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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsScientists Baffled by McConnell and Ryans Ability to Stand Upright Without Spines -reports Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)Calling it a medical mystery of the first order, scientists are baffled by the ability of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan to stand upright without the benefit of spines.
Doctors at the University of Minnesota Medical School, who have been studying the skeletal structures of both Republicans for months, believe that their ability to stand, walk, and even break into a brisk trot when confronted by reporters questions is virtually inexplicable.
The fact that they can do these things without the aid of spines makes McConnell and Ryan anomalies in the animal kingdom, said Dr. Davis Logsdon. According to everything medical science teaches us, their bodies should be collapsing to the ground in two heaps.
As the Minnesota scientists have struggled to solve the medical conundrum presented by the two invertebrate leaders, one theory that has gained traction is what Logsdon calls the startled-deer hypothesis.
Just as a deer freezes in the headlights of a car and briefly appears statue-like, we believe that Ryan and McConnells bodies may retain their rigid structure out of terror alone, he said. In other words, fear is performing the function that a spine performs in other people.
Calling it just a theory, Logsdon said that the anatomies of McConnell and Ryan require further study, and that there was growing public support for both men to be dissected.
www.borowitzreport.com
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Scientists Baffled by McConnell and Ryans Ability to Stand Upright Without Spines -reports Borowitz (Original Post)
Mira
Jan 2017
OP
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)1. K&R
Hokie
(4,286 posts)3. Here is a link
What Is Going On
(30 posts)4. Andy Borowitz has kept me sane.
His humor cuts to the core of the absurdity that we are facing.
Gothmog
(144,919 posts)5. I love good satire
Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin
(107,739 posts)6. Could it be all the hot air they're full of holding them up?
malaise
(268,693 posts)7. Hehehehehhe
All they want is money - scumbags