: The Trump Bible, King Don Version.
1 Donald 17:20 And on the day of coronation, the gathered masses extended as far as the eye could see, and even farther as the assemblage stretched beyond the horizon. There came so many there was no number large enough to account for them all. And the crowd, like sheep before their shepherd, watched in awe as the Orange Messiah repeated those words that would grant Him authority over them.
1 Donald 17:21 Upon their Orange Leader's visit the operatives, of whom none were seated, shouted their praise. They clapped feverishly until their hands were raw and the blood nearly flowing from beneath their brittle fingernails. Some, overcome with emotion, fainted and fell to the floor. The thousands upon thousands huddled outside, unable to enter the packed hall, waited in anticipation, hopeful that their Orange Redeemer would address them, for they so reveled in the stories He told of Himself.
1 Kellyanne 17:22 Those that speak the language of alternative facts shall be welcomed into the realm of the high and mighty as warriors for the privileged class. Their loyalty and countenance shall be rewarded with the knowledge that they helped shield His Orangeness from those that sought to diminish His character, and have thus spared Him the mental anguish from such assaults.
1 Donald 17:23-26 And so the sojourners and the dead bowed before Him and cried out in a single voice, "Oh great and knowledgeable Master, please forgive us the ballots we cast in error. We were of weak mind and our opinions easily swayed by the evilness of Your opponent." His Orange Excellence gazed upon them. He spread wide His arms then, saying, "Your transgressions are too injurious and cannot be forgiven, for they have cost me the popular sentiment that I so fervently desired. Rather, I will call for an inquisition to counter this wrong, and afterward banish you to the places from whence you came." And the sojourners and the dead stood silent in shame upon hearing the Orange Leader's proclamation.
1 Stephen 17:26 Speak not evil of His Orange Eminence who resides within whitewashed walls decorated with the goldest of gold textiles. He that speaketh evil of our Master who tweets from upon the golden throne before the dawn of a new day, and judgeth His dispatches and proclamations with the eye of a critic, do so at thine own peril. And to those who prosper as unwelcomed documentarians to the great Orange Redeemer's acts, I condemn thee to silence.
1 Donald 17:26 And on the seventh day, His Orange Excellence vowed that the bronze people who inhabited the land beyond the southern border would pay to construct His beautiful and huge wall. Standing before the dishonest documentarians He said, "I decree to you that there will be a payment. It will be in a form, a complicated form. A form so complex the bronze people will never realize they paid for My wall, My very terrific wall." And the Orange Leader's people were comforted in the knowledge that the burden of paying for the wall would not fall on them, but on the bronze people to the south.
1 Donald 17:27 With the apostles gathered round Him, His Orangeness certified the sacred order blocking entry into the kingdom from foreigners who lived among the great deserts to the east. The common people of the kingdom feared them for their ways were little known. And so they were denied. And yet those foreigners from the favored lands, both of and near the great deserts to the east where the Orange Messiah maintained profitable lodgings, were not denied by the sacred order. For they were deemed trustworthy and posed no threat, though their ways were also little known.
Bonus Passage:
1 Rex 17:11 And His disciple Wayne, a great and powerful man in his own right whom His Orange Magnifico would send forth, withheld from his inquisitors the arrangement that at the proper time, the riches derived from the carcasses of the great beasts that walked the Earth beside man shall be showered upon those brave enough to show favor to their adversaries.
